A Little Bit of Everything Lost (22 page)

“Will you?” he asked.

“Will I what?”

“Spend Christmas Eve with me?” Joe asked, eyes lit up and hopeful. He reached for her elbow, pulling her back into his car for another kiss. At his touch, Marnie tried to catch her breath. Impossible.

“Yes.”

“New Year’s too? I want to be with you every second.”

Chapter Forty-Eight
The Pregnancy – May 2004

“Stuart, please, when are we going to talk? Can we please talk about this?”

“What? We’re talking? This here… ” and he motioned between the two of them, “… this is talking, right?”

“You know what I mean.”

“I’m still having a tough time with this.”

It was Saturday and the boys were outside playing catch, Jeremy shouting demands to Trey, and Trey, as always, doing whatever Jeremy said. Marnie was folding clothes at the kitchen table when Stuart walked by on his way out to join the boys.

“I had hoped we could just finally talk?” Marnie pleaded.

Stuart sighed, took his ball cap from his head and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t know what you want me to say? I wish you would have included me in your plan, if you could have talked to me about this
then.
You’re pregnant now; I don’t think there’s anything else to say about it. We’re having another baby. Honestly, I probably would have been upset if you told me right away you were pregnant. You knew how I felt, and this is not something you decide to do on your own. And the fact that you basically hid it from me for three months, well, that’s just hurtful. I feel cheated. This is not how a marriage works.”

He went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. Marnie heard the boys arguing in the front yard from the open kitchen window.

“So, we’re having a baby, and I’m getting used to the idea, and of course I’m going to love my child with all my heart because I’m this baby’s Dad, and that’s what I do. I love my children.”

He stared at her, and opened his beer, challenging her to say something. When Marnie remained silent, Stuart continued.

“But it certainly would have been nice if my wife would have included me in her plan to add another member to our family, don’t you think?”

Marnie cast her eyes down into her lap, holding a pair of mismatched socks.

“So there. I guess I talked. That’s how I feel. Oh, and we should probably tell the boys you’re pregnant before they start thinking you’ve got a balloon under your shirt.”

He walked out the side door and into the yard calling for the boys to toss him the football.

**

On Sunday afternoon, when the boys were playing Xbox in the family room, and Marnie was in the office looking over some photograph proofs, Stuart came to her.

“Look, we’ll talk more when I get back next week, but we do have to tell the kids something. Jeremy asked why you’re so puffy.” He offered a smile, his eyes crinkling around the corners, and Marnie attempted a weak smile in return.

“I’m happy about this baby but it’
s going to be a lot of work, and mostly for you, because I’m gone so much. I don’t know what’s going on with you. Maybe you’re going through some sort of depression thing, maybe it’s hormonal? Maybe you need to talk to a therapist, I don’t know. I want to help you but I don’t know how I can help you. I will try to understand. I’ve been angry. I’m still hurt, but let’s focus on our family, all right?”

Marnie felt like this was a little bit of a gift from Stuart, and she reached for his hand. He took hers, and together, they went downstairs to talk to their children.

**

“But we asked for a puppy!” Trey cried.

“Yeah, and what if the baby comes out with a vidgy and not a winger?” Jeremy said. “If it’s not a boy can we send it back?!”

“Boys,” Stuart said. “
We don’t know what kind of baby is inside Mommy. We’re just very happy that she’s going to have a baby and that you are going to be big brothers. Both of you.”

Trey’s eyes lit up. “You mean I get to be a big brother?”

“Yes, Trey, you do,” Marnie said, relieved to see that there might be a bright spot in the conversation.

“Cool! So I will have someone to beat up too! And Jeremy can stop beating up only me!” Trey stuck his tongue out at his big brother.

“Boys. This is not how it’s going to work.” Stuart said. “We’re having another baby. We’re going to love this baby, and take care of this baby like we love and take care of you boys, whether it’s a boy or a girl. Got it?”

“Got it,” Jeremy said.

“Okay,” Trey said.

“Good,” Stuart said.

“Mom?” Jeremy looked up from his spot on the couch. “I have some questions.”

Marnie hadn’t even considered they’d have questions. She didn’t prepare for this. She was still dumbstruck over the fact that Stuart was speaking to her, and couldn’t even begin to wonder what questions Jeremy had. She scrambled to think back when she first discovered how babies were made and knew she would have to come up with something reasonable to tell them, something to hold them off until they were old enough to understand the facts, but nothing silly like a seed flowering a plant.

“What kind of questions, sweetie?” she asked.

“Well, they’re kinda really important about the baby,” he said.

Marnie looked to Stuart for support but he shrugged.

“Okay,” Marnie said, “Go ahead.”

“Are you gonna get even fatter, and since we’re not getting a dog, can we name the baby Bastard instead?”

Chapter Forty-Nine
December 1988

“Mom, is it okay if I have a guest for dinner Christmas Eve?”

“Are Collette’s parents going out of town?”

“Not Collette. Joe.”                           

“That boy from the summer? When did he turn up again? And Christmas? Isn’t that a little serious?”

“Mom, what do you expect? We go to different schools. Kind of hard for him to be around when I’m not even around. I met him out the other night, and we want to hang out. You guys should meet him, don’t you think?” Marnie knew that would get her mother to say yes, even though the thought of parental introductions at this point scared the absolute hell out of her.

              Marnie’s mother eyed her suspiciously.

“He can come for dessert.”

**

The doorbell rang and Marnie didn’t get up from the kitchen bar stool. Her mother was washing a Christmas platter.

“Well, it’s not for me,” her dad said.

“Please Daddy, you go answer it!”

Marnie didn’t want to open the door and see him standing there; she couldn’t believe he was actually back. Back in her life. And while she had promised herself she wasn’t going to make it easy on him, they had spent every moment together when she wasn’t working at The Bean.

But Marnie wasn’t going
there
yet. Joe had tried and she had said no, and fortunately, Joe hadn’t pushed her to do anything she didn’t want to, although she wanted to, desperately. Marnie was conflicted though; her mind was a mess of emotions from everything that had happened, but she still wanted to be with him so badly, yet she wanted him to know how much he had hurt her. It was all so confusing to her.

He had been incredible, attentive, kind, apologetic, doting almost to the point where Marnie was beginning to feel that everything she had felt over the summer had been absolutely positively real. It also made her ache to know that she had been pregnant, and that he had no idea what happened to her, what could have happened to her, to them. She didn’t want to tell him either, because she was frightened he might decide not to risk it again, to leave again, to forget about her for real this time. Marnie didn’t want that, but she knew that she would have to eventually tell him about the pregnancy. About how he could have been a father. That they could have been parents. She figured for now, she’d wait and see.

“Merry Christmas Mr. Kretts.” The sound of Joe’s voice in her home, talking with her father, forced a lump in her throat. Marnie’s mom looked over at her.

“Nervous honey?”

“Kind of.”

“Don’t be. He’s just a boy. There’ll be more of them.”

Her mother had no clue.

Marnie and her mother left the kitchen to greet Joe, who was carrying a poinsettia plant in one hand, and a huge bouquet of chrysanthemums in the other. Yellow ones. Her favorite. She wondered what efforts he must have gone to get them as she didn’t think they were in season this time of year. He was dressed in pressed black pants and a gray and red sweater. She had never seen him so dressed up before. He looked stunning. Her heart flipped.

“Hi.”

“Merry Christmas, Marnie, Mrs. Kretts.”

When he leaned into her and kissed her on the lips in front of her parents, Marnie felt the blush and heat rise to her cheeks.

“These are for you.” He handed the yellow flowers to Marnie.

“They’re beautiful. Mom, this is Joe.”

“Nice to meet you,” Marnie’s mom said. Marnie could tell her mother was impressed when Joe handed the poinsettia to her.

“Oh, it’s gorgeous. How thoughtful of you.”

**

“Thanks so much, Mr. and Mrs. Kretts. Dessert was wonderful.”

If dessert had been a job interview, Joe would have nailed it; he passed perfectly, answering all Marnie’s father’s questions and impressing Marnie’s mom, even helping to clear away the dessert plates. At one point, he boldly took Marnie’s hand and held it as they chatted about school and future plans. Marnie could tell her parents liked Joe.

“Think I could steal Marnie away for a bit? My parents would really like to meet her.”

While Marnie’s parents nodded their approval, Marnie’s mind swung, pendulum style. This, she was not prepared for. She didn’t think she would have to do the parent thing too. He had never mentioned meeting his family.

She grabbed her coat, and tried to make her way upstairs. “I just need to check my hair,” she said, but Joe stopped her from doing so.

“You look great, beautiful. You don’t need to do anything.”

Marnie’s mother glowed with approval as Marnie wrapped her new Christmas scarf around her neck. She kissed her parents goodbye as Joe waited by the front door.

“Merry Christmas, Mr. and Mrs. Kretts. Thank you for having me.”

“Merry Christmas, Joe,” Marnie’s mom gave him a hug, and she knew that he had won over her mom and dad.

Marnie’s dad patted him on the shoulder. Joe placed his hand on Marnie’s back, but not too low, as he led her out the door of her parents’ house.

“It was a pleasure to meet you both. Thanks again.”

The Christmas lights sparkled, and snowflakes spun in the wind. Marnie could not have remembered a more beautiful Christmas her whole life. Joe grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and he pulled her toward his car.

“Your parents are great,” Joe said. “Let’s go.”

Marnie recognized his neighborhood when Joe turned into the subdivision marked by stately marquees. Ginger Creek. She knew where he lived, but had never been to his house. It had just been easier to spend time at Marnie’s since her parents had been at the lake all summer. Marnie took note of the green-lit trimmed-trees that lined the street, each uniformly decorated. On individual homes, there were only red, white or green lights, and no flashing roof-top reindeer or larger-than-life blow-up snow globes.

“
Where are the plastic life-size Santas?” Marnie joked.

“The Home Owner’s Association
won’t allow any of that. They have specific rules for decorating.”

“
Ooh, fancy.”

When they pulled up to Joe’s house, Marnie wasn’t all that surprised to see the stately two-story, three-car garage brick home. She knew from the car he drove, the clothes he wore, and the fact his family owned a bakery and a trucking company that he came from money. Single candles flickered in each of the upstairs windows, and two small shrubs were tangled up in green and red lights. There was a poinsettia wreath on the front door with lights on it, but other than that, the house was dark.