Deviation (Deviate Series)
Read Deviation (Deviate Series) Online
Authors: Dani Morales
Deviation
By Dani Morales
Copyright © 2013 by Dani Morales
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead is coincidental and not intended by the author.
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return it and purchase your own copy. Piracy is a crime. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
First, I have to thank my family for dealing with my craziness. Without them writing would not be possible. I would also like to thank Christina Pryor. We’ve had a crazy journey this past year but no matter what you’ve always had my back. Whether it was encouraging me to continue or complaining alongside me about things going on around us. Point is you’ve been there and help spread the word like no other. So thank you.
Allura Leblanc, thank you for your awesome editing skills. Sometimes people are placed in our lives when other’s leave. I’m glad you were placed in mine.
Heather King, there are no words to express how awesome you are and how much you help me on a daily basis. I’m not sure I would have the courage to continue to write if it wasn’t for you. So thank you a million times over.
My awesome Beta readers Christopher, Megan, and Kelley, I absolutely adore each and every one of you.
Last but not least, Rachel Walter. Thank you for your awesome insight and reading along as I wrote to make sure I kept true to reality. I owe a lot of this book to you.
“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” –William Shakespeare
I dedicate this book to everyone who ever wondered if there was a path for us to follow and somewhere along the way we got lost. One of the beautiful things about life is that we get to choose what happens to us, what affects us, and by that giving us the opportunity to change it.
It’s never too late to change your life around and do something that truly makes you happy. You hold the key to your destiny. It’s just a matter of putting it into the lock and having the courage to open the door.
One
I'm lying on a cold, hardwood floor staring up at the yellowed ceiling. Another
day is here and the crushing weight of reality is starting to suffocate me, and reminding me why I’m here. I just can’t handle it-the rules, the drama, and the
fact
that
everyone seems to have a perfect life except for me. I sit up and look around. Bodies are strewn everywhere and red plastic cups, cans of beer, and drug paraphernalia litters the floor around me. I stand up and shakily make my way to the kitchen. I pick up a note on the counter and read it. If it was meant to be private, too bad. They left it out in the open so it’s fair game.
“Neveah,
Kick ass party babe. Don't forget we have that rave tonight in the fields behind the water park. Score some
Candy from Ice and meet me there around 8.
Love you babe,
Timo
”
Sometimes I wonder how I got here. Life wasn't always this bad but I can pretty much pinpoint the day my downward spiral began. It was my birthday, August 8, 2004. That's the day Heaven considered me unworthy and thrust my ass back into this sorry excuse of a body. It took my parents and my little sister, but left me to rot in this Hell on earth all alone. I used to replay that day over and over in my mind after it first happened and wonder why I didn’t die. What made me so damn special that I had to come back here and get a second chance? And was it really a second chance or was it my judgment? Over the next 5 years since the accident, I lived in about 15 different foster homes. And in five of those homes I was sexually abused, told I was worthless, and that the only thing I was good for was lying on my back. So, the judgment theory sounds a lot more accurate, I guess.
When I was finally legal and set free of the state of Texas
, I left running. With two hundred dollars in my pocket and nowhere to go, I sought what I knew best, sex. I found myself at a party and that's where I met Timo. He was the one who introduced me to my first hit of “Candy.” “Candy” is our code name for ecstasy, and when you double it up with Vodka, all the suffering life deals me just vanishes. And for those 8 hours, life is fucking magical. The numbness courses through my body as if preparing me for this mind blowing orgasm. It feels like fire is igniting in every cell, awakening dormant nerve endings so that when someone touches me, I can feel it to my very core.
Which brings us back to the present
. The calendar on the fridge says it’s June 8, 2013. My birthday is two months away. That means that my anniversary of being alone is only 69 days away. Right now I have no clue whose house I'm in or why my lame ass boyfriend left me here. That’s classic Timo right there. You would think that after a year I would know his ass would up and split. He claims he just wants to let me sleep, but I'm not stupid. I may be a blonde, but I have brains underneath all this mess. There’s a bottle of Vodka that is still full on the counter, so I unscrew the cap and take a shot. Then I follow it with another, and then another. The burn is slowly making its way back through my body. Today I start “the binge.” For the next 38 days my only plan is to not. Remember. My goal is to forget.
When I’ve taken enough shots to put a
decent dent in the bottle, the suffocating dread that was clawing its way up to the surface has been forced back down. Now if I can just find my fucking keys, I can go score some Candy and forget about all this shit resurfacing. I need to get some more Vodka for the rave tonight. I then realize why I can’t find my keys- Timo. He thinks he owns my Ducati because he’s my boyfriend. In his head it’s the ‘man’ that always drives. Drives women insane maybe. That’s why he leaves whenever I’m passed out. He knows I won’t let him drive my silver baby if I have a choice. It’s the only thing that belongs to me that means something, and that’s freedom.
hapter Two
I walk the 15 miles across rows and rows of cornfields to our “shack.” I've actually seen much worse. For the first few months Timo and I stayed under the freeway in a drainage ditch (talk about shitty houses that take the cake.) We moved into this little shack about four months later. Timo was able to get side jobs doing yard work, so his boss offered us this shed to live in under the condition that Timo made himself available for anything he needed whenever he came by.
Honestly?
It looks like shit. Broken and warped boards make up the outside walls, with an aluminum roof and saloon doors to complete the look. The inside, however, is like a drink of water on the hottest day in July. However, the place lacks walls. The only room that’s blocked off is the bathroom, and that’s only because I complained long enough for Timo to put some make-shift walls up. Maybe it's the vodka talking, but I have never been so damn glad to see our poor excuse for a bed. Hell, scratch that. I have never been so damn happy to see that shower! I begin stripping off my clothes and walk towards the hot water leaving a trail of alcohol and smoke-filled clothes behind.
As soon as the hot water touches my skin
, I flinch but then relax into it. I’m moaning as the heat washes away the sweat and dirt from walking through the brink of summer in Texas. I can’t believe he took my bike and didn’t even have the nerve to wake me up. I’m starting to feel again. I need that numbness, otherwise I’m going to question everything. Finishing up my shower, I walk toward the room and grab a pair of jeans that hug my body like a glove, cupping my ass perfectly. I grab a pink lacey bra and a black shirt. The outfit I chose includes my signature-tight fitting jeans, pink bra, and black shirt. The shirt has been cut and torn so there’s more skin showing than fabric. Black leather boots with a stiletto heel complete the look.
I pull out my stash of
Candy from a secret compartment carved in the heel of one of my shoes. Clever, huh? I go back to the bathroom, grab a razor blade and start smashing the pill on the counter. Swallowing it would take too long for it to get into my system and I need it now! The shots of vodka have lost their effect. I bend down and snort one line, then another. My back hits the wall behind me, rattling whatever is on the other side holding it up, and I sink down. The burning in my nose is a welcome feeling. It’s a sign that the drugs are taking effect. Numbness descends on me and everything just fades away. There’s no hurt, nothing except sweet darkness.
I stand up
to finish getting ready. I grab the black eyeliner and apply it heavily, top lid first, bottom lid second, and then I connect the two at the corners of my eyes. Mine are blue and used to sparkle, but are now dull and almost lifeless looking. I apply the last of my pink “Behave Yourself” lipstick by M.A.C (gotta love that name, right?) While I’m doing all this I’m trying to figure out how to score some more Candy.
Timo walks in
the door as I’m walking out of the bathroom and he looks shocked to see me. I’m just about to open my mouth to bitch him out for stealing my bike keys when “she” walks in. I’ve seen her before at some parties, but I never paid any attention to her since there was an abundance of alcohol and drugs available at the time. I guess I should have, but I find that I don’t really care. Timo is just a phase, and a sorry excuse of a lay. He supports my habit and that’s the only reason I stick around, but now? Well, fuck that! I can do “bad” all by myself.
I don’t even say anything
, I just go back to the bathroom, grab my shit, pack a few jeans, shirts, panties and bras into a backpack, along with my converse. I grab my stash along with my bike keys that he threw on the counter and then walk out the door. Damn! I should have grabbed the bottle of vodka. I pop two pills knowing that it won’t do very much, but it will tide me over until I get to see Ice. Then I can score some other shit, or at least a drink.
I hop on the bike and turn
East down Brownfield Highway. Speed-I can almost feel it coursing through my veins, it’s whipping my hair behind me in a blonde wave. I know I’m speeding, that’s the thrill of the bike, but everything seems to be moving in slow motion. It’s like tunnel vision where everything is moving so fast it blurs together, but at the same time I can take in every detail. Well this is new. I’ve never felt like this before- never experienced the way my body is completely numb, but I can sense the tornado tearing its way through me.
Destruction is coming…
I’ve made it to Ice’s house on the eastside of to
wn. How I got here is beyond me. The drive usually takes forty-five minutes, and I feel like I’ve only been driving for ten. I park the bike on the grass in front of the door when Ice walks out.
“Nevaeh, you know I fuckin
’ hate it when you park that piece of shit in my yard!” Ice yells.
Ice is this big black dude with gold teeth.
I know, right? Not attractive at all. But when you have a habit like I do and no job, you do what you have to do to get your next fix. “Now Ice, my bike isn’t a piece of shit. And what yard? All I see is a bunch of dirt.” I smirk at him.
He starts shaking his head, “Where’s Timo? I thought the two of you
were handcuffed together.” His eyes are moving over my body. I cringe. I hate this- the way he looks at me like I’m a piece of meat. He licks his lips as his eyes meet mine
“Oh well
, you know Timo. Apparently he can’t keep his dick in just one girl, so I dumped him. But I’m not here about Timo. I need something stronger than this Candy shit you hooked me up with. This shit isn’t lasting long enough,” I growl. “Well, what are you going to give me for it?” He asks as he opens the door and gestures for me to come inside.
Fuck!
I have nothing to give him, well, nothing that I want to give him anyway. I take the last two pills out of my pocket and go to his kitchen. His house is beyond trashy. I’m talkin’, he can make a garbage dump seem first class compared to his place. He must have had a party here last night. Then again, most of these houses on the eastside are shitty. It’s a wonder they’re not condemned, but that would mean relocating the black people back into the city.
Eve
n though segregation is no longer legal, here in the good ol’ city of Whisper, Texas, segregation is alive and well. Maybe not to the degree it was before, but you get the picture. The hard honest truth is that Eastside is where all the poor black people live. And that’s where all the drug dealers stay because there’s fewer cop raids when you don’t have someone calling 911 every five minutes. So, of course, this is where Ice lives. Ice is my supplier, my crutch, and the one person that kills a little piece of me every time I come here.
“Ice
, do you mind if I take a swig of this Jack?”
“Nah baby girl
, be my guest.” He’s already clearing space on the counter which makes my stomach turn.
I place the two pills in my mouth and chug more than half the bottle of Jack. He lets me sit there until I start feeling it. He knows w
hen I do because I pull my jeans and panties off in one motion, jump up on the counter. In one moment he’s rolling a condom on and then he’s quickly between my legs. My body is numb and I don’t feel him enter me or move inside me. My mind has officially checked out and nobody’s home. Physically, however, it’s an entirely different story, but I’m too mentally gone to care. I look down to see him kissing my neck. He knows my rules. There’s no kissing on the lips because that’s too personal, and too intimate, I don’t do personal. I don’t really feel the way his lips move against my skin, or when his tongue slides out, tasting me. In fact I don’t really feel any of it. The Jack and pills have done their job. It’s as if the connection to the part of my brain that recognizes touch has been severed. When he’s “done” he zips up his pants and walks back to his room. I stand up and get dressed, I’ve been
violated again.
He comes back into the kitchen carrying a baggy filled with pinkish purple pills. “What the hell are those?” I ask him. I’ve never seen these kind of pills before.
“These are something new
I’ve been working on for you since you seem to build up a tolerance for shit so damn fast. Not that I don’t enjoy our little “meetings.” I don’t want you going somewhere else.” He winks at me. “I call these pills ‘Dreams’,” They’re a combination of a few different types of narcotics, and I had them made in this color just for you.”
He hands me
the bag and there’s something like 30 pills in it. He says,” Now baby girl, these are a lot more potent than what you’re used to. Just take one a day, and if you drink alcohol with it, it’ll keep up the high. He hands me another bag of Candy, “Take these only if the alcohol doesn’t help enough and you need an extra pick- me-up. This should last you for a month and then I’ll see you again.” Then he winks at me. Ugh, he is so disgusting. I pop a Dream into my mouth and walk out. Somewhere buried deep inside me is a nagging voice saying that I should be concerned about what kind of pill I just took, but I just don’t care.
I get on my pretty silver
Ducati and head back to the boonies for the rave that’s going down in a barn and field somewhere. I kick up some dirt on my way out and hear Ice bitching about it causing me to smile. Damn! This works fast but it’s different than Candy. The Dream makes me feel numb, but I’m still aware of what’s going on around me. I can already hear the noise from the rave and my body is anxious to ditch the bike and go! I park farther away, so that if Timo’s ass is here, he won’t try to steal my bike. As soon as I’m in the field surrounded by people, my body starts to move. Then I see a guy I’ve never seen before standing off to the side of the crowd looking completely bored. Just like that, I decide he’s my mission tonight. Who comes to a party like this and acts bored?
It’s getting dark now and o
ne of the only things I love about living in Whisper are the beautiful sunsets. The sky is filled with shades of orange, pink, and purple. The colors seem so much more intense with these drugs coursing through me. Keeping my eye on the bored guy, I let my body flow with the music, and get lost in the crowd.
I can tell he’s watching me. He’s watching the way my
hips grind to the music. Some girl named Elise comes up to me and kisses me while sliding a hit of candy into my mouth, and then she starts dancing with me. I’m watching the stranger and notice how he keeps his eyes on me. They don’t show any emotion, so maybe he is on something. Whatever the situation is, we’re totally “eye fucking” each other. Okay, at least I am anyway. I’m undressing him with my eyes as Elise stands behind me, running her hands up my sides. Just when I think he’s made of stone, his eyes seem to flash with desire just for a second and then it’s gone. Did I just imagine it? No, I’m almost positive it was there.
“Hey,
Elise. Who’s that guy over there? I whisper.
She looks over my shoulder as I bend
at the waist to shake my ass against her crotch. “I don’t know, but he’s new to this scene. He’s hot though Nevaeh, and he’s totally watching you right now.” I look over my shoulder to see her smirk. “So let’s give the boy a show, Neveah. What do you say?”
I laugh, “Let’s do it.”
The song “Good Girls go Bad,” by Cobra Starship comes on and we grab a random guy and start dancing with him. The guy is between me and Elise. His hands are on my hips and I grind my ass against his hardening dick and the whole time I’m keeping my eyes on Mr. Mysterious. Shit, I can feel my buzz fading. I’ve must have been dancing longer than I thought. I tear my eyes away from the guy to catch Elise’s, and she nods her head that she understands. We leave “random guy” standing there with a raging hard-on and a confused look on his face. We head back to the table where the “hot guy” was standing, unable to stop laughing.
I pull out a couple of pi
lls, not even knowing which bag I got them from, and a plastic cup with some clear alcoholic drink in it. I quickly swallow it with the pills and from the way it burns, I’m guessing it’s Everclear. I shake my head even though it’s not going to stop the burn. I hand Elise a pill and the cup and she does the same head shake. I turn around to find the guy I was eye screwing only to see Timo walking my way.
“Fuck!
Elise, we have to bounce before Timo gets over here.” I say in a hurry.
“Chill out Nevae
h! Wait, he looks upset. Aren’t you two together anymore?” She asks, clearly confused.
Shit, come on pills! Hurry up and work!
I down the rest of my drink. “Yeah well we were up until a few hours ago, but then he dragged some bitch into our house.”
“Oh hell no! T
ell me you beat the bitches’ ass or kicked Timo in the balls?” She laughs.
Everyone knows I have a temper when I’m sober.
So I just make it a point to never be sober. “Nah, I just bounced out, took some of my shit, my bike and I left. Fuck him if he thinks it makes a difference to me.” By that time, Timo reached us. I yank the rubber band off my wrist and pull my hair up into a ponytail.
“Just stay calm
, Nevaeh. There’s no reason this has to get ugly,” Elise pleads with me. I can see fear in her eyes and I realize she’s worried about me.
“Babe
, what the hell? You just left me at the house and then you come here looking like that just to hang with Elise?” Timo yells at me.