Christy: A Journey Tale (3 page)

“I’m ready now,” Mary Beth said as she rose
slowly from her chair and straightened her back.

“We can always come back later when they’re
finished.” Jennifer said as she seemed to indicate the tent and
chairs and everything else around them. Her tone had changed to
compassionate now that they were leaving. “It will be better later.
That way we can say goodbye in our own way.” Mary Beth just gave a
slight nod in acknowledgement as they made their way from under the
dark green awning and back toward their cars. The images of the
eulogy and burial still ran through her mind. When she closed her
eyes she could still see the casket, but every time she did this it
just made her want to cry. She didn’t want to feel that way. Jack
wouldn’t want her to feel that way. So she tried instead to imagine
all the good times as the years and events flashed through her
mind. Like all couples they had good times and bad, but right now
it was only the good times she could recall. She had cried and been
sad for so long that now when she smiled at her memories she could
feel the strain as her face used muscles it had not used in days.
She would miss him, that was a given, but she took comfort in the
thought that as long as she lived he would be with her in her
memories; a constant companion that she would love even more with
each passing day. Mary Beth glanced over at Jennifer, just for an
instant. What would Jack do now? What would he say to her? She knew
the funeral was just adding insult to injury. Jennifer was
obviously having problems and it was making her increasingly
isolated and bitter. Her smile faded and she sighed as it worried
her that her daughter was heading down a very dark road probably
toward depression, but it could easily lead to something worse.
“Honey, I’m so worried about her. I don’t know what to do?” She
thought as she imagined talking to him and then thought about what
his response might be.

“You know she’s not just going to talk to you
about it. You’ve got to be the one to make the first move.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to know what to say. You just
have to draw her out and most important you’ve got to be careful.
You know how touchy she is. Take her out to eat or something.
People always relax around food. Be honest and tell her exactly how
you feel, and if you’re lucky she’ll do the same.”

Mary Beth felt warm that day for the first
time, even though it amused her that she was not only talking to
herself, but hearing voices.

“I don’t think it’s going to be much longer
before they’re done, so I don’t want to go all the way home just to
turn around and come all the way back.”

“Ok, where do you want to go instead?”
Jennifer said a little confused as she tried to interpret what her
mom might really be trying to say.

“Oh I don’t know. Why don’t we go out to eat
somewhere, and then we can just come back when we’re done.”

“Sure, that sounds fine with me,” Jennifer
said enthusiastically as she still felt a little guilty for the way
she had spoke to her mother. She regretted her temper, but she
would try to make it up to her. “Here, why don’t we take my
car?”

“Thank you,” Mary Beth said as she gave her
daughter a quick grin and took her arm as they walked the rest of
the way to the car.

When they were in range Jennifer pulled the
keys form her leather handbag. Headlights flashed as she unlocked
her black Mercedes and then hit the remote start as the engine
purred to life. She placed the keys back in her bag and opened the
driver’s door to get in. It was at that moment as she turned to
face the cemetery that she noticed her standing there. Jennifer
could see the tent about fifty yards in the distance. To the right
there was a small rise overlooking the grave and standing there was
a woman. Jennifer studied her with a bemused expression, “Had she
been watching us?” It wouldn’t have bothered her as much if the
woman hadn’t reacted the way she did. As soon as Jennifer looked
straight at her the woman knew she had been spotted and ducked
behind a large tree out of view. It was odd, but there are a lot of
strange people out there. “It takes all kinds,” she thought. Maybe
the girl just likes graves or something weird like that, but it
still made Jennifer feel a little strange.

“Honey, is there something wrong?”

“Oh, nothing,” Jennifer said as she instantly
became aware that she was standing up with only half of her body in
the car. “Sorry,” she said as she got in and quickly fastened her
seat belt. “I was just thinking. That’s all,” she said as she
checked her mirrors and pulled out from the space. Her mother
acknowledged her, and relaxed as she sat easily in the soft leather
of the heated seats. It was soothing and luxurious, but not exactly
something she was accustomed to. She looked over at her daughter’s
hands and then back at her own. She had only taken off her wedding
band to make bread dough or occasionally to clean, but never in
anger and never because she questioned her love for Jack. She vowed
that she would always wear her ring as much to honor him as it
honored the life they had shared.

Jennifer came to a complete stop at the exit
for the cemetery. Her hand instinctively went for the turn signal
when she realized she had no idea where she was going.

“Where do you want to go?”

“It doesn’t matter to me.” Mary Beth said as
she stared out the passenger window as if her mind were a thousand
miles away.

Jennifer tightened her grip on the steering
wheel. She had driven up from Atlanta so the sleep deprivation
combined with her already frayed nerves was not helping her temper.
She had little experience with this part of Nashville, and to be
honest had no idea where she was going. She repeated her mother’s
disinterested response through her mind and her knuckles turned
white. This was her idea. She could at least be a little more
helpful. Her mother looked over at her unsure of her hesitation. In
Jennifer’s mind this only put fuel on the fire, and she might have
said something else to her mom about making a decision when a car
pulled up behind her and honked its horn. It startled Jennifer and
she instinctively looked up at the rearview mirror. In that brief
moment of anxiety all Jennifer wanted to do was get out of the way.
She hit the turn signal with authority, checked the traffic
quickly, and headed right. She knew this direction would take them
toward the interstate and there’s always a place to eat near an
interstate.

About 15 minutes later they arrived at the
end of a residential area. The rows of ranch style houses with tall
stately trees and lawns professionally cleared of leaves and yard
debris was ending. In the Spring or Fall it was probably beautiful,
but now she was glad to see a little commercialism. There were a
few fast food chains, a movie rental place, and a strip mall
designed to look like an old-fashioned town square. Jennifer didn’t
understand how any developer could justify the cost of such a
design flourish. She knew design had to support differentiation,
but there was no way that was cost effective.

“A strip mall is a strip mall; anything else
is just a waste of money. Give people what they need and economics
will take care of the rest.”

She had heard that so many times from her
husband the thought almost seemed like her own. The development
architecture only a few years in vogue could not be justified in a
soft economic market. Handouts and bailouts did little for the
average consumer and even less for the real estate entrepreneur. To
someone like her husband the recession had been nothing more than a
market correction and he ran his affairs accordingly. He cared very
little for fads and ridiculed those who indulged in them. Business
was his life, and it was the only life he had ever known.

The sight of an O’Charleys in the distance
broke Jennifer from her thought, which was fine because it was
beginning to depress her. She pushed her problems into the back of
her mind and carefully changed lanes to make a left turn into the
parking lot. It was a Thursday afternoon so the crowd wasn’t bad,
but it wasn’t deserted either. Restaurants with empty parking lots
tended to make her nervous. As she pulled in she passed the front
door and guided the car easily into a spot next to a compact. She
tried to make it a habit to stay away from anything that might
scratch her baby.

“Is this all right?” She said as Jennifer
turned off the ignition.

“It’s fine,” her mom said in that same
distant tone. Jennifer took a deep breath and looked over at her
mother for a moment. She looked so lost and lonely. It was
infectious and Jennifer could not help letting herself feel the
same. She reached out and took her mom’s hand holding it tight as
her own eyes began to fill with tears. She avoided her mother’s
eyes at first, but she could feel her looking at her. Staring at
her with an expression that conveyed more than words could ever
hope to accomplish. When their eyes finally did meet Jennifer at
last opened her heart to feel what she had not allowed herself to
feel. The two women joined together in a spontaneous embrace and in
that moment came to an understanding; an emotional connection that
they had not shared in a very long time. It was beautiful, and the
warmth and affection of the moment brought them out of the loss and
sadness to love and a rekindling of their relationship.

Jennifer smiled brightly and tried to wipe
away the tears from her face with the palm of her hand.

Jennifer looked at her mother and smiled.
Mary Beth returned her expression, but more than anything she was
relieved that her only daughter was beginning to let her back in.
This had proved to be a lot easier than she had anticipated.

“Thank you so much for coming up for the
funeral. It means a lot to me, more than I could ever tell you.”
Mary Beth said as she looked at Jennifer smoothing away her own
tears. Jennifer stammered a bit debating her response, but in the
end she decided just to speak from her heart.

“I’m glad I did, but to be honest I don’t
know if I completely felt that way until now. I know I’m a little
self-involved sometimes and forget about everyone else around me.
Thank you for helping me put things back in perspective.” Jennifer
held her mom’s hand once more as fresh tears glistened in her
eyes.

“He loved you so much Jennifer,” she said as
she squeezed her daughter’s hand, but she could see her mood
change. The smile faded instantly as a solemn feeling enveloped
her. “I know you two didn’t always see eye to eye, and I won’t lie
and tell you it didn’t bother him, because it did.” Jennifer turned
her head away not able to look her mother in the face. “I’m not
trying to make you feel guilty. That’s not my intention.”

“Then what is it?”

“Listen, honey, I know you’ve got problems
and I don’t pretend to know what’s going on.” Mary Beth said as she
looked at her daughter’s left hand. Jennifer instantly recognized
what she meant and moved it so her mother couldn’t see. “But I’m
worried. I can’t help but be worried about you.” She stopped trying
not to cry. “Oh, your father was so much better at this. Like when
that little boy stood you up for the prom.” Jennifer knew exactly
what she meant and as the memories stirred in her mind she missed
her father even more.

She had not thought about that in ages, but
she could still remember his name, David Cantrell, and he wasn’t
little. He was a senior, and she was a freshman. Yes, I’m afraid
it’s one of those stories that had disaster written all over it.
Both her parents could see it coming, but oh no, to Jennifer it was
an absolute fairy tale. She was so flattered that a senior had
asked her to the prom he could do no wrong. She spent the next
month agonizing over the dress, what she would do with her hair,
and making sure that everything was perfect. They even went out on
a few dates and everything about him made her like him even more.
She would lie awake at night and imagine them old together looking
back on a life well lived. She was so happy sometimes she would
cry.

When the day of the prom came she didn’t see
him at lunch like she normally did, but at the time she didn’t
think that much about it. She was leaving school a few hours early
that day to get ready and those thoughts kept her pretty much
occupied. She was so excited that she was dressed, primped, and
ready to go a half hour before he was supposed to pick her up. Her
palms sweated as she paced the floor. It was bad enough waiting
through that first half hour, but when the appointed time came and
went her nervous energy quickly turned into anxiety that rose in a
crescendo as 15 minutes late turned into half an hour. She called
his mom and she said David had left about 45 minutes ago. Her
anxiety was about to boil over to panic when her dad came up with a
plan. Jack didn’t like the idea of her going out with a senior
anyway, but Jennifer’s nerves were about to drive him crazy. If she
paced that floor wringing her hands one more time he didn’t think
he could take it. He tried to calm her down of course, but that was
clearly not going to cut it. So finally he told her that he would
drive her to the High School instead. The boy may have had car
trouble or something like that and might already be waiting for her
there. It would all be ok. Everything could still be perfect just
like she had planned. This was just a minor inconvenience. Jennifer
bought it hook, line, and sinker even though he knew this was going
to be a long night. The fact that the little ingrate hadn’t picked
up the phone told him all he needed to know.

Jennifer was all smiles when they arrived at
the gym. The sun was just going down and the few clouds that were
there reflected a blazing pink and orange sunset that tinted the
world in a warm glow. It was a perfect night and Jennifer could
feel it as she jumped out of the truck almost before he could get
it stopped.