Finding Peace (Finding Series, Book 3) (7 page)

His ringing phone ripped Gray from his bout of self-pity and as much as he would have liked to ignore it, he’d been doing that for several weeks now and he knew he couldn’t keep hiding his head in the sand. The ringtone told him exactly who it was so when he managed to pry the phone from his jacket pocket, he said, “Hey Sid.”

Sidney Grant was a brilliant agent but Gray had no doubt that the guy would sell his own grandmother out for a lucrative contract or endorsement deal. “Gray, where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea of the shitstorm going on?”

“I’m fine, Sid, thanks for asking. How are you?”

“Cavelli is threatening the studio with a lawsuit and they’re talking about pulling the plug on the whole deal!” Sid shouted. “And Foster is considering delaying your next book.”

Gray took a deep breath and rolled onto his side. The act of holding the phone to his ear felt like too much and he wished now that he hadn’t answered it. Sid hadn’t even stopped long enough to let him answer and Gray let his eyes slide shut as the shrill voice began rattling off how much money Gray was losing, which translated to Sid losing money.

“Where are you? I’ll come to you. We’ll talk strategy.”

“Sid,” Gray said wearily. “What part of ‘I need some time to myself’ didn’t you understand?”

Sid snorted and then rambled on like he hadn’t spoken. Gray knew the one sided conversation could go on all night so he forced himself to an upright position so he could focus. “Sid, shut the fuck up and hear what I’m saying, okay?”

Sid finally fell silent but Gray could sense the man was barely holding his tongue. “I don’t give a shit what Cavelli says or does – he’s not right for the part and I’m not fucking signing off on him. And you and I both know Len Fogle isn’t going to pull the plug on the deal…his studio’s got too much money invested.”

“But Foster…”

“Is trying to find any excuse to renegotiate my contract. Aren’t you the one who says any publicity is good publicity? Ask them to send you the numbers on pre-orders and then ask them again if they’re going to delay the release.”

“We still need to have a response ready to go if Cavelli goes public.”

“He’s absolutely going to go public when the studio tells him he’s not getting the part. And my response will be the same thing I told him when he threatened me…fuck off.” Gray pinched the bridge of his nose as his head began to spin. “Good night, Sid,” was all he said as he hung up the phone and tossed it on his nightstand. He was caught off guard at the sting of tears as another wave of nausea went through him and he climbed unsteadily to his feet. His last thought before he leaned over the toilet was the same one he’d had over and over in the motel room – he wished Luke was there to hold him.

Chapter Five

Luke watched Gray pick at his food but instead of saying something like he wanted to, Luke stood and took his own empty plate to the sink and rinsed it before putting it in the dishwasher. Gray had been home for two days and looked even worse now than he had then, though Luke wasn’t sure how that was possible. But while Gray’s physical appearance had started to change drastically, their interactions with each other had been exactly like they’d been before Gray left to go to Missoula for his mysterious hook up. The only exception had been their brief argument the day after Gray’s return when Gray had seen the dishwasher. He’d offered his thanks but then he’d done something unexpected had torn Luke up inside…he’d fucking paid Luke for installing the dishwasher. And just like that, their relationship had changed completely and while Luke hadn’t touched the money Gray had left sitting on the counter for him, Gray hadn’t taken it back either. If Luke had been smart, he would have taken the money and used it to get his ass back on the road. But he didn’t want Gray’s fucking money…he didn’t know what the hell he wanted but he knew it wasn’t that.

Luke reached for the bread on top of the fridge and tossed a couple of slices into the toaster. Once the bread was lightly browned, he put it on a plate and then went to the table and replaced the chicken and vegetables Gray had been pretending to eat with the toast. Luke put the uneaten food in the garbage and then returned to sit at the table. Gray hadn’t touched the bread and a glance at his glass of water showed he hadn’t had any of it either.

“You need to see a doctor, Gray,” Luke finally said when he took in Gray’s sunken eyes and pale skin. He looked like death warmed over. At the slight shiver that went through Gray’s body, Luke got up and grabbed the throw from the back of the couch in the living room and dropped it carefully over his shoulders. Luke had already turned the thermostat up in the cabin and he’d even started a fire in the fireplace but Gray still seemed chilled. “It doesn’t make sense that you’d get the stomach flu again so soon but in any case, you’re too dehydrated. A doctor can give you fluids…”

Gray’s dull eyes continued to stare out the window as he wrapped the throw around his body. It was like the man hadn’t even heard him.

“Gray,” Luke whispered as he put his hand over the hand Gray had resting on the table.

“What?” Gray asked in confusion as he finally turned his head to look at Luke. So Gray hadn’t been hearing him. “Sorry,” he mumbled as he finally noticed the toast in front of him. A small sigh went through him as he eyed the food and then he pulled his hand free of Luke’s and ran it through his hair.

Luke was about to repeat his statement about Gray needing to see a doctor when he saw Gray pull his hand away from his head. Shock tore through Luke when he saw what Gray was holding in his hand and a silent scream of denial went through Luke’s brain as he registered what he was seeing.

Gray stared at his own hand and then let out a little laugh. He turned his hand over and let the small chunk of hair fall onto the table next to his plate and Luke couldn’t take his eyes off of it as everything clicked into place.

“Gray,” was all he could manage to get out and Gray turned his suddenly too bright eyes back on him.

“Excuse me,” Gray whispered and then he was climbing unsteadily to his feet. It took Luke several long seconds to make his own body react and then he was up and following Gray to his bedroom. He found Gray standing in front of the mirror in his bathroom, his fingers stroking over his hair. When another, smaller clump pulled free, Gray just stared at himself in the mirror for a while. And then his knees started to buckle and Luke barely managed to reach him before he hit the ground. Gray’s weight threw Luke off balance but he was able to maneuver them so that they were both on their knees, Gray’s back pressed to his front. The blanket that had been draped around Gray’s shoulders was bunched between them and Luke loosened his hold on Gray’s chest long enough to pull the blanket free and get it settled back around Gray.

He heard another dry chuckle escape Gray’s lips. “It’s true,” Gray said hoarsely. “None of it’s really real until this,” he whispered as he opened his palm to look at the lock of hair.

Luke felt tears burn his eyes as he leaned his head down so that his forehead was resting against the back of Gray’s neck. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Gray just shook his head and his whole body began to shake. Luke felt moisture hit his forearm where it was wrapped around Gray’s chest. He didn’t need to look to know that the man in his arms was crying because a harsh sob tore from Gray’s lips a moment later.

“It’s okay, Gray, I’ve got you,” Luke whispered against the back of Gray’s neck as he wrapped his other arm around Gray and held him as tightly as he could.

***

“What kind is it?” Luke asked as he tightened his arm around Gray’s back. If Gray thought it was strange that Luke was still holding him so closely as they were sitting on the bathroom floor with their backs against the bathtub, he didn’t say anything or pull away. And Luke hadn’t given it much thought other than that he wasn’t ready to let go of Gray yet even though his heart wrenching sobs had finally eased.

“Testicular,” Gray said quietly.

“That’s…that’s highly curable, right?”

Gray was quiet for so long that Luke felt heat flood his entire body even though they were sitting on the cold tile floor.

“It’s spread to my liver.”

Luke felt like he was going to be sick. Cancer. Gray had fucking cancer.

“My doctor is hoping the chemo will get rid of the tumors.”

Tumors? Plural?

“So that’s why you went to Missoula this week? For chemo?”

Gray nodded. “That was my second round. The first was on the day we met.”

An unreasonable anger went through Luke. “God, Gray, did you stay at that motel just so I wouldn’t know you were sick again?”

Gray stiffened against him and tried to pull away but Luke refused to release him. Luke took several deep breaths to try to stem his anger and then said, “Don’t hospitals require someone to be with you when you’re undergoing chemo?”

“I convinced the staff I had someone waiting for me.”

“What about your friends? Your family?”

Gray just shook his head.

“No one knows?”

Gray struggled free from his grip and climbed to his feet. Luke stood and tried to grab Gray’s arm to steady him but Gray shook him off and leaned against the sink. Gray stared at himself in the mirror for another long moment before he yanked open a drawer. He pulled out a black box of some kind and Luke flinched when he saw what was inside. It took several seconds for Gray to work the clippers free of the foam housing they were encased in and then he was plugging the cord into the outlet. The sound of the clippers was harsh.

“Gray,” Luke said softly as he reached for the clippers.

But Gray sucked in a quick breath and then ran the clippers right down the middle of his head. His shorn hair fell away silently and Gray stopped to stare at the result. Tears began to flow down his cheeks as he tried to shave another strip of hair away but he was too overcome to hold the clippers without shaking so Luke took them away and unplugged them. He lowered his mouth to Gray’s ear and whispered, “Let me do it, okay?”

Gray managed a nod and allowed Luke to lead him from the bathroom. He got Gray settled in a kitchen chair and found a nearby outlet. Gray flinched as soon as he turned the clippers on but he never once took his eyes off the grove of trees that he was staring at through the window. Luke draped a dish towel over Gray’s shoulders and made quick work of shaving the rest of Gray’s head before brushing the stray clumps of hair to the floor. He sat down in the chair next to Gray who finally turned to look at him.

“How does it look?”

Luke couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to run his hand over the small amount of stubble that remained. He wanted to tell Gray he still looked just as hot but figured that might just be too much for Gray to deal with right now so he settled for “really good” instead.

Gray lifted his hand to run his fingers over his head and hesitated the instant he felt his scalp.

“You’ll get used to it,” Luke said. “And think about how much money you’ll save on that expensive shampoo of yours,” he added.

A smile flitted across Gray’s lips and Luke felt a spark of hope for the first time since he’d watched Gray’s hair appear between his fingers.

“I’m really tired,” Gray murmured. “I’m going to go lie down for a bit.”

“Can you try to drink some more water?” Luke asked. “You’re really dehydrated, Gray. It’s part of the reason you’re feeling so run down.”

Gray looked at the water and then shook his head. “Can’t,” he whispered. “The metal…”

“I can take you to the hospital…they can give you IV fluids-”

“No,” Gray said sharply. “No hospitals. Can’t risk being recognized,” he murmured before he seemed to realize what he’d said. “I’m fine,” he insisted stubbornly as he stood.

Luke followed him back to the bedroom and wasn’t surprised when Gray went to look at himself in the mirror. His expression remained blank as he studied his reflection and then he was pushing himself away from the sink and stumbling towards his bed. Luke steadied him as he pulled back the covers and within seconds of Gray’s head hitting the pillow, he was out.

Luke dropped down to sit on the edge of the bed and studied Gray’s features. He couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to run his hand over Gray’s drawn face. Helplessness went through him as he placed his fingers against Gray’s throat. The too fast beat had Luke reaching for Gray’s phone.

***

The cool air was welcoming against Luke’s skin as he entered the small building. He was glad to see the waiting room was empty but the electronic doorbell that had announced his presence once he’d opened the door must have been heard in the back because he heard someone shout that they’d be right there. An old cat was sitting on top of the reception counter and as it meowed at him expectantly, Luke went over and began petting it. The cat’s soft fur and purring helped ease some of the anxiety he was having about not being armed. His gun was under the front seat of Gray’s truck and even though he felt naked without it, he knew the vet’s police officer boyfriend wouldn’t have missed Luke being armed since it was too hot out to be wearing any kind of jacket that would have concealed the weapon.

Footsteps grew closer and the cat quickly ditched him to run down to the opposite end of the counter. The man who appeared instantly began stroking the cat. “Hi, can I help you?” he asked, his wide smile bright and welcoming. Luke guessed the man to be in his late thirties with an average build and brown hair with just a hint of silver in it.

“Are you Dr. Winters?”

“I am,” the man said as he picked up the cat and snuggled her against his chest. “Call me Dane.”

“I don’t have an appointment or anything,” Luke said awkwardly. “I got your name from Gray’s phone and Googled your address.”

The man went on alert at the mention of Gray’s name and then his eyes narrowed slightly, probably because he was wondering what the hell Luke was doing going through Gray’s phone. “Is Gray okay?”

Luke didn’t miss the suspicion in the man’s voice or the way the cat pulled free of his hold and jumped back on the counter to seek out Luke’s hand.

“Are you Luke?” Dane suddenly asked before Luke could get his next words out. Luke nodded and Dane seemed to visibly relax though Luke had no idea why. “Jax said you were staying with Gray. Everything okay?”

Luke had been rehearsing how to make his request since he’d left the cabin and it was only his eagerness to get back to make sure Gray was okay that had him saying, “He’s not feeling well and has gotten pretty dehydrated. You carry saline, right?”

Any tension that had eased from Dane’s frame came back in an instant. “You want to administer Gray an IV?”

The man’s disbelief had Luke cringing. It did sound completely ridiculous. “I did some research and it looks like normal saline is the same formulation for animals as it is for humans - .9% sodium chloride.”

“Are you a doctor?”

Luke shook his head. “I had some combat medic training.”

Dane studied him for a long time before saying, “It’s more than just the flu, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“I saw Gray last week when he came to pick up Ripley. He said he was getting over the flu.”

Luke wasn’t sure how much to say. “It’s more than just the flu,” he confirmed. “Look, I know this is a lot to ask and believe me, if it wasn’t necessary, I wouldn’t be here. He’s not critical yet but he will be soon if he doesn’t get some fluids in him.”

“I could lose my license if I do this,” Dane said softly.

“I know,” Luke admitted. He’d known that before he’d looked up Dane’s name in Gray’s phone but that hadn’t stopped him – hell, it had barely slowed him down. “Gray refuses to go to a hospital. If I need to, I’ll go over his head and call 911…I just want to do everything I can before it gets to that point.”

Dane nodded his head. “Makes sense that he doesn’t want to go to the hospital,” Dane said. “I’m sure the press would love to track him down to get his side of the story. Come with me.”