Finding Divine (12 page)

Throwing her arms around his neck, she pressed her body against his. Jolts of heat seared its way up her spine. When he lifted his head again, they were both breathing heavily. “God, I needed that.”

“Not that I’m complaining, but what’s this about? Where’s all this pent- up emotion coming from?”

“I missed you.”

Jessica raised a brow. “You were only in the restroom for a few minutes.”

“But it was long enough for you to start asking questions. You said you trusted me.”

“I do, sweetie, but you can’t blame me for being curious. I think I’ve been pretty patient about it up to this point.”

Simon held her tighter, resting his forehead on hers. “Just give me some time. I still need to sort a few things out. I have to deal with this family crisis, and then there’s the possibility of you being pregnant. God, I hope you are,” he sighed.

That was the second time he’d said it. Jessica automatically moved her hand to her belly, touching it protectively. She still hadn’t thought of the ramifications of carrying Simon’s child. Not very long ago, she had considered living alone for the rest of her life, and now she was in a loving relationship with a possible child to boot.  The idea filled her with mixed emotions.

She felt unsure, scared, excited, and anxious. If it turned out that she was carrying a baby, then at least the child was conceived with love. On the other hand, she made a comfortable enough living to support herself, but would it stretch to support two?

So many questions assailed her, like what would the baby look like? What kind of mother would she make? Would she pass on her neuroses to her child? The biggest mystery however was why Simon seemed to want this so badly. Regardless of how they felt about each other, having kids so soon in the relationship would cause most people concern. There almost seemed to be desperation on his part. “I could just be late.”

“But you said you’re never late and you’ve never skipped a month before.”

“That’s true, but there’s always a first time for everything.”

“If you’re carrying my child, we’ll have to get married right away. I think a baby deserves to have both parents in its life.”

“I agree, but you told me you’d give me some time to think about the marriage thing.”

“That was before I knew that you could possibly be pregnant.”

“I want to make sure this is the right thing, okay? Please don’t pressure me. I agree a child needs both a mother and father in their life, but there are plenty of unmarried or divorced couples who manage to co-parent just fine.”

“Well that’s fine for those people but not for—”

“Oh Simon, thank goodness I found you. Pete thought he saw you head out here,” Ann Lange interrupted.

Simon sighed with apparent exasperation before letting Jessica go and facing his mother. “Any news on Dad?”

Her gaze briefly cut to Jessica and she frowned before looking at Simon. “Yes. We can go see him. He’s drifting in and out of consciousness and asking for us. The doctor thinks he’ll pull through.”

“Okay. Let’s go then.” Turning to Jessica, he held out his hand. “Come on, babe.”

“Only family is allowed in to see him right now, darling. Your little friend will have to wait in the lobby,” his mother drawled without sparing Jessica another look.  Jessica had the distinct impression that Simon’s mother didn’t like her.

Simon’s nostril’s flared, his eyes narrowing. “Her name is Jessica, and if you can’t grant her the common courtesy that you would any other human being, we can leave.”

The last thing Jessica wanted was to widen the rift between Simon and his parents. “It’s okay, I can wait in the lobby for you. I think your mother is right. It should be just you and her in there.”

His lips tightened. “She owes you an apology.”

“I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it. Please let it go,” Jessica pleaded.

Simon glared at his mother who looked as pale as a ghost. “She knew exactly what it meant and how it would sound. Don’t let her fool you. Apologize, mother.”

“I’m sorry, Jessica. I meant no offense,” Ann Lange said stiffly, not quite meeting her eyes.

“None taken. This is a stressful situation so I can imagine how you’re feeling.”

Ann snorted humorlessly. “Do you really?”

“Yes, I do,” Jessica replied quietly. “Although it sounds like your husband will pull through. My loved one didn’t.”

Sympathy entered the older woman’s pale blue eyes. “I’m sorry to hear that. Were you very close to this person?”

Jessica wasn’t sure why she felt compelled to share information with this woman she’d just met, but it seemed right for reasons she couldn’t explain. “He was my twin brother. He was attacked by three guys, twelve years ago. He was only seventeen. I know it’s been a while but that kind of thing stays with a person.”

Jessica thought the woman’s face had been pale before, but now she looked like actual death had warmed over. “Twelve years ago? And he was seventeen?” she whispered the words as she looked at Simon then back at Jessica.

“I think we should go see Dad now, don’t you?” Simon ushered Jessica back inside not giving her a chance to respond to his mother’s inquiry. He steered her back to the waiting room as if the devil himself was on their heels, his mother practically running to keep up.

“What are you doing?”  Jessica demanded, confused as to why he wouldn’t let her answer his mother’s question.

He didn’t answer right away but when he did, his tone was abrupt. “We’ll talk about it later. Stay here. I’ll only be a few minutes. ” He headed toward the patient rooms with his mother scurrying behind him to keep up.

Jessica stared at him open-mouthed as he disappeared around the corner and out of sight.
What the hell was that about?

“Come have a seat next to me,” Pete offered, patting the empty chair beside him.

“No thank you. I think I need to stand for a little while,” she declined. Jessica paced the floor and began the waiting game. Every now and then she’d glance at her watch wondering how much longer Simon and his mother would be. After a while, she needed to go to the restroom. When she finished she started down the hallway, but stopped when she heard two familiar voices.

It was Simon and his mother. She knew she should probably make her presence known, but instead walked closer being careful to stay out of their lines of vision.

“It’s not your place to tell her,” Simon said in a harsh tone.

“You’re going to have to tell her eventually. What are you going to do when she finds out? She’ll hate you for it.”

Jessica tensed. It was quite clear she was the subject of their discussion. She was fully aware of the adage “eavesdroppers never heard anything good about themselves”, but she couldn’t move from the spot even if her life depended on it.

“You don’t want me to be happy, do you? You’re always so damn negative. And another thing, there was no call for being rude to her out there like that.”

“I apologized like you wanted, didn’t I? And if I was rude it wasn’t for the reason you think. Yes, I was a little resentful that you brought an outsider when this is a family issue, but you’ve barely said more than two words to me since you’ve arrived. I admit I was a little jealous to see you treating her with so much deference when you can hardly stand to be around me.”

Simon let out a loud sigh. “I’m not going to get into this with you right now, Mother. I just want your word that you won’t say anything to Jessica.”

“Simon, if I figured it out so quickly, she’s bound to put two and two together herself. If she doesn’t find out from you and soon, it’s going to go a lot worse for you.”

“I’ll tell her, dammit!  I just need more time!”

“The longer you leave it, the worse it’ll be for you. Simon, I know I haven’t always done right by you, but I don’t want to see you get hurt. It’s clear to me that you really care about Jessica, but if the two of you are to have any chance, don’t you think you should tell her right away? Maybe then---”

“When I need advice from you, I’ll ask. Besides, what exactly should I tell her? Should I just say, ‘hey, remember when you told me about your brother? You said there were three guys, but guess what there were four and I was the fifth? And oh yeah, my father paid the other three off to forget I was there.  If it weren’t for me we wouldn’t have been in that part of town in the first place. I led them there. I’m just as responsible as the others were yet I walked away from it. I didn’t even get a slap on the wrist, I just got to go on with my life like nothing happened. Is that what you want me to say? Do you want me to tell her how I’ve known it was her brother for weeks now but I’ve been holding it in?”

Jessica didn’t realize she’d made a sound but she must have because it drew the attention of the two people speaking. Her world began to spin and wouldn’t stop. No. She had to have heard wrong. There had been witnesses who said there were only three guys. No one spoke of a fifth person, but even as she tried to deny certain things previous conversations began to click.

The meeting at the cemetery struck her. Simon had told her he visited it around the same time every year but wouldn’t tell her who, which just happened to coincide with Jason’s death. Then there was the strange way he’d acted when she’d told him how her brother died. The secretiveness and the hasty marriage proposal suddenly made perfect sense.

She watched Simon approach, his face ashen. “How much did you hear?”

“Is it true?” she croaked, her throat feeling dry all of a sudden.

He reached out for her, but Jessica smacked his hands away. “Please let me explain.”

“Is it true?” she asked, tears blinding her.

“Jessica, I--”

“Is it true? Yes or no!” she screamed, her pulse began to race and the breath struggled to burst from her lungs. Her head began to ache, and she knew there would be no fighting off what was promising to be the panic attack of all panic attacks.

He reached out for her again but she smacked his hands away. “Please, sweetheart, calm down.”

She blew quick breaths out of her mouth in order to get the words out. “You…were…there? You were…part of…that group?”  Her voice had risen to a level that had hospital staff running to see what the matter was.

With eyes downcast, Simon said the one word, she didn’t want to hear, but had to. “Yes.”

Her knees grew wobbly, and she felt nauseous. She began to hyperventilate as she struggled to get air to her lungs.  Her stomach twisted in painful knots and her chest felt as if it was on fire. Jessica literally felt like she was going to die. The last conscious thought that ran through her mind before she passed out was that she’d fallen in love with her brother’s murderer.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Simon’s calls to Jessica went unanswered. When he stopped by her apartment, she refused to answer the door even when he saw her car parked outside the building. The message was clear; she wanted nothing further to do with him. He wished he had the strength to walk away and leave her be but he loved her too much. It killed him that he’d caused her more pain on top of what she’d already suffered. 

Simon had to see her, had to give her the explanation she deserved. He didn’t know if their relationship could be salvaged, but he had to at least get her to understand how sorry he was for the part he’d played in Jason’s death, and for withholding the truth from her when he’d found out who she was. He couldn’t eat, sleep, or think straight. His work was starting to suffer and orders were going unfulfilled. If it weren’t for the handful of diligent employees and apprentices business would be much worse. His family left concerned messages on his answering machine, and his aunt would come by his house several times a week to check in on him. He ignored all invitations from friends in favor of being alone. He’d lost weight, and dark circles beneath his eyes had seemed to become a permanent fixture on his face.

And though his father had pulled through the medical scare, and was now home recuperating, Simon couldn’t get it together to go visit. All he could think about was Jessica, and now he stood outside her apartment door again, hoping she’d open the door. Pushing the doorbell, he tapped his foot impatiently. “Jessica, I know you’re in there. Please let me in so we can talk.”

No answer.

Dammit!

He pressed the bell again. “Please Jessica, I won’t go away until you let me in. Sweetheart, we have to talk. I know I should have been more upfront with you, but I was too scared to lose you, and now that I have anyway, I just want to say how sorry I am. Please, baby, let me in.”

Just then, the door opened, but it wasn’t Jessica who answered. It was a woman he didn’t recognize. The petite woman looked to be in her mid to late thirties, with a short cap of blonde hair crowning her head and a pair of icy blue eyes. Right now her pink lips were turned down in a frown. She didn’t speak. In fact, she looked slightly annoyed.