What to Expect the First Year (7 page)

So get ready to run through the alphabet (and your share of baby-name apps, websites, and books) at least a few dozen times. Try before you buy—toss around as many possibilities as you can before your baby's due—and don't be too quick to reject new entries (you never know which names might grow on you). It also pays to start paying attention to what parents in your orbit are calling their little ones. You may be inspired or discover that a name you were considering doesn't have that ring after all—especially after you say it out loud a few dozen times.

Here are some more tips on choosing a name for your baby:

Make it meaningful.
Have an all-time favorite actor or character from a book or film? A beloved family member or ancestor? A sports or music legend you'd love to honor? Or maybe you'd prefer to find your inspiration from the Bible or another spiritual source. Or from the location of your little one's conception. A meaningful name can mean more than a random one—and
attaches a special background story and historical context to a brand new life.

Consider the less common.
It's never easy to be one of many same-named in the class, so if you're looking to make your little one stand out in a crowd, opt for a baby name that didn't make last year's top-ten list.

But maybe not the unheard-of.
Thinking of making a name up, celebrity-style? One-of-a-kind names can make a child feel unique—or like the odd kid out (especially if your little one won't be running in a celebrity crowd). Remember, a name is forever (or at least until your baby's old enough to legally change it)—and what sounds cute now may not look so cute on a college or job application. Think twice, too, before you go with an extremely creative spelling of a more common name (can you spell annoying?).

Avoid the trendy.
Considering naming your little darling after the film, TV, or music industry's latest darling? Before you hitch your baby to any star, consider that they often fade quickly—or can end up making entertainment news for all the wrong reasons.

Mean what you name, and name what you mean.
Learning the meaning of a name can definitely influence your decision. You might be ambivalent about Annabella until you find out it means “grace and beauty” or iffy about Ian until you see that it translates to “God is gracious.” On the other hand, Cameron may be a contender until you discover that you're naming your baby “bent nose”—or you may decide the meaning has no meaning to you after all.

Go back to your roots.
Trace your ancestry or ethnicity and you may just come across the name you've been searching for. Shake the family tree, scout the homeland, revisit your religious roots if you're so inclined—you're bound to discover a baby-name bounty.

Consider gender generalizing.
Yes, you know that your Morgan's all boy and your Jordan's all girl—but will others be clued in, or thrown off, by the name you choose? Does it cross (or blur) gender lines—and if so, does that matter to you? Many parents decide that it doesn't.

Sound it out.
When choosing a baby name (middle included) consider the cadence (Michaela Mackenzie Morton-Mills is quite a mouthful) and be careful about combinations that could turn your child's name into a joke (Justin Case, Paige Turner … and worse). As a general rule, a short last name goes well with a long first name (Isabella Bloom) and vice versa (Drew Huntington), while two-syllable first names usually complement two-syllable last names (Aiden Carter).

Don't forget to initial.
Considering naming your little girl Abigail Sasha Smith? You want to think through those initials before you make an Abigail Sasha Smith out of her and yourself.

Keep it under wraps.
Share your chosen name with others only if you dare to open it up to debate. If, on the other hand, you'd rather spare yourself a lot of unsolicited advice and comments (or hopeful hints from Great Uncle Horace), keep the name under wraps until it's wrapped around your little bundle.

Stay flexible.
Before you engrave that chosen name in stone—or stencil it over your baby's crib—make sure it fits. Once you meet your sweet Samantha, you may be surprised to find out she's really more of a Miranda … or maybe (it's happened) more of a Sam.

Newborn babies are helpless … newly delivered parents definitely shouldn't be. In fact, you'll need all the help you can get after you've brought baby home, not just to do all the things babies can't do for themselves (changing diapers, giving baths, comforting, feeding, burping), but to do all the things you won't have time to do or will be too exhausted to do yourself (say, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and those piles of laundry).

Help wanted? First, you'll need to figure out what kind of help you want, what help will be available to you, and, if you're thinking of paying for help (at least part-time), what kind of help you can afford—and feel comfortable with. Which set of hands (or sets of hands) do you envision giving you a hand in those challenging first weeks and months? Will it be a grandma (or two)? A friend? A baby nurse? A doula? Or someone to care for the house while you're busy caring for yourself and your baby?

The care (and, if baby's not nursing, the feeding) of newborns is their specialty—though some baby nurses will also tackle light housework and cooking. If you've determined there's enough money in your budget for a baby nurse (they don't come cheap), you'll probably want to consider several other factors before deciding whether or not to hire one. Here are some reasons why you might opt for professional help from a baby nurse:

• To get some hands-on training in baby care. A good baby nurse will be able to show you the ropes when it comes to the basics—bathing, burping, diapering, and maybe even breastfeeding. If this is your reason for hiring a nurse, however, be sure that the one you hire is as interested in teaching as you are in learning. Taking charge is one thing—taking over is another. Letting you get some rest is great—not letting you get near your baby isn't. Ditto constant critiquing of your baby-care techniques, which can wear on your nerves, and your confidence.

• To avoid getting up in the middle of the night for feedings. If you're formula feeding and would rather sleep through the night, at least in the early weeks of postpartum fatigue, a baby nurse or doula, on duty 24 hours a day or hired just for nights, can take over or share baby feeding duty with you and your spouse. Or, if you're breastfeeding, bring baby to you for nursings as needed.

• To spend more time with an older child. Want to squeeze in some extra time with the newly big sib (or sibs)? A baby nurse can be hired to work just a few hours a day so you can lavish baby-free attention on an older little one.

• To give yourself a chance to recuperate after a cesarean or difficult vaginal birth. If you're scheduled for a C-section, it may be smart to schedule that extra postpartum help, too, if you can. But even if you're not sure how easy—or difficult—your baby's birth (and your recovery from it) will be, it's not a bad idea to do some scouting around in advance for nurses, just in case. That way, you'll be able to call up that much-needed reserve help before you've even arrived back home from the hospital.

A baby nurse may not be the best postpartum medicine if:

• You're breastfeeding. Since a nurse can't nurse your baby, she may not prove to be all that helpful initially. In that case, household help—someone to cook, clean, and do laundry—is probably a better investment, unless you can find a nurse who's willing to pitch in around the house, too.

• You'd prefer to go nuclear (family). Unless you have a separate space for a nurse to stay in, live-in means live with—and that may feel intrusive. If sharing your kitchen, your bathroom, your sofa with a stranger (even a really sweet and accommodating one) sounds more like a crowd than a convenience, you might be better off with part-time help.

• You'd rather do it yourselves. If you and your partner want to be the ones giving the first bath, catching sight of the first smile (even if they say it's only gas), and soothing baby through the first bout of crying (even if it's at 2 a.m.), there may not be much left for a baby nurse to do—especially if dad's around full-time while he's enjoying paternity leave. Consider springing for household help (or food delivery or laundry service) instead—or saving your money for that high-end stroller you've been eyeing.

Thought doulas were just for delivery? Though birth doulas specialize in caring for expectant moms and their families during late pregnancy and childbirth, a postpartum doula can offer the support that keeps on giving, all the way through those challenging early weeks with a new baby and beyond. Unlike a baby nurse, whose focus is on newborn care, a postpartum doula cares for the entire newly delivered family, pitching in to help with just about anything you'll need help with—from household chores and cooking to setting up the nursery and caring for older children. The right postpartum doula will be a reassuring resource (on baby care, postpartum care, and breastfeeding), a shoulder to lean on (and even cry on), and your biggest booster—picking up the slack, but also building up your confidence as parents. Think of a doula as a professional nurturer—someone to mother the new mom (or dad) in you.

Another perk of postpartum doulas is flexibility—some will work a few hours a day or night, others will pull the overnight shift, still others will do a full 9 to 5. You can hire a postpartum doula for just a few days or as long as a few months. Of course, since most are paid by the hour instead of the week, costs can rack up fast. For more information on doulas or to locate one in your area, contact Doulas of North America at
dona.org
or the Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association at
cappa.net
.

They're experienced (they raised you, didn't they?), they're enthusiastic, they'll happily work for cuddles—and though some may come with generational baggage (and perhaps old-school baby care strategies), grandparents have at least 101 uses. They can rock a crying baby, cook a real dinner, do the grocery shopping, wash and fold laundry, and best of all, let you get some of the rest you need—all at no cost. Should you take your parents or in-laws up on their volunteer baby care and household help in the first weeks, that is if they're able, willing, and available? That depends on whether you can handle a little (or a lot) of well-meant, (mostly) good-natured interference—and how you would respond if “helping out” morphs into a full-on takeover (it happens in the best of families).

You feel the more generations the merrier? By all means, extend the invite. Suspect that two generations would be cozy company but that three could be a stressful crowd? Don't hesitate to let the soon-to-be-grandparents know that you'd rather spend those early weeks bonding your brand new family unit and becoming comfortable in your brand new roles as parents. Promise a visit once everyone's adjusted—with the reminder that baby will be more responsive, more interesting, more awake, and more fun by then.