Broken Survivor (8 page)

“And what distracted you from getting ready for bed?” Jace jotted notes on his yellow pad of lined paper while she talked.

“Him. He was on the phone with an acquaintance both he and my mother knew. Saying bad things and making her look bad. He was talking dirty, and was angry with her for breaking up with him. So I decided to grab some paper and write everything he was saying down so that I could show her she was making the right decision by kicking him out.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

Seriously? Why do they always ask that?

“Now or then?” she asked. “This is so hard.”

“I understand, Holly. Take your time.” He leaned back in his chair, put down his pen, and steepled his fingers. “How about we start with then?”

“I was worried, but I felt good about it, I guess. My mother took my father back for much worse, and I was afraid she’d do the same with him. It was so much better when it was just the three of us. Why did she have such crappy taste in men? And why did she feel like she needed one in the first place?” Holly looked up almost pleadingly for someone, anyone, to give her an answer. “If I could just go back and do it over, I don’t think I would have done it the way I did, though. My stupid impulse to give her those damn papers is what started the argument that night, and I’ll have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life.”

“So your feelings now are regret for trying to help her? Because from what you’re telling me, it seems you had her best intentions at heart. It’s also not your fault that she died, Holly. You didn’t put the weapon in his hands and weren’t there to encourage him to do what he did. You were a child trying to protect her mother from future heartache, a kid who tried to help her make the right decision. I’m sure she understood your intentions, and I know she certainly wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. Your mother was a loving person, and she’d want to see you happy, don’t you think?”

“Probably.” She laughed through her tears now. “So you think she’d forgive me?”

“Absolutely, because the way I see it, there’s nothing to forgive.”

The room was quiet except for the scratch of his pen as she processed what he was saying. “So what happened next?”

“I snuck back downstairs unnoticed and waited for her to come home.”

“Was he there when she arrived?”

“No,” she whispered, “he left shortly before on his bike. When my mom came home, I barely let her come through the front door before I dragged her to the living room and explained what happened. You should have seen her. She was heartbroken, and I can remember feeling the same pain because what I gave her put that look on her face. It was like she was crushed that someone would say those things. Let alone someone she spent the last two years with. He was a guy who was supposed to love her once upon a time.”

Jace looked up from his desk. “And what happened next?”

“She told me to go to bed, and I apologized.”

“What are you apologizing for?” Emma joined her on the stairs and lifted Holly’s chin so she’d look at her.

“For upsetting you. I wanted to show you you’re making the right decision.”

“Don’t worry about it, honey. I’ll make this right, okay? Now go to bed, it’s late.” Emma turned to go back down again.

“Are you sure? I want to stay with you.” Holly reached over to hug her. “Are you going to confront him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe?” Her mom looked close to tears right then. “Go to bed, please.”

“Okay, I love you, Mom.”

“I know, baby, I love you too.”

“See you in the morning?” Holly gulped, already feeling guilty for giving her those cursed papers and making her mother upset.

“See you in the morning. Now go.”

“The last thing I remember before going to my room was seeing her shoulders slump when she turned to go back into the living room. She waited for him and then died because of it.” Holly wiped her face with her sleeve, and he handed her a box of Kleenex. “Thanks.”

“You did good, kid.” Jace got up and rounded his desk to stand beside Holly. “You opened up to me, and I’m proud of you. Do you want to continue, or would you prefer to pick up where we left off next time?”

“Is that a trick question?” She laughed without humor. “Next time. I think I need a break or I’ll never stop crying.”

“You got it.”

***

The Stray Cats played on the record player, and childish giggles echoed throughout the living room. “More, Mommy, more….yay!” Holly cheered while her mother happily twirled her and then Chrystal around the living room floor. Emma was an avid music lover and would often dance with them to whatever records she had. From disco to teaching them the robot, she’d lovingly danced so they could easily mimic her movements. Holly missed the precious quality time, longed for it to return to them.

The giggles began to fade and she was pulled from the memory. “Earth to Holly.” Frustrated snapping fingers flashed in front of her. “Hello in there.”

She slapped them away. “Geez, Chrystal, was that necessary? Shit, it’s annoying.”

“Yes.” She smiled. “What’s with you lately? You’re distracted, distant, and not paying attention to a damn thing around you.”

She wasn’t sure what to say. Could she really answer that she felt as though it would take too long to explain? It was too hard to explain anyway. “It’s nothing. I’m just getting flashbacks again. I kind of feel lost, you know? I just wish that we could still be together again. Instead, you now live about an hour away and I’m stuck in foster care. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad, but it’s still not family. I feel like my family is gone, even though you’re still here and with me right now. You know what I mean?”

“I do, but we’ll figure it out.” Her sister leaned forward to give her a hug. “Someday life will make sense again. We’ll make it good, maybe not now, but someday. You’ll see. It’ll get easier for us. In the meantime, we could try hanging out more often. It’s you and me against the world, kid.”

“Kid?” Holly chuckled. “Right, ’cause the three years between us makes you so much older, is that it?”

“Hey,” she teased. “Okay, so maybe I’m wrong. If I recall correctly, everyone seems to think that you’re the older one, remember?” Chrystal looked smug. Although much taller, voluptuous, and more developed, her sister had a baby face and such an innocent look with her big blue eyes and pouty full lips that people often mistook Holly as the older sister.

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, rub it in, why don’t you?” What people thought hadn’t really bothered her. It was just kind of nice to be messing with Chrystal again, like sisters were supposed to do.

“So tell me about the flashbacks?”

“How about I not and say I did? Because I was kind of hoping you’d ignore that part.” She felt like a freak again and was tired of it, truly and honestly exhausted with her grief. But if anyone could understand, it would be her sister. “It’s nothing. They’ve been good memories lately, anyway. Old songs Mom used to sing. The way she used to twirl us in the living room, and the damn robot dance.” She smiled and then shrugged. “I guess I should just be thankful because they could be so much worse.”

“Tell me about it.” Chrystal shuddered. “Speaking of nightmares, have you seen Dad lately? He hasn’t been bugging you again, has he?”

Christian thought he still had a right to be a part of their lives after everything he’d done, the abuse, the drugs, and the disgusting women to boot. She shuddered just at the mention of him. The last time they’d seen their father hadn’t been a good experience. He was strapped for cash and severely jonesing for his next hit. He couldn’t get one, so he wanted to hit them instead. Thankfully they escaped unharmed from that fiasco, but would they be so lucky next time? He hadn’t made any contact since.

“No, thank God. You?”

“Uh-uhn, It’s just not like him to be this quiet is all, but I guess we should just count our blessings because it’s so much more peaceful this way.”

Her visits with Chrystal were not nearly often enough. But on the odd occasion when they were given the chance to spend some quality time together, Holly tried to make the most of it. They were getting along better than they had in years, and in a way they were all each other had.

Even with distance.

Chapter Seven

Speak of the devil…

“I need you to go back to class and pack your things as soon as possible. There is no telling how close he is right now.”

“Wait, what are you talking about? Who’s close?” Holly was confused. She had been called out of class to take a phone call at the office, and Lauren wasn’t making any sense. She was anxious, and in her attempt to explain, she spoke too fast and was barely understandable.

“Your father, Holly. He tried to manipulate me out of some money, and when I refused to give in, he threatened me and then said he was going to kidnap you. He sounds pretty desperate, and for all I know, he is already on his way right now. I don’t trust him. You have to leave as soon as possible. So sign out and get your things. Charlotte’s coming to pick you up.”

Christian was up to his old tricks again. When he got like this, it usually meant one of two things: he either needed money for a hit or to save his own ass. He would mess with the wrong type of people sometimes, getting fronted things knowing full and well that he would never pay for them.

“Okay, where am I going with her?” Hey, it was a day off from school, who was she to complain? The house would be empty right now, but she highly doubted Lauren meant for her to go there.

“Her house. Charlotte’s got your old room ready. I want you to stay there until I send someone to pick you up. I won’t risk you coming back until I know it’s safe. I’ve already called the police to issue a formal complaint, and they’re looking for him. Now I’ve gotta get back to work. Try to hurry, and call me as soon as you get there so that I know that you’ve arrived safely.”

Good ol’ Dad.
Thanks to his dramatic episodes and random acts of violence, she’d ended up staying with Charlotte for three days before he was arrested again for possession, assault on an officer, and making threats and Lauren felt it was safe for Holly to return.

***

The sunlight shone on the big silver-and-gold bird in front, each wing tip a separate decal fitted to the fenders with perfection. The car was as black as night with T-tops and tinted windows. The original honeycomb rims sparkled and itched to be driven hard. Something about this Trans Am called to her, but who did it belong to? She needed to thank Lauren for this later, because whomever she’d sent to pick her up had a really nice ride.

“I’m a little early.” He smiled after she jumped at the sound of his voice. She guessed he’d been watching her admire his car for the last few minutes, and he seemed to approve of her appraisal. “There is nothing sexier than a woman who appreciates a good muscle car.” He winked. “Sorry, but since you’ve yet to call me, I thought I’d come pick you up a couple hours early so we could hang out.” He shrugged and waited for her to say something, but when she didn’t answer right away, he continued, “Lauren asked me to come get you, and I plan on bringing you back safely, so no worries. It’s such a nice day, and I figured why not enjoy it? Are you with me?”

“What did she tell you, exactly?” Her father’s behavior was embarrassing enough without having it broadcast. She trusted Lauren but still didn’t want people she didn’t know very well to know about her dysfunctional life. That was off-limits.

“About what?”

“This.” She gestured back and forth between them. “About coming to get me. Did she tell you why I’ve been here for the last three days?”

“Not really. She just asked me to pick you up as a favor, and I took it as an opportunity to see you again. Besides, I figured it was none of my business.” He shrugged. “Why, is there anything wrong?”

She liked Zander, and for the first time in a long time cared what somebody else thought of her, cared what he thought in particular. “Not anymore.” She took a deep breath. “Look, I’m sorry. I’ve been jumpy and withdrawn lately, and I don’t mean to take it out on you. Can we start over?”
His sweetness is dangerous, Hol. You can give it a shot with him, but be careful.

“I’d like that. Shall we?” His hand lightly pressed against her lower back and he guided her toward his car.

“We shall,” she said excitedly and ran her hands along the firebird decals toward the back of the car. “Really nice ride, by the way. What year is she?”

“Nineteen-eighty.” He laughed. “And I love that you have such great taste. I spent a lot of hours rebuilding and restoring my car. It’s nice to know that it’s appreciated by more than just me.”

She shrugged, trying to hide her blush. “A car like this should be appreciated.”

***

Holly sighed, feeling content for the first time in a long time. The three-fifty engine roared to life and vibrated. The rumble of power that made this muscle car so great had her wanting him to take the scenic route to wherever this little ride together took them.

“Hey, this isn’t Lauren’s place.” All too fast, the car slowed and she became curious.

“I did say I picked you up early for a reason, Holly. I’ll take you home soon enough, but we’re going to hang out first. Come on, when was the last time you had some fun?”

She smiled. Fun, was he serious? It had been so long since she had any, she didn’t know the meaning of the word anymore. “Fun, you say? All right, I’m game. What do you have in mind?”

Zander reached into the backseat and pulled out a basket of goodies. He shrugged innocently when she arched a brow. “What can I say, I have a mother who spoils me rotten. Lunch?”

“Moms certainly are great for that. I was spoiled rotten once too, you know, and I totally envy you right now, by the way.”

“Sorry.” His smile faded. “I didn’t mean to insensitive. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, not at all.” She smiled shyly. “Talking about what happened to my mother is not a happy subject, and unless you want to see me cry, I suggest we not go there. Besides, I thought you promised me some fun. I could use some good times.”

“Well then, let’s let the good times roll, shall we?”

The park’s trails were booming with cyclists and backpackers. Wilderness surrounded them with hardwood, mixed forests, fields, swamps, and lakes interspersed among the mountains. What was beautiful and green in the summer was breathtaking in the fall in a rainbow of colors.

“Oh my God, would you look at that?” Holly said, gesturing to the foliage as they settled in a spot close to Meech Lake to picnic.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Zander looked up. A nest of robins was nestled on a low branch only a few feet away, which gave them a perfect view of the mother feeding her young.

“It’s awesome,” she replied. “What a view we have out here. Do you come here often?” A city girl, she’d lived in Ottawa her entire life, but she really appreciated the serene atmosphere. It was a nice change.

“Not really.” He shrugged, breaking eye contact as he emptied the basket. “It was just a good place to go to for a picnic.”

“A modest one, are you?” Holly reached for a sandwich and winked. “This place is great, Zander, thanks for sharing this with me.”

They ate, talked, and laughed the day away. Lying on a blanket next to him, she was relaxed and felt at peace for the first time in a long time. He listened to everything she had to say, joked around with her, and the atmosphere around them was so serene. “Are you ready?”

“For what?”

“Fun.” He stood to help her up. Reaching out, he placed both of her hands inside of his and pulled. Her chest rubbed against his, their bodies molding together as if they were made to fit perfectly, and for a split second she forgot where they were. Nothing mattered. Entranced in the moment, she could feel his breath hitch as he looked right into her eyes. He leaned forward to brush his lips against hers, and before anything could get good, the moment was ruined. “Ouch!” she said and rubbed the side of her head.

He stepped back, startled. “Are you all right?” And then he laughed once he realized what had happened.

She crouched down and picked up the offending Frisbee and handed it back to the adorable little boy coming to retrieve it. They watched him run back to play with his father again. “Just peachy, thanks.” It was just her luck to be the only one there to get a Frisbee to the head, but then again, the kid had saved her from that inevitable kiss, so maybe she should thank him. Zander was great, but she still fought the attraction, knowing he deserved better than someone like her, no matter how tempting he was.

“Here let me have a look.” He moved closer and then shocked her when he kissed it all better. Hot breath and smooth lips sent butterflies of excitement fluttering inside her belly. She stepped back, half in shock and half reeling from desire, and turned to help him pack up so he couldn’t see her blush right to her roots.

He put his arm around her while they backtracked to his car, and she breathed in a sigh of relief once it came into sight again. “So what’s the plan now?”

“Some more fun,” he repeated, smiling. “You love the car, right?” She nodded in response. “Well then, let’s ride.”

His devilish smile mimicked her own once she got back in, and he laughed when she gripped the door handle the moment he put the pedal to the metal and sped off.

“Woohoo!” she squealed, allowing the high of the ride to pump her adrenaline while the scenery became a blur behind them, and she finally let go. For those few moments he actually brought not only excitement into her life but a glimpse of carefree peacefulness. It was great.

***

Blood, there was blood everywhere.

Oh Lord, not again.
It had been a while since her last nightmare, but they still scared the shit out of her, and it was extremely hard to fight them. These sudden images haunted her every move as though she was back there and helpless again.

Her blonde hair turned red and matted toward the top of her head like a gory halo as she lay on the kitchen floor. Eyes wide but unseeing with the stare of death, a lifeless blue, and bloodshot, red where the white was supposed to be. A mouth gapped open as if in shock while blood poured from her gums and out the side of her mouth. What had he done, and why?

There was another flash, like a strobe light of memories from the most horrible night of her life.

Her neck was full of dark blood, red from being slashed and vulnerable. Flesh separated, and her insides now exposed to the elements had just finished spraying their last bit of liquid to join the pool that surrounded her body on the floor as a little more splatter landed on the wall.

Flash…

Her shirt clung to her barely-there curves where the splatter attempted to dry. The fingers on her left hand hung by just a sliver of skin, some even cut off. Her disabled right hand was slashed but stayed clenched into a tight fist. And by that, it was clear that she’d fought to survive but lost.

No!

Flash…

“Mom?” Holly pleaded, “No, Mom, no. Wake up. Don’t leave me.” Her pleas fell on deaf ears. She watched from the sidelines and saw herself lower to her knees and beg. “Mom!” she screamed when nothing else worked. The unseeing, dead eyes flickered. Blood spurted from her mother’s shocked mouth once more, and the almost-decapitated head turned to look at her.

“Holly, help me…” It was her mother’s voice. She had come back to her.

“Mom?” Holly whimpered. “I’m so sorry. I was too late.”

She was being pulled away, forced to leave unwillingly. She’d lived a nightmare, was living a nightmare, but Emma had come back to her briefly. She still had to tell her that she was sorry, that she loved her, and still had to beg for forgiveness for starting the fight that night Clay had killed her. “No!” she screamed, struggling. “Mom, don’t leave me again. I’m sorry, please, I’m so sorry.” She reached out desperately to find nothing she could hold on to and sobbed into her pillow.

Lauren must have heard her cries, because reality struck when Holly felt small arms wrap tightly around her. She’d been dreaming again, screaming out for real, as horrific images of Emma’s lifeless body branded her brain for the rest of her life.

“Shh, Holly,” she cooed. “I’m here. It’ll be alright.”

Holly was too distraught to reply. These dreams had come frequently in the beginning, and she hoped she’d seen the last of them. That was doubtful, but despite the odds, hope still flickered inside her.

***

Zander

Her long, dark hair hung loosely over her shoulders, the layers accentuating her oval face. He hadn’t noticed until then how green her eyes were as they sparkled brightly. She bit into her full, pouty bottom lip, looking unsure of herself.

“You nervous?” He smiled. They’d been hanging out for a few weeks now, and he enjoyed every minute of it. Holly was pretty cool, but she had no idea how appealing she was. He knew very little of her past other than that her mother had been murdered. That would have been hard to miss when it was on the news morning, noon, and night for the first few weeks after it happened. He couldn’t imagine what she’d been through, didn’t want to.