An Unyielding Desire (After The End Book 2) (30 page)

As the day passed, she couldn’t help keeping an anxious eye out for the scavengers, hoping Coop and the others returned safely. There was so much she wanted to say to him that the thought of losing him before she had the chance brought tears to her eyes.

She’d already lost him, Mina reminded herself with vicious ruthlessness. Coop still cared about her, but he’d clearly decided he couldn’t have a relationship with her. He was just too honorable to tell her that when he feared she might try to kill herself again. No doubt, her actions with Shane had left him too repulsed.

That caused a spark of anger she took out on the old wooden table, scrubbing fiercely as she muttered under her breath. What right did he have to make that judgment? He hadn’t been the one in her position. Could Coop have
withstood the nightly assaults on his body through the most seductive acts and remained hard and cold? Could he have endured hearing all the whispered confessions and revelations about someone without feeling a bit of compassion or sympathy? If so, did she really want to be with him anyway?

Mina paused in the middle of scrubbing, staring down at a knothole in the corner of the table. Of course she wanted to be with Coop, but only if he could accept all of her, even the shamed part of her that had come to care for her tormentor. He clearly couldn’t handle that.

Moving more slowly, she finished cleaning the table, deciding it was better to know now. She would always love Coop, but she couldn’t pretend to be someone she wasn’t, or hide how she had felt about Shane, even with all the confliction he’d caused her. When he returned, she would be sure to tell him that. Mina knew she had to give him the verbal go-ahead to forget about her and absolve himself of any responsibility toward her. He deserved to be happy, and so did she.

Her epiphany left her feeling stronger than she had for months, both physically and emotionally. Mina felt a lightening of the burdens she had carried as she realized she didn’t have to be miserable forever. Nor did she have to carry around a load of guilt for loving Shane. Maybe it hadn’t been normal to start to care for the man who’d raped her, but who could define
“normal” in those circumstances? There was no guidebook or how-to manual to navigate the emotionally fraught scenario.

Mina knew she wasn’t completely blameless. She bore a measure of responsibility for telling Shane she loved him, even if she hadn’t completely meant it. She had furthered muddled the situation by sleeping with Coop, but she still didn’t regret that. Her culpability didn’t excuse everything Shane had done to her and had forced her to do.
It wasn’t her fault he had killed her mother. None of it had been her choice, especially not the beginning, and not the end.

Having heard that from other people hadn’t been the same as believing it herself. As it sank in that she had little reason to feel guilty, that she truly had been victimized, some of the loathing and self-hatred she’d been carrying around fell away. Mina sank into the nearest chair, feeling a tickling sensation in her chest. It alarmed her for a second, until she realized it was a precious little bubble of happiness. She didn’t feel it completely, but she knew that someday, in the future, she could feel happy again. With or without Coop—though she’d much rather have him by her side. Still, it was a relief to know she could accept his rejection and move on, though it would be painful and difficult.

They returned a short time later, and she emerged from the house in time to see three new arrivals piling out of the Humvee with Dana, Coop, and Hector. Owen moved forward to help Hector provide support for the huge black man leaning against him. Together, they maneuvered the guy toward the house as he limped along, his ankle looking swollen even from where she stood.

She paid little attention to the new arrival as her gaze returned to Coop. He was carrying a willowy woman in his arms. Her
glossy black hair brushed against his waist when she laid her head on his shoulder. As they got closer, Mina’s stomach tightened. The woman was beautiful, with flawless porcelain skin and bright blue eyes. Jealousy burned in her as she observed the way that woman clung to Coop, her hands grasping his shoulders.

With a sharp exhale, she turned to follow Hector, Owen, and the other man into the house, pausing just long enough to allow a little boy to slip in before her. His dark hair and blue eyes suggested he was related to the woman Coop held so carefully. She didn’t look at him as she held the screen door until he caught it with his shoulder, offering no further assistance as he carried in the other woman. It was irrational to feel betrayed by him when he was just carrying someone who must be injured, but she couldn’t help feeling a bit like a sullen teenager. Possibly because she still was a teenager, though she hadn’t felt like it for months, and her attitude was certainly bordering on surly.

Emme came down the stairs as they settled the man in a chair at the table. Mina hid her grimace of annoyance when Coop laid the woman on the table she had just scrubbed, knowing it was a petty reaction.

“We found them holed up
in a sporting goods store,” said Dana.

“Did you run into trouble?” asked Owen, his gaze on the man’s swollen ankle.

“Not us, but they’d had a run-in with a group a few days ago.” Dana put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Kaden was the only one who didn’t get hurt.”

“What happened?” asked Mina, curiosity overwhelming her desire to leave the kitchen and pretend as though she hadn’t seen her Coop holding the other woman so tenderly.

“Holly is one helluva shot.” The man grimaced as he shifted. “We ran into a group of fourteen when we stopped to raid a grocery store. They had dishonorable intentions, and we weren’t going to stand for that.”

“Mommy shot them,” said the little boy, his eyes wide with admiration.

“Only two of them,” said Holly demurely. Her voice was the perfect pitch and made her that much more attractive, even to Mina, who had no interest in women. “Des shot at the others, and they returned fire. I’m sure they had some injuries, and we certainly did. After a day-long standoff, they moved on.”

“We quickly—well, as quick as we could—got out of that store and found a safer place to hide until we recovered.”

Emme was staring at the man, her brow scrunched in concentration. Suddenly, she gasped. “You’re Desmond Tremartin.”

He gave her a small grin, and even Mina could see the glimmer of interest in Desmond’s eyes as he took in her sister’s silvery hair. “Yep.”

“Who’s that?” asked Hector.

“Arena football. The
Arizona Rattlers.” Emme’s cheeks flamed with color. “I never missed a game when I lived in Tempe. Even the away games, if they were a reasonable driving distance.”

His smile widened, the white teeth a beautiful contrast to the rich onyx of his skin. “What were you doing in Tempe?”

“Going to school at SCNM.”

He nodded. “You’re a naturopath.”

Despite the way Holly was clinging to Coop’s hand and giving him looks she though inappropriate for someone you had just met, Mina almost giggled at the way Emme’s face lit up with pleasure. It must be the way Desmond had recognized her school and major without requiring an explanation.

Desmond looked relieved. “Good. Maybe you can fix us up?”

“I can try.” Her expression returned to businesslike as she asked about their injuries.

To Mina’s dismay, her sister treated Desmond first, leaving
Holly plenty of time to cling to Coop’s hand and whimper every few minutes in a way that guaranteed he always patted her hand and made a soothing sound.

After wrapping up Desmond’s severely sprained ankle, she tended to the shallow bullet graze arcing down
Holly’s hip and thigh. Mina pursed her lips as the other woman had casually slipped off her pants, seemingly not at bothered by the men in the kitchen. Turning away, she left the kitchen, not bothering to contribute to the conversation happening between Kelly and Coop, as they figured out where the new arrivals would sleep.

She’d like
Holly to sleep on the other side of the gate, at least five hundred miles away. Mina didn’t like her. There was a good chance it was simply jealousy, she admitted to herself, since Coop seemed to like her just fine. Her heart stuttered when she realized there was a strong possibility Coop would pick that woman to move on with after Mina assured him it was okay with her.

Tempted to not let him off the hook, and to admit she wasn’t just fine with his desertion after he’d learned all the ugly facts, she shook her head. No, that wouldn’t be right. She’d already decided she couldn’t be with Coop unless he accepted all of her, and she had no right to deny him a shot
at happiness with someone who wasn’t burdened down with enough emotional baggage to derail a luggage car.

*****

Mina did her best to be nice to Holly over the next few days. The other woman was intelligent and funny. She was polite to everyone and seemed like she would fit in just fine around the farm. She was also a good mother and a hard worker.

Mina still hated her. She couldn’t help the reaction every time she saw them together, which happened frequently. Either
Holly had imprinted on Coop because he’d rescued her, or she wanted him. Either way, she seemed to seek him out at every available opportunity. In response, Mina started shying away from him.

Not that Coop seemed
to be yearning for her company. He was still evasive when they were thrown together, and he never came to her room at night. As the days passed, Mina had to admit she didn’t really hate Holly. She just hated that Coop could be happy with her. Mina had to find the courage to release him completely, just in case Coop was holding off making a move out of a sense of responsibility.

She found him in
the front yard at the Humvee, doing a last-minute check of the fluid levels before he and several others headed out for another supply run. Their last attempt hadn’t been very successful, aside from bringing Des, Holly, and Kaden to the farm.

“Coop?”

He looked up, giving her a smile that seemed a little forced as he put the dipstick back into the engine. “Hello, Mina. How are you doing today?”

“Fine.” Surprisingly, she was. Mina wasn’t going to miraculously heal overnight, but she was doing better each day. In fact, she planned to visit he
r mother’s grave next, a place where she hadn’t returned since Janie’s burial. “Is everything ready?”

He nodded, though looked disheartened. “I don’t know how much point there is to runs these days, Mina. Everything is picked clean, thoug
h Desmond is going to show us an area we haven’t been through yet.”

Her stomach jolted with apprehension. “Is that a good idea? What happens if you run into that group he and
Holly ran up against?”

Coop lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know, but we need so many things, not the least of which is more ammo. Des thinks we might luck out at a pawnshop near where they were hunkered down.
It had a lot of ammo when they stopped to check it out, and even after they restocked for their weapons, there was still plenty. Who knows if that other group found the shop though?”

She frowned. “I still don’t like it.”

“Neither do I.” The Humvee hood slammed shut. “That doesn’t mean we have a choice.”

She sighed. “Yeah, I understand that.”

His expression softened. “I know you do, honey. No one understands lack of options better than you.”

She swallowed. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you, Coop.”

He looked a little anxious as he crossed his arms. “What’s on your mind?”

“I want you to be happy.” She blurted it out and forced herself to press on before the courage could desert her. “I don’t want you to feel obligated to me in any way. You don’t owe me anything.”

His brow furrowed. “What?”

“I just…you should be happy with whomever you chose. I understand how you feel. I might feel the same way in your position.” She blinked to suppress the hot burn of tears. “I’d like to think I’d feel differently, that it wouldn’t bother me so much, but I guess that’s not true, since I feel the same way when you’re with her that you must have felt knowing about him.” She was babbling incoherently and could see his confusion.

“Mina, slow down—”

“
Holly’s nice.”

He blinked, clearly perplexed by what he perceived to be a change in topic. “Yeah.
Kaden’s a good kid too.”

She nodded in full agreement. The six-year-old was sweet and well mannered
, a credit to Holly’s motherhood skills. No doubt, she would give Coop many more well-behaved children. That thought made it hard to breathe, and she knew she had to get this over with. “You should be happy with her.” She ignored Coop’s voice calling after her as she turned and darted from the building.

Mina ran until she was far enough away from Coop to let tears streak down her cheeks. Inadvertently, she had ended up near the grave of her mother, and she sank down onto the cold ground, glad the last of the snow had melted, and no more had fallen yet to replace it. “I did it,” she whispered, feeling silly talking to her mother’s corpse. “I did the right thing, but it sure sucks.” Sniffing, she wiped her cheeks and stared at the simple stone grave marker Owen had engraved shortly after
Janie’s passing. Mina hadn’t seen it before, and tears sparkled in her lashes again as she read the stark facts of her mother’s name, date of birth, and date of death. “I’m sorry.”