Healing Faith (19 page)

"I wanted to wish you a pleasant night," he said to
no one in particular, his eyes focused on the table rather than any
of us.

I glanced around the room, at Fannie smiling behind
her hand as she held Abigail who was grinning and swaying, Hannah
with her arched eyebrow, and Emma with her pout as she stared at
Nathan.

"Pleasant evening, Nathan," I said quietly, sounding
more like a question than a statement.

He lingered at the door a moment more, shifting his
weight between his feet as if contemplating a hasty exit. I wasn't
sure what else to say. I wanted to thank him for saving me, but I
wanted to do that in private. Really I wanted to hug him and kiss
him. But I didn't think that would was allowed.

"Katherine, perhaps you could walk Nathan to the
door," Fannie suggested, motioning to the back door that Nathan
glanced at repeatedly.

It was then that I realized what he was about. He was
trying to get me to walk him out.

"Okay," I murmured and walked stiffly towards the
back door, feeling all eyes on us as he followed along behind me at
a respectable pace.

As soon as the door closed behind us, I felt him move
in closer, the heat of his body radiating against me without
touching me. I heard him swallow, his head so close to mine behind
me. I made to turn around just as his hand tentatively brushed
against mine, taking it gently into his own. I glanced back towards
the door, the light from the kitchen bleeding through the door onto
the dark porch as we stood there. Everyone seemed to understand our
desire for privacy as they continued with the work inside, albeit
with wide smiles on their faces.

Nathan's gentle squeeze of my hand brought me back to
look up at him. He was smiling timidly down at me; the corners of
his eyes crinkling up a bit.

"I would like to call on you tomorrow, if that is all
right?" he asked quietly, his lips trembling slightly as he watched
me.

"I'd like that. But you're coming for breakfast,
right?" I asked, wondering if his hunger strike was finally
over.

He laughed quietly and nodded.

"Yes, I will come to break the fast, Kate. And after
my chores, I would like to sit with you," he replied, his smile
widening slightly.

"Okay, is that how we start?" I asked, utterly
clueless.

He squeezed my hand again and laughed a little
louder, glancing back towards the door for a moment before
returning that intense gaze to me.

"This is how we start, yes. So tomorrow, Kate. Finish
your chores quickly, so that we might sit and talk for a
while.”

I nodded and watched as he slowly pulled away,
indecision playing in his eyes for a split second before he leaned
in and kissed me quickly, his lips searching mine for only an
instant before drawing away. That brief touch was enough to make me
breathless. He stepped away, his hands moving to his hair before he
settled the hat on his head once more. He licked at his lips and
nodded in thought, his smile turning tender as he regarded me from
the first step down.

"I am happy you are safe, Kate. I cannot think about
what would have happened," he whispered, his eyes closing for a
moment as if in pain.

"You are the reason I’m safe, Nathan. Thank you for
coming to find me," I replied, taking a step towards him.

I wanted just one more touch. I reached out, placing
my hand against the side of his cheek and smiled at the rough
stubble there under my thumb. He closed his eyes at my touch and
leaned in to my hand.

"How did you know to find me?" I asked, suddenly
curious about his timely rescue.

He opened his eyes and sighed, taking another step
back, off the porch and into the night.

"I would have never thought that Hannah would admit
it, but she was concerned for you. She came to me, demanding to
know what I had done to upset you," he replied, shaking his head in
wonder.

"Hannah?"

Inconceivable. Why was she concerned about me?

"Hannah cares more than you know. She is," he
started, only to press his lips together and take another step
back.

"She is what?" I pressed, confused by her strange
change in feelings.

He shook his head and looked down at the dirt.

"She is a loyal and fierce sister. And I have no
place speaking of her without her knowing," he murmured and
shuffled at the base of the stairs.

He glanced towards the door and let out a soft
breath. Reaching for my hand once more, he held it gently in his
own and pulled me closer, nearly toppling me off the top stair. But
his free hand steadied me as his lips brushed across my cheek for
an instant before settling me back onto the top step, away from
him.

"I must leave. I do not want to. Promise me you will
still be here tomorrow? So that we may talk?" he asked. His eyes
held mine, a tender vulnerability that struck me hard.

"Of course I will. I'm not leaving, Nathan," I
whispered.

His grin lit up his face and he released my hand,
stepping backwards into the night.

"That makes me happy, Kate. Until tomorrow then.
Pleasant dreams," he said and walked backwards into the dark, his
eyes vibrant in the glow of the light behind me.

"Pleasant dreams, Nathan," I said softly after him,
watching him as he offered me one last flashing smile before
turning towards his hill. The moonlight made his shirt shine in the
closing night, and as always, I was sad to see his back walk away
from me.

It was a small consolation that he walked a little
lighter.

It was still away from me.

I didn't notice the smiles as I walked back inside; I
was in my own little world. I could still feel Nathan's lips
against my cheek, the stubble around his lips scratching my skin
like electricity. And his hand's warmth still radiated in my own.
Seeing him leave made me miss him more, and made me question just
how plausible this relationship could be. I barely registered
Jonah's call for bed, or the gentle touch on my shoulder from
Hannah and Fannie as I made my way up stairs.

It wasn’t until I was slipping into the bed with Emma
that I was pulled out of my Nathan induced trance and into the
conflicted eyes of my friend.

"I am so upset with you!" she whispered harshly.

My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to ask her for
what, but she beat me to it as her thoughts tumbled out of her
head.

"You left! Not a word! You simply left! I came back
to find the house empty, Hannah gone, your dress neatly folded
here. Not a note to explain! Not a goodbye! You left us!" she
whimpered, her voice cracking at the last and I could see the tears
reflected in her eyes.

I pulled her close, holding her as she fought to pull
away until she relinquished and hugged me tight.

"I'm sorry, Emma! Truly I am. I didn't mean to hurt
you. I ran. I didn't think. I just felt like I wasn't wanted. I was
afraid," I whispered into her ear, every excuse sounding lamer as I
uttered them.

How was it I could hurt so many nice people?

She pulled away and looked me sternly in the eye.

"You cannot do that again! I told you, you have
something to do here. You are my friend. You are my sister. Do not
leave us like that again, Katherine. I was so upset," she said,
shaking her head.

"I promise I won't leave like that again. I'm sorry,
Emma. It was just a lot to take in today," I mumbled and settled
back into the bed, my head beginning to hurt.

"We forgive very easily, Katherine. I am still a
little upset, but more for what has happened and could have been
avoided had you simply stayed here. You scared us. You terrified
Nathan," she replied, lying down next to me, her head close to
mine.

"I'm sure I did," I mumbled.

“He was beside himself when he came to see that you
had truly left. I have only seen him that upset once before,
Katherine. It is not something I wish to see again.”

“I’m sorry, Emma,” I replied. “I don’t want to hurt
him like that, believe me.”

"So then why did you run away?" she asked and then
lowered her voice and glancing back at Abigail who was sound asleep
before she continued. "Did he kiss you?"

I fidgeted with the sheet that covered us. It was
embarrassing to have to explain.

"Um, no," I whispered, pausing before I confessed to
Emma. "I kissed him."

Her eyes widened as if in shock, before she burst
into laughter. Laughter that was loud enough to cause her to cover
her mouth with her pillow when we heard the bed creak in the next
room. I glanced at the door; sure that Jonah would come banging to
tell us to settle down. The bed creaked again and then fell silent,
Emma's laughter muffled in the pillow. I waited awkwardly until she
pulled herself together and let out a few calming breaths.

I had no idea my kissing Nathan would be so
hilarious.

"I am sorry," Emma wheezed, fanning her face until
she could speak. "It is just, I am sure you are his first. He must
have been alarmed when you kissed him!"

“You kissed Nathan?” Abigail squealed from her
bed.

“Shhh!” Emma hissed, throwing her pillow at Abigail
who simply caught it and threw it back, sticking out her tongue at
us for not being included in the gossip. Emma sighed and motioned
Abigail to join us, which she did so with a flourish by leaping
into our bed and snuggling in between us, all smiles.

"Did he not like it? He must have. He could not stop
staring at you tonight," Abigail whispered, her innocent smile
widening when she noticed me squirm uncomfortably.

"I just surprised him, that's all," I admitted,
trying to keep the conversation clean for her sake. But I frowned
at the memory of him fleeing towards his house. It was an extreme
reaction to a first kiss.

When he had kissed me tonight it was much better,
even if just a peck on the lips. Such a simple thing, maybe I had
been too brazen. I was sure the Amish didn't believe in having the
girl make the advances.

"I think maybe I was too forward with him," I
muttered and ground my head into the pillow, hoping to alleviate
the pain that was starting to throb there.

Emma chuckled softly and shook her head at me.

"I am sure anything you did to Nathan would have been
too much for him, Katherine. He is not used to girls. He never
spent his free time searching out a girl. His sister and I used to
make fun of him for being so shy," she said and then hummed sadly
as she thought of Nathan's dead sister.

"You were close to his sister?" I asked softly.

She nodded and let out a soft breath.

"Rachel was my best friend. She and I did everything
together. And she and Nathan were very close. Nathan is like a big
brother to me in many ways," she whispered.

"Aren't you mad that I kissed him, then?" I asked,
perplexed.

She giggled and shook her head.

"No, of course not, Katherine! I want him to be
happy. And you make him so. It has been a long time," she said, her
voice growing soft, as she seemed to reflect on the evening.

“He smiles now when you are near,” Abigail murmured,
sighing as her eyes grew heavy.

“He most certainly does,” Emma said and leaned in to
kiss her little sister on the top of her head.

We were quiet for a moment to let Abigail fall asleep
before Emma spoke again, her voice a whisper.

"It must have been a relief to see him when you did
in town?"

"I was afraid he'd get hurt. Sean doesn't take
competition well," I replied, remembering how he had threatened the
boys at home just for talking to me.

"Were you afraid when you saw Sean?"

“Yes,” I whispered and closed my eyes.

"Is this how he hurt you before?" she asked and
touched my head tentatively.

I shook my head and touched the lump there. This was
mild.

"It is not over, you understand," she said, forcing
my eyes to open in a panic. She shook her head and offered me a
gentle smile.

"I heard Father speaking with Nathan and Mark about
it before you came down. Nathan fears he will search you out. Mark
agrees. Jonah intends to speak with the Elders about it in the
morning. Your English may try to bring the law here. They will want
to know you are not being held against your will, Katherine," she
explained.

"Of course I'm not!" I rebuffed, shaking my head at
how much of an idiot I was.

I should have suspected this. Now I was endangering
the Bergers, and maybe the entire community. How would I ever be
allowed to fit in if I caused trouble? When would I be able to stop
hiding?

"Do not worry, Katherine," she murmured. "Father may
be old-fashioned in his ways. But we will protect you. Nathan will
protect you. I know it."

"I don't want any of you to get hurt," I argued, but
Emma's soft laughter stopped me short.

"We do not fight, Katherine. But we take care of
those we care about. We will find a way," she replied and settled
in to the bed a little deeper.

I slid down under the blanket, hugging Abigail close
to me after Emma blew out the candle, the moonlight the only light
in the room. I could see the shine of Emma’s eyes as she regarded
me.

"If you want this to be your home, Katherine, if you
want a life with Nathan, we will help you. I will help you with our
ways. It will not be easy. There are many who would deny you. But
you have a good heart and Nathan cares for you. We will help you if
that is what you want," she said in the darkness.

"I want to try," I whispered and felt her hand
squeeze mine under the cover.

"Then it is settled. I will help you with Nathan. And
you will be my sister," she sighed and closed her eyes
contentedly.

I smiled at how simply she had forgiven me. She was
truly a good friend.

"And I will help you with John," I whispered back,
grinning when I saw her eyes fly open in surprise.