Broken Survivor (5 page)

Christian played the attentive-father role for a day or two. He’d moved them to the other end of the city and then decided that his new girlfriend and getting high were more important than being there for his daughters, not that they minded. His absence meant they didn’t have to walk on eggshells and they were free to do whatever the hell they wanted. Which meant screw school and everything else. It was a time for living in the moment and taking everything one day at a time.

“Join the club.” Chrystal let go of her hand and took a sip of her beer. “Life is fucked up.” She sighed. The alkie binge was on again at
Maison
Hewitt, and the place was packed with people.

“At least my body feels numb right now.” Holly tried to smile and then quickly stood with a stagger. “Have you ever wondered how much she hurt when it happened? Do you think Mom suffered much?”

“I prefer not to, but no, I think she went pretty quickly. Why?”

“Because, if I hadn’t started that argument, maybe she’d still be here. I hope she knows that I’m sorry.”

“Whatever, Hol, stop being stupid.” Her big sister stood. “What the hell are you on anyway?”

“I took a hit of acid with Cole and Abby a couple hours ago, and then I decided to join the party.” She held the bottle of vodka up before ingesting more. “Nobody asked you to join my pathetic pity fest.”

“Whatever!” Chrystal swiped the bottle from her hand. “I think you’re cut off for a while.”

Holly flipped her off in answer. The night was still young, and she’d find another way to quench her thirst.

Music blared, bodies swayed, and everyone seemed as though they were having a good time, so why couldn’t she just be fucking normal for once and join in? Because it was never about having fun; it was about trying to forget. Feeling nothing meant there was no pain. Only for the first time in a long time it seemed to be seeping through the haze tonight.
I must be losing my buzz or something. Screw this, it’s time for some more!

“You’ve been sitting here long enough, and I figured enough time has passed for another one of these.” Abby held out a glass as she approached and sat on the couch beside Holly once she grabbed it.

“I think you’ve read my mind.” Holly sniffed the orange juice to make sure it wasn’t virgin and tried not to gulp too much of the vodka-spiked drink too eagerly. “Thanks!”

“No biggy.” Abby shrugged. “Want to talk about it?”

“Hell no, am I that transparent?”

“A little, not that I blame you, but you are kind of a buzzkill…” Abby left the sentence hanging and tried giving her a sympathetic smile.

Shit!
“Well then, I think it’s time I joined the party again, huh?” Holly swayed, thanked her, and left to join the fun or find a place she could go unnoticed, if one even existed. There was no fucking way she was ready to let anyone see how she was really feeling—not yet anyway.

She moved through the house, occasionally stopping to talk to people, and decided to descend to the basement, hoping there would be less of a crowd. Maybe she could even find a remotely quiet place down there to crash for the night if she was lucky.

“Hey, Hol, come ’ere a sec.”

Well damn.
She flinched at the sound of her name being called and chugged the rest of her drink. “So much for sleeping,” she slurred, then turned and pasted on a big old fake smile. “Hey Cole, what’s up?”

“One guess…” He winked. “I haven’t seen you all night.”

“Right.” She rolled her eyes and shoved him away playfully. “I’ve been around.”

“Yeah, but not around me.” He brought her into his embrace to keep her from stumbling and held on a little longer than necessary. “I’ve missed you. How are you feeling?”

“Why the fuck does everyone keep asking me that?”

“Shh, don’t get pissy. I just wondered if you were feeling good because I was hoping we could hang out.”

“Well I was just thinking about going to bed, but what did you have in mind?”

“Want some company in there?” His lips quirked up and he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

She could feel the front of his pants swell against her stomach at the thought of it, but she shot him down. “I don’t think so, but thanks anyway.”

“Oh come on, babe, I bet I can persuade you.”

No doubt about it.

His mouth softly caressed hers before the tip of his tongue licked across the seam of her lips and slowly worked its way inside, and man, the boy could kiss, no doubt about it. Their kiss went from sensual to scorching in seconds flat.

“Mmm,” she moaned. This was so screwed up, yet she craved the intimate contact. He moved them back until he reached a chair and pulled her on top of his lap after he sat.

“Wait.” Her nails dug into his shoulders. Cole’s hands wandered up her shirt, and his mouth moved to taste the salty sweetness of the bare skin at her neck. “Wait, Cole, what are we doing?”

“Well, if you have to ask, I guess I’m going to have to try harder to give you a clue.” He chuckled.

“No, I mean I’m not too sure I want to do this. Slow down.”

“Ugh,” he groaned, “please tell me you’re kidding.” He blew out a frustrated breath and leaned his forehead against her chest.

“You okay?” Her labored breathing slowed to a regular rate. Dimly, she thought she’d probably be embarrassed right now, if she wasn’t so drunk and stoned.

“Dance with me.”

“What?”

“I said, dance with me. You want to go slower, so let’s start with this…” Cole got up from the chair and slid her down his body. He turned toward the stereo. “I brought a mix tape with me tonight, so let’s see what we’ve got.” He took the tape out and put it in the stereo.

“Okay.” She finally managed to close her dropped jaw to smile when he pulled her back in his arms. They slowly swayed to SWV’s “Weak.” “This is nice.”

“I agree.”

“And really sweet, but—um, do you think we could listen to something a little faster? All this turning is making me dizzy.”

“Fast, slow, you really should make up your mind.” He smirked. “Fast it is, but first…” He lowered his head again for another peck on her lips, then moved to her forehead to plant a kiss there and one on each eyelid before sliding her lips across her cheek to her earlobe. He nibbled it. “I needed another taste.”

Holly bit her lip to keep from moaning. His hot breath against her ear gave her goose bumps, and she shivered just a little. What was it they were talking about again?
Right, dancing, music, something with a faster beat.
Her hands went to her stomach as butterflies fluttered wildly inside, but she felt queasy again when Cole revealed his next plan.

Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me” began, and she watched him slide the chair he’d been using closer to one of the beams in the basement. “Show me what you’ve got.”

“What I’ve got?” she repeated stupidly. “Um.”

“Come on, Hol, dance for me.”

She bit her lip and stood there, momentarily speechless.
Damn, I’m not sure how much longer I can stand up, let alone dance. Can I do this?
She shrugged to herself and blinked through the haze.
It all feels like a dream anyway, so why the hell not?
The real question was would she hate herself come morning? She got the feeling Cole wasn’t expecting her to just move to the music, he was expecting a show. He wanted her to strip.

She cleared her throat and closed the distance separating them. Her hips swayed, her arms were in the air, and she used the beam to her advantage as a substitute stripper pole. With chest pushed out, her back arched, and hands roaming down her body, Holly slid down the pole and then back up again. He beckoned her closer with a finger, and she complied with legs spread on either side of him when she got to the chair he occupied. Her boobs were in his face now, and her ass was in his lap, moving seductively to the beat.

He leaned forward to kiss her breasts, but she wasn’t having it. “Uh, uh, uh.” She shook her finger back and forth. “Isn’t it a rule that you’re not supposed to touch?”
Man, it’s fun to be a tease sometimes.
She stood up.

“I didn’t think those rules applied here. You don’t strip for a living, and we’re not in the bar.”

“Hmm, I guess you’ve got a point.” She stopped dancing and stood in front of him now. She had to widen her stance to keep from falling on her butt. Fisting the hem of her shirt, Holly slowly yanked it over her head and threw it in his direction before working on her jeans. In no time she was down to her bra and panties, and then it all went back to hell.

“Oh God.” Holly gagged. “I don’t feel so good.” She gagged again and put a hand in front of her mouth.
Shit!
It was either that or vomit all over him.

She heard clapping when she ran to the stairs to make it to the bathroom in time, and a bunch of male laughter followed.

“Nice show,” someone shouted.

Bastard had his friends out of sight but knew they were watching the whole time. He set me up, but why? Because he’s an ass, plain and simple. They all are.

“Oh God.” Moaning again, she barely made it to the toilet before she threw up everything in her stomach and then some.

She leaned against the wall after rinsing her mouth and slid to the floor. After banging her head a few times she ended the night with a good cry. “I’m so stupid.”

Chapter Four

What the hell?

Holly woke to the sound of banging in the kitchen and groaned. “Chrys, someone’s here—Chrys?” Despite the noise, her sister was still sound asleep in the next bed.

Well,
isn’t that lovely. Not! Okay, plan B—get dressed and find something for protection. Just in case.

After putting on her pants and untucking her nightshirt, the first thing she spotted was the bedside lamp.
It’s better than nothing.
Holly ripped it from the plug in the wall and threw away the shade. The base seemed solid enough to use as a weapon if need be. After wrapping the cord securely around the lamp, she slowly moved down the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible.

Okay, breathe, Hol. You can do it.
Her hands shook, and her heart felt as though it was about to leap out of her chest.
Not again, please not again.
With one deep breath in and then out, she raised the wooden base above her head and tiptoed around the wall. The kitchen and bathroom seemed to be clear, which meant the person, whoever they were, was straight ahead.
Here goes nothing…

“What the hell do think you’re going to do with that?”

Holly just about jumped out of her skin and screamed while he laughed. “Dad?” She dropped the lamp and clutched her chest. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Last I checked, this was my house.”

“Yeah, but you’re never here.”

“Still my place to come and go whenever I want though isn’t it?”

She shrugged. “Whatever. Since you woke me up at this ungodly hour and scared the crap out of me, I could use some Tylenol and something to eat.” She ignored his dirty look and headed to the kitchen.

“Make me a coffee while you’re in there, will you?”

While in the kitchen, she put the coffee on and set about making herself some toast. A few minutes later, she brought it and some orange juice to the kitchen table. “My hands were full, so your coffee’s on the counter.”

After grabbing his coffee, her dad sat across from her and began to roll a joint.

“Rough night?” he asked.

“You could say that.” She sighed. “Why the sudden curiosity? It’s not like you care.”

“Because you look like shit.” Christian snorted. “What’s with the attitude?”

“It’s not attitude, it’s curiosity, and maybe it’s because every time I see you, you say I look like crap. Just what every girl loves to hear.” She rolled her eyes. “Then there’s the fact that you scared the heck out of me a few minutes ago, and I’ve got a headache that doesn’t seem to want to go away. Happy now?”

“Well, the best cure for a headache is one of these. Want some?” Christian held the unlit joint between his fingers and offered it to her.

“You’re kidding, right?” She eyed it warily, because hell yeah she wanted it, but smoking up with your own father, aka sperm donor, seemed weird.

“No, I’m not kidding.” He laughed and then shrugged. “Suit yourself.” She tried ignoring the scent while he lit it and began deliberately blowing the smoke in her face. A couple of tokes later, he passed it over again, and this time she took it.

What the hell, he’s offering
, she thought and sucked in a few hits of her own.

“There you go,” he said. “Now give it back.”

“No way!” She turned away from him, hogging it. “You want some, roll another one.”

He was acting weird for some reason, nice even, and when it came to Christian, nice wasn’t a word you would ever associate with him. But hell, one joint wouldn’t do any harm, right?

An hour and a second joint later, she finally had a full belly and a good buzz. “So how long are you staying?” she asked him.

“I’m not sure. It depends on how long it takes Paige to get over her mood.” He shrugged. “I think it’s that time of the month.”

Holly gave an unladylike snort. “Why is it every time a woman has a bad day, a guy thinks it’s because of her period?”

“Because it usually is.” His blunt, idiotic answer would have normally started an argument between them, but she was too stoned to care enough.

“What’s going on?”

Holly turned in her seat to see her groggy sister approach.
Wait, what?
“Did you just say something?”
Damn!
If she could just make her head stop spinning enough, she might be able to pay attention.

“I said, what’s going on?” Chrystal emphasized and waved a hand in front of her face. “What the hell did you give her? She’s baked.” Her sister turned to glare at Daddy Dearest and waited for an answer.

“Nothing. She had a headache, so I let her have a couple joints. Want one?”

“Yeah, I’ll pass, thanks!” Chrystal pulled out a chair beside Holly and stole a cold piece of leftover toast from her plate.

“I’m fine, Chrys, really.” Holly waived a hand in the air and tried to enjoy her dreamlike trance. She felt relaxed for once.

“Yep, a regular chip off the old block.” Christian smirked.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m nothing like you.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” The more offended she became, the more Christian seemed to be enjoying himself.
Jerk.

“I will.” She got up and glared at him.

“Okay, enough,” Chrystal said, looking back and forth between them “Stop egging her on.”

“I don’t need this, or you.” She waved off her sister’s concern and banged the chair against the table in frustration. She glared at Christian. “I repeat, I am nothing like you, and if it makes you feel better to think so, then you go ahead. I’ll just make sure I prove you wrong.” She grabbed the wall for support and made her way back upstairs to bed. Maybe if she slept it off, the ugly words would go away.

It was time for a wakeup call, but was she strong enough to cope?

***

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just great, thanks!” Holly grimaced and walked past her sister to curl up on the couch. She’d slept the whole day away and was thankful the sperm donor was nowhere in sight. “Have you heard from Dad?”

“He called about an hour ago.” Chrystal sat down beside her. “Looks like Paige has forgiven him for whatever he did this time, and he’s spending the night over there again.”

“Good!” Holly scowled. “Can you believe the crap he was sprouting earlier? A chip off the old block, my butt.”

“You’re nothing like him, and neither am I. Don’t sweat it, okay? Let him talk, but then prove him wrong in your own way.”

“Revenge would be sweet.” She smirked. “Have I told you that I love you lately?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Her sister leaned forward to give her a purple nurple. Her fingers squeezed and pinched Holly’s boob as hard as she could.

“O-ouch!” Holly’s scream got louder as Chrystal twisted the skin and then let go.

“Did it feel good to sleep all day? Don’t ever smoke with Dad again. God only knows what he’s got laced in that shit and where it’s come from. You want to smoke, fine, do it with anyone but him.
Okay?
”

“What the
hell
, Chrys!” Holly rubbed her sore skin and could already see the bruises forming on the top portion of her breast above the neckline of her shirt. “Do that again and I’ll make sure I get you back three times worse.” She pushed Chrystal away.

“Call it your punishment for being stupid, and you still haven’t answered me.” She stood and folded her arms across her chest. “Promise me you’ll be careful.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Holly grumbled. “You’re just lucky I know you care.” Holly rubbed her chest again. “That fucking hurt, you bitch.”

“I love you too.” Chrystal chuckled. “Now, how about a drink?”

Drink?
Now that combined with Chrystal’s concern brought back some not so good memories…

Childhood giggles filled the house as she and her sister raced to the bottom of the stairs. They’d just gotten ready for bed like they were told to and had gone downstairs to wait for Emma to get back from work.

“Hey, girls, Mom’ll be back in a few minutes, so I figured I’d make you something for the wait.” Christian held out two mugs for them to take.

“What is it?” Chrystal asked as they both reached for one nervously, and Holly remembered wondering,
since when does Dad make anything for us without being forced to?
Like the times their mom would force him to spend a few hours every other month or so with Holly and Chrystal for some good old daddy/daughter time. None of them enjoyed it, but they went along to keep the peace and make Emma happy.

“Hot chocolate.”

Their dad stood in front of them with big eyes, pupils dilated, sweat along his brow, and a little bit of blood trickling down from the fresh track mark in the middle of his arm, right above the elbow. Skeptical still, they sniffed the drinks before taking their first sip.

“That’s it, drink up.” He motioned them forward and sat back on his favorite part of the couch to watch TV.

“Psst, Holly, look,” Chrystal whispered when she was about halfway through the beverage and showed Holly what lay at the bottom of her cup as discretely as possible. “Check yours too.”

“Um, we’re just going to rinse out our mugs and head to bed,” Chrystal said. They were afraid to trigger his temper, were used to walking on eggshells, especially when their mom wasn’t around. As soon as they reached the confines of the kitchen, Holly slowly poured the rest of her hot chocolate down the drain to see the same thing her sister saw in her own mug.

“Is that a Tylenol?”

“I don’t think so.” Chrystal moved the contents of her cup, and they both watched the little pill that was not completely dissolved move along with it. With wide eyes Holly wondered what it was.

Had their father tried to drug them? It appeared so, and after following her sister to their room, they slept heavily through the night.

Damn! How could I be so stupid?
Holly mentally chastised herself for being dumb enough to take anything from their father, and the memory confirmed how so. “Would you make mine a virgin, though?” Holly wiped a hand across her face and tried to shake the disturbing memory away. “I think I’m going to take it easy tonight.”

“Sounds good to me.” Chrys tossed her a can of soda and sighed when she put her feet up on the coffee table. “Here’s looking forward to a quiet, relaxing night, just the two of us.”

“Amen to that.” Holly leaned forward to toast. A night to veg on the couch sounded pretty good at the moment. It’d been quite a while since they’d done it, months really, especially after moving in with the idiot who’d helped create them. They normally either threw a party or were invited to one where pretty much anything went. Teenage freedom was sweet for the most part, but plans easily changed. They’d barely managed to get through a movie before their friends came by with their own agenda in mind.

***

“Hey, baby.”

“Don’t ‘hey baby’ me.” Holly grimaced as soon as Cole sat down on the couch and put his arm around her shoulders. The house was loud, the music turned up, people laughed and shouted trying to be heard, and bottles of alcohol appeared.

“Aw, come on, Hol, don’t be like that.” Cole turned to face her and lifted her chin with his fingers so she’d look at him. “Can I get you something to drink? Loosen you up a little?”

“Yeah, and we all know how that turned out last time.” She snorted and decided to try to make her escape. Turning her head away from him, she stood and stepped away. “Sorry, Cole, there’ll be no drinking for me tonight. I’m not feeling so well all of a sudden.” She glanced over her shoulder to make sure he didn’t follow and finally walked away to grab another can of Coke from the fridge. She mingled for the most part but kept a low profile by mostly hanging out near the kitchen table. After a card game or two, she decided to find Chrystal to let her know she was turning in for the night. She just wasn’t feeling it and wanted the solitude of her empty room.

A few minutes later the door clicked shut, and she sighed with relief. Her room wasn’t quiet, per say, but it wasn’t crowded, either, and the space gave her the ability to breathe easier. Between her sister’s concerns about smoking with Christian and her Dad’s comment about being a chip off the old block, she had a lot to think about. Between the two of them, she was motivated to stay sober for the night and felt a little nauseous at having been so out of control.

I’m just like my father? I don’t think so. I’ll be damned if I turn out to be some washed-up, abusive douche-bag. He’s a lost cause without a care in the world other than when he’s going to get his next fix or what woman he can screw over. I’m better than that, damn it. It’s not like I haven’t got enough going on already. I really don’t need this on top of it, ugh!