With All My Love (31 page)

‘You take care. We’ll see you when we see you, won’t we, Tessa?’

‘Hopefully sooner rather than later,’ Tessa said, giving a last longing look into the cot. ‘Look after yourself, Valerie.’

‘I will. Safe home,’ Valerie said, delighted that the dreaded visit was over.

‘I’ll see you tonight.’ Jeff leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.

‘Maybe you should stay at home and study,’ she said offhandedly. She was mad with him for saying that the party sounded like a great idea and she also wanted Tessa to see that she wasn’t being in any way demanding.

‘I’ll come in for half an hour to give the baby a good night kiss,’ he said firmly.

‘Fine,’ she said coolly. She wasn’t going to get into an argument with him in front of everyone. ‘Thank you again for the gifts,’ she said to Tessa and Lorcan and waved them off as her friends cooed over the baby.

‘We’re not going to get to see much of that baby,’ Tessa said dejectedly as Lorcan drove them back to Rockland’s later that afternoon.

‘Don’t say that,’ her husband chided.

‘Well, did you hear her? She doesn’t know when she’s coming down to Rockland’s. She doesn’t know if she’ll hold the christening there or not, as if Jeff has no say in the matter.’ Tessa fiddled with the tape deck, most put out.

‘Her family circumstances aren’t great, Tessa, don’t forget that. You don’t know what way Terence is with all of this,’ Lorcan pointed out.

‘Well, she can stay with us then if he doesn’t want her at home,’ Tessa said crossly.

‘She hardly knows us.’

‘She’d better
get
to know us. That baby is our grandchild,’ Tessa reminded him.

‘Her name is Briony Harris, not Briony Egan, Tess,’ Lorcan said quietly.

‘I know that. I know that very well, Lorcan. I could see her name tag on her wrist,’ Tessa snapped, and didn’t speak another word for the rest of the journey home.

‘All Ma wanted was to have the christening in Rockland’s and a party after it. Is that so awful?’ Jeff was truculent that evening as he and Valerie walked along the hospital corridor to the main entrance. He was going home to study and she was glad to see the back of him because they were being snippy with each other.

‘It’s all right for you, Jeff ; people won’t point the finger at you,’ Valerie said heatedly.

‘Let them. Who cares?’ he retorted.

‘
I
care, actually.’

‘Well, when are they going to get to see the baby if you won’t come down to Rockland’s?’

‘They can come up to Dublin.’ She glared at him.

‘Look, Briony’s their grandchild. I’m their son, I want them to play a big part in her life,’ he argued.

‘Is that right?’ said Valerie coolly. ‘Well, forgive me, Jeff, if I’m slow on the uptake because, to be honest, that wasn’t the impression I got when your mother laid down the law at that meeting in your house when I was dragged up there by my da. Just to remind you, I’m not your
wife
. They’re not my
in-laws
. That’s the way you wanted it and that’s what you’ve got. You can’t have it every way, Jeff, and neither can Tessa,’ she said bluntly as they reached the front door. ‘Good night,’ she said, and walked away as fast as her physical discomfort would allow, leaving him slack-jawed as the implications of her words sank in.

‘. . . and then I said, “Just to remind you, I’m not your
wife.
They’re not my
in-laws
. That’s the way you wanted it and that’s what you’ve got. You can’t have it every way, Jeff, and neither can Tessa’,’’ Valerie said triumphantly to Lizzie twenty minutes later. Her friend had called in for the last ten minutes of visiting and had missed Jeff by a whisker. ‘Good, wasn’t it?’ She smirked, delighted that she had finally asserted her authority and reclaimed some control over her situation. Tessa Egan wouldn’t be so quick to interfere now that Valerie had laid down her boundaries. And it was good for Jeff to realize that he didn’t have quite as much a say in things as he thought he had. It would have been a different kettle of fish if they were married.

Lizzie whistled. ‘You certainly didn’t hold back with Jeff, and I’m sure Tessa will think twice about making plans without asking you, but as your oldest and, I hope, dearest friend can I just say something to you?’

‘Go on,’ Valerie said slowly, knowing Lizzie always spoke her mind. There was a reproach coming down the line. She could see it in Lizzie’s serious expression. Her friend sat on the bed and looked at her. ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, Val, and you know I’m always on your team, but just take it a bit easy when you’re laying down the law, hon. You and Jeff are in this together. You’re Briony’s parents. She’s your child. Don’t use her as a weapon.’

‘Oh,’ said Valerie, deflated. ‘I was just trying to stand up for myself.’

‘I know, but life is hard, and you and Briony are going to need all the help you can get. Don’t cut yourself and her off from a family who are willing to be supportive and hands on. You don’t know what’s coming down the tracks in the future and it’s good to have people in your camp, that’s all I’m saying.’

‘But it’s just that now that I’ve had the baby they want to be involved but I wasn’t good enough to be part of their family through marriage,’ she said sulkily.

‘Do you
really
want Tessa Egan for a mother-in-law?’ Lizzie arched an eyebrow at her.

‘It’s going to be hard going back to Rockland’s with the baby. You know what they’re like down there?’ Valerie scowled.

‘You just tell me when you feel up to going down and I’ll come with you. You’ll walk down the village with your head up, missy, and I’ll be beside you. Let them do their worst. Anyway, most people are very nice at home; it’s not the worst place in the world,’ Lizzie said gently. ‘Don’t be letting that bother you.’

‘I know. I just feel a bit all over the place, and Tessa gets my back up,’ Valerie said tearfully, her high evaporating. Lizzie’s words made her feel she’d been spiteful. Deep down she knew she had behaved badly, but it had felt good after all the hurt she’d endured.

‘She doesn’t mean it. She has a good heart, and Lorcan’s a lovely man. Try and work with them, not against them, for Briony’s sake,’ Lizzie urged.

‘Yeah, OK,’ she said dispiritedly as the visitors’ bell rang.

‘I’m not giving out to you, I’m just trying to help.’ Lizzie stood up. ‘A good godmother has to do her best for her godchild.’ She bent over the cot and kissed Briony, who was gazing intently at something above her head.

‘Ah, look at her, Valerie, she’s playing with the angels,’ Lizzie said tenderly. ‘She’s just gorgeous.’

‘Thanks for being a good friend, Lizzie.’ Valerie hauled herself off the bed and went to stand beside her.

‘It will all work out fine,’ Lizzie said comfortingly, giving her a hug. ‘I’ll see you after the weekend. There’s plenty of food in the fridge – I stocked up – and there’s a few treats there as well.’

‘If you were a man I’d marry you,’ Valerie teased as her friend buttoned up her coat.

‘If I was a man I’d marry myself.’ Lizzie blew her a kiss and clickity-clacked her way down the ward in her high heels.

Valerie picked her daughter up and held her close, loving the way she grabbed her finger. Lizzie had been very direct. But she was right, Valerie conceded reluctantly. Briony shouldn’t be used to score points. She’d try not to use her as a ‘weapon’. But she wouldn’t be walked on either. Tessa and Jeff could not dictate what was going on in her life, no matter how much they might want to. The fact was, she was a single mother, and until her circumstances changed and she and Jeff were at least living together in a place of their own, Valerie would do the best she could for her and her daughter. But Lizzie was right about one thing. Family was important and it would be unfair to deprive Briony of that bond. Once Valerie was settled back in the flat and had some sort of routine going she’d turn her attention to the christening and try to work out something that would suit everyone. She could do no more than that.

Jeff studied his notes, trying to make out the scribbles in the margin that he’d written to emphasize a point. He was finding it hard to concentrate. Valerie had been pretty nasty earlier. He’d almost felt she didn’t want him in her life. She’d really rubbed his nose in it and made him feel like a heel. She didn’t
own
Briony, although you’d think that she did the way she was talking, he thought resentfully. And his parents had every right to suggest having a party to celebrate their grandchild’s christening.

God, his life was a mess, he thought, sinking his head into his hands. He was a new parent; he had exams coming up, a cranky girlfriend, and a mother who felt she was being sidelined. He was sick of women, heartily sick of them. He wanted to go out and get hammered and go to a club with his mates and be carefree and irresponsible and pull some girl and ride her ragged and never see her again. He hadn’t had sex with Valerie in weeks. And now all her attention would be given to the baby and he’d be lucky to get a look in. He’d made such a mess of his life before it had even started, he thought glumly, hearing the phone ring out in the hall.

‘Jeff, it’s for you,’ his landlady yelled.

‘Thanks,’ he said, coming out into the hall to take the call. Probably his mother to let him know they were home.

‘Hi, it’s me. Sorry I was a bit of a bitch earlier,’ Valerie said contritely.

Relief swept over him at the sound of her voice. That was one thing he loved about Valerie: she would always say sorry when she was in the wrong and she never held a grudge with him.

‘It’s OK, Valerie. I’m glad you rang. Let’s not fight. We’ll sort things out.’ He leaned against the hallstand and felt some of the tension seep out of his body.

‘I know we will, Jeff. I’m just all over the place at the moment. My hormones are in chaos and I just can’t face the thought of going home to Rockland’s, for a while anyway,’ his girlfriend explained.

‘That’s OK, Val, we’ll make some sort of arrangement about the christening,’ he assured her. ‘How is our daughter?’

‘Our daughter’s yelling her head off. I’d better go and feed her,’ Valerie said, but he knew she was smiling. ‘Good night, Jeff.’

‘Good night, Val,’ he said. ‘See you tomorrow.’ He put the phone back in the cradle and went back to his room. Another hurdle jumped. Another crisis averted. He’d placate his mother some way or another. For now he and Valerie were back on track until the next mini drama, though he was sure there’d be plenty of them in the months to come. He closed the door to his room and glanced at the pile of books on the table. He’d had enough of them. To hell with it, he was going out. Valerie would shortly be home from the hospital and he’d have to sit in with her and the baby; he might as well have one last night of freedom. One of his mates had phoned earlier inviting him out for a drink to wet the baby’s head. He’d dithered, not being in the mood after his row with Valerie. But everything was sorted now. Whistling, he rummaged in his wardrobe for a clean shirt and a pair of boxers. You only lived once, he was beginning to realize. He might as well have what fun he could.

C
HAPTER
T
HIRTY

‘Oh, no, here’s Father O’Shea,’ Valerie muttered to Lizzie, noticing Rockland’s parish priest cross The Triangle to head in their direction. Her hands tightened on the handle of the baby stroller.

‘Stay calm, he’s not an ogre,’ Lizzie murmured out of the side of her mouth as the priest came alongside them.

‘Girls,’ he said cheerily, ‘I haven’t seen you around together in a long time. The Folk Group isn’t the same since you went up to the Big Smoke.’

‘Hello, Father,’ they replied simultaneously.

‘And who have we got here? Is this the new arrival?’ The elderly priest bent down and peered into the buggy. ‘Well, isn’t she the little pet!’ he exclaimed. ‘And how are you, Valerie?’ His blue eyes were kind as he straightened up and turned to her.

‘I’m well, thanks, Father,’ she said, warily waiting for some sort of censure.

‘Good. Are you back at work yet?’

‘Yes, Father, I went back at the end of the summer.’

‘I’m sure that it was hard to leave her. Well, it’s great to see the pair of you looking so well. Don’t be a stranger to us now. If you feel like coming to the Folk Mass tomorrow we’d love to see you. And when the little one is old enough make sure to bring her to the Children’s Mass if you’re down at the weekend and we’ll find a part for her to play. Enjoy your walk now. I’d say the air down here makes her sleep like a baby.’ Father O’Shea chuckled at his little joke and gave them a wave as he took his leave of them.

‘Isn’t he a champion?’ Lizzie declared. ‘Jesus would be proud of him. No judgement, no sermon, just kindness, acceptance and compassion. That’s my kind of priest. I’d love him to marry myself and Dara.’

‘Are you making plans?’ Valerie looked at her in surprise as they continued their walk.

‘Yeah,’ Lizzie said happily. ‘I wasn’t going to say anything until after the party, but we’re thinking of going to London.’

‘London!’ Valerie shrieked.

‘Shush, here’s Franny Powell; you know what she’s like for gossip,’ Lizzie hissed.

‘Ah, Valerie, is this your new baby? You left it long enough to come back to Rockland’s to show her off, but sure, I suppose that’s to be understood considering your circumstances. I’d say Father O’Shea had something to say about that. I saw him talking to you.’ Franny pursed her lips as she glanced down at the baby.

‘Not a word, Franny, except to invite us to sing at the Folk Mass on Sunday, and telling Valerie to make sure to bring Briony to the Children’s Mass when she’s old enough. But then, of course, Father O’ Shea is a
real
Christian, not like a few Altar Crawlers I know. Pharisees, I think they were called in the Bible.’ Lizzie smiled sweetly.

‘Is that right?’ Franny said, nostrils flaring. ‘I wouldn’t have taken
you
for a Bible reader.’

‘Don’t judge a book by its cover, Franny,’ Lizzie said smartly. ‘Goodbye now. We’re just going into the church to light a candle. We’ll include you in it.’