Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook (55 page)

“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said in rather a
scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor
less.”

-
- Lewis Carroll

This glossary is provided for quick reference to
certain words, terms or phrases one might encounter in the D/s or BDSM
lifestyles.  It is not intended to be an all-inclusive laundry-list of
every possible kink-related term or toy.  In some instances, the terms
play,
role play, or fantasy
may be interchangeable, however, generally
speaking, 
play
refers to an activity,
role play
refers to a
scene or scenario, and
fantasy
refers to something that is primarily a
mindset, even if that may lead to related activities and role play.

In instances where a word or phrase may have
multiple meanings, particularly in differing contexts, this glossary will
always favor the BDSM context and usage.  The mere inclusion here of any
term describing a BDSM activity
should not
be considered an
endorsement
of it as something that you should try.  Many of the activities described
in this book can be
incredibly
dangerous, and should only be attempted
after proper precautions are taken, and after being trained by a qualified
person.

Just because something is
listed
here,
doesn’t necessarily mean you should
run out and try it
.  By the
same token, if something that you think is important is
not
listed here,
it is more likely an oversight than a commentary on its significance in the
lifestyle.

# # #

AB/DL.  Acronym for Adult Baby / Diaper
Lover.  Adult babies and diaper lovers enjoy activities that involve at
least one of the partners in a scene or relationship assuming the role of a
baby or toddler still in diapers. 
(See also: Age play, Bathroom use
restrictions, Diaper play, Forced bed wetting, Littles, Role play, Urine play)

Abandonment Fantasy.  This refers to a fantasy
or role play involving leaving a person, typically a submissive being
disciplined, in a remote or isolated area such as in the middle of the desert,
or on an open and empty stretch of highway.  Abandonment fantasies are
most often used as a way to induce fear, particularly in individuals with
abandonment anxiety, and are often used in role play scenarios involving
coercion, humiliation or punishment. 
(See also: Abduction play,
Interrogation play)

Abduction Play. 
(See: Abandonment fantasy,
Interrogation play, Kidnapping fantasy, Role play)

Abrasion Play.  Stimulating, over-stimulating,
or causing the skin to become hyper-sensitized through the application of
abrasive materials such as sandpaper, brushes, the edges of coins, or special
instruments designed specifically for this activity.  Often, this stimulation
of the skin also involves certain salves, ointments or chemicals which add to
or enhance the sensations, either during or after the abrasion activity. 
The most commonly used enhancer is mentholated oil, such as the kind found in
muscle rubs and ointments. 
(See also: Sensation play)

Acupuncture. 
(See: Needle play)

Adelphogamy. 
Adelphogamy
refers to a
specific form of polyandry, which consists of a two or more brothers in a
committed relationship
(usually, but not limited to marriage)
with the
same woman.  It is sometimes referred to as fraternal or leviratic
polyandry. 
(See also: Polyamory, Polyandry)

Aftercare. 
Aftercare
refers to special
attention and consideration which should be given to
all
scene
participants immediately following any BDSM scene, and should
not
be
limited
solely to bottoms. 
Even though it is primarily the
responsibility of the Top to provide aftercare for his or her bottom, it is not
uncommon for
both Top and bottom
to require some transition time after a
scene to allow their focus, physiology, and mental states to return to a normal
state.  Immediately following a scene, participants may appear
disoriented, flushed, exhausted, weak, confused, or inwardly focused. 
Even if there are no outward signs, they may require time to refocus their
thoughts and emotions.
 
The time required to recover will vary from
individual to individual, which is why it is important to monitor their
condition.  It is usually a good idea to refrain from attempting to engage
someone in conversation or activity until they show signs of recovering and
begin initiating interaction themselves. 
(See also: Scene, Subspace,
Topspace)

Age Play. 
Age play
is BDSM
role play
activity or behavior that involves the interaction of at least two people, with
at least one of them assuming the role of a person whose age differs
significantly from his or her real age.  While age play is most often used
as a euphemism for
Daddy Dom – babygirl
role play, it can also refer to
portrayals of any age, from newborn to the elderly.  Age play can involve
behaviors that are overtly sexual, mildly sexual, or completely asexual, and
may or may not incorporate incest-related role play scenarios.  Age play
is not related to, nor considered pedophilia, since it does not involve an
actual attraction to biologically underage children, but rather to the
emotional state associated with playing the role, or interacting with a person
exhibiting child-like behaviors. 
(See also: AB/DL, Daddy Dom, Diaper
play, Littles, Role play)

Anal Play.  
Anal Play
consists of
activities involving the rimming or penetration of the anus with the fingers,
fist, penis, vibrators, dildos, plugs, beads or other miscellaneous
items.  For many, stimulation of the anus with the tongue, fingers or sex
toys can stimulate the nerves surrounding the anal sphincter and create a more
intense orgasm than normal.  For males, stimulation of the prostate gland,
which can be reached by finger through the anus, can often hasten or intensify
an orgasm. 
(See also: Pegging, Strap-on)

Ankle Cuffs. 
(See: Restraints)

Arm/Leg Sleeves.   Arm and leg sleeves are
typically items placed on the arms and legs of a person to immobilize or
restrict the movement or use of those limbs as part of bondage play.  They
differ from
wrist and ankle cuffs
by being elongated tubes or sleeves
which often are longer than the limbs themselves, in much the same way that
strait-jacket sleeves are used to immobilize the arms of the wearer. 
(See
also: Bondage, Cuffs, Restraints)

Asphyxiation. 
(See: Breath Play.)

Ass Worship. 
Ass worship
is a form of
body
worship
that focuses primarily on the buttocks.  This erotic obsession
usually involves a submissive kissing or licking a Dominant’s ass, and it is
often combined with
facesitting,
smothering, spanking, humiliation or
enemas.
The person whose ass is the object of the submissive’s devotion
typically remains aloof throughout. 
(See Body Worship, Facesitting,
Queening, Queening stool, Smotherbox)

Auctions.  In many BDSM lifestyle circles,
auctions are held to raise funds for charity or to fund the group’s activities
or facilities.  Often called
slave auctions
, the events essentially
ask volunteers to auction themselves, or at least their complete
obedience
for a set period of time, off to the highest bidder.  Since the
“purchased” slave is sometimes expected to engage in BDSM or sexual activity,
the law typically takes a dim view of slave auctions, and considers them a
thinly veiled form of prostitution. 
(See also: Role play, Slave)

Autoerotic Asphyxiation. 
Autoerotic
asphyxiation
refers to masturbation while cutting off your own oxygen
through the use of nooses, straps, plastic bags or other devices.  This is
an extremely dangerous practice which was blamed for the death of film actor David
Carradine in a hotel room in Thailand on June 4, 2009.  The fact that it
is an activity that is typically engaged in while
alone
makes it
potentially even deadlier. 
(See also: Asphyxiation, Breath play, Edge
play)

BDSM.  Acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism,
Masochism.  Some people attribute the D or DS portion of the acronym to
Domination/submission,
but this is the result of a fairly recent effort by activists to rewrite
the definition of BDSM to be “more inclusive” of the D/s lifestyle.  For
the purposes of this book, BDSM refers primarily to kink and fetish
activities
,
while D/s refers primarily to a
relationship dynamic
or mindset. 
While there is often a great deal of overlap, this does not make them the same
thing. 
(See also: Bondage, D/s, Discipline, Masochism, Sadism)

Babygirl. 
(See: Little.)

Ball Busting. 
Ball busting
is a form of
cock and ball torture (CBT) that involves striking, kicking, kneeing or
squeezing a person’s testicles to produce intense pain and humiliation. 
This practice can be extremely dangerous, as it can cause serious and permanent
scrotal damage.  
(See: CBT, Torture)

Ball Crusher. 
(See: Ball Busting, CBT,
Torture)

Ball Stretching. 
Ball stretching
is a
form of cock and ball torture (CBT
)
that involves applying devices or
weights to a male’s scrotum that elongate or stretch the testicles.  Ball
stretching devices can be constructed of steel, leather, rope, string, or any
other materials designed to be attached to the scrotum and pull them away from
the body.  Ball stretching can be extremely dangerous, as it can sometimes
result in a blockage of blood flow to the testicles, or a testicular hernia.
(See:
Ball Busting, CBT, Parachute, Torture)

Barebacking. 
Barebacking
refers to
having
unprotected sex,
which can potentially result in pregnancy or the
transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). 
(See also: Fluid
bonding)

Bathroom Use Restrictions. 
Bathroom use
restrictions
refer to the practice of a Dominant limiting, deferring or denying
altogether the use of a toilet to his or her submissive.  This is
typically done to produce discomfort, pain, or humiliation – particularly if
the denial of toilet privileges leads to the submissive soiling or wetting
herself. 
(See also: Diaper play, Humiliation, Torture, Urine play)

Beating. 
Beating
typically refers to
any form of
impact play
, to include spanking, slapping, whipping,
flogging, clubbing, caning, paddling, cropping, and punching. 
(See
also: Impact play)

Being Serviced.  A common euphemism for a
Dominant or Top receiving oral sex from a submissive or bottom in a somewhat
aloof fashion. 

Bipoly.  A person who is
bipoly
is both
bisexual
and polyamorous
. 
(See also: Polyamory)

Blindfold. 
Noun:
Any strip of cloth,
accessory or device designed to be worn over the eyes to prevent a person from
seeing. 
Verb:
To cover the eyes of a person.  Blindfolding is
typically a form of sensory deprivation used in BDSM play used to heighten the
wearer’s fear or unease, and sometimes, to simulate anonymous sexual
activity. 
(See also: Bondage, Sensation play)

Body Worship. 
Body worship
is an
obsession with another person’s body, typically the form, musculature,
genitals, or buttocks.  This obsession is typically demonstrated through
reverence, prostration, kissing, licking, sucking, and other types of oral
sex. 
(See also: Ass worship, Cock worship, Pussy Worship)

Bondage. 
Bondage
is the practice of
binding, tying, strapping, boxing, caging, suspending, or otherwise restraining
a person for sexual, psychological, artistic, or decorative purposes. 
Bondage is often combined with other forms of BDSM play such as humiliation,
torture, impact play, or acting out rape fantasies. 
(See also:
Restraints, Self Bondage.)
 

Boot Worship.  A fetish that involves the
obsessive adoration of a Dominant’s boots. 
Boot worship
often
involves prostration, kissing, licking, or masturbation involving the
Dominant’s boots.  It is commonly a part of the dynamic between a sadistic
Dominant and a submissive that enjoys humiliation and forced behaviors. 
(See
also: FemDom, Foot fetish, Humiliation)
 

Bottom.  A term used in both the BDSM and gay
lifestyles to refer to a person in a submissive, passive, receiving or obedient
role.  The term is usually applied to describe a person’s
actions and
behaviors
demonstrated at any given moment in time, rather than his or her
deep-seated
character and thought-processes
.  In a nutshell, one’s
actions may make him a
bottom
, while one’s character may make him a
submissive.  There is often some overlap and it is entirely possible to be
a
submissive
who is, for whatever reason,
not
in the role of a
bottom
at any given time or circumstance. 
(See also: Dominant, Role play,
Scene, Submissive, Top)

Branding. 
Branding
is a form of body
modification, similar to tattooing, that is far more common in the BDSM
lifestyle than in the general population.  It typically involves the use
of hot metal implements to produce burns and scar tissue on a person’s skin for
a variety of reasons, to include sadomasochistic pleasure, aesthetic or
artistic reasons, to demonstrate ownership of a slave or submissive, or as a
badge of honor.  Branding is almost exclusively practiced by hard-core
masochists or those with an extreme body modification fetish. 
(See
also: Edge play, Fire play, Scarification)