Finding Divine (8 page)

“Don’t be frightened. Ramona just wants to keep us company. She doesn’t like being alone, which probably means my other big ball of fur is sleeping.”

“She doesn’t want to hop up on the bed with us, does she?”

“No. She won’t unless she’d invited. Why don’t we shower and dress? Then maybe take the dogs out on the beach for a walk. There’s nothing like the sea air to give us a nice appetite...or a good fuck.”

Jessica knew this would be a week to remember.

CHAPTER EIGHT

“There’s no way I’m getting on that! Are you crazy? You never told me you owned one of these things and if you did, I would have told you then I don’t do motorcycles.” Jessica shook her head fervently. Fear radiated from her so strongly, Simon could feel it.

They’d spent most of the morning laid up together until hunger forced them out of bed. After eating, showering and dressing, Simon had suggested taking a ride. He probably should have been more specific about the mode of transportation. “Have you ever been on one? They’re perfectly safe if operated properly.”

“No, I haven’t been on one and I don’t intend to be, either.” The adamant way she said it gave him pause. He knew there were some people who were wary of motorcycles, but there seemed to be an underlying reason for her aversion. She’d been so open to trying new things all week; like paddle boating, deep water fishing, and going to his favorite raw oyster bar; that it didn’t occur to him she’d have a problem with this.

“If you haven’t been on one, how would you know how unsafe they are?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “I haven’t smoked crack, either, but I don’t have to take a hit to know it’s bad for me.

Simon draped his arm around her shoulders. “Jessica, I’d never deliberately endanger you. I’ve been driving motorcycles for twelve years and haven’t been in an accident. Being on a motorcycle is no more dangerous than being in a four wheel vehicle.”

“I highly doubt that. I used to watch
CHiPs
and there was an accident every episode. I’m sorry Simon, but you couldn’t pay me enough to get my behind on that contraption.” Jessica shrugged his arm away and pursed her lips. Her expression reminded him a little of a recalcitrant child. But a cute one.

Simon bit the inside of his lip so that he wouldn’t laugh at her nutty television reference that had absolutely no basis in reality. This was a battle he realized he wouldn’t win and was better left alone.  “If you really don’t want to get on it, then you don’t have to. I just thought we’d take advantage of the nice weather is all, and there’s nothing more exhilarating than the sea breeze hitting my face and a pretty lady with her arms wrapped tightly around me.” He pulled her into his arms, placing a firm kiss on plush lips. Jesus, she was sweet. He was instantly hard. 

Since that first time, they’d made love all over the house—in bed, the couch, the shower, the kitchen counter, and on the patio at night. Hell, he couldn’t even get behind the wheel of his car without thinking about that hand job she’d given him a couple days ago when they went for a drive.

He slid his hands down her back to cup her round ass. Jessica pressed her body against his, winding her arms around his neck in surrender. “You know you’re not playing fair when you touch me like this,” she groaned.

Simon squeezed the firm globes in his hands. “I can’t keep my hands off you. Is that a crime?”

“It’s not a crime, but I’m sure you realize I’m putty in your hands.”

He couldn’t keep the grin off his face if he tried. It was a little scary how deep into this he was already, but when she said things like this, the fear evaporated. “If that’s true then it works both ways, because when you touch me, I can’t think straight. Let’s go back inside and make love.”

Jessica rested her forehead against his chest with a sigh, as Simon stroked her back. “As wonderful as that sounds, we just finished doing that, remember? I’m going to be bowlegged by the time this week is over.”

At the mention of the week ending, he held her tighter. Parting ways with  Jessica was not something that sat well with him.  He’d never felt more at peace with a woman in his life. Even when they weren’t partaking in the carnal pleasure they offered each other, he enjoyed her company.

She made him laugh with her dry wit, was a great listener, and her smile turned him to mush.  Jessica had a serene manner about her that gave him a sense of calm. He found himself seeking her out when she wasn’t near. She’d even warmed up to his dogs. In two days, she’d go back to her life and he to his. They hadn’t really formalized whatever it was going between them, but Simon didn’t want to waste another second without firmly establishing their relationship.

“I wish this week didn’t have to end.”

She looked up at him, a shy smile tilting her lips. “Me too. It’s been a long time since I’ve had this much fun. It’s been nice not being at the beck and call of my parents, or running the shop. I even like your dogs now.”

“And they like you, too. I notice the way you pet and talk to them when you don’t think I’m looking. You pretend they annoy you when I’m around, but you’ve fallen for them, haven’t you?”

She grinned. “What can I say, they kind of grow on you. Besides, they’re nowhere near as fierce as they look.” Jessica looked at the motorcycle over her shoulder and turned back to him with a shake of her head. “I know you’re disappointed, but I just can’t do it. Do you think we can take a walk instead? I’m sure Ramona and Dennis would like to stretch their legs,” she suggested.

Simon shrugged. “If that’s what you want. Let me go put it away and get the children,” he joked, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. He made short order of putting his bike back into the garage and collecting his eager dogs. Once they saw the leashes they could barely contain themselves, knowing they would get to go for a walk.

When he went outside, Jessica was staring at the ocean, her arms wrapped around her body. He could have imagined it but Simon swore he’d just witnessed her wiping a tear away. He hoped he hadn’t said anything to upset her.

Cautiously he approached her, while trying to keep Ramona and Dennis in line. “Jessica, are you okay?”

She jumped with a yelp, obviously caught off-guard by his silent approach. “You scared me. What did I tell you about sneaking up on people?” she laughed. It sounded unnatural and forced. Something was definitely wrong.

He handed her Ramona’s leash, in an attempt to appear casual. “Is everything all right?”

“Why would you ask that?”

“Come on, let’s walk.” He waited until they were several feet from his house before he answered her question. “I asked if everything is okay, because I thought I saw you crying, and now your eyes are red and glassy.”

Looking straight ahead, she continued walking. “I had something in my eye,” she said shakily.

“Jessica, you’re a terrible liar. Please tell me what’s upsetting you. Was it something I said? If it’s about the motorcycle then I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable about it.”

She bit her bottom lip, an agonizing expression on her face. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m just being silly.”

“If it’s something that’s bothering you then it’s not silly in my book. Please tell me.”

She sighed. “My brother was a motorcycle enthusiast. Our parents wanted to buy us a car that Jason and I could share, but he wasn’t interested. He wanted a motorcycle. There was a time when all he’d talk about is motorcycles. My father made a deal with him that if he earned half the money, he would put up the rest for Jason to buy the bike. It was his pride and joy up until…when he went away.”

“Went away?”

“Well you know what I meant.” Jessica had said they were seniors in high school when her brother had passed away, yet it was obvious to Simon that Jessica still had trouble using the word death or any form of it.

“I see.”

“Anyway, he’d spend hours working on his bike and reading magazines about motorcycles. It would drive my mother crazy. She didn’t want him to get it in the first place but eventually realized there was no changing my brother’s mind. And since Dad was all for it, she was outvoted. Jason was actually very careful on it, but he could never convince me to ride with him. There was a teacher in our school who rode a motorcycle who’d gotten into a terrible accident. I remember it clearly because after the accident that teacher was in a wheelchair. Even knowing Jason was a safe driver I would have a panic attack just getting near that thing. It wasn’t a bike like yours, it was one of those fancy Japanese bikes that you were practically lying on your stomach to drive it. Seeing your motorcycle kind of reminded of Jason and his bike. It brought back a lot of memories. To the good times. I’d take several rides on his bike if it meant having him back.” Jessica’s eyes appeared watery but the tears didn’t fall.

Simon felt like an asshole for trying to convince her to ride with him after the first time she said no. “I had no idea.  If I had known I wouldn’t have brought the bike out. I should have asked you how you felt about it first. In my own love for being on my hog on the open road, I sometimes forget that not everyone is a fan like me.”

She turned to him. “Simon, don’t feel bad. You’d think I would have moved on by now, but a lot of things remain fresh in my mind.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone so close, but I don’t think there’s a set amount of time for getting over a loved one’s death. I won’t mention the motorcycle again.”

“That’s the thing. I…I think maybe I should try it. I don’t want to sink into my old patterns by letting fear rule me. When I saw your bike I panicked. I was scared I’d have an attack and I don’t want you to see me like that. So I figured saying no would be easier than making a fool of myself. I made a vow before I came on this trip that I’d let loose and live. I think that’s what my brother would have wanted.”

Simon halted, much to Dennis’s consternation, who whined his annoyance. “Jessica, you really don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

“But I’d like to. It may take me a minute or two to calm down before I get on it but I’ll do my best. Plus we both need to wear helmets and you have to stick to the speed limit, okay?”

He searched her face, trying to gauge her thoughts. She was such a complicated entity, but if this is what she wanted to do, he wouldn’t argue. “Okay. I’d be honored that your first ride on a motorcycle will be with me.”

When she smiled at him, his heart did somersaults. Unable to help himself he sidled next to her and brought his lips down on hers. She sighed, parting her lips for the invasion of his tongue. He devoured her mouth, tasting, exploring and taking his time before lifting his head. “Mmm. You taste delicious,” he murmured.

“And you’re a great kisser. Simon…can I ask you something?”

“
Anything, beautiful.”

“Are we…boyfriend and girlfriend? I mean we kind of glossed over that part and I just want to know where I stand with you.”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” It sounded so high school, but he couldn’t think of anything he wanted more than to claim Jessica as his woman.

She cut her eyes away shyly before meeting his gaze once again. “I think that would be nice.”

He smiled, feeling liked he’d just scored a touchdown at the Super Bowl. “Then I guess we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. I’ve wanted to call you my woman all week but didn’t want you to think I was being too forward.”

She lifted a brow. “You did? Why didn’t you say anything? You’re Mr. Confidence. The way you approached me at the cemetery, I would have thought you didn’t have a fear in the world.”          

“Oh, there are a lot of things that scare me.”

She snorted with apparent disbelief. “Yeah, right. What have you ever been afraid of?”

“Well, I’m---” The dogs were obviously restless and began to bark. “Let’s keep walking before these two go berserk.” They started down the beach again.

“You were going to tell me what you’re afraid of,” she prompted.

“Well, for one thing I’m afraid of this vacation ending and not having you in my life afterward. I’m scared of becoming like my parents, so desensitized and out of touch with the world they can’t recognize the things that really matter I’m scared of…the past. Of the person I used to be.”

Jessica shot him a thoughtful look before responding. “The past scares me as well.  I’m scared of so many things, and it’s so pathetic at my age. I always wished I could be more like Jason. He feared nothing.”

Simon was pleased she seemed comfortable talking about her brother around him. She hadn’t completely opened up but this was a start. “It must have been tough losing him.”

“The toughest.”

“I know you’ve been uncomfortable talking about him, but…how did he die?” His curiosity got the better of him.

At first he didn’t think she would answer. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that it didn’t matter, but she spoke. “He was murdered.”

Simon stopped in his tracks. He had no expectations of what she’d tell him, but it definitely wasn’t that. “Murder?”

“
Yes. He was attacked.”

“
Oh my God. That’s terrible.” Simon didn’t ask details, because to lose someone close was bad enough, but for it to have been so horrific was another thing.

To his surprise though, she continued. “They say he blacked out in the middle of the beating so he thankfully didn’t feel all the blows to his body.”

“What?”

Jessica looked straight ahead while relaying the detail in a detached manner. “He went out one night to run an errand for my parents. As he walked down the block, he ran into some thugs looking for trouble. From what I understand, he tried to bypass them and they pushed him and started screaming racial slurs at him. And then one of them hit him and that apparently started the entire beating. They all beat him unconscious and left him for dead. According to them however, they didn’t mean to kill him, just rough him up a bit. But when the ambulance came on the scene, Jason was…” she broke on a sob.