Always Remember (24 page)

No more so than Nate and her had messed up their lives. But she wouldn’t let Sara make the same mistake.
She couldn’t
.

A movement near the corral drew Jessie’s attention and she stilled, squinting into the distance, her breath catching in her throat when she saw Nate, saddle in hand. “Sara, did you have an argument with your dad this morning?”

“Like we’re even talking. He showed up while I was visiting Maude and chased me out.”

Mother, what have you done now?
“Your dad...oh, God. Sara, I think he’s going to ride—”

“Diablo. And he thinks I’m a mess.”

Sara sprinted across the clearing and Jessie raced after her. The girl scrambled up the fence lathes and clung to the top board. Inside the corral, Nate ignored them both as he clutched the saddle in his hands and tracked the restless stallion around the ring.

Two stubborn males determined to win at any cost. Mid-stride, the stallion shifted direction and bunted Nate in the chest.
Diablo one. Coltrane zip.
The horse kicked up his back legs, cocky and sure, and his hooves resounded against the wooden fence. The clamor vibrated through her body and suddenly, Jessie was shaking and afraid. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Silence. Nate’s jaw flexed and hardened as he regained his balance, his attention never leaving the untamed beast.

“Nate, you’ve still got a lump on your head from the last time you tangled with Diablo.”

“Leave me alone.” He followed the horse, relentless, determined, his jaw set tight. “This is none of your business.”

None of her business? Grabbing the latch, she yanked open the gate and slipped inside. Didn’t Nate understand?

“I love you,” she said. The pounding of her heart obliterated the whisper of the morning breeze, the thunder of the stallion’s hooves against the ground. “Don’t you get it? I’ve never stopped loving you.”

Saddle in hand, he faced her, his eyes gleaming with fury and hurt. “Get out before you get hurt, Jess.”

“Not without you.”

The stallion rushed behind him. Nate dropped the saddle on the ground, reached out to capture the bridle, and missed. Diablo raced past him, changed direction, charged toward her. Behind her, Sara shouted. Dirt flew from beneath the stallion’s hooves, billowing in the still air as he brushed by Jessie and caught her on the shoulder.

The force of the stallion’s weight sent her stumbling back and she landed in the dirt. Above her, Diablo nodded his head and pawed the ground with one hoof. Booted feet skidded into her line of vision, sending more dust billowing into the air. Jessie sneezed.

Nate ducked under the horse’s neck and with his shoulder, pushed the stallion back. Hands on hips, feet straddling her legs, he glared down at her. “Are you crazy?”

There was fear in his voice and something more. Something that held a promise for the future. Was it possible? Could he still love her, too? Could he ever forgive her? She gave a nervous little shrug. “Must be. I’m here, aren’t I?”

The stallion butted his head against Nate’s shoulder, pushing him toward her. He elbowed the horse back, then reached out and dragged her to her feet. Diablo caught him straight in the back, pressing him forward again, and Jessie felt Nate’s arms come around her, pull her close.

“Damn it, Diablo, what’s your problem today?” The horse neighed and gave him a gentle nudge on the shoulder. Nate shook him off, the look in his eyes intense as he searched her own. “You okay?”

“Uh huh.”

The anger on his face softened and disappeared. “Why did you do it, Jess?”

Exactly what was he asking? Why had she risked herself to save him? Or was he asking something else? He hadn’t asked her why she’d given away the baby. Is that what this was all about? Was this the time to tell the whole story? Was he ready to listen and not judge?

Her gaze ricocheted off his, toward the girl straddling the fence. As if he read her mind, Nate said, “Sara, go away.”

The wooden slats of the fence groaned as Sara climbed down and released an exasperated sigh. “You know, Dad, if you had any sense, you’d forget about riding Diablo and marry Jessie instead. I always wanted a mom.”

Moisture filled Jessie’s eyes. She heard the love in Sara’s voice, the need for her dad’s help and approval. Nate loved his daughter and Jessie had faith in him that in the end, he’d do the right thing.

Maybe in forgiving Sara, he could find it in his heart to forgive Jessie for the past and the terrible thing she’d done.

I always wanted a mom.

Nate heard the plea in Sara’s voice. He closed his eyes and struggled against the fear of losing them both. This reunion was long overdue. Mother and daughter together after a lifetime apart. Jessie and Sara.

He loved them both so much. He could do this, give them one another despite the risk to his own heart. From behind, the stallion bumped him on the shoulder and Nate felt Jessie’s arms tighten around his waist.

Jessie’s voice was small and painful. “I did it because I was young and stupid.”

Nate gritted his teeth. More than anything in the world, he wanted to tell her that she was the victim here and he was as much to blame as Maude. But he couldn’t. He’d promised Maude he’d keep silent, at least till she was gone.

He had to wonder, though, was he doing this for Maude or for himself?

He forced himself to respond. “I want to get on with my life, Jess, pick up where we left off. Crazy in love with you, waking each morning with you in my bed, wrapped in my arms.”

She gave him an uncertain smile. “I’d like that, too.”

He gave her a smile back, even though he knew he couldn’t have a life with her until the entire truth was out in the open. Or could he?

From behind, Diablo neighed and worry furrowed Jessie’s brow, filled the forest green depths of her gaze. “Why ride Diablo again? What happened?”

The compassion in her voice somehow soothed his jangled nerves. He could spend an eternity watching her, memorizing the softness of her gaze, the vulnerable slant of her mouth, the grace with which she moved. But an eternity was seriously overstating the time he had. He gave his head a shake, tried to stay focused on the present. What had she asked him?
Oh, yeah, Diablo.

“For years, he’s been taunting me and everyone else who’s tried to ride him.” He speared the stallion with a frustrated glare. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him today.”

“Well, maybe he wants to start fresh. A clean slate. A new beginning.”

No more secrets between them. He opened his mouth, almost blurted out the truth, clenched his teeth together to keep silent.

“If it’s about the baby—” She slipped out of his embrace and stared out across the mountain valley, her bottom lip quivering. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how many ways I can tell you I’m sorry, but I promise you this.” She glanced back at him, her eyes clear and honest. “I’ll spend my life trying to make it up to you.”

Guilt tore at Nate. He grabbed his hat off his head, wiped his shirtsleeve across his forehead, and kicked the toe of his boot into the dirt. Keeping the truth from her was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done.

Maude’s secret. Would Jessie ever forgive him for keeping it a while longer?

He was tired of wasted years, empty arms at night, the loneliness in his soul that only Jessie could appease.
I always wanted a mom
, Sara had said, and he’d always wanted one for her. “Sara could use a mother, Jess. We could be a family. You and Sara and I.” Like it should have been right from the start. Nate slapped his hat on his head, captured her by the shoulders, and held her at arms length. “Please don’t say it’s too late for us.”

“For...us?”

“What happened in the past...it’s over, Jess. We were both young. Our decisions...at the time, they seemed right.”

“You’re forgiving me?”

Forgive? He gritted his teeth. He should get down on one knee and beg for her forgiveness. Her gaze, clear and honest, watched him closely. Who was the fool? Her for believing in him or him for wishing on a star? “There’s nothing to forgive, Jess. I made as many mistakes as you. Maybe more.”

“But Nate—”

His fingers whispered across her lips, silencing her. “Jess, I want us to grow old together. Here on this ranch. At the end of a tour, I want you to come home to Sara and me. And to our grandchild.”

Silence. Hell, she had to think about it?

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring he’d bought all of those years ago. And he captured her left hand, went down on one knee, and slipped the engagement ring on her third finger.

“I wanted to ask you this the other night by the fire, but we got sidetracked. Marry me, Jess. We’ll find a Justice of the Peace, get it done as soon as possible. We could do it this weekend, here with our friends and family.” Her mouth opened and closed. She stared at him in silence. Nate frowned. Had he grown two heads or was his offer that unappealing? “Look, a simple yes or no will suffice.”

“You’re kidding, of course.”

He felt his frown deepen. “About which part?”

“All of it. You and me. Sara. Marriage?”

She was about to turn him down. He could feel it in his churning gut. Had she said ‘I love you’ just to keep him off Diablo? Feeling as though he was about to get badly burned, he turned his back on her, dragged his hat off his head, and slapped it against the side of his leg. Now what did he do?

“Then your answer is no,” he said flatly.

“I haven’t said anything yet.”

Her hand on his back was comforting, promising. Hope returned. He faced her as the smile he’d so often dreamed of spread across her face.

“My agent’s going to kill me if I do this without fanfare and fuss.”

Relief swept through Nate. “Sweetheart, we’ll do it any way you want. Just say yes.”

“Do you mean it? Really, Nate? You won’t have regrets later?”

None he could tell her about right now. Nate pulled her into his arms. “Sweetheart, no matter what happens in the future, always remember that I love you.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Jessie slipped into Maude’s semi-darkened bedroom, giddy and bursting with the news of her reconciliation with Nate. Everything she’d always wanted was within reach. Nate, home, a new daughter and now even a grandbaby.

Sliding onto the chair beside the bed, she captured her mother’s fragile hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Jessica? Is that you? What are you doing home? Why aren’t you on tour?”

Maude was confused again. It was those darn meds making her forget things, but at least they helped with the pain. Jessie brushed aside a wayward tendril of hair from her mother’s forehead and kept her voice even, soothing. “I’m just visiting for a few days, Mom. I can come back later, if you want.”

“No, dear, stay. I’ve been thinking about you. Remembering our days on the road and how much fun we had.”

Jessie gently squeezed the fragile hand and smiled. There were still things she wanted to discuss with her mom, things she should have been brave enough to discuss years ago. But as she clasped her mother’s hand in hers and kissed the soft skin, she took note of the weariness etched into the once beautiful face, the fragile countenance of a woman who had once been rock solid and stronger than anyone she’d ever known.

The past no longer mattered. She’d told Nate about their child and he’d forgiven her. It was time to forgive Maude, time to forgive herself. “We did have some fun, didn’t we?”

“Remember the first ACM awards we attended? George and Reba and Taylor and Kenny?”

“All of our heroes in one room.” Jessie laughed. “I’ll never forget the look on Faith’s face when you yanked down the top of your gown and asked Tim to sign your bra.”

“You were horrified.” Maude chuckled, the deep warm sound washing over Jessie along with the memories on the road.

“You gave me an amazing life, Mom.”

Maude sobered. “But it wasn’t your first choice, was it?”

Jessie shrugged and easily maintained the smile. “Maybe not at the time, but it’s in the past. I want to put that all behind me, start fresh.”

Maude frowned. “What are you saying?”

Jessie thought of the years ahead, waking in Nate’s arms, sharing the joy of Sara’s baby. She didn’t know how much time Maude had and she wanted to share this bit of happiness with the woman who had loved her enough to push her beyond her comfort zone.

“I’m retiring.” She gave Maude a tender smile. “I told Nate about our baby and he’s forgiven me. I have a second chance with him and I’m not screwing it up this time.”

Maude struggled to sit up a little and Jessie helped her, adjusting the pillows so she was more comfortable.

The older woman pointed toward the windows. “Would you mind raising the blinds a little? I’d like to see the moonlight on the mountaintops. It brings me such comfort.”

“Sure.” She went to the window and pulled open the blind. The moon splashed its light across the valley and upward, along the length of the mountains.

As Jessie turned back, she saw a shadow pass through her mother’s weary gaze.

“I’m so tired of lying here. I wish next time I woke up, I’d be in a better place.”

“Oh, Mom.” Jessie returned to the bed and clasped her mother’s hand again, and felt the fragile strength of her mother’s hand squeezing her own.