Always Remember (17 page)

No sense crying over it now. Maybe she shouldn’t have made love with him but she wouldn’t let herself regret it, couldn’t regret the beautiful music they made together.

Get in. Get out.

Her mantra had been crushed along with any hope of returning to her life unscathed. Disengaging herself from Nate’s arms, Jessie froze when he protested, then waited for him to drift back to sleep before she moved again.

What had she done? She sat on the edge of the bed and buried her face against the palm of her hands, inhaled the scent of him on her skin. Silent tears pooled in her palms, dropped onto her naked legs.

In his addle-brained condition, there was a fifty-fifty chance Nate wouldn’t remember a thing when he next woke up.

Maybe she ought to ride Diablo so she could forget, too.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

All he wanted to do was sleep — a deep, dreamless sleep — but something kept prodding him to wakefulness. Concerned that if he didn’t take action soon he’d lose the most precious of gifts, Nate struggled against the desire to slip back toward the darkness and forced his heavy eyelids open.

Sara? What was she doing here?

No, not Sara. Jessie. She sat on the chair beside the bed, her features illuminated by the glow of the hallway light, her chin resting in the palm of her hand as she stared out the window toward the pre-dawn sky. How could he have thought it was Sara? They were as different as night and day, one soft and petite, the other tall and gangly.

And yet...Sara had her mother’s walk and too darn much of her mother’s ambition.

He didn’t want to think of Sara right now, not with Jessie so close he could touch her without moving more than his arm. So why fight it? Why fight the urge to tumble her onto the bed and make sweet love with her?

Because he had so much to lose.

A faint memory stirred within him. She’d been here recently, in his bed. Mental cobwebs impeded his thoughts, scattered his memories. He forced himself to concentrate, to focus on the images that floated in and out of his mind.

Yeah. She’d been in his bed and recently, too. He vaguely remembered pulling her down beside him, meshing his mouth with hers. And then...

The images vanished, replaced by a dull throb at the back of his head as he studied her. She appeared pensive, worried. What was she thinking about? Her career? Someone special she’d left behind? The child she’d conceived? No, he wouldn’t go there, at least not until he had a cup of coffee and cleared his head.

When she looked at him, her eyes dull with exhaustion, every thought but one vanished from his head. Comfort. He wanted to give her comfort, hold her in his arms, stroke the silky length of her hair, touch the softness of her skin, kiss her till every man but him was obliterated from her thoughts and her life.

“Hey, Jess.” His voice came out rusty, exhausted. He frowned. “What happened?”

“Diablo five. Coltrane zip. I understand that’s a common occurrence around here.” She uncurled her legs, planted her feet on the floor, and stood.

“Oh, yeah. Slingshot ride through the air. Wham. Head first into the dirt.” He shifted his head on the pillow and a spike of pain ricocheted behind his eyes. “Ouch.”

“How’s the head, cowboy?” She leaned over, brushed the hair back from his forehead, studied his eyes.

Nate cupped the side of her face in the palm of his hand, ran the pad of his thumb along the curve of her cheekbone, felt the silkiness of her skin, saw her gaze soften. Heat flowed through his veins and awakened his lower body. Had the dream been reality? Had he held Jessie in his arms, made love to her? How did he find out without admitting he couldn’t remember?

He shifted to make room for her on the bed and felt every muscle in his body object. She complied without objection and sat down, one hip resting against his side. How could he have made love to her in this condition?

Another memory stirred. She’d done all the work.

Nate pushed up on one elbow and ignored the stiffness in every muscle but one. Hip to hip with Jessie, he leaned toward her, his attention fixed on the fleeting expressions in her eyes, watching for the one that said ‘back off’. A whisper from her mouth, she stopped him with a finger against his lips.

“Behave yourself, Nate.”

He caught her wrist and pressed her palm against his chest. Did she feel the unsteady beat of his heart? An answering pulse fluttered beneath his fingertips. “I am.”

“No, you’re not. Besides, I’m still mad. You scared the heck out of everyone yesterday. What were you thinking?”

Of you. Dare he voice his thoughts? Give her a reason to run...or stay? “I was thinking of how much having you back in my life unnerves me.”

Disbelief clouded her eyes. “It…I do?”

“Yeah, you do.”

He caught her by the back of her head and nudged her forward. As her mouth settled over his, pliant and familiar, his temperature soared, his body surged to life, and a different sort of ache settled in his lower body.

Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe it wasn’t Jessie in his arms but a figment of his imagination. Maybe he should head for the shower and douse the fire roaring in his veins. But even if it was only a dream, even if it was only a result of mashing his head into the ground, he refused to wake up until he made sweet, thorough love to her.

The hand on his chest applied pressure and Nate released her to look into eyes smoky with desire and uncertainty.

“Don’t do this to me, Nate,” she whispered into the silence of the room. “I came home to say goodbye to my mother, not to do this.”

Was she worried he’d demand more than she was willing to give? Frustration burned in his belly. “I’m not asking for a commitment.”

“No, you’re not. But can you pretend the past never existed? Can we start with a clean slate?”

He didn’t answer. Couldn’t. She pushed to her feet, wandered to the end of the bed, and fussed with his clothes. Nervous movements that forced him to acknowledge how quickly she had positioned herself a safe distance away. Maybe he was pushing too hard. Maybe he wanted too much. Getting the girl was sort of like riding a bronco. A man got back on his feet, dusted himself off, and tried again.

Now, how crazy was that?

Nate pushed back the covers and sat up. Dizziness darkened his vision. He gritted his teeth against the nausea churning in his stomach. “What time is it?”

Her gaze swiveled toward him. “George wants you to stay in bed.”

“Did he give you any suggestions on how to enforce that?”

She opened her mouth, snapped it shut.

“Jess, the only way you’re going to keep me here is if you climb under these covers with me,” he warned.

And even though he knew she’d say no, he couldn’t restrain the hope that flared within him as he witnessed the uncertainty on her face, the awakening of desire he remembered. But he knew pursuing her wasn’t one of his brightest or most logical ideas. If he couldn’t let her go, what would he do about Sara?

A frown creased her brow. She angled her wrist and in the dim morning light, glanced at her watch. “It’s five a.m.”

Nate reached for his jeans and dragged them on. Nausea twisted his stomach. He swallowed, felt her hand on his shoulder, comforting, steadying.

“Slow down, cowboy,” she said softly. “You don’t need to tackle the world in one day.”

The palm of her hand against his forehead felt cool. Nate closed his eyes until the world stopped spinning. “I have responsibilities, Jess.”

“And people to take care of them.”

He opened his eyes. She appeared a little unsteady on her feet, too, self-conscious, apprehensive. Had his little stunt upset her that badly? Was she tired from her all night vigil? Or had something happened during the night, something his sluggish brain wouldn’t let him remember?

As though sensing his thoughts, she stepped back. “I’ll make some coffee and meet you downstairs. If you need help, just yell.”

Yeah, definitely stressed. He heard it in her voice, saw it in the way she stayed away from him, out of his reach. He’d pushed too hard. She wandered from the room, disappeared from sight, but he listened to her progress as she made her way toward the kitchen. Loneliness swept over him. Hell, he hadn’t felt this way for years.

So what was he doing inviting her back into his life and his bed? Hadn’t she caused him enough heartache to last a lifetime?

Jessie concentrated on making coffee. Water into the holding basket. Four scoops of grounds, nice and strong. Push the ON button and watch the dark stream of liquid seep into the glass pot.

But with every creak of the old house, she found her thoughts drifting to the image of Nate sitting on the edge of the bed, wanting her as if they hadn’t made love only hours before.

Jessie buried her face in her hands and tried to forget the flare of heat in his eyes before he’d seduced her with his hands and mouth and body. Liquid fire settled in her middle. She closed her eyes, pressed her forehead against the cool cupboard door, and took a deep steadying breath.

Why couldn’t she have been stronger? Ignored the desire to be held in his arms once more? Ignored the ache to feel him deep inside of her? Hadn’t she learned her lesson well enough?

But things were different now. She took down a mug from the cupboard and filled it with coffee. She hadn’t lied when she told him she was protected. If only she could protect her heart. If only she’d come home years ago, before it was too late.

But what if he hadn’t wanted the baby? The thought slid through her mind like a snake slipping through the grass. Silent, waiting, striking without warning. They’d both been so young. And while the pain had been ripping her belly apart, and fear had crushed her heart, she’d chosen the easy route to follow her mother’s dream and surrender Nate’s child.

Upstairs, an electric razor buzzed to life. She dragged her thoughts back to the present and headed out of the house to sit on the porch and watch the brilliant hues of pink stretch across the sky as another day, another lie, began.

Relaxing onto one of the rockers, she set the chair into a gentle, soothing motion. The worn surface of the armrest slid beneath the palm of her hand. Memories of summer work breaks, relaxing away from the heat of the sun, drinking iced tea with Nate, filled her with nostalgia for days gone by.

Beyond the main house, the ranch still slept, quiet in those peaceful moments before the sun reached the horizon. Soon she’d see her father venture out of the house and across the yard, on his way to do the morning chores. A light flickered on in the bunkhouse. The dawning of a new day.

To her left, the screen door creaked open. Nate ventured out of the house, coffee cup in hand, and Jessie suddenly felt warm and content. She rose to help him but he waved her away.

“Don’t bother getting up.” He winced as the door banged shut behind him and with careful deliberation, made his way to the chair beside her.

She watched him lean his head against the back of the rocker and close his eyes with relief. Comfortable silence fell between them. If their lives had turned out like they’d once planned, every morning would have begun like this. Waking in the same bed, arms and legs entangled, making love before the rising of the sun, sharing plans for the new day while drinking their morning coffee.

“Penny for your thoughts, Jess?”

The question caught her off guard. His eyes were still closed, so he couldn’t have seen the expression on her face — wistfulness, sadness, and a host of other emotions probably too dismal to describe. She’d have to be extra careful not to reveal how mournful her life had turned out. The last thing she wanted was his pity. “Penny, hmmm? You’d think they’d be worth a quarter by now.”

He opened his eyes and smiled. The glow in his gaze and the sensual pull of his mouth tugged at her insides. Her knees went weak. If she hadn’t already been sitting, she’d be searching desperately for a place to collapse. He produced a shiny nickel from his pocket and held it out to her.

“Sorry. I’m a little short today. Children are very expensive toys to maintain. How ‘bout cutting me a deal?”

Nate dropped the payment into her palm. What should she tell him?

“Jess?” He angled into her line of vision.

There was an easiness about him today, an openness that suggested now was as good a time as any to tell him the truth.

“I was thinking about how much I missed the peace and quiet of home,” she finally said.

“You could’ve come sooner. The door was never shut.”

Wasn’t it?

Silence. It drifted between them again as the first rays of the morning sun splashed across her face, into her eyes. He caught her hand, drew it to his lips.

“You know what, Jess? Right now, I don’t care what happened to separate us. It felt right to have you near me when I woke up this morning. It feels right to sit beside you now, at the start of a new day. Is it possible to forget about the past, forget about the future, just concentrate on the present?”

Tension worked up her spine. Did he know what he was asking? No, he couldn’t. He didn’t know anything about the lie that had kept her away.

Leaning forward, he spread his fingers through her hair, cupped the back of her head with his hand, and brushed his lips against hers. “Two lonely people. A match made in heaven.”