A Hopeful Heart (26 page)

Barbie and Eli sat across from Hannah, leaving her the only person on her side of
the long table. She felt isolated and alone, and she wondered if that was what it
felt like to be shunned.

Eli studied Hannah. “I had a feeling you’d come to see us.”
He palmed a cookie from the plate and bit into it. “Mmm. Very
gut
, Barbie.”

“
Danki.
” Barbie helped herself to a cookie.

Hannah took a deep breath and tried to remember the speech she’d prepared on her way
over to her in-laws’ house. She suddenly felt at a loss for words. “First, I want
to thank you for taking in Lillian.”

Barbie frowned. “Of course we welcome our
grossdochder
into our
haus.
We would never turn away our
grandkinner.
In fact, we would never kick out our
kind
either.”

Hannah scowled. “I didn’t kick out my
kind.
She chose to leave.”

“You left me no choice.” Lillian’s eyes filled with tears.

“Lily, that’s not true.” Hannah’s voice trembled. She looked back and forth between
her in-laws. “You already know I’m leaving the church. I’m here to tell you my reasons
for my decision.”

“Are you going to tell the bishop?” Barbie asked.

Hannah nodded. “
Ya
, I’m going to tell him later today.”

“So you haven’t changed your mind, even after your
dochder
left you?” Barbie’s tone was accusatory.

Hannah paused and wished she had someone to defend her. She felt as if she were fighting
an uphill battle with Lillian and Barbie. “No, I haven’t changed my mind.”

Eli frowned and shook his head. “I’m very sorry to hear this. Are you certain this
is what you want to do?”

“
Ya
, I’m certain, but it wasn’t an easy decision.” She paused to prevent herself from
crying. “I’ve prayed about it, and I’ve come up with the same conclusion each time—God
is leading me to a new life outside of this community.”

Eli fingered his long, white beard. “I don’t know what to say, Hannah. This has been
a shock to me.” He gestured toward his wife. “Barbie told me you had a
freind
who was
English,
but I’d hoped it was an innocent friendship and not a relationship that would lead
you away from the community.”

“Believe me, I’m just as surprised as you are.” Hannah picked up a paper napkin and
began to fray the edges. “I’ve wondered why God has presented this path to me after
I’ve spent my whole life in the Amish community. I love this community. It’s been
my home since I was born, and I never imagined leaving it. It doesn’t make sense,
but I can’t deny myself the opportunity to live the life God wants me to live.”

Barbie shook her head. “This isn’t right, Hannah. You can’t take our
grandkinner
away from us. They’re all we have left of Gideon.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes.
“You’re breaking my heart. And I know this would break Gideon’s heart as well. He
would never want this for his
kinner.
”

“I’m not taking your
grandkinner
away from you, Barbie. I’d never keep my
kinner
from their family.” Hannah looked at Eli. “You know they love you both dearly, and
they will want to see you as often as they can. Joshua too. He said this morning that
he wants to stay in the children’s lives. You may have heard that Trey is opening
a bed and breakfast here in Paradise, so we’ll be living close by.”

“But this is wrong.” Barbie tapped the table with her finger. “Gideon built that horse
farm with his heart and soul. He wanted to have a
gut
, steady income for his
kinner.
You’re betraying his memory by taking his
kinner
from that farm.” She gestured toward Lillian. “What about Lillian? You’re abandoning
her. How can a
mamm
abandon her
kind
?”

Lillian nodded with emphasis. “
Mammi
is right. If it weren’t for her, I’d be homeless.”

“
Ach
, of course you’re welcome here, Lily.” Barbie wiped her eyes with a napkin and then
turned to Eli. “We love having her here, don’t we, Eli?”

“Of course we do.” Eli’s eyes glittered with tears. “You’re always
willkumm
here.” He turned to Hannah. “I don’t understand why you would break up your family
like this, Hannah. Have you really thought this through? You’ll be shunned, and your
kinner
will be caught in the middle between you and the community.”

Hannah took a deep breath and prayed she could respond to their accusations with grace
and respect. “My
kinner
will not be caught in the middle. Amanda and Andrew are going with me, and Lily will
be fine here. I want to see her as often as she’ll see me.”

Lillian glared at Hannah and then wiped her tears.

Hannah cleared her throat before she continued speaking. “I know what will happen
when I leave the community, but I have to follow my heart. I’ve prayed about this,
and I do have my
kinner’s
best interests in mind.”

“But you’re breaking our hearts.” Barbie shook her head as tears flowed from her eyes.
“I know I’ve been hard on you over the years, but I always thought you did the best
you could with the
kinner.
I never imagined you’d do something like this. I don’t understand, Hannah. This is
nonsense. Gideon wanted his
kinner
to be Amish. He would never give his blessing for this, Hannah.”

“Gideon isn’t here anymore,
Mamm.
I have to do what I think is best.” Hannah’s voice shook with emotion. “I’ll let
you
know when I’m ready to move out of your
haus.
Joshua said he wants to move in. He’s going to buy my portion of the horse business
from me.”

Barbie wiped her eyes with a crinkled napkin. “Do you realize what you’re doing? You’re
uprooting your
kinner
for purely selfish reasons, Hannah. How can you do this with a clear conscience?”

“
Mamm
, I told you. I’ve prayed about this, and I’ve struggled with all of the consequences
of my decision.” Hannah wiped her eyes with a napkin and then paused to gather her
thoughts. “I believe Gideon would want me to be
froh.
This is the path that will make me
froh.
And I’ve always wanted to work in a place like a bed and breakfast, so I know I will
enjoy being with Trey in the one he’s opening here in Paradise. I’m not betraying
Gideon’s memory. I’m doing what I believe is right for my family and me. Lillian has
asked to stay in the community, and she wants to be with you. I hope you’ll allow
Amanda and Andrew to visit you often and be a part of your lives. Even if they aren’t
members of the church, they’re still your family. They still need to know what it
means to be Amish, and you can show them. They are a part of Gideon, and they want
to continue to be close to you both.”

Eli pulled at his beard. “I don’t agree with what you’re doing, but, of course, we
will welcome them into our
haus.
”

Hannah nodded. “
Gut.
Danki, Dat.
”

Barbie nodded stiffly. “I won’t punish my
grandkinner
for your horrible decisions.” She regarded Lillian with a sad smile. “We’re
froh
you’re here, Lily.”

Hannah stood. “I hope you all will understand my decision someday.” She turned to
Lillian. “
Ich
liebe dich, mei liewe.
I hope you will visit us. We all miss you.”

Lillian shook her head while still frowning. “I need some time to sort this out.”

“I respect that.” Hannah said good-bye and then started toward the front door.

As Hannah stepped outside, she sent up a little prayer to God, asking him to heal
her broken relationship with her daughter. She climbed into the buggy and guided the
horse as fresh tears sprinkled her warm cheeks.

Hannah stopped the horse at the end of the driveway in front of the bishop’s two-story
white house. She wiped her tears and then prayed for the right words before making
her way up the front porch steps and knocking on the door.

Elmer opened the door. “Hannah. I was expecting a visit from you.” He pointed toward
the chairs on the porch. “Would you like to sit down?”

“
Danki.
” Hannah sat on the chair and looked toward her waiting buggy. “I’m certain you know
Melvin and Jonas came to see me. They were concerned I was going to leave the church,
and they asked me if I wanted a meeting called with the baptized members of the congregation.”

Elmer leaned back in the chair. “They told me you said you weren’t planning to leave.
Have you now made a decision otherwise?”

Hannah nodded. “After many prayers, I truly believe God is leading me toward a new
life. I plan to leave the church.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Elmer frowned. “You’ll be missed at church. You and your
family are a part of our community
and that makes you our family.” He paused a moment. “Do you know what this means,
Hannah? Have you really thought about the consequences of your decision?”

“I have.” Hannah nodded. “I’ve thought about it, I’ve cried about it, and I’ve prayed
about it. I know this is the path God has chosen for me. You have to understand, I
didn’t come to this decision easily. It’s the most difficult decision I’ve made in
my life.”

Elmer pulled on his long beard. “You were born into this community. Your ancestors
were Amish. I knew your parents and your grandparents. You’ve always had a strong
faith, so I don’t understand how you can give up the only life you’ve ever known.
I’m not judging you, but I want to understand your decision.”

She paused to gather her thoughts. “I never imagined I would leave the community,
but Gideon left me with a broken heart. I thought I would marry another Amish man,
but I never found the right person. When I met Trey Peterson, my heart came alive
again, and we are going to build a life together. We plan to open a bed and breakfast,
which is actually a dream I’ve always had. Trey is a good Christian man, and he will
be a wonderful role model for my
kinner.
He also lost his spouse tragically—as well as his daughter—and we understand each
other well.”

Elmer heaved a deep sigh. “Your
kinner
will have a difficult time adjusting to life outside their community. Have you considered
how this will affect them?”

“I have.” Hannah explained how Lillian had moved in with her grandparents, while Amanda
was considering going to college someday. She also told him that she planned to move
out of her house and sell her business to Joshua.

“This will be a huge adjustment for you, Hannah. You’re going to face some challenges.”
He tapped the arm of the chair. “Just remember you’ll be welcome to come back at any
time after you confess in front of the congregation. We all pray that our members
who have left will return.”

“
Danki.
” Hannah stood. “I need to get home to my
kinner.
I appreciate your time.”

“Good-bye.” Elmer waved.

Hannah headed toward the buggy and felt as if she were starting out on a new and exciting
journey.

H
annah guided the horse back to the barn. She’d spent the ride back to her farm considering
the bishop’s words and wondering what to do next. Now that she’d made her decision
public, she felt lost and a little confused. She prayed again that Lillian would someday
forgive her and respect her decision to leave the faith.

Hannah unhitched the horse and walked it toward the stable. She felt as if she were
walking through a dream. The decision to leave the church had her reeling. Yet saying
the words aloud to the bishop made it all feel concrete. She knew the choice to leave
had come from God, and she was following both her heart and the path he had laid out
for her. Now she needed to tell Trey that she’d made her choice.

She stowed the horse and then glanced toward the room where the phone was. She wondered
where Trey was today. She longed to see him and tell him that she was ready to start
her life with him.

Her heart thudded in her chest as she made her way to the phone. She wanted to meet
him somewhere special when she told him the news. She smiled as she lifted the receiver
and dialed
her driver’s number. After she set up her plan with Phyllis, she would call Trey and
tell him where to meet her.

Trey’s iPhone rang in his pocket as he crossed the grocery store parking lot. He balanced
his bag of groceries in one hand while pulling the phone from his pocket with the
other. “Hello?”

“Hi, Trey. How are you?” Hannah’s voice was soft on the other end of the line, and
his heart skipped a beat. He’d been praying for her and hoping she’d make a decision
about his proposal. Of course, he wanted her to accept the proposal, but he’d tried
to prepare his heart for a rejection just in case she didn’t say yes.

“Hannah. I was hoping to hear from you.” He weaved through the sea of cars toward
his sedan parked in the back. “I’m fine. How are you doing?”

“I’m well.”

“I’ve missed you at the hotel. Ruth told me you’d taken a few days off.” He unlocked
his car and climbed in, placing his bag of groceries in the seat beside him. “Is everything
okay with you and your family?”

“
Ya
, we’re fine. I just needed a few days off to think about everything.”

“Oh.” He thought about his conversation with Ruth. “Did you get the message I sent
through Ruth?”

“I did.” She hesitated, and he held his breath, hoping that she wasn’t calling to
reject him. “It’s a beautiful day out,
ya
?”

“Yes, it is.” He looked up at the bright blue, cloudless sky through his windshield
and wondered if she was stalling.
Is she trying to figure out the right words to say good-bye to me
?

“I was wondering if you could meet me out by your new house in about ten minutes.
I’ve called a driver, and she’s coming to get me.”

“Oh.” Hope swelled within him.
Maybe this will be good news.
“You don’t have to hire a driver. I can pick you up.”

“That’s not necessary. I’ll meet you out there. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“Sounds good. I just have to stop by the hotel and drop off my groceries.” He disconnected
the call and prayed Hannah wanted to meet him to accept his proposal and not to shatter
his heart.

Hannah fingered the ties on her prayer covering while standing in the driveway at
Trey’s new house. She’d tried to gather all of her thoughts during the ride over in
Phyllis’s car. After she paid Phyllis and thanked her for the ride, Hannah found herself
staring at the house and wondering what she was going to say.

Trey’s shiny car steered into the driveway, and her stomach fluttered. Her life was
going to be changed forever after today, and she felt dizzy with excitement, not fear.

“Hannah.” He climbed from the car and walked over to her. “I was really glad to hear
from you.”

She gestured toward the backyard. “Would you take a walk with me?”

“Of course. How’s your family?”

“They’re all well. Amanda and Andrew are doing chores right now. Lily is at her grandparents’
house. She moved out yesterday.”

Trey’s eyes widened. “Lily moved out?”

“She wanted to stay with her grandmother, and I had to let her go. It was her decision.”

“Hannah.” The concern in Trey’s expression warmed her heart. “Are you okay with her
leaving?”

“It was difficult, but I’ve accepted it. It will be okay. I’m going to continue to
pray that someday she’ll forgive me. Only the Lord can repair the distance between
us, and I have faith that he will.” She pushed back her sad emotions and looked up
at the house. “Do you have a closing date?”

“Yes, it looks like it’s going to be July 1.” He smiled. “I can’t wait.”

“Have you decided on a name?” She stopped by the pasture fence.

He shook his head. “No, I haven’t had any real inspiration.”

“What do you think about the Heart of Paradise?”

Trey rubbed his chin. “I think I like that. That’s really catchy.”

“I’ve been thinking about this bed and breakfast.” She gestured toward the backyard.
“I was wondering what kind of vegetables you’d like me to plant in your garden.”

His eyes rounded. “You’re going to plant a garden?”

“
Ya
.” She nodded. “Also, I can put together a menu for you to give to your guests. They
can have one authentic Amish meal included and then be charged for additional meals.”
She then pointed toward the stable. “Joshua said Andrew can work for him on Saturdays,
and he can take care of Huckleberry there. But if you want to have a horse on the
property, we can bring Huckleberry with us.”

“Hannah.” Trey took her hands in his. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Hannah removed her prayer covering and unpinned her hair, which fell in waves past
her shoulders. She smiled up at his shocked expression. “Yes I will marry you. And
Andrew, Amanda, and I would like to help you run your bed and breakfast.”

He breathed out a deep gasp and shook his head. “This is music to my ears, Hannah.
Are you certain you want to leave your community for me?”

Hannah nodded. “I’ve spoken to my family, Joshua, Barbie and my father-in-law, and
the bishop. I’ve told them all I have to follow my heart and also God’s plan. I think
I belong with you.” She reached up and pushed a lock of hair back from his eyes. “I
see my future when I look into your eyes, and I feel like I’m home when I visit this
house. It will be difficult since not all of my family agrees with this decision,
but I know we can build a life together.”

“You’ve made me the happiest man on the planet.” He leaned down and kissed her lips.
“I will do my best to give you all of the happiness you’ve brought to me. I love you,
Hannah. I will cherish you and your children for the rest of my life.”

“I love you too, Trey.”

He opened his arms, and she stepped into his warm embrace. Closing her eyes, she thanked
God for bringing love back into her life and giving her a second chance at happiness.