Finding Peace (Finding Series, Book 3) (10 page)

“I’ll be here.”

His brother studied him long and hard and then bobbed his head before turning and heading towards the door.

“Roman-”

Roman tensed but turned before he reached the door.

“Tell Mo-Victoria that I’m good. And thanks.”

There was no acknowledgement on Roman’s expression just before he turned and left the cabin but that was just fine with Gray. What Roman had just given him was more than Gray could have asked for.

Gray got up to watch his brother’s car pull out of the driveway. The door opened a moment later when Luke entered and Gray instantly flashed to the moment Luke’s big body had caged his against the truck.

“How did it go?” Luke asked as he carried one of the cabinet doors into the kitchen and put it on the counter.

“Really good,” Gray managed to say even though his throat had dried up at the sight of Luke. Fuck, his attraction was getting out of control. He absolutely did not want to fuck up his budding friendship with this man. “My mom asked him to check on me.”

Luke’s brows lifted. “You going to call her? Put her mind at ease?”

Gray thought about it a moment and then reached into his pocket for his phone. “Yeah, yeah, I am.”

“You want me to leave?” Luke asked.

Gray shook his head as he found his mother’s phone number. He settled back down into the chair while it rang and then watched Luke holding the cabinet door up to check it against the base on the wall. It had been Luke’s suggestion to strip and re-stain the cabinets to give them a more modern feel rather than buying brand new cabinets. As usual, Luke’s instinct had been spot on because the cabinets still looked rustic but the new stain made them look fresh and clean.

“Looks good,” Gray murmured and his heart flip-flopped when Luke cast him a smile over his shoulder. But the real distraction came when Luke leaned over to check something against the wall and a strip of skin was revealed where his shirt rode up just above his tight ass. The gun was tucked in his jeans but Gray barely noticed it because he was too busy ogling the man’s flexing muscles. He also didn’t notice his mother’s annoyed voice until she said “hello” for the third time.

“Hey Mom, it’s me,” Gray said.

“Gray,” his mother replied, the all too familiar thread of annoyance in her tone. “Sweetheart, now’s not a good time. I’m about to meet with the van Horns to talk about a re-design of their house in the Hamptons.” Her impatience made something deep inside Gray curl up and die.

“I…I was just calling to check in,” Gray murmured.

“I do hope you’ve straightened out all that nonsense with that…that actor,” she said with distaste. “I’ve had three clients ask me about you and your…proclivities.”

Gray closed his eyes. “Sorry to have bothered you, Mom. Good luck with the van Horns,” he said quietly and then hung up the phone.

“You okay?” he heard Luke ask and he opened his eyes to see Luke watching him intently.

“I’m nearly forty years old but I hear that tone in her voice and it puts me right back there, you know?”

“Back where?”

“Back to when I kept trying to figure out who they wanted me to be and kept coming up short.”

A heavy hand came to rest on his and sparks of electricity shot up Gray’s entire arm. He pulled his hand free of Luke’s because he was just too vulnerable to try to rein in his need for the other man. “Roman said she was worried about me.”

“You think he lied? Why would he do that?” Luke asked. “Do you think he wanted to hurt you?”

Gray thought back to the way his brother had looked at him just before he’d left. Like he’d wanted to say more. “No,” Gray finally said. “I don’t think so. I think he used her as an excuse.”

“To check on you himself,” Luke observed.

Gray smiled. “I think so. I didn’t think he’d ever forgive me for how I treated him when he was a kid but maybe this is my chance to fix things.”

“What happened between you two?”

“It’s a long story,” Gray warned.

Luke was quiet for a moment before saying, “I’m not going anywhere.”

That statement and the way Luke’s eyes seemed to burn right through him had Gray’s body drawing up tight with desire. But instead of leaning across the table to drag Luke’s mouth to his, Gray leaned back in his chair and started talking.

Chapter Seven

Luke couldn’t manage to sit still so he got up and started studying all the doctor’s degrees and awards that hung in his office. Ivy league school, residency at a prestigious hospital – that had to be good, right? So what the hell was the guy doing in some community hospital in Montana?

“This guy, he’s good, right?” he asked Gray who was sitting in one of the chairs across from the doctor’s nearly pristine desk.

“He’s good,” Gray responded. His voice sounded dull. Not that Luke could blame the man considering whatever news he was about to get would change his life going forward.

They’d already been sitting in the doctor’s office for nearly fifteen minutes and Luke was on the verge of hunting down the man himself and telling him to get his ass in here and tell them that everything was going to be okay – that the suffering Gray had gone through had paid off.

Gray’s last chemotherapy treatment had been a week ago and he hadn’t been able to bounce back as quickly from it as he had the week before. Although he’d stopped vomiting within twenty-four hours, the long term effect of the treatments had started to take their toll on him and he spent most of his time in bed or resting on the couch. The weight loss had continued and Luke was estimating that the man was a good thirty pounds underweight. But it was the mental strain that had concerned Luke the most because as the date when Gray would learn his fate had drawn closer and closer, Gray had become more quiet and withdrawn. And it wasn’t like Luke could really pull Gray out of it because Luke was feeling the exact same way.

The helplessness had become almost crippling for Luke and it was a stark reminder of his childhood when he’d had no control over his future or any reason to hope for more than whatever each day would bring. All those things had changed when he’d turned eighteen and been given the freedom to make his own decisions. He’d been scared shitless then too but at least he’d had the benefit of being able to make his own choices. Now all he could do was watch the man who’d become frighteningly important to him endure the incessant torture of not knowing what his future held or if he even had one.

Luke’s emotional attachment to Gray had only strengthened his physical need for the other man even though Gray barely resembled the man he’d met on the side of the road a month earlier. He’d gotten past the strangeness of being attracted to a man rather quickly, although the unknown did frighten him somewhat. The part he was struggling with the most was what would happen if he did pursue any kind of relationship with Gray. And that was assuming the experienced and self-proclaimed playboy would even be interested in starting something up with a guy who’d never so much as touched another man in a sexual way and could count on one hand how many women he’d been with.

While Luke had managed to put the threats in his life out of his mind for the past couple of weeks, he wasn’t foolish enough to think he was out of danger. Even if by some miracle he could convince the cops of his innocence, it didn’t mean that the man hunting him would suddenly stop. And it didn’t mean that he wouldn’t use any means necessary to get to Luke. Which meant that every day Luke stayed with Gray was another day he risked putting Gray in the crosshairs of a man who’d already proven he wouldn’t let anything stand in the way of his rise to power.

“Luke, come sit. You’re making me nervous,” Gray said quietly.

Luke returned to his seat but didn’t even notice he was tapping his foot incessantly until Gray reached over to put his hand on Luke’s fist where it was resting on his thigh.

“It’s going to be okay,” Gray said as he gave Luke a reassuring squeeze. Before Gray could draw his hand away, Luke snagged it in his and then shifted in his seat so he was facing Gray. He couldn’t stop himself from extending his free arm and cupping his hand around the back of Gray’s neck and drawing him closer until their foreheads were touching.

“No matter what happens, I’m here,” Luke said firmly, even though he had no idea how he could follow through with the promise.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Gray whispered. Their mouths were so close that Luke could feel Gray’s warm breath fanning over his lips. Gray’s eyes had closed at some point but the way his hand was clenching Luke’s told Luke everything he needed to know. Gray was scared to death.

“I’m here,” Luke repeated, his tone almost harsh. God, it would be so easy to draw Gray’s lips to his. He was actually doing it before he could stop himself but the door opening behind them had him releasing Gray instead.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Gray,” the doctor said as he closed the door behind him and went to his desk. Gray had released Luke’s hand so Luke had no choice but to clench his fists again in an effort to gain enough control to keep himself from leaping across the desk and demanding that the doctor tell them what they wanted to hear…no,
needed
to hear.

***

Gray’s hand was shaking violently as he pushed the down button for the elevator. He had no idea if Luke noticed or not because the man hadn’t looked at him even once after they’d left the doctor’s office. In fact, he hadn’t said a word. Of course, Gray hadn’t fared any better. Even now, he was having trouble wrapping his head around it.

Remission.

It had taken several long seconds after the doctor had said the word for it to actually register in Gray’s muddled brain. He’d spent so much time planning how to deal with the news that he’d need more treatment or surgery that he hadn’t given much thought to what it would mean if the doctor said that word. At his lowest point when he’d been too tired to crawl out of bed, he’d asked Luke to bring him his laptop and he’d started researching charities that he’d leave the majority of his estate to. Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought it would be such a struggle to hear the one word he’d hoped and prayed he’d hear.

The elevator door slid open and he stepped inside and leaned back against the wall and put his hands on the rail to make sure he stayed upright since he couldn’t trust his shaky legs to do the job. Luke’s body brushed his briefly as he reached to press the button for right parking level. Luke was so quiet that a moment of panic went through Gray and he whispered, “You heard it too, right?”

Luke finally looked at him and the turbulent emotion in the man’s stormy eyes caught Gray off guard. “He said I was in remission, right?” Gray managed to get out.

Luke nodded and then just stared at him for a pregnant moment. It was on the tip of Gray’s tongue to ask him what was wrong when Luke suddenly closed the distance between them. His large body pressed against Gray’s as his hands encircled Gray’s neck. He used his thumbs to tilt Gray’s head up and Gray didn’t even have time to let out his gasp of surprise before Luke’s mouth closed over his.

The kiss was so gentle and so sweet that Gray actually felt tears burning his eyes. Instead of accepting Gray’s parted lips for the invitation they were, Luke brushed his lips over Gray’s lower lip first. His mouth was firm and warm and his breath mingled with Gray’s as he hung there for just a split second before kissing Gray’s upper lip. And then he was skimming over Gray’s entire mouth once more before pulling back.

Gray wasn’t even aware he’d closed his eyes until he actually opened them and saw Luke’s hungry ones staring right back at him. Luke’s hands were still cupping his jaw, his thumbs stroking back and forth over his now too hot skin. Gray was about to beg Luke to kiss him again when the elevator dinged. Luke dropped his hands and stepped back as several people got into the car with them. As soon as Luke tore his eyes away and focused on the backs of the people standing in front of them, Gray sucked in a deep breath that left him light-headed. Fortunately, the elevator had several more stops to make before he needed to force himself to move and follow Luke to the truck. Luke didn’t say anything as he went around to the driver’s side and Gray tried to use the moment to recover from what had been the simplest and most devastating kiss of his entire life.

***

It had been a thousand times better than he ever could have expected. And he didn’t regret it for even one second.

Luke kept his attention on the winding road that led up the mountain. It was a shitty excuse to not talk to Gray but even the hour long drive from Missoula had done nothing to ease the knot of emotion that had taken hold deep inside his chest when the doctor had said that one magic word. One word that meant Gray could go back to his life. One word that meant Luke would have to try to figure out his.

Leaving Gray was the only logical option, but just because it was logical didn’t mean it would be easy. So he’d made himself a promise in that elevator as Gray had looked to him to confirm that the doctor really had said the tumors were gone. One taste of Gray – it should have been enough to keep his promise to walk away. It should have been but God forgive him, it wasn’t.

Darkness was just starting to fall as Luke pulled the truck into Gray’s driveway. He reached the front door before Gray did and opened the door to let Ripley out. The dog circled him several times in excitement and then ran to Gray. Gray’s hands stroked over the big animal as he said something unintelligible in a low voice. The silky, smooth timbre had Luke’s dick swelling even more in his tight jeans and he stepped in the cabin in the hopes of getting himself under control before Gray came in. He heard the door click closed behind him but didn’t turn around.

The lack of movement told him Gray was still by the door but Luke couldn’t make himself face the other man. He also didn’t hear Ripley’s nails clicking over the wooden floor so he guessed the dog had stayed outside to explore the yard.

“It was an intense moment, Luke. Emotions were running high…it’s just one of those things. It didn’t mean anything – I get that. Nothing’s changed.”

Luke wanted to laugh. Gray actually thought he was regretting the kiss? “For you, Gray?”

“What?”

“Nothing’s changed for you?” Luke asked as he finally turned around. “Because everything’s changed for me.”

Gray was standing just inside the door, his arms wrapped protectively around himself. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Luke,” he whispered.

“I want you to say that we shouldn’t do this…that it will just complicate the fuck out of things.”

Gray shook his head. “Not gonna say that.”

Luke’s insides twisted even as his heart sank because he knew there was no way he was going to be able to keep his promise. He was moving before he could rethink his decision and Gray met him halfway. Their second kiss was the exact opposite of the first and Luke finally gave in as Gray’s tongue dueled with his for control. It was a battle he gladly lost because the feel of Gray’s tongue sinking into his mouth had Luke moaning deep in his throat as he jammed his hips against the other man’s. Gray’s long fingers were twisted in his hair to keep him still for his sensual assault but that didn’t keep Luke’s hands from roaming up and down Gray’s back. Even in his weakened state, the feel of Gray’s hard body had Luke yearning to explore every inch of him. He managed to get his fingers on the skin at the small of Gray’s back and relished how soft it was. But his exploration was cut short when a hand rubbed over his dick and he let out a hoarse groan that Gray immediately swallowed as he continued to plunder Luke’s mouth.

Gray palmed his cock over and over as Luke shamelessly thrust against him but when the hand disappeared, Luke let out a ragged, “No.”

“Shhhh,” Gray said against his lips. “I’m gonna take care of you.”

Luke didn’t even have time to consider his words because Gray had managed to work his hand beneath Luke’s shirt and it coasted over his abdomen before sinking below the waistband of his jeans. The second the hot, rough skin brushed his cock, Luke surged forward to increase the contact. But Gray surprised him with a show of dominance as he used his body to force Luke to take several steps backward. Luke’s ass hit the back of the couch and he automatically used one hand to brace himself against it. Gray was quickly working the button and zipper of Luke’s jeans free and the fabric didn’t even make it past Luke’s hips before Gray was on his knees and sucking Luke’s swollen dick into his hot, greedy mouth.

***

Gray’s head was swimming with the sudden turn of events but the second Luke’s slick cock slipped past his lips, a surge of clarity went through his entire body. For whatever reason, Luke wanted this…him, and there was no way Gray was going to fuck it up, even if not every part of his body was along for the ride. He’d had a little bit of hope left that his dick might respond to the feeling of Luke’s heavy hands roaming over his body but it hadn’t. The rest of Gray’s body was drawn tight with need and that fiery heat that started deep in his belly and burned through all four limbs was there but his cock had let him down – both figuratively and literally. But at this point, just the feel of Luke surrounding him…joining with him, was enough.

He let his tongue explore the ridges of Luke’s shaft before sucking on the head. Luke was thicker and longer than most of the men he’d been with so it took him a while to work all of Luke deep into his throat. But once he had him there, he swallowed and the resulting moan of approval from above had him doing it again. He could feel Luke’s hands cradling his head and there was something incredibly erotic in the way the calloused fingertips scratched over his scalp. But what turned him on more than anything was the way Luke whispered his name with a mixture of awe and need.