What to Expect the First Year (4 page)

Not every parent has the time—or inclination—to read a book like this cover-to-cover, and happily, you don't have to. You can glean what you need to know, when you need to know it through a uniquely intuitive format that allows parents to take that first year one step (and month) at a time. Each age-relevant chapter begins with an “At a Glance” section reviewing sleep, eating, and playing: three areas intended to provide a mental scaffold for
what you might expect
. Parents can then read for a more detailed discussion of “Feeding Your Baby,” “What You May Be Wondering About” (the familiar equivalent of FAQ). And throughout, there is discussion relevant to the lives and needs of
parents
—how they fit into this necessarily baby-focused year. This
latter section helpfully covers topics such as postpartum depression, carving out couple time, deciding whether to go back to work, and helping siblings cope. While this volume includes lots of practical detail, particularly around breast- and bottle-feeding, treatment on injuries and first aid, choosing a doctor, and sleep patterns and problems, it is a book that implicitly recognizes that parents will use multiple sources of information as they raise their children in the second decade of the 21st century. Parents will, of course, supplement their learning with electronic resources such as websites, chat rooms, medical portals, and social media—and they should. But a particular word comes to mind in this electronic era that is, I believe, descriptive of what Heidi has skillfully accomplished in this book. That word is
curate
. Heidi has become the curator of a vast amount of information on parenting and child health, not all of which is of equal quality and validity. She has picked, chosen, and organized the best of it (what is most relevant, useful, and interesting) into something you can hold in your lap, keep on your shelf, or leave open on the kitchen table. It is reliable for concise information, guidance, and often reassurance. Every chapter informs, instructs, or explains. What do I need to keep in the medicine cabinet? (See
Chapter 2
.) Tell me about storing breast milk. (See
Chapter 6
.) What do I look for in shoes for the non-walker and for the walker? (See
Chapters 11
and
16
, respectively.) Should I learn/teach signing? (See
Chapter 13
.) Why is my baby biting me? (See
Chapter 15
.) I'm worried about the safety of vaccines. (See
Chapter 19
, where reassurance awaits.)

Parents will benefit from the considerable experience Heidi brings to this book. She is at once an expert on parenting, a parent, a grandparent, and a practiced communicator in tune with the needs of today's moms and dads and how they prefer to read. The user-friendly format relies heavily on boxes that highlight especially important content, as well as the friendly, familiar question-and-answer format. The strong index makes finding whatever you're looking for as quick and efficient as any search engine could (with far more uniformly reliable results). Importantly, this book is written to complement, rather than replace, advice and information from other sources: relatives, friends, physicians, and—for better or worse—the vast,
uncurated
Internet.

It is remarkable to consider what Heidi has accomplished—not only with this book, but when considered together with its companion volumes between which it is sandwiched:
What to Expect When You're Expecting
and
What to Expect the Second Year
. (As a new grandparent, I have come to appreciate the virtues of reliability and continuity.)
First Year
owes much of its success to its reliability over time—but as much or more to its ability to adapt and evolve over time. Parents' trust has been fully earned, and re-earned. Whether you are new to parenting or a seasoned veteran, you will find this updated volume to be a companion you can always count on.

Mark D. Widome, M.D., M.P.H.

Professor of Pediatrics

Penn State Hershey Children's Hospital

Hershey, Pennsylvania

You know all that stuff they say about becoming a grandmother? How amazing it is … how much you'll love it … how it's all the best parts of being a parent—without the sleep deprivation?

Well, they don't tell you the half it. Becoming a grandmother, as I did on February 12, 2013, when Lennox entered the world, and minutes later, my welcoming arms, was life-changing, mind-blowing, heart-swelling … thrilling to the core. The heavens opened up. The earth moved. The love that washed over me as I held that sweet bundle for the first time was instantaneous, it was intense, it was unabashed … it hit me like a ton of bricks, and practically knocked me off my feet. I was smitten.

And I knew just how to hold him.

Rewind 29 years earlier, and the picture was a little different. Babies, as they say, don't come with instructions (and P.S.… I hadn't written the instructions yet either, so I couldn't very well follow them). Clueless? That would be giving me far too much crib cred. I was hopelessly clueless. Didn't know how to hold Emma. Didn't know how to feed her. To diaper her. To rock her or burp her or calm her or even talk to her. I knew that I loved her, but I was pretty sure this squalling red stranger sniffing at my breast didn't feel the same about me. And who could blame her? Yes, I'd carried her and nurtured her before delivery with ease—even the delivery had been pretty much a piece of cake (if you didn't count those 3½ hours of pushing). But now what? I fumbled as I tried to support her wobbly head, jam floppy arms through the sleeves of her t-shirt, guide my nipple into her unwilling mouth. Maternal instincts, I prayed, don't fail me now(they did).

My crumbling of confidence followed me home. Stop me if you've heard this one: Two new parents walk into an apartment with a crying baby … and suddenly realize that not only is this crying baby theirs—but that she's their full-time responsibility. Cue … my crying. Fortunately, Erik's instincts kicked in quicker than mine did, and between his cool head and uncanny natural ability and my frantic flipping through my
mother's tattered copy of Dr. Spock, we managed to find our way, one diaper blowout, one botched bath, one sleepless night, one colicky afternoon at a time.

So what did I do next? I did what any young, naive and clueless mom would do—motherhood being the mother of invention, I decided to write a book. A book that would help other parents steer through that first year with more confidence, more knowledge, more joy, less stress:
What to Expect the First Year
(though first, of course, I wrote a book on pregnancy,
What to Expect When You're Expecting,
that did the same for parents-to-be). I didn't write about my experience—which, let's be real, wasn't anything to write home about, never mind publish—but I wrote with experience. I'd been there, I'd done that, and I'd lived to write about it—that is, after I learned, through research and more research, everything that there was to know about it. And when it came to the first year the second time around (in the form of a baby boy named Wyatt), I had a book to turn to, and also—some mom cred to fall back on. Knowledge and know-how—a powerful parenting punch.

The moral of the story? While today's parents definitely have the information edge when it comes to what to expect the first year of their baby's life (there's not only a book now, but a website and an app for that, and Emma was lucky to have access to all three), tiny babies still bring huge challenges, especially for newbie moms and dads. And even with an ever-expanding array of resources, new parents still do much of their learning on the job, in the trenches … much as Erik and I did three decades ago.

Still, the more you know, well, the less you have to learn. Which is where this third edition of
What to Expect the First Year
comes in—a brand new baby-care guide for a brand new generation of new parents.

What's new in the new
First Year
? It's easier to use, making flipping to need-to-know info (yes, even frantic flipping) faster than ever. It's just as empathetic and reassuring as ever (because we all need a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, a parental pep talk when the going gets tough), but even more fun to read (because we all need a good laugh, too). It covers both the timeless baby basics (diaper changing 101) and the baby trends (all-in-one cloth diapers). There's much more on making breastfeeding work (including how to take it back to work), baby classes and technology (iBaby?), and buying for baby (so you can navigate that dizzying selection of nursery products vying for your consideration … and your credit card). There's a whole new developmental timeline to keep track of baby's milestones, practical new tips for new parents (including stay-at-home dads), and an expanded chapter for parents of preemies (with a glossary of medical terms and acronyms you'll hear tossed around the NICU). A monthly at-a-glance look at feeding, sleeping, and playing. New strategies for feeding your baby well and getting your baby to sleep, as well as boosting baby's brain power (without ever cracking a curriculum). And of course, the most up-to-date information available on your baby's health (from the latest on vaccines and vitamins to the lowdown on baby CAM therapies, probiotics, and homeopathics) and safety (choosing and using the safest products, first aid for every emergency).

I wrote the first edition of
What to Expect the First Year
with Emma's first year just barely finished—the experience still so fresh I could easily summon up that sweet new-baby smell (not to mention a whole lot of other new-baby smells, not so sweet). I wrote the third edition during Lennox's first year—with his sweet smell just five minutes away, inspiring me, refreshing my memories, and providing not only a mountain of new material (from feeding struggles to GERD to an umbilical site infection that landed him in the hospital) but a plethora of new perspectives.

All that, and a new cover, too, thanks to Lennox, our new cover baby. He's the baby of the baby who started it all—and one of my proudest joys yet.

And, I know just how to hold him.

You've watched (the ultrasound screen) and waited for 9 months, counting kicks and punches, playing Name That Bump, and dreaming of your baby-to-be. And now there's finally a light at the end of the tunnel … maybe even effacement and dilation at the end of the cervix. But with just weeks to go before D-day, have you come to terms with your baby coming to term? Will you be ready when that big moment—and that little bundle—arrives?

Though being 100 percent prepared for your baby's arrival probably isn't possible (there are bound to be surprises, especially if you're a first-time parent), there are steps you can take and decisions you can make now—before baby makes three (or more)—to help make the transition a smoother one. From selecting the right baby name to selecting the right doctor. Deciding between breast and bottle—or opting to go combo. Choosing to circumcise (or not) or hire a postpartum doula or baby nurse (or not).

Feeling a little overwhelmed by the flurry of prepping? First, think of it as good training for what you're prepping for: your hectic new life with a new baby. Second, read on to get ready, get set, and get going.

There's no question you'll be feeding your baby (a lot), but maybe you're still questioning how. Will it be all breast, all the time? A breast start to the first year, and a formula finish? Formula from day one? Or a creative combo that lets you give your baby the breast … and yourself some flexibility? Still questioning those questions and more? Not to worry. The best way to
bring that fuzzy baby-feeding picture into focus is to explore the facts and factor in your feelings.

First, the facts:

What's the best food—and food delivery system—for babies? There's no question about that: Breast is best by far. Here are just some of the reasons why:

• It's custom-made. Tailored to the needs of human infants, breast milk contains at least 100 ingredients that aren't found in cow's milk and that can't be synthesized in the laboratory. And unlike formula, the composition of breast milk changes constantly to meet a baby's ever-changing needs: It's different in the morning than it is in the late afternoon, different at the beginning of a feeding than at the end, different the first month than the seventh, different for a preemie than for a full-term newborn. It even tastes different, depending on what you've been snacking on (just like your amniotic fluid does when you're pregnant). A one-of-a-kind food for your one-of-a-kind baby.

• It goes down easily. Breast milk is designed for a new baby's brand new digestive system. The protein and fat in breast milk are easier to digest than those in cow's milk formula, and its important micronutrients are more easily absorbed. The bottom line for newborn nursers: better nourishment.