Growing Up Brady: I Was a Teenage Greg, Special Collector's Edition (35 page)

Otherwise, I thought The Brady Bunch Movie was well done. A
Very Brady Sequel on the other hand, was just plain dumb. Carol
Brady's long lost husband, Roy Martin returns after years of unexplained absence, and all heck breaks loose. Carol appears to have
amnesia: She can't seem to remember if she's really divorced or
what the father of her daughters really looked like. Of course, it
turns out he is merely an impostor, out to steal the Brady's family
heirloom, the horse statue seen in every episode. After an agonizing stay with the Bradys, during which he is openly hostile to each
of the family members, Roy steals the horse and kidnaps Carol to
Hawaii-a move that must have been made in order to snag the cast
and crew of the film a free trip to the islands. In the end, Roy is
exposed as a fake, the Bradys give the statue (supposedly worth a
million dollars) away and Bob and Carol get remarried in a backyard ceremony.

What were they thinking? The movie's plotline would have
made more sense if they had put the Bradys on the U.S.S.
Enterprise and sent them on a bold, new mission. Sure, everyone
here had the right names, but nothing else was right. Was that really Marcia getting turned on by Greg and vice-versa? It's one thing
for an actor to have the hots for his TV sister, but a stepbrother
and sister in a movie lusting for one another makes me more than
a little uncomfortable. Along the same lines, was "Roy Martin"
openly coming on to his "daughter"? And as neurotic as she may
be, were we really supposed to believe that Jan thought a mannequin was a live person? Was this a plot or just a lame excuse to
try and revisit the profit margins of the first movie? Amazing. After
the success of the first movie (with box office receipts in the neighborhood of $46 million, and a couple of weeks as the top grossing
film in the country), the producers threw it all away on a crummy
sequel.

Although the Next Generation Bradys returned for the sequel,
Betty Thomas was-unfortunately-not along for the ride. The budget was lower, and six new writers were hired to make sense of a
convoluted plot that featured drugs, incest and sheer meanness
and the result was as uncomfortable looking as the cast's polyester
costumes. I'll admit that the film had its moments. The animation
sequence in the middle of the film where Roy hallucinates images
of "The Brady Kids" cartoon to the strains of "Good Morning Starshine" was good, and the idea of the Bradys' horse statue
being a valuable heirloom proves that someone involved knew a
little Brady history. But that's about it.

There was an auction scene, originally scripted as a cameo for
Eve Plumb and Maureen McCormick. When they turned it down,
they were replaced with Zsa Zsa Gabor and Rosie O'Donnell.
Excuse me? Did anyone get the obscure joke of Richard Belzer's
cameo as a police detective? Someone still needs to explain why
Barbara Eden's "Jeannie" cameo was funny. If it weren't for Ru
Paul's return engagement as Mrs. Cummings, Jan's school counselor with the "work it girl" attitude, the whole thing would have
been a total wash. In fact, I wondered, at the time, if this misguided little movie wouldn't drive the whole Brady franchise into the
ground.

But, we all know that's not possible. One poorly constructed
movie can't extinguish the eternal Brady flame. There's always
something new waiting to happen in Bradyland. And that's a good
thing.

'm pleased to say that the report from the Brady home
front is a positive one. As a bunch, we continue to be
responsible, tax-paying, productive members of society. I
know that's nothing to brag about, but in the often-dysfunctional world of grown-up child stars, mere survival can be considered a remarkable accomplishment.

Yes, we all get along. Yes, we all keep in touch. Half of us are
firmly planted in the sunny outskirts of Hollywood, while the other
half have taken up residence away from the ultraviolet rays of
Tinseltown. In no special order, here's the story of where my
Bradymates are today.

Michael Lookinland (Bobby) is living in Utah, somewhere near
all those Osmonds. He's the proud father of two children and,
although he's given up life in front of the cameras, Mike has found
a successful place behind them. He's worked on a number of productions as an assistant cameraman, including TV's "Promised
Land," "Home of the Brave" and many television movies, including
Stephen King's The Stand.

Susan Olsen (Cindy) is always busy doing something creative. In
the early '80s, she was a freelance graphic designer, credited with
creating a line of custom shoes for Converse. She also played in a
band called Light Sweet Crude for a while. Although the rumor
mills have her appearing in porno films, that never happened. Nor
did she get run over by a bus as urban legend would have it. Susan
did, however, take some time off in the '90s to become a mother.
She's Mom to a handsome, golden-haired baby boy-and no, he has
no curls. In an example of life imitating art, Susan has taken on a
couple of gigs as a radio talk-show host, not unlike her character,
Cindy, on "The Bradys."

Christopher Knight (Peter), unlike his television counterpart, did not go on to be a bicycle repairman or ice cream salesman.
Instead, he is currently the Executive Vice President of Sales and
Marketing for a computer software company. When the mood
strikes him, Chris can occasionally be coaxed into an appearance in
front of the cameras.

People Magazine
photo shoot
(1999)

Florence Henderson (Carol) is one busy Brady. She can be
found doing a guest spot on a sitcom, an infomercial, or a public
service announcement of some kind. Other high profile work
includes the series "Shortcut Cooking" (based on her book of the
same name), and television spots for a myriad of household products. Co-host of "Later Today" has been added to her resume,
along with a touring nightclub act and a CD entitled Mrs. Brady on
Broadway.

Maureen McCormick (Marcia) has continued her acting career,
including a portrayal of singer Barbara Mandrell in a TV bio-movie.
Maureen has also been seen in guest spots on sitcoms, as well as a
regular gig on the short-lived series "Teen Angel." In the mid-'90s,
Maureen released a country-flavored CD titled When You Get A
Little Lonely.

Eve Plumb Gan) continues to display her creativity in a number
of performing and visual arts. In addition to her acting career, Eve
paints, writes poetry, and has performed stand-up comedy. She
has been seen on the popular kid's show "Kenan and Kel," and
made an appearance on the retro-inspired sitcom "That '70s
Show."

Ann B. Davis (Alice) remains happy and healthy. She is now
retired from acting. Her last roles were in theater in the late 1990s,
including a spirited performance in Arsenic and Old Lace and a
successful stint in the world touring company of Crazy For You.

Each of us feels differently about our Brady roots. None of us
had the remotest inkling that "The Brady Bunch" would live on
and on. When we started, there was no such thing as cable, and
syndication was in its infancy. We've all experienced varying
degrees of amazement at the show's continuing transformations
and resuscitations. Most of us, myself included, expected to put in
a good day's work, gain a little experience, and move on. Who
knew it would become a lifelong association?

Just like a real family, we will always be stuck together in many
respects. We have our ups and downs, but unlike our sitcom,
things don't always get worked out in half an hour. Most of our differences have been on the professional rather than personal level.
We all have our own ways of dealing with this legacy, and it means
something different to each of us. Yeah, there have been some
struggles. There have been a few axes to grind, just as in real life. As
actors, we didn't choose to be forever identified with this show, no
matter how wonderful it is. This was someone else's brainchild from
a long-gone era, so it's understandable when one of us temporarily
doesn't want to be a Brady anymore, and opts out of a project.

That's happened throughout the years, when we've been
approached for one show or another. When we taped "The Brady
Bunch Variety Hour," Eve opted out. She wasn't interested in a
career in music, and was having some success in TV movies at the
time. In this particular case, I think she made the right decision. As
discussed earlier, Susan Olsen ended up honeymooning in Jamaica
instead of Christmas caroling with her TV family in A Very Brady
Christmas. When we filmed our final series, "The Bradys,"
Maureen McCormick felt she'd taken Marcia Brady as far as she
wanted to, and decided to sit that one out.

I, on the other hand, have always had a slightly different attitude about the whole thing. First of all, I like getting together for
reunions. Secondly, I'm not convinced it hurts my career to pull
on the Greg suit every once in awhile. I've managed to stay busy in
non-Brady activities, and I think of the Bunch as an ongoing part of
my career. I've also learned that, if I were to opt out of a Brady project, it wouldn't make me any less associated with the show.

Typecasting in our business is an unavoidable reality. Pretty
much every performer ends up associated with their first big role.
Consider these folks: Sylvester Stallone as Rocky, Sally Field as the
Flying Nun, Michael Landon as little Joe Cartwright, Ron Howard
as Opie, or Rob Reiner as "Meathead" on "All in the Family." While each of these actors has been saddled with their signature character to some degree, each of them has risen above the limitations
their well-meaning public has placed on them. Some of the best
work in Hollywood has come from directors "Opie" and
"Meathead." The point is, no matter what, doing the best work
possible and not making any excuses for oneself is the only way to
keep on keepin' on.

Brady Bunch
Variety Hour
press shot with
Jeri Reichel
(© Paramount
Pictures)