With All My Love (32 page)

‘You’re a wagon,’ Valerie giggled as Lizzie took hold of Briony’s buggy and turned it in the direction of St Anthony’s, walking away from Franny at a fast lick.

‘Smug old crone, she’s got a chin like a bristle brush. I bet
she
reads the Bible every night, for all the good it does her,’ said Lizzie, who had never opened the Bible in her life. She pushed the stroller into the church grounds.

‘What were you saying about going to London?’ Valerie demanded, hoping that she hadn’t heard right.

‘We’re thinking of it. Dara’s company wants him to move to their London office to get more experience in their Sales and Marketing department. He’ll get a rent allowance and a whole load of other perks for a year. It’s a great opportunity. If we get married I can claim the marriage gratuity so we’re thinking seriously of going for it.’ She was bubbling with excitement.

‘Yikes, Lizzie, I . . . I just can’t imagine my life without you in it.’ Valerie’s lip wobbled.

‘Don’t. Don’t start blubbing, I’m warning you,’ Lizzie cautioned sternly. ‘I didn’t want to say anything but it’s been really hard to keep it to myself. But listen,’ she said earnestly, ‘it means Jeff could stop looking around for a new place and you could keep the flat. You’d be together at last!’

‘I guess that would make your going a bit easier,’ Valerie said slowly as she dropped some coins into the collection box and lit a handful of candles at St Anthony’s shrine. ‘The places we’ve seen that we can afford aren’t a patch on Mrs M’s. Most of them are so small, or filthy, or totally unsuitable for a baby, or too far from work and the crèche. I haven’t seen one place that I liked. It would be fantastic if we could stay where we are.’

‘Tell Jeff after the party. It will be a good night for him. Celebrating his baby daughter, getting a First in his exams – this will be the icing on the cake for him,’ Lizzie said giddily.

‘Do you think so? He might get a shock, feel he’s going to be tied down—’

‘Will you
stop
that negativity, Valerie? You’ve got to believe you have a future together as a couple as well as being Briony’s parents. Now enough of that nonsense and enjoy tonight, do you hear me?’

‘Yes, Lizzie,’ Valerie said meekly.

‘Right, come on. I promised Mam we’d call in with the baby. She’s dying to get a hold of her.’ Lizzie marched down the aisle with her goddaughter gurgling happily in front of her.

Valerie followed, thoughts in a whirl. Her best friend was moving to England. As close as a sister, Lizzie had been with her through thick and thin. She was her rock and now she was going away. And her leaving would give her, Jeff and Briony the chance to be a real family . . . if her boyfriend wanted it. But would he? Would it be a step too far for him to move into the flat with her? Tessa and Lorcan were throwing a party to celebrate Jeff’s exam results and a belated christening party. Jeff was so looking forward to it and she had been determined to make the best of it, but now she felt deflated. Just when life had got on some sort of an even keel and she’d begun to adjust to having a baby in her life, a new upheaval reared its head.

An hour later, Valerie sat in the bedroom where she had spent so much of her life when she was growing up, feeding her daughter. It was her first time in Rockland’s since the baby had been born almost six months ago. It was the October Bank Holiday weekend. She’d been dreading the visit: dreading meeting her father, dreading meeting the neighbours, and dreading the party Tessa and Lorcan were having for Jeff.

But so far, it had been easier than she’d expected. Terence had muttered a surly ‘hello’ when she’d walked into the house, carrying the baby. ‘There’s tea just made in the pot if you want it,’ he added, tucking his paper under his arm and heading for the sitting room. He’d hardly glanced at Briony.

‘At least he didn’t ignore me completely,’ Valerie murmured to Carmel, who had taken the baby and was cooing delightedly to her.

‘Take no notice of him. I don’t any more. When he didn’t come to the christening, I decided enough was enough. Now I do my own thing and let him do his.’ Carmel kissed Briony again. ‘Look at the head of hair on her, and look how alert she is!’ She was enthralled as she sat at the kitchen table while Valerie poured them each a cup of tea. It was strange being home, but surprisingly nice, she reflected, enjoying Carmel’s delight in her grandchild.

Valerie had been more hurt than she’d imagined when Terence hadn’t come to Dublin for the small christening ceremony they’d held for Briony a month after she was born. She had hoped that he would come because it wasn’t being held in Rockland’s, and there was no opportunity for village tittle-tattle to off end his sensibilities. But he’d flatly refused when Carmel told him of the christening plans.

‘When the pair of them are married I’ll attend those kind of events,’ he said shortly, and that was that.

Carmel, Jeff’s family, and Lizzie and Dara had come to the ceremony in the local church and then gone to a nearby hotel for lunch. It had actually been enjoyable. Valerie had been on her best behaviour with Tessa, and Tessa was on her best behaviour with her. Valerie had suggested, as a concession to Tessa, that she could have her family gathering later in the year when Jeff’s exams were over and the results were out, and Jeff’s mother had agreed.

Jeff’s brother and sister were friendly and easy company, and because they were on neutral territory in the church and hotel, Valerie was able to relax, knowing they wouldn’t all come trooping back to the flat and invade her and Lizzie’s privacy. Valerie had had to lay ground rules to Tessa about visiting the flat, which hadn’t gone down too well, she knew. But it was Lizzie’s flat too and her friend had gone beyond friendship in accommodating Valerie’s huge life change.

The last six months had been a roller coaster ride and Lizzie had been by her side, especially in the scary days after Carmel had returned home to Rockland’s and it had been just her and Jeff and the baby. She’d been petrified every night for those first few weeks when Briony was asleep, holding up a mirror to her mouth to make sure she was breathing. The first time Briony had developed a raging temperature Valerie had been sick with apprehension, but Lizzie had kept her calm and sponged Briony down. Then she’d gone into Temple Street Children’s Hospital with her and stayed there that long night before going straight to work. Her friend had even endured Tessa arriving unannounced one wet Saturday morning, the first weekend after Valerie had gone back to work, when both of them were still in their dressing gowns, lounging on the sofa chatting, while Valerie fed Briony.

Their doorbell had shrilled and they’d looked at each other in surprise, wondering who’d be ringing their doorbell on a Saturday morning. Lizzie had gone into the bedroom and peered out the window and caught Tessa looking up at her.

She stuck her head around the sitting-room door. ‘It’s Tessa. I’d better let her in.’

‘Aw, crap!’ cursed Valerie, looking around the untidy sitting room, with their cereal dishes and empty coffee cups on the floor, and a pile of clothes on the end of the sofa awaiting ironing. Magazines lay strewn around. An empty wine bottle sat on the hearth. Jeff and Lizzie had imbibed the previous night, while she had stuck to tonic water. Valerie shoved the bottle hastily into the coal scuttle and settled a couple of briquettes over the top of it as she heard Tessa ascend the stairs. She was mortified and raging to be caught undressed at this hour of the morning, and with the flat looking like a tip, but it was her first week back at work and she was exhausted. She had longed for this Saturday morning with all her might, to have a chance to relax and be with her baby and chat to Lizzie. How
dare
Tessa arrive unannounced, she fumed. Tessa had come up once a week every week since the baby was born, but they had been arranged visits and Valerie had made sure the place was spick and span. And it had been during her maternity leave when Lizzie was at work. Tessa could have a second think coming if she thought she was going to come up to visit every weekend and eat into her precious time off.

‘I hope you don’t mind me dropping in,’ Jeff’s mother said gaily, following Lizzie into the sitting room. ‘I wanted to see how you were after your week at work, and I was dying to see the little one. I thought you’d be up. It’s after eleven.’ She glanced at her watch.

‘I was up early. I’m just not dressed,’ Valerie said defensively. ‘Actually, Tessa, I’m wrecked after the first week back, it’s a horrible day out, and Lizzie and I just wanted to take it easy after a busy week. Will you have tea?’ she asked coolly.

‘That would be lovely. Can I have a hold of her?’ Tessa sat on the sofa beside her.

‘I’ll make the tea,’ said Lizzie helpfully.

‘No, Lizzie, it’s your day off. You don’t have to make tea for
my
visitors. I’ll make it in a minute,’ Valerie said pointedly. ‘I’m just giving her the last of her feed,’ she added as Tessa held her arms out for Briony.

‘I’ll just go and have a shower then,’ Lizzie said, tactfully backing out of the room.

‘Can I do anything for you? Will I wash up the cups? Or will I make the tea?’ Tessa gazed around the room. Valerie nearly had a heart attack. The remains of last night’s Chinese were still on the kitchen counter, and the dishes were lying in the sink waiting to be washed. And there was a smelly dishcloth and tea towels steeping in a bucket.

‘No, no, you’re fine,’ she said tightly. ‘I’ll make the tea in a minute as soon as I wind her.’ Valerie could hardly talk to the woman, she was so annoyed. Her own mother wouldn’t arrive unannounced – why did Tessa Egan think it was acceptable for her to do so? She had no manners, that was her problem.

‘Was Jeff home before you left?’ she asked. Jeff had gone down to Rockland’s early that morning to train for a match and to spend a few days of the following week fishing with Lorcan.

‘He was. I cooked him breakfast. It was listening to him talking about Briony that put the longing on me. I had to go to Bray to leave my sewing machine in for repair so I decided to carry on up to Dublin. And so here I am to see the little darling.’ She beamed as Valerie handed Briony over to her.

‘I’ll just go and make the tea.’ Valerie stood up.

‘Maybe I could bring her for a walk afterwards while you’re getting dressed? It’s stopped raining. I could bring her over to the Botanics. I’d love that and I’m in no hurry,’ Tessa suggested breezily as she bounced a gurgling Briony on her knee.

‘Maybe don’t bounce her yet, Tessa. She’s just been fed.’ Valerie tried to keep her tone polite and then groaned when Briony upchucked all over her romper suit.

Stupid, idiotic woman, she thought viciously, wishing the puke had gone over Tessa’s jeans and jumper.

‘Oh dear!’ Tessa exclaimed. ‘Will I give her a bath and change, and dress her while you make the tea?’

‘OK,’ said Valerie, surrendering. ‘When Lizzie’s finished in the bathroom.’

Tessa spent four hours of Valerie’s much-longed-for Saturday, hogging the baby. She took her for a walk to the Botanic Gardens while Valerie raged to Lizzie as she tidied up the flat and sorted out the kitchen.

‘The absolute cheek of her, the bloody nerve of her, arriving unannounced on our day off and taking up all my precious time with Briony and invading your privacy too. It’s bad enough having to leave my baby with a child-minder when I’m at work and not being able to spend time with her but now
this.
I’m not having it, Lizzie, I’m not!’ Valerie burst into tears.

‘Stay calm, it’s probably just a one-off,’ Lizzie soothed as she scraped egg fried rice into the bin.

‘It had better be,’ Valerie sniffled, wiping her eyes, not wanting Jeff’s mother to see that she’d been crying. ‘It had just better be.’

But it wasn’t.

Two weeks later, on a Saturday morning, Tessa arrived again, at midday this time. Fortunately Valerie and the baby were dressed. It was a lovely sunny day and she had planned to take Briony to the nearby park for a stroll and a chance to sit and read the paper.

‘I was collecting the sewing machine so I said I’d use the opportunity to see my darling grandchild,’ Tessa declared airily. ‘I’ve brought a tart and some scones. Jeff’s partial to them.’

‘That’s kind. We were just on our way out in a little while, actually. I’m meeting a friend for lunch,’ Valerie fibbed.

Tessa’s face fell. ‘Oh what a shame. Would you like to go for lunch and I’ll mind her?’ she asked eagerly.

‘Oh, no, Tessa, thanks. I want to spend time with her. I’ve been away from her all week,’ Valerie blurted. Was the woman totally insensitive? Didn’t she understand Valerie’s
need
to be with her child?

‘Oh, yes, I suppose. It must be hard when you’re working,’ Tessa said slowly.

‘It is,
very
,’ Valerie said emphatically. She would never forget that first week away from her baby when every fibre of her being longed to be with her and the days at work dragged by and all she could think about was Briony. How she would have loved to have been able to stay at home and rear her instead of leaving her in the care of a stranger, capable and nice though she was. What a gift that would have been, Valerie thought wistfully.

‘It’s very different from when I was on maternity leave. Look, I can stay for another twenty minutes if you want to hold her,’ she offered, ‘but really, Tessa, Saturday is not the best day to come visiting now that I’m back at work.’ She might as well have her say and get it over with, Valerie decided. If Tessa went home and started moaning to Jeff about what she’d said and he got on to her about it, she’d let him have a piece of her mind too.

‘When
is
good then? I really do want to be involved in my grandchild’s life,’ Tessa said, a slight edge to her voice. ‘Lorcan’s only seen her a few times.’

You should have thought of that when you stuck your oar in about Jeff and me and stopped us from getting married, Valerie was tempted to say, but she managed to restrain herself.

‘It’s hard to say, considering our living arrangements. This is Lizzie’s flat too, and I’m very conscious of how good and tolerant she’s been to the baby and me. I don’t like imposing on her good nature either,’ Valerie said bluntly.