With All My Love (33 page)

‘Can’t you come down to Rockland’s and stay with us at weekends? I’ll sort out Jeff’s room for you,’ Tessa suggested.

‘Look, Tessa, after a week at work I don’t want to be traipsing down to Rockland’s. I have to catch up on washing and ironing and all those things that have to be done, as well as spending quality time with Briony myself.’ Valerie nipped that suggestion in the bud very quickly.

‘So are you telling me we’re never going to get to see Briony? That’s not very fair now, is it?’ Tessa said heatedly.

‘I’m not saying that at all, Tessa.’ Valerie sighed. ‘When Briony’s weaned fully we can come down every so often, especially on the Sundays Jeff is playing a match. My own mother would love to see more of her but she’s aware of our difficulties and she tries to come up when it suits all of us.’ Valerie slipped in her little gibe.

‘I don’t want to be intruding, of course,’ Tessa said stiffly. ‘I’ll phone the next time and make an appointment,’ she gibed back.

‘Great, that’s a much better idea,’ Valerie said, ignoring the sarcasm as she handed Briony over to her. Her daughter beamed up at her grandmother, and Valerie felt a bit of a heel. She knew Jeff’s mother was smitten with the baby and that was good, but weekends were precious and she didn’t want to spend them entertaining a woman she didn’t like very much. If that made her a bitch then she was one and she didn’t care, she decided. It was all right for Jeff, spending half his time in Rockland’s working; he was more flexible than she was with his working days and he didn’t have to entertain Carmel or Terence. If he was in her shoes he might not be so accommodating either.

‘Look, you’ll be having the party for Jeff the October weekend – you can spend plenty of time with her then. We’ll be able to come and visit at Christmas too, so maybe Jeff could bring her to stay overnight with you. I’ll have annual leave and it will be easier.’ Valerie knew she had to make some sort of effort.

‘Oh! That would be something to look forward to.’ The older woman was slightly mollified.

‘And when Jeff gets a job and if we ever end up living together, it might be less complicated too. Now I’m really sorry I have to go or I’ll be late,’ Valerie said firmly. She had reached her limit and she wanted Tessa gone. The day was slipping past and she wanted to make the most of the good weather and get some fresh air with her daughter. ‘Safe journey home,’ she said politely as she led Tessa down to the front door.

‘You never told me you were meeting someone for lunch – who was it?’ Jeff said that evening when he phoned her.

‘It was spur-of-the-moment. One of the girls at work who lives in Marino rang me. We’d said we must get together with our babies.’ Valerie felt no compunction about telling him a fib. He felt it was perfectly fine for Tessa to call whenever she wanted. He was inclined to take Lizzie’s decency for granted and she just wasn’t having it any more.

‘Where did you go?’

‘A small Italian place in Drumcondra. Why?’

‘Was just wondering. Ma was very disappointed to get so little time with Briony.’ There was a hint of reproach in his tone.

‘I told her she should have phoned first. I told her the weekends aren’t the best time now that I’m working. And to be honest, it’s not fair on Lizzie. It’s her flat too and she shouldn’t feel bad about going around in her dressing gown on Saturday mornings if she wants.’

‘Ma wouldn’t make her feel bad,’ Jeff said indignantly.

‘That’s not the point, Jeff. We’ve taken over the flat, more or less, and she’s never said a word. There’s a limit to how much she should have to put up with, and entertaining my family and yours goes beyond it. That’s the way it is at the moment, whether people like it or not,’ she snapped.

‘OK, OK, don’t take the nose off me,’ Jeff growled. ‘I’ll ring tomorrow. ‘Bye.’

‘’Bye,’ she glowered, hanging up.

‘What’s up?’ Lizzie asked as she flounced into the sitting room. She was getting ready to go out and she looked a million dollars in her red cords and black tailored jacket.

‘I’d say Tessa was whinging to Jeff. What am I supposed to do, sit in and wait for her to come and not make plans for my Saturday off? I’m sick of that lot,’ she moaned.

‘Imagine if you were married to him. Maybe it’s just as well you’re not.’ Lizzie stroked another coat of mascara onto her dark, silky lashes. Valerie looked at her with envy. How she’d love to be going out for a night on the town. She hadn’t been out for months. She hadn’t had a drink in months. She was a mother now, and the high life was in the past, she realized, as Lizzie blew her a kiss and drifted down the stairs in a cloud of White Linen.

Suddenly the flat seemed terribly empty. Lizzie and some of her friends from work were going to Greece on a Budget Travel holiday and they were making all sorts of plans. She and Lizzie had always planned to holiday abroad together. That was never going to happen now. Her social life was as good as over, Valerie figured, hearing the front door close. That thought had made her cry as she sat looking at a bag of baby clothes that were waiting to be washed.

Valerie remembered that moment vividly as, looking forward to the christening party, she rubbed Briony’s back and heard her burp. Her life had certainly changed. She was tied, she had responsibilities, and she could no longer put herself first. Sometimes she had a terrible hankering for her old life. Sometimes she felt restless and resentful. She had none of the perks being married brought. But she had a lovely baby, she smiled, stroking her baby’s back. Briony gave another satisfying burp. She loved the way her daughter nestled sleepily into her shoulder after her feed. There
were
good things about her new life too. She was going to express her milk before she went out tonight. She was going to indulge at Jeff’s party, she decided. She’d been the perfect little mother for long enough. One night wouldn’t be a disaster and besides, the baby was staying the night at Tessa’s. Valerie was going to enjoy herself and let herself go, and come home and have a glorious lie-in the following morning. She was looking forward to that and looking forward to seeing how Jeff got on having the baby overnight. He was very good with Briony, but he always had Valerie at his back.

Now that Lizzie was making plans to go to London, there was nothing to stop Jeff moving into the flat. She was sure Mrs Maguire wouldn’t mind. The landlady was quite fond of Jeff. Otherwise, Valerie was going to have to get a new flatmate and that wouldn’t be easy. Who would want to share a flat with a mother and baby? How would Jeff react when he heard Lizzie’s news? And if he did decide to move in with her, she knew without a shadow of a doubt she’d be seeing a lot more of Tessa. Valerie would have no excuse not to welcome Jeff’s family into their home if they were living together. Whether she liked it or not, the very outcome she wanted, to live with Jeff as a couple, would always carry one big drawback. A drawback called Tessa.

Valerie laid her sleeping daughter in her carrycot and went to have a quick shower and prepare herself for Tessa’s party. It was Jeff’s night, he’d been looking forward to it for so long; she’d
try
to be on her best behaviour.

C
HAPTER
T
HIRTY
-O
NE

Tessa placed the massive platter of prawns in the middle of the long dining-room table, between two dishes of Marie Rose dressing, and an array of salads and slices of home-made brown bread and chunky Vienna rolls. She stood back to survey her handiwork. The prawns had come in fresh from the sea that morning, as had the lobster and scallops she was also serving. She had made a big pot of chowder, Jeff’s favourite, and had prepared a beef stroganoff the previous day. The sideboard was laden with various bottles of spirits and wine, and in the centre stood the decorated sponge cake she’d ordered from a woman in the village who specialized in baking and decorating cakes for special occasions. Tessa had decided on a simple ‘Congratulations’ in pink script. Pink for Briony, whose birth they were celebrating, as well as her daddy’s exam results.

Family, friends and neighbours were coming. Carmel Harris was coming on her own with Valerie. Tessa was more than happy that Terence had decided to stay away. She had no desire to have him in her house after their run-in.

Best of all, though, was that the baby was staying the night with them. Tessa was going to have her grandchild all to herself and she couldn’t wait. And because there would be a houseful of guests, she wouldn’t have to spend too much time with Valerie either. Time had done little to endear Jeff’s girlfriend to her. She grimaced as she hurried upstairs to shower and change. She would not forget in a hurry the day Valerie had told her that she would more or less have to make an appointment when she wanted to see her grandchild and had then bustled her out the door so that she could go and meet some friend for lunch. Tessa had been put very firmly in her place and she knew it and it still rankled.

She had been furious driving back to Rockland’s that day and had cursed the day her son had ever got involved with such a gobby little madam. She was sure Carmel Harris wouldn’t have got such treatment had
she
arrived unexpectedly to visit Briony. Tessa had ranted and raved to Lorcan, but he had been uncharacteristically unsympathetic and they’d had words. It was rare for Lorcan to lose his temper – he was usually very laid-back – but when she’d kept on about Valerie’s impertinence his voice had taken on an edge she rarely heard.

‘Will you, for God’s sake, give it a break, Tessa? The girl has a point. She only has the weekend to spend time with the baby and she’s sharing that flat with Lizzie; she does have to think of her too. Just phone in future and save yourself all this stress. You brought it on yourself,’ he’d said irritably.

‘She’s our grandchild. It’s only right that I’d want to spend time with her. Why can’t you see that? How come you always take her side?’ she said indignantly.

‘Tessa, I’m sick of this, sick of it, do you hear me? What has come over you? Why are you behaving like this? Cop on to yourself and give the girl some leeway. She’s in a much worse position than you were, don’t forget.’ He glared at her, his hands thrust into the back pocket of his jeans, his jaw jutting aggressively. They rarely argued, and Tessa knew she’d pushed him too far.

‘That’s uncalled for,’ she protested, stung.

‘No it’s not. It’s time it was said. I’ve been holding back for too long. And another thing, Tessa, for heaven’s sake let Jeff go or he’ll always be a mammy’s boy and there’s nothing worse.’ She’d been spitting feathers at
that.
Lorcan was so annoyed he marched out the door, leaving his coffee and sandwiches untouched.

Tessa frowned, remembering the row. Her husband hadn’t held back. She knew at some level that he was right. She was harsh with Valerie and she was overprotective of Jeff. But he was her youngest child and the child whose birth had given her the most happiness. Her daughter’s conception had been a source of dismay. Her elder son had been born two years later when she was still unsure in her marriage, but Jeff had been conceived during the happiest time in her life, when she’d managed to banish her fears and anxieties, and she and Lorcan had been happy. Jeff was her gift. She’d enjoyed every minute of her pregnancy and when she’d held him in her arms, with Lorcan sitting on the bed beside her, his arm around her, a big smile creasing his face, she had been exquisitely happy.

Her contentment had impacted on their marriage. She wasn’t as emotionally demanding of Lorcan. She stopped constantly looking for reassurance that he loved her. She had allowed herself to believe that they were always meant to be. And then Jeff had come home with the news that his girlfriend was pregnant, and all her old demons had surfaced. She’d turned into a she-devil, Tessa admitted. But Valerie just pushed the wrong buttons. And now she held the upper hand, and that was the most galling thing of all, Tessa thought crossly. She stepped under the shower, turning her face up to the warm jets of water and letting some of the tension she was feeling float away.

The christening had been held in Dublin at Valerie’s decree. The guests had all met at the church and gone for lunch afterwards, but they had not been invited back to the flat.
That
privilege had been reserved for Carmel, who had stayed overnight. Terence hadn’t come to the christening either, and Jeff had told Tessa confidentially that Valerie’s father wouldn’t be attending any family events connected with his grandchild until he and Valerie were married.

‘Don’t let that sour little ayatollah dictate to you, Jeff,’ she’d said furiously when her son had told her of Terence’s edict. How
dare
that dreadful man stand in judgement over her son’s behaviour when his own was completely appalling? Her indignation knew no bounds and she was very tempted to go and give him a piece of her mind, but she knew Jeff and Lorcan would be vehemently opposed to her stirring up trouble.

It was hard enough having to bite back her words when she was dealing with Valerie, without having to swallow down her bile with Terence. It was a wonder she hadn’t got an ulcer she was so filled with ire, Tessa sighed, rinsing the suds out of her hair, and massaging in conditioner. Tonight she was going to make an effort to enjoy her celebration for Jeff and Briony. Her granddaughter was almost six months old and it would be her first time in her grandparents’ house. Valerie Harris should be ashamed of herself for that. Mind, it was her first time in Valerie’s parents’ home too, so at least Tessa couldn’t complain that they were getting more access. She supposed she could understand the girl’s reluctance to come home to Rockland’s. Tessa had to admit that Lorcan was right: she’d had it easier than Valerie. She’d been able to stay at home with Lisa, having no need to go out to work,
and
she’d been married when she’d given birth. It wasn’t easy having a baby out of wedlock, even now, in the eighties, no more than it had been in her day, though attitudes had changed a lot since then. The gossips had had a field day with her, she remembered bitterly. Her poor mother had been plagued with them.