With All My Love (34 page)

Tessa banished the memories. She didn’t want to think of her past. Today was about the future, she told herself firmly, wrapping a towel around her dripping body just as Lorcan came to the top of the stairs.

‘The place looks great. Food looks amazing. You’re some woman, Tessa,’ her husband said approvingly.

‘Am I?’ she said, pleased at his compliment.

‘Yes you are, and I’m a lucky man,’ he said warmly, putting his arms around her despite her damp hair and wet shoulders. ‘Now listen to me. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, and there’s a bit of tension with Valerie, but let’s try and put all that behind us and enjoy tonight. We’ve a lot to celebrate and a lot to give thanks for, haven’t we?’

Tessa looked into her husband’s blue eyes and saw love and kindness mirrored there. She felt a rare
frisson
of happiness. Lorcan
was
so kind to her, so understanding and accepting of her and her moods and insecurities. Why after all this time did she still doubt that he loved her? He proved it in so many ways and yet she could not accept what he gave her without constantly doubting him. She was a fool, she reproached herself, taking his face tenderly between her hands.

‘Yes, we do, Lorcan, and the thing I give most thanks for is having you for a husband. I love you so much. I always have and I always will.’

‘And I love you too, Tessa,’ he said, bending his head to kiss her tenderly. They drew apart and smiled at each other, and she hugged this rare moment to herself. Its unexpectedness made it even more cherished.

‘You’d better hurry and have your shower.’ She gave him a little shove.

‘Pity I wasn’t here twenty minutes ago and we could have had one together,’ he teased, giving her ass a pinch as he went into the bathroom.

‘Mam, Dad?’ she heard her daughter call up the stairs, and her heart lifted even more.

‘Hi, Lisa. We’re up getting ready.’ She leaned over the banisters and smiled down at her eldest child.

‘I’ve brought the cream cakes and chocolate éclairs, and a few dozen chocolate Rice Krispie cakes,’ her daughter said enthusiastically. Lisa was such a good, dependable girl, always ready to help out, always ready to shoulder responsibility. Always anxious to please. Had she absorbed her mother’s fears and anxieties when she was in the womb? Did she feel she was the ‘fixer’, the one who had to make things better? Or did all first-born children carry the ‘responsibility gene’? It was a thought that bothered Tessa sometimes. Lisa was very like her in looks but not in personality. She was much more like Lorcan there, Tessa reflected, smiling down at her daughter. Tall and willowy, with a mane of auburn hair that fell in a burnished curtain to her shoulders, she had her father’s blue eyes. Like two exquisite blue diamonds sparkling and vibrant, they dominated her heart-shaped face. She had Tessa’s determined chin and could be stubborn when she got a notion in her head. Now, in the carefree, delightful phase of being a newly wed, she was glowing with happiness, and Tessa gave up a swift prayer that she would always be as happy and blessed.

‘Stick the kettle on. I’ll be down in ten minutes. I’d better lash on some make-up. All you young ones will be showing me up,’ Tessa joked. She dried her hair and took extra care with her make-up, adding blusher to her cheeks and applying some eyeliner, which she usually didn’t bother with. She studied the results. ‘Not bad,’ she approved, noting how the eyeliner emphasized her eyes and made them bigger, and the smoky grey shade she’d used was more suited to her age than the bright blue eyeliner all the girls were using now,
à la
Princess Di.

She’d had her hair cut the previous day and it was shining and well shaped, with only the random grey strands to annoy her. She was wearing the coppery, long-sleeved V-necked jersey silk dress that was Lorcan’s favourite, and emphasized her curves and height. Her patent black sling-backs and a single strand of pearls finished off the look. She scrubbed up well enough when she wanted to, Tessa decided, satisfied.

A long low wolf whistle greeted her. ‘Who’s this gorgeous bird in my bedroom?’ Lorcan stood grinning proudly at her. She laughed. He was standing with just a towel wrapped around his slim hips, and his tanned torso and broad shoulders emphasized how fit and lean he still was.

‘And who’s the sexy hunk?’ she asked, trailing a finger along the dark line of hair that snaked down his flat belly.

‘If you’re not careful I’ll throw you on the bed and muss everything up,’ he warned, eyes glinting wickedly.

‘God, I haven’t been thrown on the bed in a while. Pity I’m all dressed up,’ she said regretfully. Looking at him standing there, his salt-and-pepper hair cropped tight, showing off the lean plane of his face, and the firmness of his mouth that she loved so much, she felt a sudden rush of desire.

‘Feck ya, anyway, Lorcan Egan, stop standing there turning me on, go and get dressed,’ she admonished, turning away. He came up behind her and grabbed her, his hands cupping her breasts.

‘It’s your own fault for looking so sexy in that dress,’ he murmured against her ear.

‘Stop! Lisa’s downstairs,’ Tessa giggled as his towel slid off.

‘Do you want a quickie?’ He was laughing at her, turning her round and kissing her passionately.

‘No, we’ve a party to deal with.’ She pushed him away.

‘So? Five minutes isn’t going to make much of a diff er-ence.’ His eyes were glinting with amusement and desire, and he kissed her again, a slow deep kiss that she couldn’t help responding to.

‘Is that a yes?’ He drew away.

‘OK, close the door,’ she said, eagerly pulling off her tights and knickers. ‘And mind the dress!’ she murmured, pulling it up to her waist as he threw her down on the bed and she wrapped her legs around him, burying her face in his shoulder so her moans of pleasure would be muffled.

It was hot and fast and very satisfying, and she sighed happily as she held him close when it was over. Sex was surprisingly good lately. One of her friends had told her that it was one of the few pluses of rampant oestrogen hormones having a last glorious hurrah before disappearing. Whatever it was, she and Lorcan were making the most of it before decrepitude took over.

‘I’d better go and fix myself up,’ she said ruefully.

‘You’d better. Your hair is sticking up all over the place.’ He tweaked a strand and tucked it behind her ear. ‘We’d give all those young lot a run for their money, Tess. They think they invented sex,’ Lorcan grinned, and she kissed him hard.

‘I love you, and never forget that.’

‘I won’t and I don’t,’ he said seriously, and they held each other tight for a moment before she went to freshen up, repair the damage to her make-up and sort her bedhead.

‘Gosh, Mam, you look fantastic!’ her daughter complimented her when Tessa walked into the kitchen looking as though butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.

‘Thank you, love. Is the tea made?’ she asked, giving her a kiss.

‘Sure is. Is Dad having a cuppa?’

‘I’d say so. He’s just getting dressed. He won’t be long.’

‘I’m dying to see the baby again – isn’t she a little doll?’ Lisa bustled around the kitchen, getting cups and putting a selection of cakes on a plate.

‘Is she putting the longing on you?’ Tessa smiled.

‘A bit,’ Lisa admitted. ‘But we want to have another while to ourselves to enjoy being married.’

‘That’s a good plan,’ Tessa said. ‘Once children come the relationship changes and you never have the time for each other that you would like.’

‘You and Dad don’t do too bad,’ Lisa said.

‘No, we don’t do too bad at all,’ Tessa agreed, wondering what her daughter would think if she’d seen them ten minutes ago. Children never thought their parents had sex, she thought with a grin. Lorcan was right, they could give the young ones a run for their money. She should stop whining about getting old, try to get along with Valerie, and make the most of what she had.

The sound of tyres crunching on gravel made Lisa look out the window. ‘Here’s Jeff and Valerie,’ she said.

Tessa felt a little knot in her stomach. Today had been such a good day so far it would be a shame to let bad feeling ruin it. She took a deep breath and went to the back door. ‘Hello and welcome,’ she called.

‘Hello, Tessa,’ Carmel said politely. The last time she had been in this house it had been to decide her daughter’s future. She wouldn’t have minded if she’d never set foot in it again but she wouldn’t let Valerie down. ‘Are we the first to arrive?’

‘I’m glad you’re here before the others. That’s why I said to Jeff to come a bit early. We can all have a cup of tea and a chat before the hordes descend,’ Tessa said lightly, as Valerie came to the door carrying Briony. ‘Good Lord, look at the size of her!’ she exclaimed. ‘Valerie, she looks wonderful. Isn’t she growing at a great rate?’ She couldn’t believe the difference a few weeks had made. Briony was holding her head straight and looking around with interest, and she’d completely lost the helpless tiny baby look.

‘Would you like to hold her?’ Valerie offered, earning a look of approval from Jeff.

‘Would I what?’ Tessa held out her arms for her grandchild. ‘Help yourselves. Jeff, make a pot of fresh tea, I’m busy,’ she said delightedly, cooing at her grandchild. ‘Isn’t the time flying?’ she said as Valerie and Carmel sat at the table and Lisa offered them some of the cream cakes she’d made.

‘I was pregnant this time last year.’ Valerie took a bite out of an éclair.

‘And now look at you.’ Lisa smiled at her. ‘A gorgeous baby and your figure back to normal. You look terrific, Valerie,’ she said admiringly. ‘I love your outfit.’

‘I got it in A|Wear,’ Valerie said, pleased with Lisa’s compliment. She liked Jeff’s older sister. She was friendly and good-natured, and she loved the baby.

‘Love the shoulder pads,’ Lisa said admiringly. Valerie was wearing a pair of black trousers and a black silk cami top with a vibrant purple silk wrap-around jacket. It was a very glamorous look, very Princess Diana, but she was glad she’d worn it when she saw how elegant Tessa was. Jeff had told her that she looked ‘a million dollars’. She wanted to look her best and she’d left Jeff minding the baby one Saturday while she and Lizzie had spent ages looking for the right outfit.

‘Hello, all, and welcome.’ Lorcan came into the kitchen, dressed in smart grey trousers and a black shirt opened at the neck. His face lit up when he saw Briony. ‘Isn’t she a little beauty?’ he declared proudly, and laughed when she gurgled up at him, giving him a huge toothless grin. ‘Ah-ha, that’s the old Egan charm at work.’ He smiled at Valerie. ‘How are you, Valerie?’

‘I’m fine thanks, Lorcan.’

‘Settled in back at work?’

‘Yeah, I suppose. It’s always a bit of a wrench leaving her with the child-minder.’ She made a face.

‘I’m sure it is. But at least she’s thriving,’ he said kindly.

‘She loves her grub, loves her mashed banana and her potatoes and carrot,’ Jeff said proudly, delighted with the fuss that was being made of his daughter.

‘Well then, she’s her father’s daughter.’ Tessa laughed. ‘You couldn’t wait for your solids.’

‘And I can’t wait for my solids now. I see you made a pot of chowder. Thanks, Ma, you’re the best.’ He kissed the top of her head.

‘I know it’s your favourite, and this is your party, so of course I did.’ Tessa gave the baby to Lisa, who was waiting patiently for her turn to hold her. ‘Get a bit of practice in,’ she joked light-heartedly, and they all laughed.

Tessa smiled up at Lorcan, and began to relax. She felt a moment of contentment and happiness. She caught Valerie’s gaze. For once there was no hostility or defensiveness mirrored there. Jeff was handing her a cup of tea, and then he had dropped an arm around her shoulder and Tessa thought with a little pang, I think he does love her. Maybe in time they are the ones for each other. Then she remembered Lorcan’s admonition . . . ‘let him go’.

This was the ideal opportunity to start afresh, she knew that. It was the right thing to do. Tessa held out the olive branch. ‘I hope you enjoy our little celebration, Valerie. We really want to introduce Briony to the extended family who haven’t seen her yet, and, of course, celebrate Jeff’s exam results. I do know you supported him greatly in his studies so thanks to you for that.’ She made her little speech as Lorcan’s hand tightened on her shoulder.

‘I’d second that. This evening is a joyful celebration for both our families, who are now joined together by this darling little girl, and I hope you and Carmel enjoy the party very much,’ he said, smiling at Carmel.

‘Enough of the speeches, I want my chowder.’ Jeff lightened the moment as everyone turned to look at Valerie.

She turned bright pink. She knew Tessa had given her an unexpected opportunity for a new beginning in their relationship. She looked at her daughter being cosseted and cherished by Jeff’s family and was glad of it. Lizzie’s words came back to her. ‘You and Jeff are in this together. You’re Briony’s parents. She’s your child. Don’t use her as a weapon . . . Life is hard, and you and Briony are going to need all the help you can get. Don’t cut yourself and her off from a family who are willing to be supportive and hands on. You don’t know what’s coming down the tracks in the future and it’s good to have people in your camp.’

It wasn’t all about her any more. It never would be again, and if Tessa could make an effort so could she. She took a deep breath. ‘Um . . . thanks very much, Lorcan and Tessa. Mam and I are delighted to be here with Briony. And it’s lovely that you are all making such a fuss of us. Jeff and I are very grateful for all the support we’ve been given. Briony is a very lucky little girl.’

‘To Briony,’ said Jeff exuberantly.

‘And to Valerie and Jeff,’ said Lorcan.

Amid laughter and warbles from Briony, teacups were raised in toast to the trio, as the doorbell rang and the guests began to arrive to join in the celebrations.

C
HAPTER
T
HIRTY
-T
WO

Tessa and Lorcan’s party
had
been a fresh start, very much so, Valerie remembered, lying in the dark unable to sleep in her bed in Spain, as the torrents of memories flooded through her. From the night of that party, up until Jeff’s death four years later, she had been relatively happy, she acknowledged with surprise. It was always that way: you never realized that you were actually happy during stages of your life until you looked back.