Finding Peace (Finding Series, Book 3) (13 page)

Minutes passed as aftershocks continued to rock through them and it took every last bit of Luke’s strength to lower them both to the bed so that his body was covering Gray’s. He felt Gray’s legs wrap around him and draw so tight that it forced his cock even deeper into his lover’s body. Soft kisses were pressed against his collarbone as Gray’s stranglehold on his neck finally eased and then Gray was pulling him down for a deep kiss that stole what little reserve energy he had left.

***

As Luke began pumping into him from behind, Gray sent another prayer of thanks that he’d had enough foresight to grab a condom and the lube before climbing into the shower. He hadn’t been sure if Luke would join him after he’d gone to let Ripley out and get the coffee started but within 5 minutes, Luke had been pushing the shower curtain aside and forcing Gray back against the tile and pinning his arms to the wall as he stole his breath with a bone melting kiss. Gray had been almost certain that there was no way he’d be able to get another hard-on after the passionate encounter in his bed only half an hour earlier but the second Luke had spun him around and pushed his finger into Gray’s body, Gray’s dick had gone from relaxed to half hard. One stroke over his prostate and Gray had been rubbing his dick against the tile in a desperate effort to find some relief.

He was still stunned that he’d even managed to get hard when Luke had first put his mouth on him the night before but he’d found that the more his anxiety over Luke seeing his cock without the expected heavy sack beneath eased, the more his dick had actually responded. His doctor had told him early on that with testosterone he could have a normal sex life after surgery but that his mental hang-ups over the changes to his body could actually be more of a deterrent than his physical limitations. He’d suggested Gray talk to a counselor or talk to other patients who’d been through the same thing but Gray had been so caught up in what he’d lost, he hadn’t even considered it. And if Luke hadn’t been patient but insistent in his exploration of Gray’s body last night, who knows how long Gray would have missed out?

As for Luke, any first time jitters he might have had about fucking a man had appeared to have flown out the window at this point because he teased Gray mercilessly by sliding his dick between Gray’s cheeks while keeping his hands on Gray’s hips to make sure he couldn’t rub himself off. Every time the head of Luke’s cock had brushed over his hole, Gray had pushed back and begged Luke to fuck him but Luke had ignored him. At one point, Gray had become so desperate that he reached for his dick to bring about his own release but Luke had grabbed both his hands and pinned them over his head against the wall. The feeling of being immobilized and at Luke’s mercy had gotten Gray harder than he’d ever been before in his life and when Luke finally did shove his dick into him, Gray came on the first thrust. He’d expected Luke to take his own pleasure at that point but he’d merely hung there inside of Gray’s body as he began whispering in Gray’s ear about some of the things he wanted to do to him. To Gray’s absolute shock, he’d felt his dick responding again. But it wasn’t until his dick was standing at full attention against his stomach that Luke began pumping into him again.

“So tight,” Luke muttered against his ear. Gray’s hands were still pinned but when Luke said, “Leave them there” and then released them, Gray didn’t dare move them. Instead, he laid his palms flat on the tile and braced himself as Luke’s lunges began to shove him forward. Luke’s hands stroked over his entire body and then settled on his nipples. He tortured them with a few hard tugs and then moved his palms down to Gray’s thighs. Hard fingers bit into his skin and forced his legs farther apart and then held them that way as Luke ruthlessly slammed into him. Hoarse cries fell from Gray’s mouth as he pressed his cheek against the wall. His need to come was so intense that it bordered on pain and he didn’t even realize he was begging Luke until Luke whispered, “Not yet, baby. Just a little more.”

At that point Gray lost all sense of time as well as his surroundings. He couldn’t feel the water anymore or even the smooth tile that was acting as a counterpoint to Luke’s nearly brutal thrusts. The only thing he felt was the fiery burning in his ass and the unyielding pressure in his dick. And the spire of need that drew tighter and tighter every time Luke hammered into him.

“One day, there won’t be anything separating us,” Luke suddenly growled.

“Do it,” Gray ordered, his voice barely a whisper. But Luke must have heard him because his pace slowed slightly. “I’m clean, I swear,” Gray ground out.

Luke stopped all together and Gray nearly cried out at the feeling of loss even though Luke was still inside of him. But suddenly Luke pulled out but before Gray could even register the loss, Luke was slamming back into him and he nearly cried out at the feel of Luke’s bare skin scorching his insides. Any control Luke might have had was gone as he shoved Gray forward until he was flush with the wall and then fucked him without mercy. It took just seconds for Gray’s body to get back to where it was and without any warning at all, he was thrown over the chasm of pleasure and began falling as wave after wave of ecstasy tore through him. Fire burned his inner walls as Luke came inside of him and he felt the other man’s fingers biting into his shoulders, holding him in place while he humped into him.

Luke’s orgasm went on and on as he jerked into Gray over and over and Gray relished the feel of Luke’s release warming him from the inside out. When Luke’s movements finally slowed and then stopped all together, Gray turned his head to look over his shoulder and was met with a hungry kiss that left him shaking. Luke’s rumble of laughter felt good against his back and when Luke slipped free of his body, he tried to turn around. But Luke’s big palm settled on his back to hold him in place and it wasn’t until the come began dripping from his ass that Gray realized why Luke wasn’t letting him turn around. If he wasn’t thoroughly exhausted, the idea of Luke watching his seed drip from Gray’s body would have gotten Gray hard all over again. So Gray waited until Luke took in his fill and then turned him around. Luke kissed him for a good long time before he reached for the body wash to help Gray finish his shower.

***

“Stop it,” Luke heard Gray mutter.

“What?” Luke asked, feigning innocence.

“You said you wanted to read one of my books, so read,” Gray growled. But the fact that Gray was shifting in his chair had Luke smiling since the man was no doubt thinking the same exact thing Luke had been thinking.

Luke forced his eyes back down to the book in his hands but as before, he’d only managed to read a few sentences before he was looking up to watch Gray again. It was the exact same scenario that had set Luke off only an hour earlier when he’d come into the living room to find Gray typing away at his computer. His intent at the time had only been to give Gray a quick kiss in greeting before letting Gray get back to his writing but one kiss had led to another and then another and then Gray had been shoving his laptop out of the way while Luke had torn at his clothes. They’d started off with Gray bent over the desk but Luke had wanted to see him when he came so he’d rolled him to his back and dragged his ass to the edge of the desk before ramming into him again. Gray had come first so Luke had gotten exactly what he wanted. Luke’s orgasm had quickly followed and then he’d dragged Gray to the shower to get cleaned up. After that, Luke had planned to head outside to give Gray some space so he could get some work done but a downpour had changed that and he’d asked Gray if he could read one of his books instead.

“You know, pretty soon I’m going to take it personally that you can’t keep your attention on my book.”

Luke chuckled. “I can guarantee that there isn’t a book or even movie on this earth that I would ever choose over your ass.”

Gray smiled and shook his head. “You sweet talker.”

Luke laughed and then got up. “I’ll be in the bedroom if you need me,” he said as he went to the desk to give Gray a quick kiss. But Gray’s gaze was focused on the screen and when Luke glanced at it, he saw why. A picture of Gray and a man kissing was on the screen and the headline above the picture read,
Bestselling Author Gray Hawthorne Accused of Sexual Harassment.

“What the fuck?” Luke snapped as he grabbed the laptop so he could get a better look. Rage went through him at the sight of Gray in the other man’s arms. “What is this?” he asked Gray who’d gone pale.

Since Gray wasn’t responding, Luke hit the play button that was in the middle of the picture and the video launched as a female reporter began speaking.

“The entertainment world was rocked with a bombshell accusation by actor Christian Cavelli today. After weeks of silence after pictures surfaced of Cavelli and bestselling author, Gray Hawthorne, in an intimate embrace, Cavelli has admitted that Hawthorne attempted to force the young heartthrob into a sexual relationship in exchange for landing the leading role in the upcoming film trilogy based on Hawthorne’s bestselling Nick Archer series. With his fiancée, Deanna Tate, at his side, Cavelli tearfully explained how he was forced to choose between the role that would have rocketed him to superstardom and his convictions.”

The image switched to a good looking young man holding a very pregnant woman’s hand.
“I hope that by coming forward I can help others who’ve faced this same struggle. No one in a position of power has the right to force someone else-”

Disgusted, Luke slammed the laptop shut.

“Luke, I swear, I didn’t-”

“Gray, don’t you fucking dare think I believe the horseshit coming from that guy’s mouth!”

Gray looked taken aback by Luke’s words. “Is this the scandal Dane was talking about?”

“Yes and no; back then it was just the pictures. Christian’s camp never commented on them and neither did I so the press just came to the conclusion that we were having an affair. But we weren’t,” Gray quickly added. “He auditioned for the lead role a couple months back. The studio liked him for the part but my contract says I have to sign off on anyone they choose for the lead and I knew Christian wasn’t right for it – he was too young and I just wasn’t impressed by his take on the character. He showed up at my house a couple days later and begged me to reconsider but I wouldn’t. I was showing him out when he kissed me. I stopped it right away and told him to go but I guess there must have been some paparazzi following him because the pictures showed up the next day.”

“He used them to try to blackmail you, didn’t he?” Luke said.

Gray nodded. “He told me if I didn’t sign off on him for the part, he’d tell everyone I propositioned him for sex in exchange for the part. I told him to fuck off. He tried strong-arming the studio a couple weeks ago with a lawsuit but the only thing they can do at this point is call off the whole deal – they’d be out tens of millions of dollars since pre-production has already started and they’d still have to pay me whether the movies get made or not.”

“You need to make some kind of statement or something – tell them your side,” Luke argued.

Gray rose to his feet and pushed past him. “There’s no point – people are going to believe what they want to believe.”

“What does that mean?”

Gray whirled around. “Don’t you get it, Luke? I’m the bad guy and he” – Gray pointed at the laptop – “is their do-no-wrong, golden boy. I played the game and I lost. And you know the really fucked up part?” Gray bit out. “I’m still going to sell a shitload of books because of this. The studio’s going to make all the money they projected and then some and Cavelli – he’ll probably get an even better role handed to him.”

Luke shook his head. “So you’re okay with them believing the lie?”

“They’ll believe it because that’s what they want to believe. I’m on top and that means they need to knock me down a few pegs. There’s blood in the water now and nothing I say will change that. And you know what? For the first time in a really long time, I don’t give a shit. Hell, I’m almost glad because I don’t have to keep pretending anymore. All I ever wanted to do was write – the rest of this all just happened and yeah, I got sucked in. But right now, being here in this place, being here with you – this is the moment I was praying to God for while we were waiting for Dr. Klein to tell us if I was in remission or not - not my career, not some movie deal, not Cavelli keeping his mouth shut!”

A rush of emotion went through Luke and he tossed the book onto the couch and went to Gray and began rubbing his hands up and down Gray’s arms. “I love you, Gray. But I don’t want you to risk your entire career for something that won’t…”

“Last,” Gray finished for him.

“There are only two ways this can end. I prove Shaw was behind everything or Shaw finds me.”

Gray pulled free of him. “I don’t accept that! I don’t!” he shouted once more before he turned and headed towards the bedroom. Luke knew he should follow him but since he couldn’t figure out what to say to make Gray see the truth that what they had wasn’t meant to be, he snatched the car keys off the kitchen table and left the cabin.

Chapter Nine

Gray heard the diesel engine cut out and the front door open but he wasn’t surprised when heavy footsteps passed his bedroom by. It had been nearly two weeks since he and Luke had made love the night after Gray’s test results had proved he was for the moment, cancer free. And not once in those two weeks had Luke spent the night in his own room. It was a sign that even now, Luke was pulling away from him – preparing him for a future Gray had no way to prevent.

Rolling onto his side, Gray tried to hold back the tears that threatened. Life really was a cruel bitch. He’d managed to beat a brutal medical diagnosis and treatment but he was going to end up losing his life anyway because he wasn’t sure he could survive in a future that didn’t include Luke. No way in hell could he go back to being the shell of the man he’d been before Luke walked into his life and changed it forever. He’d been surrounded by people, had more money than he’d known what to do with and had countless men to slake his lusts on but he’d never once managed to feel any different than the little boy who’d locked himself in his room to escape his parents’ cruel tirades and angry rants. His books had provided the escape he’d needed then and later his writing had given him the voice he hadn’t been able to find as a child but it was being with Luke that made him feel like he was exactly where he was supposed to be. Cancer could steal his health and Hollywood could take back the glory it’d bestowed on him but Luke…without Luke he was nothing.

Gray tensed when he heard his door open but he didn’t look up. His back was to Luke when he felt his mattress dip under Luke’s weight and he managed to stifle a cry of relief when he felt Luke curl up against his back. Luke’s arm wrapped around his waist and Gray reached down to pull Luke’s hand up so it was resting over his heart and he laced their fingers together.

“Sorry,” he heard Luke whisper against his neck and then soft lips were brushing over his skin.

“You can’t say shit like that to me and just expect me to be okay with it,” Gray whispered.

“Even with all the crap your career comes with-”

Gray quickly rolled over. “I’m talking about what you said about Shaw finding you – you can’t ask me to just accept your death as some fucking foregone conclusion,” he said harshly.

He expected Luke to put up some kind of argument or try to reason with him but Luke remained silent. His big fingers brushed Gray’s cheeks and the sight of moisture on the end of Luke’s thumb had Gray realizing he hadn’t managed to stem his tears.

“There’s this form that you have to fill out when you join the military – it’s for who they should notify if you don’t make it out. I put Rhys’ name down when I first filled it out but they wanted me to put down the name of someone who wasn’t actively enlisted.”

“You didn’t have anyone?” Gray guessed.

Luke shook his head. “I made up a name because I was too embarrassed to tell them there was no one else who would care if I came home or not.”

“What name did you put?”

“Elizabeth Saint.”

“Why that one?”

“Because that was the name of the hospital my mom left me at. St. Elizabeth’s in Chicago.”

“She left you there?”

“In a box underneath a waiting room chair. I wasn’t even an hour old.”

“They never found her?” Gray asked as he shifted closer to Luke.

“No one even remembered seeing her,” Luke said. “The only thing I know about her is that she cared enough about me not to leave me in a dumpster somewhere but not enough to leave a note saying why she didn’t want me or even what my name was.”

“Is that when you were placed in a group home?”

Luke shook his head. “Not at first. Children and Family Services found me a foster home but the couple gave me back when they found out they were pregnant. After that I guess I was in and out of a couple of foster homes. I was a pretty sickly kid so I guess a lot of people didn’t want to deal with that. I was finally diagnosed with a hole in my heart when I was two.”

“Is that why you were never adopted?” Gray asked.

“I guess that was part of it. But I was also really quiet so when potential adoptees came around, they usually gravitated towards the active, friendly kids, not the ones who colored by themselves in the corner and refused to speak to anyone. I once heard one of the potential moms say I creeped her out.”

“I’m so sorry, Luke,” Gray whispered as he leaned in to brush his mouth over Luke’s.

Luke shrugged. “It was the only life I knew so it wasn’t so bad.”

Gray doubted that but didn’t point it out.

“When did you meet Rhys?”

“I was sixteen and someone at CFS must have decided I’d been in the group home long enough or they needed to make room or something because I was placed in a foster home. Rhys had already been there for a few months and for whatever reason, he decided to take me under his wing which was a good thing because a couple of the older boys started messing with me as soon as I got there. The foster dad was pretty shitty too and Rhys often took the beatings that were meant for me.”

Luke pressed closer to Gray and Gray automatically wrapped his arms around him. He could feel Luke’s warm breath against his throat as he spoke.

“The hole in my heart healed up when I was ten and after that I started to grow and develop more normally. I hit a growth spurt in my teens – I ended up being taller than all the other boys my age in the home and even some of the older ones so a lot of them used to call me names and make fun of me, especially since I still didn’t talk much. My foster father started calling me Frankenstein and smacking me around when I didn’t move fast enough to suit him – that’s when Rhys would do something to provoke him so he’d go after him instead,” Luke said softly. “I never would have survived that place if it hadn’t been for Rhys.”

“Is that why you followed him into the army?”

Luke nodded. “It was funny because all the things that had made me a freak in my childhood worked to my advantage in boot camp. I never talked back to any of my superiors and I was always focused on whatever goal they set for us. My size and strength were assets too. Not having a place to call home meant my entire focus was on my duties and not having anyone to go home to meant I didn’t have the same level of fear that some of the other guys did…It was the first time I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.”

“Isn’t there anyone that would listen to your side of the story? A commanding officer?”

“I have no way of knowing which ones are aligned with Shaw. And since I’d be facing a court martial for Barnes’ murder instead of a regular court of law, the likelihood that I’d get a fair trial is slim and the chances that Shaw would even let me live that long are slimmer.”

“The press then,” Gray said desperately. “They can tell your side-”

Gray’s words were cut off with a kiss and when Luke pushed him onto his back, Gray got the silent message. Unlike the first night they’d been together, Gray’s body responded instantly to the feel of Luke settling his weight down on him and his dick began swelling to life. He kissed Luke hungrily as he worked Luke’s shirt off his chest and then he was leaning up to run his tongue over one of Luke’s nipples. Luke bit out a moan at the contact but he was too desperate to slow down and he grabbed Gray’s wrists and lifted them over his head so he could more easily slide Gray’s shirt off of him. But to Gray’s surprise, Luke pushed him back down on the bed and wrapped the shirt around his wrists. The impromptu binding wasn’t tight enough that he couldn’t escape but just the idea of being restrained had Gray’s dick hardening to near painful proportions.

Luke sat up to enjoy his handiwork and then leaned down to seal his mouth over Gray’s. The kiss left Gray humping helplessly against Luke but Luke wouldn’t be rushed and Gray had to endure slow, achingly sweet kiss after kiss that only incited his need even more.

“Luke, please,” he whispered against Luke’s mouth.

“When you take me for the first time, I want you to do this to me” – Luke put his hands on Gray’s immobilized wrists – “so all I can do is feel everything you’re doing to me.”

Gray sucked in a breath at that because even the idea of sliding into Luke’s tight heat had his brain and his dick going into overdrive. It wasn’t something they’d ever talked about and Gray was more than happy to bottom even though it wasn’t something he’d done often. And the way Luke owned his body and gave back every bit of pleasure he took and then some, there was no way Gray would be able to go long without the feel of Luke filling him.

Luke’s mouth crushed over his again and kissed him hungrily before he slid down Gray’s body, setting his skin on fire wherever he touched it with his expert lips and greedy fingers. By the time Luke began nuzzling Gray’s dick through his pants, Gray was begging incoherently for relief and even though he was able to move his bound arms, each time he did, Luke immediately stopped what he was doing so Gray left his arms exactly where they were. Any shame Gray had felt over his missing balls had disappeared after that first night when Luke had proved that Gray’s body brought him pleasure exactly the way it was. So when Luke dragged his briefs off, Gray eagerly thrusts his hips up in silent invitation. But to his surprise, Luke ignored his dick and turned him over and yanked him back so that he was on all fours. Cool air wafted over his hole for only a moment before Luke’s, wet, hot tongue licked over him. The sensation had Gray screaming in surprise and pleasure and when Luke began both sucking and licking him, Gray dropped to his elbows and buried his face in the bedding to muffle his moans. The feel of Luke’s stiff tongue breaching him had his knees threatening to give out too but Luke used his palm on Gray’s stomach to offer added support.

Gray had no idea how long the blissful torture lasted but by the time Luke slid into him, Gray was just a mass of need and every part of his reality was centered in his ass where Luke’s heavy cock brushed against the sensitive, smooth walls of his rectum. Luke’s free hand was stroking Gray’s dick which jerked every time Luke hit his prostate. Sweat dripped down Gray’s face as Luke picked up the pace and by the time Luke was pounding into him, Gray had given up on trying to silence himself and between grunts and groans, he was begging Luke to let him come. When it finally happened, Gray was unprepared for the orgasm even though he’d been expecting it.

Even on the first night they’d been together, Gray hadn’t expected any future orgasm he was lucky enough to have to measure up to past ones but the release Luke had coaxed from him that night had surprised him. And tonight was no different. Rolling waves of burning pleasure kept sweeping over him as Luke’s heavy frame dropped onto his back. The pressure in his dick exploded and tremors of white hot pleasure ripped through every nerve ending until he could no longer feel anything but warmth surrounding him from every side. He was floating in a haze of pleasure that he would have been happy to stay in forever, especially since he could feel Luke’s ragged breathing against the back of his neck. And when Luke whispered “I love you,” in his ear, Gray knew for certain he was in a dream he never wanted to wake up from.

***

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” Gray asked as he leaned back against the truck door and enjoyed the feel of Luke’s body pressing him against the cool metal as Luke kissed the pulse point in his neck.

“No, I really want to finish the last cabinet,” Luke murmured.

Gray wasn’t sure if he managed a pout or not but it didn’t matter because Luke sealed their mouths together and kissed him deeply before pulling Gray forward a few steps and opening the door.

“See you soon,” Gray said as he climbed into the truck. “Call me if you need anything,” Gray added as he glanced at the phone in Luke’s pocket. The disposable cell phone was something he’d bought on impulse during his last trip to the next town over to get groceries.

“Will do,” Luke said. “Why don’t you take Ripley?” Luke suggested and before Gray could respond, Luke was calling the dog over and she jumped into the back seat of the truck. The big dog’s entire body took up most of the back bench seat. Ripley’s physical health had improved significantly since Luke had rescued her and the only proof she’d ever been abused were the scars that could be felt but not seen beneath the animal’s lush coat.

Gray gave Luke a brief wave through the window and then pulled the truck onto the road that would lead down the mountain. It would only take him about thirty minutes to get to the next town over to pick up some groceries but the second Luke disappeared from his rearview mirror, Gray got the itchy feeling he’d been getting in the past couple of weeks. It made no sense since things between him and Luke had been better than ever. They hadn’t spoken much about Cavelli’s statements although Gray’s cell phone had nearly exploded from all the calls he’d gotten from his so called friends who likely only wanted to get the “real” story so they could then leak it to the tabloids and fuel the fire that Gray refused to even acknowledge. Sid had gone apeshit when Gray had calmly told Sid he wouldn’t be making a statement and he’d ended up hanging up on Sid just to shut him up.

The only tension between him and Luke had happened a couple days earlier when Gray had suggested they leave the country. He’d already been working through the details of how to charter a private jet and get past customs of a foreign country that had no extradition deal with the U.S. when Luke had adamantly shot down the idea and said no way in hell would he allow Gray to go on the run with him. Gray hadn’t argued any further but that hadn’t stopped him from trying to work out the holes in his plan. He had no doubt that for the right amount of money, pilots, custom agents and anyone else they needed in their escape, could be bought.