Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook (28 page)

One of the more popular types of chastity belts used
in BDSM play is the kind that serves as a
reverse dildo harness. 
Unlike
a traditional dildo harness, which holds a dildo in place to facilitate
pegging
a partner,
these chastity belts are designed to hold the dildo, vibrator
or butt plug in place
inside the wearer
of the device, and prevents it
from being removed.  Another popular type of chastity belt is designed
primarily for the prevention of masturbation, and is used by some D/s couples
as a form of discipline or in
orgasm control play.

When purchasing a chastity belt, you should always
pay particular interest to what materials are used in its construction, and
whether any attachments or accessories such as locks, links, wrist cuffs,
dildos, plugs, or liners are included in the purchase price.  Some designs
will
only
function with additional equipment, such as
padlocks
,
which may or may not be part of the deal.  I know of at least one design
that can’t be worn
at all
without using
six additional padlocks.
 
Something like that could easily add $50 to $150 to the price of your chastity
belt purchase.

Chastity belts have some very
unique
safety
concerns which you should definitely be aware of before purchasing or using
one.  First, a chastity belt - regardless of whether it is a male or
female version - is designed to come into contact with
bodily fluids.
 
It should, therefore, be
fluid-bonded
to a single individual, if at all
possible.  Keep in mind the fact that, if it is constructed of anything
other than
stainless steel
, it will be near-impossible to adequately
sterilize between uses.  A chastity belt that is designed to hold dildos
or butt plugs may also be susceptible to
cross-contamination
from the
toys that it comes into contact with.  Not only can this be a problem when
it comes to chastity belt being used by more than one individual, but it can
also
be a potential concern for a
single user
if it allows harmful bacteria
to be transferred from the anus to her vagina. 

A second potential safety concern involves the
prolonged
wear of chastity belts.  Typically, chastity belts are used for short
periods of BDSM play or discipline.  Unfortunately, there’s always
someone
who pushes the limits of good sense and tries to keep his sub, slave or bottom
in a chastity belt for extended periods of time. 
This is almost always
a very bad idea
.  While it’s true that a chastity belt
can be
very good at keeping penises, hands and toys
out
of the wearer’s crotch,
it can also be very good at
keeping harmful bacteria in
and creating the
perfect environment for serious bacterial infections.  There are no hard
and fast rules for
how long is too long
when it comes to wearing
chastity belts, but it’s generally a good rule of thumb to ensure that it
doesn’t interfere with the wearer’s routine personal hygiene.

The third and final tip is not so much a
safety
concern as it is a
personal dignity
concern.  Never forget that it
can sometimes be harder to
unlock
a lock, than it is to
lock it.
 
People sometimes do stupid or malevolent things.  Keys get lost, jammed or
broken off in the keyhole.  Combinations get forgotten.  Locks can
malfunction.  When something like that happens to you
while wearing a
chastity belt,
it can add a whole new dimension to your predicament,
depending upon where you are, who you’re with, and whether you have ready
access to a heavy-duty set of bolt-cutters.   One woman found herself
wishing she had thought of that when her steel chastity belt, which her husband
had padlocked onto her just before she left for the airport, set off security
alarms as she passed through the metal detectors in December, 2003.  She
explained to the authorities that her husband had put her into the device
because he was convinced she intended to have an extra-marital affair. 
Eventually, she was allowed to board the flight while still wearing her steel
chastity belt, but if she thought her embarrassment would be over at the end of
her travel itinerary, she was wrong.  Six weeks later, she was mortified
to learn that the incident had been reported in USA Today to the bemusement of
millions of readers.

Miscellaneous Household Items

Invariably, when people first discover the joys of
bondage, they begin to see ordinary household items in
a whole new
light. 
Suddenly, that dog chain is no longer just a
pet accessory
;
it’s
bondage gear. 
It becomes hard to look at a mop handle without
thinking:
spreader bar.
  And, of course, all of those tools and
gadgets in the garage offer up
endless possibilities.
  If such
thoughts are dancing through your head
right now
, you can rest assured
that it’s a
perfectly normal thing
; we’ve
all
been there. 
That doesn’t necessarily make it
safe,
however.
 

The biggest danger in converting ordinary household items
to BDSM use comes from subjecting items to stresses and conditions for which
they were never designed.   A dog leash that was designed to prevent
a Yorkshire terrier from running into traffic simply isn’t meant to support the
weight of an adult human being.  Attempting to use it in that fashion can
result in serious injury.  Twine is designed to wrap packages,
not
for
binding wrists and ankles.  Using twine for bondage can lead to painful
cuts and blocked circulation.  Belts are designed to
look good
and
hold
up your pants
.  They make
lousy
bondage accessories. 

Just to be clear, I don’t believe there’s anything
wrong with improvising your own BDSM bondage gear from ordinary household
items.  For example, I happen to be a huge fan of using ordinary
Saran
Wrap
for an entertaining, playful and eminently
affordable
bondage
scene.  I would simply caution you, however, to be fully aware of the
limitations of the items and materials that you are using, and to take proper
precautions. 
When in doubt, rule it out.
       

BDSM
impact gear
is used in kink activities
that involve striking the body with an implement of some sort,
usually - but
not always -
to cause
pain.
  People also engage in impact play
for a variety of other reasons.  Those reasons may include role-play,
humiliation, discipline, sensation play, the marks that they leave, the sounds
that they make, and even for
therapeutic
reasons!  Each type of
impact toy has its own unique qualities and the impact sensations associated
with their use can often be adjusted in intensity along a scale ranging from
painless
at one end
to
extremely painful
at the other
. 
For
me, the truly fascinating thing about impact gear is that sometimes, an item
can
look a whole lot scarier than it really is
while, other times, an
item can actually
be a lot more painful than it looks.
  Appearances
can
definitely
be deceiving, when it comes to impact toys.  

Floggers

A flogger typically consists of a short-handled whip
with multiple tails or strips of leather, which are called “falls.”  A
flogger may also sometimes be referred to as a lash, scourge, or cat o’ nine
tails.  The most common designs are made from high-quality leather, but
they can literally be made from just about
anything.
  I have seen
floggers constructed from a wide variety of animal hides, including elk,
elephant, stingray, kangaroo, sharkskin, bison and Russian boar.  In
addition to common and exotic hides, some flogger designers create their falls
from fur strips, chain-mail, horse hair, strings of beads, and other unusual
materials. 

The quality and workmanship of floggers available
commercially can range from
novelty trash
to exquisitely priceless
one-of-a-kind items.
  At the extreme
low end
, you can
find
novelty floggers
in most neighborhood adult novelty shops. 
These items are typically mass-produced imported novelties designed more for
their
comic value
than for their
functionality;
their durability
is often so bad, they fall apart the first time you actually attempt to use
them.  If you decide to purchase a novelty flogger of this sort, you’ll
likely be
wasting
$20 to $70 of your hard-earned money.   At
the
other
end of the spectrum, you can find unique and beautiful works
of art, each constructed lovingly by hand by skilled craftsmen from a variety
exotic materials.  A flogger like
that
can
easily
set you
back $400 to $1500. 
Most
of us, at least for our
first few
flogger purchases, will typically settle for something
between
those two
extremes.

The type of flogger you purchase should be commensurate
with the type of sensations you want the flogger to deliver.  The impact
sensations of being flogged can range from
“thuddy”
at the low-end of
the pain scale, to
“thwappy”
or
“slappy”
in the middle, and on to
“stinging”
or
“biting”
at the high end of the scale.  
The sensations can also be varied a great deal by adjusting the distance from
the subject, changing the way the flogger is swung, and increasing or
decreasing the amount of force of the swing.  Generally speaking, the
closer to the subject you stand, the
thuddier
the strikes will be. 
The further from the subject you are, the more
stinging
the strikes will
be.

One of the most common misconceptions about floggers
is the assumption that being struck with one will always be a painful
experience.  In actuality, most people describe the experience of being
flogged as a pleasant or even
therapeutic
sensation, often equating it
with a low-impact
massage
.  Of course, a flogging can
always
easily be delivered in a painful way, if that is your personal
preference.  Floggers tend to be one of those BDSM items which
look
a
lot scarier than they really
are
and, for that reason, are valued as
much for their
psychological
impact as for their
physical
impact.  

The use of a flogger doesn’t typically raise many
safety concerns, aside from the obvious ones.  Have a safe word.
 Avoid breaking the skin.  Watch for sharp or rough edges or foreign
objects entangled in your flogger’s falls.  Give yourself plenty of room
to swing the flogger, and be particularly mindful of overhead lighting which,
if struck accidentally, could shower you in broken glass.  If a flogger is
going to be used on a subject’s genitals, his or her bodily fluids
will
come into contact with the falls, which can be difficult, if not impossible, to
properly sanitize.  If doing so is a
conscious decision
and your
plan is to fluid-bond the flogger to that individual,
that’s fine.
 
But if it happens
inadvertently
or without much thought for the
consequences, then you may end up having to purchase another flogger or, at the
very least, with an unpleasant ethical dilemma on your hands.

Paddles

The types of paddles used in BDSM impact play, like
many of the other items we’ve discussed, can range in style and workmanship
from
novelties
to sophisticated instruments of pain and
intimidation.  The design of most paddles is pretty simple and
straight-forward, consisting generally of a short plank of wood or other rigid
material, wide at one end to form the
blade
, and narrower at the other
end to form the
handle
.  Wood is the most commonly used material in
the construction of paddles, but they can also be made from metal, bamboo,
plastic, carbon-fiber composites, and other synthetic materials.  Design
variations may include altering the size and shape of the paddle, adding holes
to enhance the swing speed and strike of the paddle, cutting shapes or letters
into the blade so that it leaves a unique pattern on the subjects skin, and
using special or rare types of wood to enhance the weight, strength or beauty
of the paddle.  Paddles may be designed to be held in one hand, or swung
with
both
hands.

When purchasing a paddle, personal preferences will
typically dictate most of your choices, since the
functionality
of a
paddle is rarely called into question.  It is for that reason that a
paddle’s aesthetics and appearance often take on greater importance in the
buying decision.  Certain types of wood can lend a certain elegance and
beauty to a paddle that otherwise appear very ordinary.  Some of the more
unique and attractive woods used in the construction of paddles include oak,
bamboo, maple, black walnut, hickory, mahogany, teak, South American
monterillo, Bolivian rosewood, African padauk, and African bubinga.

It’s interesting that, for such a commonly used and
simply constructed item, the safety concerns regarding paddles could probably
fill an entire chapter.  You might think that some of these safety tips
are simply a matter of
common sense
but, unfortunately these days,
there’s nothing common about common sense.

When using a paddle, always strike using the flat
side of the paddle blade,
never
with the edge.  Striking with the
blade perfectly parallel to the skin surface ensures that the force of the
strike is evenly distributed across the full length and breadth of the paddle
blade.  If there is even the
slightest angle
which deviates from
the parallel, the strike could be far more painful than intended, and might
even cause serious or permanent damage.  A full-force
edge strike
from a paddle could easily break a bone or sever nerves and tendons.

It’s also very important to focus your paddle
strikes to the muscled or fatty tissues of the body.  By that, we mean the
buttocks, thighs, breasts, shoulder blades and certain portions of the
torso.  Avoid bony areas, such as the arms, shoulders, shins, hips, hands
and feet, and critically vulnerable areas like the spinal column, kidneys, neck
and head.  The most common targets for paddle play are the buttocks and
the backs of the thighs, and it is not uncommon for people to simply
assume
that those will be your targets.  If your plan involves striking
other
parts of the body, then it’s extremely important that you discuss those plans
with the person who’ll be on the receiving end of the paddling.

Even well-padded areas of the body, such as the
buttocks, can become problematic under certain circumstances.  Certain
body positions can sometimes pull the body tissues taut, reducing the amount of
soft tissue providing natural padding, making bone and nerve tissues more
vulnerable.  If the sciatic nerve, which runs from the lower spine
through
the buttocks
and down the legs, becomes irritated or compressed, it can
lead to an
extremely painful
condition called
sciatica.

Paddling the breasts, if it is done at all, should
be done with a lighter instrument.  Prior to engaging in any breast
paddling, a discussion should take place with the bottom to determine whether
she has a personal or family history of fibroids in the breasts.  There
have been studies published which seem to establish a connection between impact
play to the breasts and the growth of fibroids in the breast tissue. 
Fibroids are not inherently dangerous to a woman’s health, but they can result
in false positives in mammograms and may affect the aesthetic appearance of the
breasts.

Any impact play focused on the
genitals
-
male
or female
- should be approached with a
great deal of caution,
not
to mention forewarning and frank negotiation.  Even if a bottom agrees to
or even
craves
it does
not
necessarily mean it’s
a good idea.
 
Impact play aimed at the genitals can not only be
extremely painful
, it
can sometimes result in irreversible damage to a person’s reproductive organs.

Whatever type of paddle you use there will
always
be a possibility of damage to the bottom’s
skin.
  Some paddles are
constructed with holes in the blade to reduce air-drag and increase the speed
and force of the blows, which can increase the probability of skin damage, as
well.  Beginners are sometimes quite surprised to see that a freshly
paddled part of the body which appears to be harmlessly red
immediately
after
the paddlin
g
can turn alarmingly
purple, black and blue
within a few hours. 
In other rare cases, large water blisters or
blood blisters may appear, and skin may simply peel away or slough
off.   Every individual has a uniquely different skin type and impact
tolerance, and the skin’s durability may even differ widely from place to place
on the same body.  Obviously, the skin on the soles of your feet can take
a lot more abuse than the skin on your
inner thighs.
 

Our skin is the largest organ of the human body, and
damaging it can interfere with a number of important functions that are
critical to your health.  Some of these functions include
sensation
,
heating or cooling
of the body through blood circulation or
perspiration, and protecting the underlying tissue from infection.  Damage
to the skin - even if it isn’t serious or permanent damage - can interfere with
these and other critical functions which, in turn, can lead to serious health
issues.  For example, many people are tempted to discount the severity of
blistering or skin sloughing by thinking,
“No problem; it will grow back.”
 
But the issue isn’t
whether it will grow back
; of course it will. 
The real issue is whether serious infection will gain a toehold in the body,
and whether there will be scarring or long-term nerve damage.

Finally, if a paddle has ever caused a bottom’s skin
to become raw to the point where it appears that the pores of the skin are oozing
tiny droplets of blood, then your paddle has come into contact with bodily
fluids and should be thoroughly sanitized or fluid-bonded to that
individual.  Fortunately, paddles are typically a lot easier to sanitize
than many other types of BDSM toys.

Whips

A whip can sometimes refer to a very wide range of
BDSM toys, including floggers, lashes, cats-o’-nine-tails, and crops. 
Since we discuss each of those variations separately elsewhere in this section,
we’ll confine our discussion here exclusively to
single-tail whips
,
which come in three basic styles.  They are
stock whips,
bullwhips,
and snake whips.

A
stock whip
is characterized by a long rigid
handle that is not integrated into the lash, but is instead connected to the
lash by a leather swivel-joint called a
keeper.
  Many
buggy
whips
and
horse whips
also fall into this category.  Generally
speaking, stock whips have a short rigid handle, and a lash that can range from
three to ten feet in length.  The Australian stock whip is a variation on
this style, and has a longer handle and a lash made exclusively from kangaroo
hide.  A stock whip is used primarily for the noise that it makes; it is
the easiest type of whip for creating the classic
“crack of the whip”
sound that many of us associate with whips in general.  The sad reality is
it can actually be quite difficult to replicate; it may look easy in the
movies, but that’s because it is almost always
a sound effect added later.
 
Stock whips are easy to use and make a wonderful sound, but are the
least
accurate
type of single-tail.