Broken Survivor (4 page)

***

On her way home, the sun was way too strong for Holly’s liking. She was groggy and had a bit of a headache. Her mouth felt pasty, and she could probably have used a couple hours of more sleep. In fact, that was her plan for the day as soon as she made it home—a snooze and a couple of aspirin. The morning air was cool as she waited for her bus, and she hoped like hell she didn’t look half as bad as she felt.

Just chalk it up to a night without sleep and tell everyone you’re not feeling well so they’ll all leave you alone
,
she thought on the way home.
Easy peasy!

Or not…

The door popped open before she could turn the knob, and Karen ushered her in. “Oh there you are. Brace yourself, honey, we’ve got company.”

“Huh?”

Chrystal stood from the table when Holly walked through the threshold into the dining room and nodded to the person standing behind her.

“Dad?” Holly asked.

“Hey, baby, come here and give your old man a hug.”

“If you’ll excuse me.” Her aunt gave her hand a squeeze and left the room. Holly knew she wasn’t comfortable around Christian, and who could blame her? Not many people were.

Here goes nothing.
Holly took a deep breath and didn’t let it go until he squeezed his arms around her. It felt awkward, but at the same time she was a little relieved, as weird as that sounds. He was her only parent left, and she had mixed emotions about that. How could you want to love someone you hated, the same man who made you hurt time and time again? Could she forgive him enough to push the past behind her and give him a second chance?

“You don’t look so hot,” he said.

Damn it!
“Gee thanks, Dad, it’s nice to see you too.” She stepped back, shut her eyes, and rubbed her temples. “I was at a friend’s place last night and didn’t sleep very well. I’ve got a massive headache, and I’m not feeling so great. But thanks for noticing how awful I look.”

Her sister laughed and nudged her in the side. Daddy Dearest actually blushed when he apologized, and they sat down.

“You guys have grown up so much since the last time I saw you.”

Well, no shit, Sherlock.
She took a deep breath.
Be nice, Holly. You can do it. The sperm donor is actually trying to be a father right now. Give him a shot.

“And how have you been?” She did wonder.

“I’ve been better since your call, or I’m trying to be. Look, girls, I need to talk to you about where you’re going to stay. I’m moving back, and although I’d love for you to be with me, I need to clean myself up first. So I think its best you stay with your aunt in the meantime. Mom probably would’ve wanted it that way, anyway. I’ll be around, though, and if I’m not, I’ll always be a phone call away, and it won’t take me long to get to you. Are you both okay with this?”

Okay, so that basically means you’re still the screwed-up, crazy, drug-addicted jerk you always were. Why couldn’t it have been you instead? I want my mom!
She looked to her sister, and they both nodded in agreement.

“I guess so,” Holly said. Living with Karen’s family was definitely a better option than being with Christian anyway. It wasn’t as though her already crowded house was bad, it just wasn’t home.

***

“Who are all these people?” Holly asked, recognizing only about half of the guests in attendance.

“Beats me.” Chrystal shrugged.

They’d just arrived at the funeral home, and it felt so surreal, but then again everything did. She was still in denial, because it was so much easier to think her mom would be back from a trip somewhere any moment now. The dream shattered just being there. Funeral homes were so creepy, and as she stood there in front of the small box that contained her mother’s remains still in a state of shock, her heart shattered a little more as she wondered. Was her mother really in there? The box was so tiny, and what did the ashes look like, anyway? Not that she had enough guts to find out. It was so hard to take everything in. The family was permitted a few minutes alone with the ashes before entering the chapel, and she felt a slight panic then as soon as she looked at her mother’s beautiful picture beside the cremation box. She ignored everybody else and went closer.

“Please come back,” she whispered, hugging the frame to her chest. “Don’t leave us.”

“Don’t you wish it were that easy?” Chrystal sniffed, and the waterworks began for both. “I miss her so much.”

“Me too.”

“Okay, girls, it’s time.” Karen approached and held out her hand for the picture. “We’re supposed to be in the chapel now.” Holly handed over the picture to her aunt, who then handed it to the funeral director.

And just like that, her mother’s remains were on their way out of sight.

The place was packed. So much so that all the seats were taken and there was a line forming to the outside.
Unbelievable!
Holly thought.

The whole service was an emotional blur. Blessings were given and speeches made, memories were brought up, and her uncle even sang a beautiful song he’d written in Emma’s memory. It was bittersweet agony.

Food was served afterward, and a sea of faces came into focus with their deepest sympathies and heartfelt condolences.

There were so many of them. “I feel like I’m living in a dream, Chrys. This can’t be happening to us. I need it to be somebody else. How do I make it stop?”

“If you figure it out, let me in on the answer because I don’t have a clue. This is crazy.”

“I know. Does it make me a horrible person if I said I don’t want to be here?” She stood from the table and paced. “I think I need to leave.”

“Not without me you’re not.” Her big sister got up and followed her outside for some air. “God, it’s hot.” She tugged on the collar of her shirt. “Are you hot too?”

“Not hot, but I’m freaking out over here.” Holly fanned her face and then bent over to catch her breath. It was as if the walls were closing in and there was no way out. Her heart pounded and she wanted to puke.

“Join the club.” Chrystal slid down the wall to sit on the grass and breathed the fresh air in deep. “We are so screwed, and the hardest part of the day is still yet to come.”

“Ugh, tell me about it.” Holly laughed without humor. “Hopefully we’ll be able to pull ourselves together long enough to cope.”

The door slammed open and out walked Karen. “I see I’m not the only one who needed to get away for a minute. There was a good turnout, but we’ll be leaving soon so we can lay your mom to rest.” The family had decided the burial would be a private event.

“O-okay,” Holly cleared her throat and then looked away. “What about all of those people?”

“I’m sure they’ll manage.” She lit a smoke and inhaled long and deep, took a few more drags, and threw the butt away. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?”

***

As much as she hated to be there, the cemetery was beautiful at least. Its lush green landscape was covered in a rainbow of colors from the massive variety of flowers everywhere. They didn’t have far to go. Emma was being laid to rest on a beautiful little patch of land close to the entrance. Holly approached reluctantly and sighed. She wasn’t freaking out as much then and was thankful for the brief break away with Chrystal. That is, until they brought out her mother’s remains again. They huddled together and looked on.

“No!” she screamed as the funeral director tried to put her mother into the ground, and everyone paused at her outcry. “You can’t, not yet.”

“We have to, Hol.” Her aunt moved forward on a sob of her own and placed a hand on her shoulder when Holly took her mother back from him to prevent the inevitable from happening just a moment longer.

“No!” Chrystal joined her, and they both dropped to their knees holding on to their mother tight. Their tears mixed and ran down their faces and onto the container that held her.

“You weren’t supposed to go, damn it! We need you. How can I say good-bye when she was supposed to have so much more life to live?” Holly cried and looked up with desperation at everyone gathered there. Knowing there was no choice, yet needing answers. Why was life so cruel? Why her?

Everyone stared speechless. Their uncle slowly pried Holly’s grip loose, and they were left to hold each other as they were given no choice but to see her go into the ground. This was it, the end of Emma Hewitt as they knew her.

***

Two months later

Blood! There’s blood everywhere.
Every time she closed her eyes, the same scene would run over and over again. She was back in their house, cornered, and he was coming at her. Then it was nothing but flashes of her mother’s face, the pool of blood, its splatter, and her broken body.

Holly gasped, and her heart beat rapidly as she woke from the image. She rose from bed and clutched her chest to try to calm herself. “Pssst, Mercedes, are you awake?”

Her cousin’s snoring got louder from across the room, and Holly’s shoulders slumped in defeat. There was no way she was going back to bed now.

Staying at Karen’s seemed to be working out so far. Holly bunked with Mercedes because she had a bigger room. Her cousin Porshia was across the hall, and Chrystal shared a room downstairs with Karen’s oldest daughter Tamara.

“What the hell?” The quiet house wasn’t so quiet anymore. Something crashed and then banged against a door downstairs, and adrenaline rushed through Holly as she went running to see what was going on. The sound of her running woke everyone up.

“Where are you going?” Karen came out of her room and rubbed her eyes.

“Didn’t you hear that? Something crashed.” Just as Holly finished speaking, Chrystal threw open the bedroom door and stopped at the sight of them.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta go.”

“
What?
” Holly couldn’t believe it. “You can’t be serious.”

“Good!” Tamara stomped out of the room and stood behind her mother in a huff. Meanwhile, Chrystal took the opportunity to storm back in the room and throw some clothes and supplies in a backpack.

“What’s going on here?” Karen asked looking bewildered.

“Got into a fight with Tamara.” Chrystal shrugged. “And I’m not staying where I’m not wanted.”

Tamara stormed off and their aunt followed her.

“Who says you’re not wanted?” Holly whispered.

She shrugged again and started crying. “Doesn’t matter, I can’t take it anymore.”

“Where will you go?”

“I’m pretty sure I can stay with a few friends. I’ll call you in the morning and let you know where I end up.”

“No, I’m coming with you.” Holly ran upstairs before anyone could answer and got dressed. By the time she ran downstairs again, her sister already had her shoes on and was standing by the door.

“You’re not going anywhere!” They startled when Karen entered the room “Don’t go, Chrystal. We can figure out other arrangements.” She cleared her throat. “Please, it’s the middle of the night.”

“I don’t care what time it is. I have to. Don’t you understand? This isn’t home and I can’t go on pretending that it is. This thing with Tamara just opened my eyes sooner.”

“Like hell it did. Please don’t make a scene out of nothing.”

“I’m going with you.” Holly raced to get her shoes on, but her sister stopped her before she could get too far.

“Stop, Hol. I’ll be okay. I’ve got to get myself settled first anyway, and then we’ll figure something out. I’ll visit too, or we could meet up. I’ll call you in the morning, I promise.”

No!
Her head screamed, but instead her shoulders dropped with defeat when Chrystal walked out, leaving her behind. There was no way she was going to win tonight, and it felt as though she’d lost everything that mattered once again. Her mom was never coming back, but at least she had her sister—until then.

Her aunt helped her back upstairs and left Holly alone once she was tucked securely inside her bed again. But sleep still eluded her, and she eventually cried herself into exhaustion.

***

“I wish the pain inside had an off switch, but nooo, it has to just sit there and suffocate you.” Holly slid down to the floor and rubbed a hand across her face. “I’m suffocating here, Chrys.” Her sister sat beside her and gave her hand a squeeze. Holly took a swig of the bottle she held and grimaced as the sweet burn of alcohol slid down her throat. She was confined to a personal hell she wasn’t sure she’d ever be free of again.

No matter how much Karen tried to make a good home for her, she couldn’t accept it because she just didn’t feel like she belonged anywhere. It was nothing personal.

Chrystal drifted from friend to friend for a couple more weeks, and they were both miserable with grief. Christian then decided to intervene and convinced the girls that maybe they’d be better off with him after all. Holly accepted only because it meant she’d be reunited with her sister again.