Deviation (Deviate Series) (10 page)

I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. No scratch that, I feel like I was run over by a semi and dragged before I was deposited on the side of the road. My body is heavy, I can’t move my arms or legs, and my head feels like it
’s locked in place with head gear.

I’m able to open one eye
to no more than a slit, but the light hurts so much that I close it again. I feel movement on the bed next to my right hand, hair brushes over my knuckle, and then a kiss is placed on the top of my hand. Angel. That’s the only explanation of who could be here. Right? Images start to assault me and the face of Timo pops up behind my eyelids. That’s all it takes for them to shoot open to see who’s sitting next to me. In the same instant the light hits my eyes, my head shifts, a gasp escapes my mouth, and the head of the person next to me snaps up.

“
Beautiful, don’t move, “he says.

My anxiety and worry that it’s Timo next to me evaporates
. I stop moving and try to open my eyes again but quickly close them.

“I’ll get the lights, babe, keep your eyes closed until I say to open them.”

I can hear him shuffle the chair back, pad across the floor, and the click of the light switch.

“Okay, try to open your eyes
now,” he speaks softly, careful.

I open
my eyes slowly, cautiously, and I can see, barely. It reminds me of how I viewed everything under the influence and I hate it. I close my eyes again and tears streak down the sides of my face. I shouldn’t be alive. Why is it I keep being given chance after chance to live life when life keeps trying to get rid of me?

Soft fingers wipe away the tears that
flow freely. No end in sight and I can’t bring myself to care, to be embarrassed that his guy next to me has been forced to see me cry more than once, forced to save me more than once. I should be grateful, I am grateful, but I also remember that he said nothing when I told him I was ready for there to be something more, to define our relationship, for there to be a relationship. Instead I got a look, granted he was searching for something, searching to for a hint of certainty that I was serious, but after minutes passed and nothing was said, I gave up. Sometimes silence is louder than words.

I promise myself right then that I
will never cry over a guy again. I promise myself that I will take an opportunity when presented with one. I won’t hide anymore. I won’t run when I’m scared. I will stand up and face anything directed at me. I won’t let myself be the victim anymore. So to put the past behind me, I need to know what happened to Timo. I need to know if I have to worry about him coming back again or if I should pick up and leave Whisper all together. It’s an idea that makes sense. Why stay when all that’s here are bad memories and the chance of running into Timo again?

“What happened to Timo?” I ask
, barely audible.

Angel looks at me and I can see in his eyes that something major happened. I know I should feel sad about it, but I don’t. I don’t feel
empathy; I don’t feel anything but relief. Justice. I’m sure that makes me a bad person but I’ll take it.

“Do you really want to know?” His voice tells me I don’t.

“Yes,” is all I say in reply.

His face falls, but he nods his head once. “
After you said you wanted there to be an ‘us’ and I didn’t reply right away, you got up and walked away. I was coming after you when one of the guys punched me in the face. By the time I came to, you were gone, and I knew he would take you to his house.” He stops.

I nod
my head to continue. Trying to calculate how long I was gone and how he found me.

“I asked your friend Elise where y’all lived that night I had the confrontation with Timo
, just in case you went back there. I knew he was going to take you back there because he thought it was safe. A cotton field that hasn’t been harvested yet, he thought it would conceal y’all, but I’m not easily deterred when something that’s mine is taken from me.” He looks me in the eyes and my heart rate picks up.

The monitor beeps erratically and a nurse comes running in. Angel assures her everything is ok
ay and she leaves with a wave and tells me to buzz her if I need anything.

“
It took me a little while to actually locate the crappy excuse he gave you for a home. It was night by then and I wasn’t sure it was the right house until he came running out looking scared as hell. I stopped him to see where you were because something had to be wrong if he was fleeing like that. He said you were dead,” he chokes out.

“So I told him to show me where you were. When he pointed to the house I threw him through the door at the same time you were trying to get out.” He looks at me, horror etched all over his face, “Nevaeh, I’ve never seen so much blood and Timo tried to escape when I went to check on you. I stood up
and punched him once in the stomach. He dropped to the floor and never got up. I called the ambulance and they tried working on him in another ambulance but they said he had so many drugs in his system that he overdosed.” He looks away.

I know he thinks he killed him
by landing that punch to his stomach, but he didn’t. I know he’s going to beat himself up every day thinking it was his fault. It’s going to change him and I don’t want that. I want Angel to remain himself. So I try to gather enough energy and spit in my mouth, because well, my mouth is dryer than the desert summer.

“Angel, listen to me. You had nothing
to do with Timo’s death. If you had seen him snorting whatever it was he snorted and injecting himself with whatever he injected himself with, you would know he was going to die. It wasn’t a matter of if; it was only a matter of when. He doesn’t have a car so he probably would have passed out in the field and never woke up, so if anything you did him a favor.” I stop to take a breath, “So don’t let this get to you, you are not a murderer. When you leave this hospital you will not think about him ever again, do you hear me?”

He nods his head, “Okay
, beautiful.”

I know he’s
trying to eliminate my worry. This is going to be an ongoing battle for him and I hope he wins it. He doesn’t deserve any of this and I brought it all to him. I need to let him go. I told him I was going to break his heart in some way, I just didn’t think it would be because he was trying to save me.

“Angel
, you need to go,” I say, not looking at him.

“What?” he sounds confused.

“You need to go. I told you I would break your heart and I did, just not in the way I thought I would. I brought this to you, so you need to go. Now.” I try to make my voice as hard as I can. I try to place that mask upon my face that I haven’t needed since I met him.

“I don’t know how many times I’m going to have to say this to you
, Nevaeh, but get it through that stubborn head of yours. I’m not going anywhere. I chose to stand by you, to be there for you, to be with you. Do. You. Get. That. Beautiful?” He yells and enunciates each word at the end.

“Things are different now.” I close my eyes since I can’t move my head.

I hear him stand up, feel his presence get closer and closer until I feel his breath on my face. The pain is the only thing keeping me still. I know I’m going to have to open my eyes, otherwise he won’t move. So I do.

“The only thing that is different is the fact that you’ve been stuck in this bed for two days
, Nevaeh. That’s the only difference. I’m still attracted to you, as you are to me. I still want you as much as you want me despite your denial. But there is one thing that is different. I just don’t want you, I need you. I need you next to me. I need to see you smile, hear you laugh, and see your blue eyes return to sparkling sapphires. I need you, Nevaeh. The innocent touches, the kisses that drive me crazy, the way you look at me like I’m everything, and the way you love me. Because Nevaeh, I love you.”

The tears I’ve been fighting
erupt. Not because I was sad or because I was in pain, but because he loves me. Maybe, just maybe, things can work out for us. It’s not going to be easy, it’s going to be hard, and it’s going to be hell every single day, but it’ll be worth it.

I spend
two more weeks in the hospital, something about having to get a few more blood transfusions due to all my blood loss. I’m so glad when they finally release me. There’s only so much food I can take from there. Two weeks. I thought the week I was getting sober was the longest week of my life, I was totally wrong. I thought the month I worked at the coffee shop and being around Angel every night was torture, but none of that compared to having to be in this hospital. The smell of antiseptic and all the fake cheerfulness was enough to last me a lifetime. The only bonus of being there so long was by the time I left, the cast stayed behind.

I kept
asking to leave, and you would figure since I’m an adult I could just sign myself out, right? I mean it happens all the time. However I was the only exception. Besides the 12 stitches I had to get on the back of my head, and not to mention my bruised back resulting from being repeatedly kicked by Timo, I was also dehydrated. How that’s possible is beyond me.  I mean I drank a lot of water, well more than I usually did. The doctor said the dehydration resulted from the drugs. Honestly, I think Angel was telling them to keep me. He would always take their side, well, they would take his side, if I’m being accurate.

We make it home and Martha is waiting for me
with some flowers. I smile at her and let her know I’ll be back to work as soon as I can. She hushes me and heads home. I put the flowers on the island in the kitchen. The pink roses look out of place but they add some color. I head to the living room and collapse on the couch. I love the couch, it’s big and soft and… home.

I hear Angel laughing at me so I stick my tongue
out at him, only causing him to laugh some more. Rolling my eyes, I rise up on my forearms and smile at him. We haven’t talked about anything since I opened my eyes two weeks ago. We haven’t said the “L” word since then either. I don’t know his reasoning but I feel like it’s harder to say now, since it’s been said already. We can shrug off the first ones, saying we were just emotional after the trauma, even if it’s not true.

I’m
about to say something when Angel leans over and captures my lips. God, that boy can kiss. I have to bring my arms around his neck before I collapse back onto the couch. It feels like each time he kisses me is different, each one meaning something more. Eventually there’s going to be a kiss that’s going to be too much to walk away from. It’s amazing how I can forget everything but the way his lips feel on mine. The way they fit mine perfectly.

It’s like a choreographed dance
. The way he gives a little and I take. Then I give and he takes. His hands move to my neck, drifts down my back to my hips, and then nudge my legs apart so he can stand between them. I wrap my legs around his back and we join in a way that sets my body on fire, burning that’s begging for me to let go. It’s an urge to just enjoy the moment like I promised myself I would if I was presented the opportunity. And oh how I want that, but not yet. We may love each other but I don’t think we are ready for that just yet.

I lay back, pulling my lips off his, just as his hand goes for the hem of my shirt. Our heav
y breathing is the only sound in the house. The temperature is rising to a degree that has my skin flushing red.  Angel’s tan skin isn’t hiding his arousal any more than his jeans are. He runs his hands over his face. I know he’s just as frustrated as I am but I want it to be special. I want it to be like my first time should have been. I’m not talking about candles and rose petals. But I want to make love, not bang, have sex, or fuck. I want it to be after a perfect day together, well as perfect as a day gets for us. I want it to be meaningful, something that goes deeper than skin on skin. I want it to reach into our souls, bringing them together as one.

I start biting my lip
due to the tension running through my body and   the images rapidly flipping through my mind. None of them are nice, all of them revolving around me and Angel naked. I can feel the blush creeping across my skin, my breath comes in rapid gasps, as image after image gets more explicit and detailed.

Angel clears
his throat and my eyes open. He has this sexy smile on his face and his eyebrows are raised in question. I can feel my face getting hotter and I start to feel shy. I look away but that doesn’t do any good.

“So
, beautiful, do you want to explain what that just was? Not that it wasn’t hot, actually I was hoping you were going to go a little further. Maybe I should have stayed quiet to see how far you were going to take whatever that was,” he chuckles.

“Oh my god
, I can’t believe I just… I don’t even know what I did. My eyes closed of their own accord,” I laugh.

“Well
, babe,” he clears his throat, “not going to lie, that was so hot that I’m more turned on now than I was before. So are you going to tell me what you were thinking?”

“Oh umm
…” I trail off “I was thinking of me and you naked and well, other things. And each image was more and more detailed,” I say through my hands.

His eyes are hooded when I move my hands to look at him. That electric blue is back with flecks of silver that I never noticed before. He
starts to come toward me and I scramble to get off the couch before he reaches me. He stops and looks at me; the current that ties us together is making the room impossibly tense. I move, he moves. It feels like a game, one I’m not sure about. He’ll catch me, that’s a given, but I need a distraction to get a head start. His phone rings. He’s patting his pockets, trying to find it, so I make my move. His gaze snaps up to mine and I stop moving.

He answers the phone, I move again, inching closer to the hallway. His gaze never leaves mine. I’m not paying attention to what he’s saying until a look comes over his face and I hear the end of the
conversation, something about bringing me to meet them. Who’s “them”? My curiosity keeps me rooted in place. He hangs up and comes to stand in front of me.

“I was hoping to put this off as long as I could, but I don’t think they’re going to be patient anymore.” He runs his hand through his hair.

Confused, “What are you talking about and who won’t be patient?”

“My parents.”

That’s an easy way to get rid of dirty thoughts. I didn’t even know his mom was still alive. More proof that we need to wait. I need to know more about him.

“Wait, I’m assuming we are talking about your mom since you said your father passed away. She got remarried already?” I say accusatory. “Wait, I’m sorry I don’t mean it like that. I’m just surprised.”

“It’s okay, beautiful. My parents got divorced when I was fifteen. The divorce was part of the reason I started using.”

I offer him a sad smile, “Okay, so how does she know about me?”

“Well I talk to her every day, usually when you were at work or in the shower…or locked in the closet,” he laughs.

“Hey! That was a hard week for me so zip it
, mister. Okay, so why does she want to meet me?” I ask, incredulous it even has to be asked.

He clears his throat and looks around, but doesn’t say anything.

“Angel. Why does she want to meet me?” my voice is firm and my hand is on my hip.

“Umm… Well
, I told her you are my girlfriend and I don’t usually have girlfriends so she wanted to meet the girl who ‘changed’ that about me.” He looks away as a blush creeps up his face.

I laugh
, and then laugh harder, bending over because I’m still sore and the laughing isn’t helping. When I finally stop and look at him, I try to hold it in. He’s having a hard time keeping a straight face and his lips are twitching, causing me to start all over again. He gives up and joins me.

“You know
, I love your laugh,” he says through a smile.

I stop laughing to look up at him.
“Oh yeah, yours isn’t so bad either.” I wink at him.

“So are you ok
ay with meeting her and my step dad?” He sounds hopeful.

This is important to him. I can see it in his eyes. How can I say no to him even when it terrifies me to meet her? Obviously she knows about me if he called her while I locked myself in the closet
… a fact that only scares me more.

“What if she doesn’t like me?” I look at him with wide eyes.

“Nevaeh, she’s going to love you. What’s not to love?” His eyes show his own love for me.

It’s the firs
t time I see it. I feel a little better but not enough to calm down and stop freaking out.

“Well because I’m a complete and utter mess. Standing next to you makes me look so insignificant. Plus
, I have no idea what to talk to her about, Angel! Oh my god, I’m going to make a complete fool of myself and you! No, I can’t do this.” I spin on my heels bolting for my room.

I don’t make it
far; actually I only make it, maybe a step, before Angel grabs my arm. A full blown panic attack is surfacing. I can feel it as I start to hyperventilate. It’s one thing to make myself look like an idiot but I won’t make him look like one.

Arms wrap around me as I’m crushed to his chest, “Just breathe
, babe. In and out. Good. Feel my heart beat and breathe, follow them. Good, you’re doing great. Now listen, my mother is going to love you because I love you. You don’t have anything to worry about because it doesn’t matter what she thinks. It only matters what I think.”

“But she’s your mom
, Angel. I couldn’t, no I wouldn’t make you choose between us,” I say.

“It’s not going to come down to that
, beautiful. My mom is laid back. You’re going to be surprised and think back to this moment and laugh about getting worked up over nothing,” he chuckles.

“I don’t care how laid back your mom is, well I do, but that’s beside the point. What am I supposed to wear
, Angel? And when are we going over there or is she coming here?” I start panicking again.

Just like before
, Angel is there for me. I don’t know why I deserve him but I’m grateful for him continuing to stand by me. He starts walking me back to my room, into the bathroom, and back to the closet. I just smile because I know he’s going to pick an outfit for me to meet his mother in. If that’s not the sweetest, cutest thing I’ve ever seen, I don’t know what is.

“My mom is really southern. She spent her life here in Texas, growing up on a farm, and rode horses. She likes cowboy
boots and sundresses,” he says as he looks at the dresses.

“I love sundresses and cowboy boots.  I never had money to buy them and Timo wouldn’t
let me buy anything like that because he said I would be advertising what was his,” I scowl.

“Well
, I happen to love them and you can wear whatever you want, Nevaeh. I’m not controlling and I won’t tell you what to do,” he says with a shrug.

He picks out this beautiful dress that I
hadn’t seen before. It’s a pretty yellow sundress that has white daisies embroidered onto the bottom near the hem and across the chest. He then picks out the black cowboy boots and I smile.

“Okay, now that we
have the outfit crises under control, we’re going over tomorrow morning. It’s out on the farm so if you want to ride bring some jeans and a t-shirt,” he says smiling.

“Oh I’ll be able to ride a horse? I
‘ve never ridden one before,” I say excitedly.

Angel laughs, “Well
, you can ride on one with me. We can go down by the lake and explore the grounds. You’re going to love it.” He’s just as excited as I am.

We walk
out of the closet, through the bathroom, and into my room. It’s already dark and all the excitement has me worn out. He kisses my cheek and walks backwards to the door. He smiles at me as he walks out, closing the door behind him, and I jump on my bed giggling. I’m not even a little ashamed that I sound like a school girl with my first boyfriend.