Void (24 page)

“He is my doctor. He treats me and I pay him for his services.”

“And he in turn pays you for
yours.
”

I froze. It scared me that this man, this mob man, knew about my arrangement with Andris and Link. Andris had a reputation to protect. His clinic, his employees, all of them could be devastated by the aftermath of the public finding out about our strange relationship. Although Andris was working to separate our relationship from his business, we did still have the contract, and Antonio knew that.

“You know nothing about me, or my relationship with Andris,” I spat out. “Besides, you are married. What would your wife say about you propositioning me?”

“My wife is occupied by your good doctor. It doesn’t bother you that Andris not only fucks you, but her as well?”

I sat still in the seat for a moment. I knew of one time that Andris had fucked her, but he had never given any indication that he continued to do so. Am I blinded by these strong developing feelings for him? Is he still fucking Barbie?”

“I can tell by the look on that gorgeous face of yours that you didn’t know.”

“You’re lying.”

“My wife sees him twice a week. She comes home happy every time and doesn’t bug me for sex. You do the math.”

My heart sunk at the possibility that Andris was still fucking Barbie. If he was in fact doing so, then that means that he broke the contract. As much as it hurt me to think that he did, did I also really think I could trust Antonio Cardinelli’s word?

“I don’t believe you.”

“Believe what you will, doll. I still want my night, and I will have it. That is if you want to make sure that you and your boyfriend stay out of jail. I’d hate for you two to be separated by cell bars.”

“Andris has nothing to do with any of this. Leave him out of it.”

Antonio’s chuckle sent a shrill, bone-chilling shiver through my body. I had no doubt in my mind that this man had connections. I had no doubt that he knew people and could get anything he wanted.

And what he wanted was me.

“Dr. Gunn has everything to do with this,” he said, gesturing between him and me with a wave of his hands.

“Oh, my dear, if only you knew how deep your good doctor was. How he could go to jail for things far worse than contracting a hooker to fulfill his fantasies.”

What in the hell was he talking about? Since I had known Andris, he had never wanted to do anything but good. The only time I had seen him sort of let go was at the place he takes me to be with Link. He even sacrificed himself for another man. He watches while I have sex with him, all the while it probably kills him to see me do so.

At least I hope it did.

“Secrets are a funny thing, Nicola. But somehow, they always seek their way out. They never stay hidden for long. The truth will always prevail.”

“I don’t have to fucking listen to this.”

“No, you don’t, but I think you will want to.”

He reached for a compartment just to the side of the door, and opened it, revealing a decanter of liquid. He pulled two small tumblers out of the same compartment and extended one to me and I tightly shook my head, refusing. I waited damn near impatiently as I watched him pour the liquid with a steady hand into his glass before placing the decanter back into the compartment along with the empty glass I had refused. With a painstaking slowness, I watched as he brought the glass to his overly tanned and dry lips and took a long draw from the liquid and then swallowed leisurely as he swirled the amber ale around and sniffed the aromas of it by bringing it to his nose.

His dark eyes sparkled with mischief, but also held a coldness about them that left me wanting to crawl out of my skin if only to escape it. The dark brown hue of his eyes bore into mine, never breaking contact as if trying to assert his dominance over me. I never felt intimidated by anyone or anything before in my life, but Antonio Cardinelli was a mythical dragon. Something you only ever envisioned seeing, but also hoping at the same time you would never have to come face to face with. I’d never really known fear, but if this was it, I never wanted to feel it again. Putting a hand to my chest, I tried to calm my racing heart and even out my breaths that had become more rapid. I couldn’t show this man that he was getting to me. I had to keep strong not only for me, but also for Andris. Cardinelli knew far more than he was telling me. He could ruin not only my life, but Andris, and even Link’s if word got out about our contract. Andris’s reputation would be tarnished and he would never be able to practice as a doctor again.

Antonio finished his drink and then rested the glass on the edge of his knee as he massaged the smoothness of it with his fingers. A small squeak filled the cab of the car as his thumb slid back and forth upon the glass. It was worse than having to hear nails on a chalkboard, or an annoying high pitched car alarm.

“Will you just get to the point, Antonio?” I snapped as my patience began to wear thin.

“Andris and I have… I guess you can say…an
arrangement
. One that he inherited so to speak. It is his intentions to break that arrangement and even though I told him it wouldn’t hurt me if he did, it in fact would be rather detrimental to my business.”

“I don’t understand,” I said, shaking my head, my ponytail sliding along the back side of my jacket.

“Andris works for me, Nicola. He writes prescriptions for me to gain access to the drugs that I need that I cannot get from my other suppliers. Ever since you became his patient, he keeps trying to cut ties with me. I do not like that.”

“You’re lying. Andris is too good of a person to be involved with a fucking sleaze ball like you,” I hissed through clenched teeth. My jaw began to ache from the pressure I was putting on it and I could feel an angry flush fill my face as it heated while my temper grew. Antonio reached into his pocket and produced his cell phone, sliding his finger across the screen to awaken it and gesturing it towards me before speaking again.

“If you don’t believe me, give the good doctor a call.”

I stared at the phone like it would burn me if I touched it. Part of me told me to ignore the accusations that Antonio was saying about Andris, but a large part of me knew that they were true. A man like Antonio Cardinelli wouldn’t be trying to attack Andris through me if it weren’t true.

“Ah. I see it in your eyes, Nicola. Deceit is a nasty thing. The fear hits you right in the chest and you become angry and frustrated.” His hand came up and a finger traced along my jaw. I didn’t move. I didn’t flinch. Partially paralyzed by the fact that Andris could keep something as vital as his involvement with Antonio Cardinelli away from me, and partially because I didn’t want to let Antonio see how much it was affecting me.

“Your beauty astounds me. I could give you anything you want. You wouldn’t have to sell your body and your soul to the highest bidder in order to survive.”

I held my head high, even though his words sliced through me. I hated this. I hated myself. I was scared, frustrated, and pissed off all at the same time. For someone who until recently didn’t experience any of these emotions, I quickly found myself wanting to go back to that place. Back to the old me who didn’t have to feel anything—didn’t have to care.

But I did. I did care. I cared about Andris. I cared about Link. I wanted to protect both of them. I have had to do some vile things in my life to survive. This would be no different. I could handle Antonio Cardinelli just like any other shit storm of an event or sick bastard that had crossed my path.

“What do I need to do?”

THE LIGHTS WERE LOW and candles bounced, illuminated flickers of light off the walls. The aroma of chicken masala filled the air as I stood looking around my penthouse apartment. I have never had a woman over to my real place before. I have never wanted to. The direction in which I was venturing to take my relationship with Nicola was teetering dangerously along a fine line. I wanted her. Needed her in fact. She was my glimpse of sanity in the world of messed up shit I dealt with every day. I faced demons and pasts of others on a daily basis, but never took the time to manage my own or to come to grips with the reality of my own mental struggles.

I paced up and down the hall, hands clasped firmly behind my back as I wore out the carpet between my room and the space between the living area and the dining room. I was the one who was always asked for help, but tonight, I called upon my friend for help. I knew it could possibly be a mistake to involve him, or to let him know of my newly developed relationship with the woman in which he was fucking, but I couldn’t let another day go by without making her mine.

I approached the mirror in the hall, pausing to adjust the line of buttons on my shirt until they were perfectly in place above my belt buckle. My hair was tamed with styling gel and my tie matched the color of my eyes. Tilting my head side to side, I tried to relieve the tension in my neck and shoulders. When I next opened my eyes, I was staring straight at him.

“Are you sure you are ready to take this step, Andris? Are you sure that you can handle the pressure? I won’t be here to help you should she change her mind. I won’t be here to guide or protect you if her rejection hits you full force.”

I stared at my friend. My confidant. The one person who I could count on to help me get through the shit that swirled in my head on a daily basis. He had always been there for me. Someone who I could trust with my words, thoughts, or my own life if necessary.

“I can’t keep living my life in fear of him, Link. I can’t keep letting the insecurities my father instilled upon me keep me from living my life. I have never had a desire to want to get past all of the crap I have been through, but she makes me want to. She makes me want to try and defeat him. To finally, once and for all, prove that he was wrong.”

“Your father has been dead for years, my friend. He is not here any longer to put those lies in your head or to make you doubt your abilities. Yet, you still let him in like he were standing here before you today.”

“That is what happens when you are told practically from birth that you are a ‘nobody’. That you are a fuck up. A metaphorical hole-in-the-condom accident that only existed because my mother was too moral of a person to abort me.”

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I tensed even though I knew it wasn’t my father’s hand. Although it was meant to be a comfort, it still made me jump every time someone made the gesture. You see, it wasn’t always just words from my father that cut deep, but also the searing pain from the back of his hand, or his fist when it collided with my ribcage. My mother, too afraid to stand up to him because she would also be on the receiving end of his wrath, was only able to stand by and watch as he took out his anger on me.

“Your father was an imbecile who had to compensate for his on insecurities by taking it out on you, Andris. Since I have come into your life, I have watched you grow. I have watched you fight him and the lingering effects he has left on you as a person. And since Nicola has entered it, I have watched you become so much more. That is why I don’t want you to let the fear in. I don’t want you to allow your father’s memory, or thoughts, seep in and taint this evening for you. I want you to be with her. Be normal. Make love to her without the blindfolds, without the restraints. This is what I have primed you for. This is what our arrangement has been working towards since the very beginning. You can do this, Andris.”

He walked away, as I stood there staring in the mirror. I felt a little lighter from the conversation with him. I allowed Link’s words to flow through me like an antibiotic attacking the venomous virus left behind by my father. When I looked in the mirror, I saw his eyes staring back at me through my own. I looked so much like him, yet never wanted to have anything to do with being like him.