Blood Beyond Darkness (13 page)

I pushed myself up and rested against my headboard. When I felt less dizzy, I reached for my night stand drawer. Inside was a journal. I snatched it and grabbed a pen. Finding a blank page I scribbled a note.

How long have I been out?

Rez’s eyes ran over the page. “You have been sleeping for three days. But you’ve been gone from the compound for two weeks.”

My eyebrows arched up. Two weeks? Damn Otherworld time difference.
Lars pissed?
I wrote.

Rez tilted her head. “What do you think?”

Yeah, that’s what I figured.

“Lars had you brought back here a few days ago.”

“Brought back?” my voice strangled.

“Don’t talk.” Rez scolded me. “Elighan saved you and took you to their family’s physician. You do not have the power to heal like you used to. We almost lost you.”

The memories dim at first became more concrete in my mind: Eli saving me from the Strighoul, getting on his back, the sharp daggers on his back slicing my hands to shreds. Then it got cloudy. I peered down at my hands. Thick white lines crisscrossed them like a checker board.

“I’ll have Marguerite fix you a special soup. It’s
Sinnie’s family recipe, and it will help heal your throat.” Rez stood and her hands brushed out the creases in her tight leather pants. The woman was beautiful, with her long dark hair, dark chocolate eyes, and olive-colored skin. It was hard not to stare at her with your jaw on the ground.

She gave my head a quick kiss. “You scared us to death. Don’t ever do that again.”

I nodded. It was foolish. I was aware of the stupidity going in.
Never seems to stop me from acting.

She left me to stew in my foolishness and pain. Soft rain pelted the French doors of my room. Swinging my legs over, my feet touched the lush rug and my toes curled into the velvety wool.

The need to move to the doors tugged me forward. I could feel him. The strength of his blood propelled me to the window. Pressing my hand against the glass, my gaze scanned the gray, soggy landscape. The tingle of my skin told me his eyes were on me. Watching me. My heart pumped under my ribs, thumping loudly in my chest. The last time he gave me his blood, I recalled the overwhelming connection I had to him. It lessened over time, but at first it felt extreme. Again I knew exactly where he was, to the tree he was leaning against, even though I could not see him.

He called to me. Not just because he was my Alpha, but because my body longed for his. Every sense in me felt overstimulated. My skin could feel his eyes crawling over every inch of my body. It was as if his fingers were actually touching me. I leaned against the cool window, my legs shaking underneath me, and my breath quickened. Desire consumed me. I felt embarrassed when a low moan came from me.

No. I can’t.
At first it was my hurt which made me not want to hear his side. After my mom’s story, I felt right about despising him. But seeing him again, having his blood swim through me, warming my body, I realized the truth. It was the pain I would feel if I let him back in which stopped me. He would die. I could see no way around his death. I understood what I had to do. Saving millions of lives compared to one seemed like an obvious choice. But when it came to Eli, nothing had ever been clear or obvious. It would be easier to continue to hate him, to keep him at arm’s length.

With a sharp intake I shoved myself back away from the doors. My trembling legs were not ready for the movement; I plummeted to my ass. My shoulder blades knocked into the bedframe. A startled laugh came out of my throat. Instantly, I grimaced in pain. No matter how much I trained, no matter how graceful my sword wielding had become, I was a klutz, through and through.

“Ember?” Rez’s anxious voice bolted through the room.

“¿
Donde estás, mi dulce nina?”
Marguerite moved quickly into the room.

“
Aqui
,” my voice croaked out. A dry, sharp pain sliced my throat. I leaned my head back against the down-filled comforter and regretted trying to speak.

Rez came around the side of the massive bed. Marguerite’s head popped around Rez.

“What are you doing on the floor? Did you fall out of bed?” Rez asked.

I sighed deeply.

Rez frowned but leaned down to help me stand. “You need to take it easy. Your body is weak. A lot more like a human’s now.”

I frowned, feeling the Dark Dwellers blood coursing palpably through my veins. A deep sorrow crammed into my heart. I missed my Dae powers so much. A piece of me was gone, and I felt hollow and cold without them.

After Rez reinstated me on the bed, Marguerite bumped her out of the way. Her hands cupped around a bowl. “
Mi dulce
, you need to drink.” She handed me the soup.

My nose crinkled. It smelled like rotting compost. My lips pressed together, and I shook my head. Marguerite’s worried expression shifted, and her eyebrows narrowed in on me. “It will help heal. Drink.”

“I know it smells bad, but it will help your throat mend.” Rez gave my ankle a squeeze through the comforter.

Marguerite kept motioning for me to drink. I closed my eyes and tipped the bowl into my mouth. Instantly my gag reflex kicked in, wanting the fowl flavor off my taste buds. Marguerite placed her fingers on the bowl tipping it further into my mouth. “Drink all.”

My eyes watered as I forced the last of the liquid down my throat. I groaned, needing to wipe my tongue clean of the nasty taste. The smell already stuck in my nose.

“Just wait.” Rez winked and a smile twitched her lips. Marguerite swatted at her, her glare telling her to shut up.

It was then the burning started. It felt as if someone doused my gullet with kerosene and threw a match on it. “Ahhhh!”

“I’m sorry. I forgot to warn you about the after burn.” Rez smiled and patted my leg again.

“Ahhhhh!” It was all I could get out and not very well, as my hands clawed at my chest and throat. My nose and eyes leaked liquid in retaliation.

“Water,” I squeaked out.

Marguerite was the first to shake her head. “
Mi dulce
, sorry. No food or
agua
until it finishes healing.” She rubbed my arm.

The scorching sting moved down to my stomach and then made its way back up my esophagus. A whimper worked its way out of the incineration that was my throat, and I curled on my side. It felt like the pain would never end. Finally, coolness replaced the heat, like aloe on sunburn. I cried in relief as it caressed my throat and soothed the irritation.

“There, there.” Marguerite hand stroked the side of my head. “
Mejor ahora
.”

It took me another moment before I sat up, feeling nothing of the burn, which had tortured me barely moments before. “What the hell was that?” My vocal chords wavered, but it no longer hurt as much to talk.

“It is a Brownie remedy.” Rez sat at the foot of my bed. “I figured it was better not to tell you what you would go through. I hated the first time Marguerite fed it to me, but now knowing what it does ... it is just as hard to take, even when you know it will cause you to feel better in the end. Being ignorant is sometimes a blessing.” A flicker of sadness hinted in her eyes. “In my line of work, I’ve had to drink a lot of her remedy.”

“What do you mean?” Rez was a Siren. I never asked the details of her “job” but figured most men went willingly.

Her gaze went to the chandelier. “A lot of them fight me in the end. Trying to strangle me is how they think they will be able to get away. They never do.”

Oh.

The faraway look disappeared from her expression as she bounded back on her feet. “We’ll let you rest, but you probably will start feeling a lot better.”

Marguerite grabbed the empty bowl with one hand; her other reached for my face, stroking it. “We worry.
Feliz que esté en casa segura
.” She leaned over and kissed my forehead before turning. Her short and stocky statue shuffled to the door.

“Get some sleep.” Rez pulled the blanket higher on me, then headed for the door.

“Rez?”

“Yeah?” She turned back, holding the door.

“Do you like being a Siren?”

Her eyes widened before she glanced at the floor. A soft breath puffed out of her. Her eyes looked back into mine. “There is no like or dislike; it is what I am.” She stepped back and closed the door.

I lay down, chewing on what she said. Unlike humans, Fae didn’t question what they were. They simply accepted it: good, bad, or ugly. I didn’t know what was better: trying to be someone you were not, or accepting with pride and strength what you were.

I laid there for a while, my thoughts drifting back to my
dreamwalk with Grimmel, still vivid in my mind. I needed to tell Lars that Grimmel was searching for the Sword of Light. Hopefully, the raven would find something soon and get back to me. Knowing the location of the sword would be so helpful. At least we’d know where we were going once inside the castle. If we made it that far.

Eventually my brain tired at the endless thoughts going around inside, and I fell into a deep sleep.

It was barely dawn when my lids blinked open. My stomach growled in hunger. I shifted and sat up. Rez had been right; I felt much better. My toes pressed down on the cushy rug as I got out of bed. My stomach screamed for food
.
My brain sent images into my head, my mouth instantly watering.

Deer. Raw
.

My Dark Dweller part perked up, giddy and licking its lips.

Hunt.

I scurried to my closet and pulled on a pair of sweats, tank top, and a hoodie. Shoving my feet into tennis shoes, I raced out of my room. I quickly drew my hair into a ponytail as I bounded down the stairs. Hunger dominated every thought. I didn’t encounter anyone as I moved through the silent house and exited the kitchen door. Fog clung solidly to the ground and trees in the early dusk. The smell of fresh rain and wet dirt infiltrated my nose.

He was there, too. The constant scent of him blended in with the familiar smells of the land. The Dark Dweller in me needed to hunt and eat more than I desired to stay away from Eli. He probably sensed I was outside. I didn’t care.

Letting my nose track any whiff of game, I moved into the forest. The broadcasted odor of a deer far in the distance caught my nose. My legs tore after it. Normally I would let my Dae powers lead me across the terrain when it was so foggy and dark. This time I couldn’t. Even with sharp Dark Dweller skills, I stumbled and bumped into things I would never have if I had my Dae magic. I had taken for granted the maps of my surroundings which had been laid out in perfect detail in my mind. The loss of my abilities only caused me to move faster, anger pumping solidly into determination.

The deer was close by, pulsing with life. I jumped off a boulder as my focus zeroed in on my kill. The musky stench of wet fur and the tang of blood coursing through its veins whirled up my nose. Everything else went to the background. My breath sounded loud in my ears as my heart thumped with adrenaline. My calf muscles clenched with stiffness as I pushed off at a sprint. The old war wound would always be a reminder of Lorcan’s attack.

Then a semi-truck, or what felt like one, slammed into me. My body twisted in the air toward the attacker, taking it with me to the ground with a brutal crunch. Bright green eyes locked on mine, snapping my focus from the deer. For a moment I felt confused and dazed.

When Dark Dwellers lock on something, they get tunnel vision. It’s hard to break them off their course. It takes a moment for them to clear their minds and readjust, like pressing a restart button and waiting for the data to reload.

It didn’t help that Eli was between my legs, every part of him pressed firmly against me. I was overtaken by the basic Dark Dweller urge to hunt, kill, or screw. With him between my thighs I felt an instant and desperate need. My desire for him pissed me off. I struggled underneath him.

“Where were you going?” His tone sounded sharp.

“Why the hell should I tell you?” His weight atop me grew heavier. He would only let me up when he was ready.

His mouth tightened in a clenched line. “I swear, Brycin, if you are doing something stupid again, I might take you out myself.”

Fury generated a hiss from me. “Go ahead. Do us both a favor. You know you’ve wanted to for a long time now.”
Please, then I don’t have to make an impossible choice.

Eli closed his eyes briefly, his jaw clamping harder. He tugged air deeply through his nose. “You on a suicide mission lately? Is that it?”

“What the hell do you care?” I wiggled underneath him. His eyes glowed brighter, skimming with red.

“Stop,” he warned.

I did. He was rock hard against my hip. His urge between the three instincts was even more dominant than mine. He would probably want to do all three at the moment.

“Then get off of me.”

He stayed in place, staring at me. His hair had grown even more since I had last seen him and touched his shoulders. It reminded me of when I first met him. How I longed to run my hands through the silky, brown locks.

I had to force back every impulse to keep my hands to myself. His gaze drilled into me. My heated breath moved shallowly in and out of my lungs. My mind and heart were telling me one thing, as my body and nature desired him to rip off my pants, slip inside, and take me right there.

“Tell me where you were going,” he said through clamped teeth.

“Crap on ash bark! I was hunting,” I belted at him. “Okay? Is it all right with you, Dad?”

He blinked and moved off of me, replacing his warm body with the coolness of the morning air. “You were hunting?”

“Yes.” I scrambled up and put distance between us. “I seem to be craving raw meat even more now.”

He looked at me. No emotion showed on his face. He knew I was telling the truth. With his blood so entrenched in me, he could probably sense everything I felt. The knowledge disturbed me. I didn’t like him knowing he had such a strong effect on me, especially because it was not killing I wanted to be doing right now. “What were you expecting to do once you caught it?”

Huh. I hadn’t thought past my craving.

“You gonna tear into Bambi’s neck while it was still alive?”

I grimaced with the visual. He was right. I couldn’t have killed it except if I slowly tore at its throat till it bled to death. Wow, I hadn’t planned that through.

“Marguerite keeps steaks in the freezer. Think that would be easier for you to stomach right now. I will kill a fresh one later for you.”

I folded my arms, rubbing one of my shoes over a pebble. “Thanks.”

He smirked, shook his head and leaned back against a tree. He wasn’t leaving. I looked around. We were still inside Lars’ property line.

Eli sensed my emotions and responded, “Lars thought it smart to have another pair of eyes on you. Especially belonging to one who could feel you and know when you are trying to leave.”

Gripping my elbows tightly, I moved away. Indignation rose up my throat.

“I am your personal bodyguard now.” His smile looked anything but friendly or nice.

As I watched him casually resting against the tree, I could not deny the part of me which wanted to beg him to tell me the whole truth and deny his part in killing Aisling. But if he did that ...
No, Ember, stay strong. Keep him away.

“I don’t want you as my bodyguard. I don’t want you here at all. You need to leave.” My voice came out softer and more cracked than I wanted. To counter my weak voice, I shoved my chin higher in the air.

He blew out some air and looked off to the side. “Tough.”

“What?” Outrage pushed up my shoulders. “But I don’t want you anywhere near me. For once respect my feelings and go!”

He turned, his eyes blazing, pleading. “Ember ...”

“No!” I rubbed at my skin like bugs were crawling on it.

His eyes burned into mine. We stared at each other for a long time. Neither of us relinquishing our stance. Nothing was said, but it didn’t have to be. We both understood the meaning in our stance, in the cool gazes we delivered.

Finally his gaze shifted to the side, his jaw clicked as he moved it around. “I guess you’ve made your decision.” He shook his head and turned.

“
You
crushed
me
. You ripped out my heart!” I screamed, as he walked away from me. My healing vocal chords strained, breaking up my words.

Anger tore across his face as he whipped back around and strode to me. He got inches from my face. “And you just ripped out mine.”

“You don’t have one.” I could feel the burn of tears behind my lids. His familiar smell wafted deep into my nose.

“Then we are done here.” His jaw moved stiffly as he spoke, his voice low and gruff.

“We were done the day we met.”

He gave no response as he headed for the property line. My heart felt like it was drowning in agony.
The break
w
ill be easier, Ember. You are making the right decision
.
It will hurt much more if you let him in again.

Then why didn’t it feel that way?