Always Remember (23 page)

Poor Sara. Jessie knew what it was like to face an angry parent. They’d argue and nothing would be solved, not tonight. Maybe in the days to come, after tempers cooled and reason returned. Then could she convince Nate to listen? She had to. Otherwise, what was the point of living with her mistakes, learning from them?

“So what’s it gonna be, Sara? What’re you gonna do?” Nate’s voice dripped with a mixture of sarcasm, anger, and disappointment.

Sara’s gaze flitted from Jessie to the floor. Eyes downcast, she prodded a piece of lint with her toe. “I—I don’t know yet.”

“Well, you better damn well decide before the baby’s born. Hale’s already abandoned you.”

Her head snapped up, the glare on her face fierce with denial. “No, he wouldn’t do that.”

“Then where is he? I don’t see him standing at your side, ready to take responsibility for—”

She pointed an accusing finger at him. “You chased him away, didn’t you? Told him to get off the ranch and never return or you’d make him pay. It’s your fault he left.”

An angry flush worked into his cheeks and in the chasm between them, Jessie felt his guilt, felt her own heart shatter.

But he wasn’t done making things worse yet. His voice softened, turned dangerous. “That’s just it, little girl. If he was a real man, he’d have ignored me and stood by your side.”

“How could he with you yelling at him?”

“He ran away from his responsibility. He ran away from you.”

Sara shook her head. “You didn’t give us a chance to talk about what we were going to do.”

“He’s gone, Sara. He’s not coming back. Hale hasn’t accepted responsibility for his actions his entire life. What makes you think he’s ready to accept the responsibility of impregnating you?”

“Because...” Sara brushed away the tears streaming down her face. Her chin jutted out in that oh-so-familiar way that Nate’s did. “I contacted my birth mom, Dad.”

Nate froze.

“So you see, I won’t need your help anymore.” Sara sniffled again, wiped the back of her hand against her nose. “This is my life, Dad. My baby. My problem. So butt out and let me deal with it on my own.”

Nate watched his daughter race out of the kitchen and into the hallway. The moment she was out of sight, he hunched his shoulders, bowed his head, and wished he’d never set eyes on Jessie, never adopted Sara, never made a promise to Maude that he couldn’t keep. Hell, he could’ve lived his entire life in peaceful ignorance.

A hand rested on his shoulder.
Jessie.
He closed his eyes and willed away the powerful urge to turn, to take her into his arms, to give her comfort and receive some in return.

“Nate, I could talk to her alone. Maybe she’ll open up to me.”

He should have listened to Jessie, ignored the light in the stables, taken her upstairs to bed and made sweet love to her. At least then, he would have stayed ignorant of Sara’s condition, kept his head in the sand like a lot of other parents he knew.

“Nate, talk to me. Say something. Anything.”

What could he say that wouldn’t incriminate him further?

Our baby is upstairs and if you find out about each other, I’m afraid I’ll lose you both.
A misspoken word, a moment of weakness, and she might put together the puzzle of Sara’s life and demand her rights.

She removed her hand and he felt as though she’d taken away his heart. Where was his anger? Was forgiving so easy? For a fleeting second, the desire to take her up to his bed, make love to her, bury himself deep inside her warmth and forget flickered through him.

But he couldn’t, not now, maybe never again.

“Fine. Then stand there and listen.”

He didn’t think there was anything more for her to say, yet he heard it in the tone of her voice, and he steeled himself against compassion and pity.
 

“There’s something I omitted. Something I thought Sara should hear from you. The child I had, the baby I gave up for adoption, was yours.”

He stood there frozen, unable to comprehend how he should react. Compassion, pity, anger? His gaze slashed to her face. She had to expect he’d react unfavorably and yet she dared risk his censure to help Sara.

“Did you hear me? The baby. Our baby, Nate. Yours and mine.”

If he forgave her, he’d have to let her into his life — into Sara’s life — and if he did, he was sure to lose them both.

The anger he’d carried around for years burst forth in a wave that shook the core of everything he believed in. “And you think you can help Sara? What did you do? Accept the responsibility? No, you ran from it...like Hale.”

She bowed her head, the curtain of her hair hiding her face. “I was wrong. I thought...I was too young to realize the consequences. Sara’s too young to understand, too.”

Nate had no intention of following Sara. What was the point? But now it seemed almost preferable to standing here aching for this woman he loved — had always loved. The mother of his child.

He hunched his shoulders and bowed his head. His daughter was pregnant. She was still his baby, his little girl. She was too young to—

Yeah, just like Jessie and him. They’d been young, too, but at the time, they’d felt so grown up, so responsible, so in control. Well, he hadn’t shirked his responsibilities then. He wouldn’t now.

God, was it really so easy? Jessie was sorry and he wanted to forgive her? But forgiving meant admitting Maude’s deception, and his own. He’d not only lose Jessie again, he’d lose Sara, too. He had to be cruel and drive her away, even if in doing so, he ripped out his own heart. “We’ll deal with it, Sara and me. I’m not a total ogre, you know.”

“I just thought—”

“You thought wrong.” His gut burned with bitterness. He clenched his hands into fists to keep from reaching for her, looked her in the eye, and forced out the words he once thought would ease the pain of his loss. “There’s no place in our life for you, Jess. Sara doesn’t need you. I don’t need you. You’re not wanted here any longer.”

Moisture gathered in her eyes and the ache in his chest grew stronger, tighter. Nate held his ground, determined to chase her away, even though he knew his life would be emptier than ever once she departed. “Go back to your life and get out of mine.”

She fled. For a long time, he remained where he was, hearing the echo of the screen door as it slammed behind her, seeing the hurt he didn’t dare fix.

Jessie couldn’t seem to stop the tears. Everything she’d ever dreamed of, everything she’d ever wished for, had been within reach, then vanished with Nate’s rejection.

“Sara? What’s wrong, child?”

Sara? Her mother thought she was Sara? Through the tears impairing her vision, Jessie reached out blindly for her mother’s hand. Maude’s fingers were so cold. Did she need another blanket?

“Sara, honey? Why are you crying?”

The cold fingers tightened around her hand. “It’s me, Mom. Jessie.”

“Jessica? No, it can’t be. You never cried, not even when I...”

What was she talking about? Surely her mother had seen her cry an ocean full of tears. In the hospital, it seemed they’d never stopped, just like she couldn’t seem to stop them now.

“Jessica, what are you doing here?”

She wiped the back of her hand across her cheeks, rubbed at her nose, tried to pretend she wasn’t dying inside. “Nate sent for me. Remember? I arrived last week.”

The fragile hand tightened, the reedy voice laced with weariness. “Jessica, before I’m gone...there’s something I need to tell you.”

That she was sorry? It was too late for apologizes, so what was the point? Jessie squeezed her mother’s hand. “Hush. You need to rest.”

“Rest? I’ll have an eternity to rest.” Her eyelids remained shut. “It’s not too late to make amends, my dear, is it?”

The echoing cry of a baby’s wail filtered through Jessie’s mind. So much pain. Yet, this time wasn’t about the past. The least she could do for her mother was let her go in peace. “It’s never too late.”

Maude shifted on the bed, opened her eyes, and stared at the ceiling. “You’ll hate me.”

Jessie shook her head. “No. Never.”

“Sara loves me. Nate does, too. But you — you’ve always held the adoption against me.”

She thought of Sara standing up to Nate, willing to take on the responsibility for her decision, no matter what she decided. Sara was far stronger than Jessie had been. She smoothed her hand over her mother’s arm. “I guess it was easier to blame you than blame myself.”

“So much pain. I hurt you all.”

What should she do? Where was Harley? Jessie felt her mother’s agitation. With her free hand, she stroked her mother’s forehead, hummed a soothing lullaby, and sent up a silent prayer. “Hush, Mom, it’s okay.”

“I’m so tired.”

“Do you want me to get Harley?”

“I need to talk to Nate. Get Nate for me, please.”

Now? She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She shook her head.

“Please, honey. It’s so important to me.”

Closing her eyes, Jessie clung to her mother’s hand. What was one more little lie?

“I’ll get him for you,” she whispered. She stroked her mother’s forehead in an attempt to soothe her, quiet her. “Rest until he comes. You need to rest, save your strength.”

“Sing to me, Jessica. Remember how you used to sit at my feet and sing?”

She’d stay until her mother slept, but no way was she going back to face Nate. She couldn’t bear to see the betrayal in his eyes again or hear the accusation in his voice. In the morning, she’d give her dad the message. He could pass it on to Nate.

Until then, she’d sing till her voice wore out. Because after today, she never wanted to sing again.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

After a sleepless night at her mother’s side, Jessie headed outside to gather more wood for the fire pit. With her arms filled with twigs and dead branches, she caught a glimpse of Nate charging from the house. The long, calculated strides hinted at anger and something more. Frustration. She shook her head and concentrated on the uneven terrain beneath her feet. Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe if she really,
really
focused, she might forget about him, at least for a moment or two.

One step forward...

She glanced up and saw him disappear into the stables.

Two steps back...

She tripped over a weather-beaten tree root growing into the path and huffed out an exasperated sigh. Was there no escaping him? If he wasn’t in her face, telling her to stay out of his life, then he was loving her with all the passion of their youth. How could she ignore the joy of being in his arms? How could she ignore
him
?

Or Sara? Jessie broke out of the trees and when she saw the girl, halted at the edge of the clearing. Every good intention, every promise to stay away, dissipated the moment she saw Sara’s face buried in her arms, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. She couldn’t walk away from Sara’s pain. It would be like walking away from her own daughter.

Jessie dumped the branches out of her arms and dropped to her knees. Enveloping the girl in her arms, she experienced the welcome sensation of Sara’s arms tightening around her. Jessie felt her heart melt. “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”

“What am I going to do? I’m so afraid. So alone.”

“You’re not alone. You’ve got your father—”

“For how long? Till people start to notice? He’ll send me away.” Sara pushed free and bounded to her feet, sweeping away the tears on her face with a rapid brush of her fingers. “I trusted Hale. I loved him. How could he abandon me?”

Anger twisted Sara’s lovely features and Jessie came slowly to her feet. An image of Maude, furious with her for allowing herself to get pregnant, clawed at her memory. She pushed it away to concentrate on Sara.

“Give Hale time, sweetie. I’m sure he’ll do the right thing.”

“What’s the right thing for my baby? Do I end this right now? Get an abortion? Hale doesn’t love me. He doesn’t want either of us.”

Uh, oh. Jessie peered through the trees toward the stable. Where was Nate? Right now, Sara needed him desperately. So why hadn’t he dealt with the situation? It wasn’t like him to run and hide. “Sara, don’t make any hasty decisions until you talk with your dad.”

“Talk? He doesn’t want to listen to what I have to say.” Sara buried her face in her hands. “Oh, Jessie, I screwed up big time.”