Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook (21 page)

"I reached out, timidly, towards her throat. I
touched the object there. "What is this?" I asked. "The
silk?" she asked. "That is a collar stocking, or a collar sleeve.
They may be made of many different materials. In a cooler climate they are
sometimes of velvet. In most cities they are not used."  (John
Norman, Kajira of Gor, 1983)

The traditions and lore associated with the Gorean
custom of collaring slaves were described and expounded upon by John Norman as
a recurring theme over the course of all thirty-two Gor novels.  The
widespread contemporary practice of
collaring
as a symbol of commitment within
the BDSM culture owes a great deal to Norman’s imagination and vision, even
though he never advocated that the Gorean culture should be emulated in
real-life.

A Gorean collar is symbolic of far more than simply
the unbreakable bond between a master and his slave.  Gorean tradition
celebrates what they consider to be the natural order of things, which includes
a man’s inherent dominance over women.  According to folklore passed down
through countless generations, this natural order was the result of an ancient
war of the sexes: 

“In Gorean mythology it is said that there was once a war
between men and women and that the women lost, and that the Priest-Kings, not
wishing the women to be killed, made them beautiful, but as the price of this
gift decreed that they, and their daughters, to the end of time, would be the
slaves of men.”  (John Norman, Dancer of Gor, 1985)

The actual procedures involved in the collaring of a
slave vary widely, depending on the culture, region, type of slave being collared,
and the collar itself.  At one end of the spectrum, the process is no more
sacrosanct than the shoeing of a horse or the branding of a steer might be on
Earth, as this passage from
“Marauders of Gor”
illustrates:

"Do not move your head, bondmaid," said the
smith.

Then, with great blows of the iron hammer, he riveted the
iron collar about her throat.

A man then pulled her by the hair from the anvil and
threw her to one side. She lay there weeping, a naked bondmaid, marked and
collared.

"Next," called out the Forkbeard.

Weeping, another girl was flung over the branding log.

(John Norman, Marauders of Gor, 1975)

At the other end of the spectrum, slave collarings
are far more ceremonial in nature and demonstrative of an emotional bond and
commitment between master and slave.  The following passage is not only
typical of many of the collaring ceremonies described by Norman in his novels
but the wording is, in some ways, almost identical to many of the contemporary
real-life collaring ceremonies conducted right here on good ol’
planet
Earth:

"Assume the posture of female submission, I told
her.  She did so, kneeling back on her heels, her arms extended, wrists
crossed, her head between them, down. She was weeping.

"Repeat after me," I told her. "'I, once
Miss Elizabeth Cardwell, of the planet Earth--'"

"I, once Miss Elizabeth Cardwell, of the planet
Earth--"  she said.

"--herewith submit myself, completely and totally,
in all things--” 

"--herewith submit myself, completely and totally,
in all things--" she said.

"'--to him who is now known here as Hakim of Tor--”

"--to him who is now known here as Hakim of
Tor--" she said.

"--his girl, his slave, an article of his property,
his to do with as he pleases--"

"--his girl, his slave, an article of his property,
his to do with as he pleases," she said.

Hassan handed me the collar.  It was inscribed, “I
am the property of Hakim of
Tor.”           I showed it
to the girl.  She could not read Taharic script.  I read it to
her.  I put it about her neck.   I snapped it shut.

"I am yours, Master,"  I said to the girl.

She looked at me, tears in her eyes, her neck in my
locked collar.

"I am yours, Master," she said.

"Congratulations on your slave!" said
Hassan.  "She is lovely meat.  Now I must attend to my own slave." 
He laughed, and left.

The girl sank to the straw, and looked up at me. 
Her eyes were soft with tears.   She whispered, “I am yours now,
Tarl," she said.  "You own me. You truly own me."

"What is your name?"  I asked. 

"Whatever Master wishes," she whispered.

"I will call you Vella," I said.

"I am Vella," she said, her head down.

(John Norman, Tribesmen of Gor, 1976)

Gorean collaring ceremonies, even at their most
formal, are typically conducted with the slave stripped naked and forced to
assume traditional poses of submission.  While many of the collaring
ceremonies described in Norman’s novels contain elements of humiliation and
degradation, their inclusion in real world Gorean collaring ceremonies is
not
common.      

"Step before me naked," said Rask of
Treve.  I did so.

We faced one another, not speaking, he with his blade,
and in his leather, I with nothing, stripped at his command.

"Submit," he said.  I could not disobey
him.

I fell to my knees before him. Resting back on my heels,
extending my arms to him, wrists crossed, as though for binding, my head
lowered, between my arms.

I spoke in a clear voice. "I, Miss Elinor Brinton,
of New York City, to the Warrior, Rask, of the High City of Treve, herewith
submit myself as a slave girl. At his hands I accept my life and my name,
declaring myself his to do with as he pleases."  Suddenly I felt my
wrists lashed swiftly, rudely, together. I drew back my wrists in fear. They
were already bound! They were bound with incredible tightness. I had been bound
by a tarnsman.  I looked up at him in fear, I saw him take an object from
a warrior at his side. It was an opened, steel slave collar.  He held it
before me.

"Read the collar," said Rask of Treve.

"I cannot," I whispered. "I cannot
read."

“She is illiterate,” said Ena.

"Ignorant barbarian!"  I heard more than
one girl laugh. 

I felt so ashamed.  I regarded the engraving on the
collar, tiny, in neat, cursive script.

I could not read it.

"Read it to her," said Rask of Treve to Ena.

"It says," said Ena, “I am the property of Rask
of Treve.”

I said nothing.

"Do you understand?" asked Ena.

"Yes," I said. "Yes!"

Now, with his two hands, he held the collar about my
neck, but he did not yet close it.  I was looking up at him.  My
throat was encircled by his collar, he was holding it, but the collar was not
yet shut.  My eyes met his.  His eyes were fierce, amused, mine were
frightened.  My eyes pleaded for mercy.  I would receive none. 
The collar snapped shut. There was a shout of pleasure from the men and girls
about.  I heard hands striking the left shoulder in Gorean applause. 
Among the warriors, the flat sword blades and blades of spears rang on
shields.  I closed my eyes, shuddering.  I opened my eyes, I could
not hold up my head.  I saw before me the dirt, and the sandals of Rask of
Treve.

Then I remembered that I
must speak one more line.  I lifted my head, tears in my eyes. 
"I am yours, Master," I said.   (John Norman, Captive of
Gor, 1972)

As these passages illustrate, the Gorean collaring
ceremony is typically just the
beginning
of a kajira’s education. 
The riveting of a collar about her neck, whether it is done
brutishly or
lovingly
, serves as an unforgettable initial lesson on the Master/slave
relationship dynamic:

"The collar," I said, touching it," is put
on from without, but what it encircles, the slave, comes from within."

"Master?" she asked.

"Slavery," I told her, "true slavery,
comes from within, and you, my lovely little red-haired beast, I assure you, as
was evidenced by your behavior and performances this night, are a true slave.
Do not fight your slavery. Allow it freely and spontaneously, candidly, sweetly
and untrammeled, to manifest itself. It is what you are."

Yes, Master," she said.

"That, too," I said, "will save you many
bouts with the lash."

(John Norman, Savages of
Gor, 1982)

Unfortunately -
or fortunately, depending upon
your perspective
- here on Earth,
consent
is kind of a
big deal.
 
That pesky requirement that you obtain consent
before
you slap a steel
collar and padlock around a woman’s neck suggests that the traditional Gorean
strategy of
“collar first, explain later”
may not be the optimal
approach on
this
particular planet.  

There are very few traditional Gorean traditions and
practices that can be transplanted as-is, without some measure of adaptation,
to a
real-world
Gorean lifestyle.  I’m not saying it
can’t be
done.
 I’m simply saying that it requires a relatively
thick skin
,
the
proper mindset
, a great deal of
flexibility
, and a refusal to
take yourself too seriously
.

Contrary to popular belief, Gorean relationships not
only
do
exist in real-life, they often thrive in relative obscurity
there.  The common misconception that there aren’t many real-world Gorean
relationships out there is based on a variety of factors, not the least of
which is the general scorn with which such relationships are sometimes viewed
by others. 

Knowing that your relationship dynamic is likely to
become the subject of insults, jokes, or dismissive commentary can have a
chilling effect on how forthcoming you are in making it public.  You might
think that being part of the allegedly non-judgmental and tolerant fetish
culture would preclude this from happening, but that’s not always the case. 
In fact, it is ironic that the harmful misconceptions about Gorean
relationships are far more common and negative
within
the BDSM lifestyle
than they are among the general population, where an almost complete lack of
awareness among the vanilla folk works to the Goreans’ advantage.

While a significant percentage of real-life
Master/slave relationships are Gorean
to some degree
, a
“Gorean
lifestyle”
need not be defined solely by Master/slave relationships, nor
should
it be.  As we noted at the beginning of this chapter, John Norman’s
thirty-two Gor novels painted a complex and fascinating portrait of an entire
planet, complete with its own unique customs, traditions, and
philosophies.  Sex, slavery and submission may have been some of the more
interesting
and
titillating
aspects of Gorean culture as described by Norman, but
they were by no means the primary focus of his books.  Gor enthusiasts
exist along a wide spectrum of fandom that ranges from the pitifully
misinformed chat room role-players at one end, and the fanatically literal
triviacrats
,
who will go so far as to speak
Gorean languages,
on the other. 
Somewhere, between those two extremes, you can find the
practical
real-life Goreans, quietly trying to live their lives and doing their best to
stay under everyone else’s radar. 

A
practical
Gorean lifestyle typically
involves adopting the mindset and philosophy of Gor, and then looking for ways
to successfully
integrate
them into your day-to-day Earthly lives and
intimate relationships.  These Gorean teachings typically involve
embracing the natural order of dominance vs. submission, being willing to swim
against the tide of socially accepted norms, embracing the real differences
between men and women, being honorable and accountable in all things, and the
glorification of a warrior ethic.

A person living a practical Gorean lifestyle adopts
and applies these philosophies
not
simply because he or she is a big fan
of John Norman’s novels or because it’s an entertaining internet chat room
activity.  They do it because they
truly believe
in those ideals
and
because they work
in their lives and in their relationships. 
This is not to say that the same ideals would work as effectively in
any one
else’s life.
  Author Robert A. Heinlein once said, “One man’s theology
is another man’s belly-laugh,” and it is equally as true when it comes to
philosophy and culture.  Just as the
Buddhist
philosophy may work
wonderfully for
some
people, but not for
others
, so it is with
Gorean philosophy. 

The Gorean way of life may not be your particular
cup of tea, but for those who are happily ensconced in a delightfully
fulfilling Gorean relationship, what matters most is not our opinion of them,
but the joy that they share in their own little piece of Gor on Earth.

I
admit
it.  I’ve never really been a
big fan of the Gorean lifestyle.  Sure, I
loved
reading John
Norman’s
Gor
novels as a teen, but the
Gorean thing
always struck
me as a little too
role-play
and not enough
real life
, and I’ve
always fancied myself as a
real life
kind of guy.  My initially
negative bias was no doubt influenced by an endless parade of teen D&D
geeks posing as Goreans in internet chat rooms.  I have, however, learned
a great deal more about the real world Gorean subculture since then, and become
good friends with many who follow the Gorean way. 

So, to all of my Gorean friends and associates, I
would just like to say, I apologize for once believing that you were all
self-deluded, pervy, sci-fi whack jobs
. 
I now
know how
misguided I was in that belief.  That description
probably
only
applies to about
half of you
.  Seriously though, I
do
believe
that Gor, like D/s in general, is a
mindset
that can be expressed
healthily in a
variety
of ways, but a Gorean friend probably said it
best, when she wrote:

Dear Friends and Future Friends,

Please don’t lecture me about my lifestyle choices,
one of which happens to be the Gorean lifestyle.  Don’t insult my
intelligence by calling me misguided or naïve because you think I’m living in a
“fantasy” world.  The Gorean way isn’t just a fantasy, it is a mindset and
a philosophy.  It is a belief in a natural order of things, which includes
the inherent dominance of men over women. It is striving to learn how to freely
surrender one’s will to her Master, and belonging to him with all of my might,
mind, and soul. 

Yes, I
am
aware that Gor is a fictional
planet, the subject of a pulp science fiction series by John Norman.  It
doesn’t exist.  I
know
this.  I really am not the fool you
apparently think I am.  I not only exist right here on planet Earth, but I
also happen to be a very capable, fully functioning member of society with a
good job, a nice car, and an awesome Master, whom I refer to as my husband
around the people who just don’t
get it.
  

It doesn’t matter to me that they don’t get
it.  It doesn’t matter to me that you don’t seem to, either.  It
doesn’t matter that I haven’t read all thirty-two of the Gor novels or consider
myself some kind of whiz-bang expert on all things Gorean.  I don’t join
all the Gor discussion forums, or register on Gorean web sites.  It
doesn’t matter that I am a primal
and
a pet, as well as a kajira. 
It doesn’t matter whether I adhere to all of the protocols of Gor.  No,
none of
that
stuff matters.

Only one thing matters and that is my heart and
mindset, which governs my relationship with my Master.  I am his, mind,
body and soul, and it is this philosophy and way of life that makes it possible
for me to feel this way.  That’s what matters, not some science fiction
planet, not your silly protocols. 

We’ve made the Gorean lifestyle our own by molding
it to fit our real-life down-to-earth needs and desires.  We don’t live
our lives to satisfy your fantasy of how Goreans should conduct themselves on
Gor, or even on planet Earth.  We live our lives striving to be the best
kajira and Master we can possibly be. 

And
that’s
all that matters.