Healing Faith (14 page)

"A blessed day, our fatigue reminds us of the hard
work we accomplished. Let us retire and enjoy an easier day
tomorrow," he said and ushered us up the stairs.

As I was following Emma into our room, I felt
Fannie's hand on my shoulder, turning me toward her. Her face
seemed troubled, looking off worriedly towards her bedroom before
pulling me in for a tight embrace. She let me go; I could tell she
wanted to say something, but her resolve had failed. I offered her
a weak smile, which put her at ease as she left me for her own
room. I entered my bedroom, stripping off my clothes quickly and
sliding into bed beside a yawning Emma. She opened her eyes and let
out a long sigh, reaching for my hand to hold it tight.

"Nathan will be all right. He is probably already
asleep. You saw how hard he worked today. Do not worry about the
Bishop. He has always had his eye on Nathan. He still wants Nathan
to be a part of the community. He is impatient to see Nathan join
the Way. You will see, tomorrow Nathan will be himself again," she
murmured and closed her eyes.

I heard Abigail shuffling around in her bed and then
her small voice cut through the dark.

“He likes you, sister. Nathan smiled today.”

“You will see, Katherine,” Emma murmured. “I have
said you are here for a purpose. You will see.”

“I guess,” I whispered, not sure as I thought on the
look he gave me as we left.

I lay there fighting sleep, struggling to figure out
once again what I was doing.

The regret in his eyes then, as well as him not
coming for supper once more had me questioning his motives. The
Bishop seemed to know where to steer Nathan's feelings.

I closed my eyes and thought on what Emma had
said.

Would he be himself tomorrow?

Was I really here for a purpose? Was this where I
should be?

Was Nathan the reason for me to stay?

I made a resolution there in the dark that I would
find out.

I had no claim, but I wanted to know what he thought
of me.

Tomorrow I would find out.

I was up before the dawn.

Up before the sisters, amazingly.

I was up so early I surprised Jonah in the hall as I
stepped out of the bedroom. I cringed at his startled exclamation
and put my own hand over my mouth to keep from crying out anything
inappropriate. He motioned me ahead of him down the stairs and
followed me into the kitchen where Fannie was already brewing
coffee. She turned and her eyes widened when she saw me.

"Katherine, you are up early! Could you not sleep?"
she asked, touching her husband gently along the cheek as she
passed him.

I felt that maybe I was intruding on their quiet time
until Jonah sat in his seat and motioned for me to sit by him.
Fannie brought over three cups of steaming coffee and sat beside
me, her hand lingering along my neck where my hair was bound up.
They were both quiet for a long moment, glancing at one another
over my head until Jonah finally let out a heavy sigh.

“You have been a most welcome addition to our family
these last few days, Katherine.”

Glancing at Fannie I could see there was something
left unsaid in Jonah’s words. She smiled and nodded.

“But you have many worries,” she said softly.

I nodded.

“I feel like I might be making things more difficult
here by staying,” I said and watched as Fannie frowned.

“You are no trouble, Katherine,” Fannie started,
closing her mouth when Jonah cleared his throat.

"I think perhaps it is a good time to talk about what
you ran from and what you wish to gain by remaining here with us,"
he said softly, his eyes finally capturing mine in a fatherly
gaze.

I swallowed against the sudden dryness in my throat
and nodded. I owed them an explanation. Especially if they found me
gone later today. Or worse, here to stay past my welcome.

"You met Sean, that day you discovered me in your
buggy," I started, trying to figure out how to best describe the
events of my life so that they would understand and maybe not judge
me too harshly.

"Yes," Jonah replied. "He seemed to be worried about
you. But there was something in his eyes I could see. Something
dangerous perhaps."

I nodded and clenched my jaw at the thought of having
to flee like a scared lamb from the big bad wolf.

"He has hurt you,” Jonah stated, looking at his wife
with a guarded expression.

Fannie already knew some of my story; I relayed
briefly some of my history to Jonah, watching as Fannie shook her
head sadly. I couldn't look them in the eye as I described the fear
I felt the night that made me decide to run. I had tried not to
think much about it, the memory of his hands on me lingering deep
in my thoughts only in the dark of night. My fingers twined
together as I whispered the events that forced me to run. Images
that continued to haunt my dreams were still crystal clear in my
head.

Sean, a little drunk as we sat around at his friend’s
house.

Sean pulling me in for a possessive kiss and me
trying to pull away because the taste of the cheap beer made me
retch.

Sean's friends laughing when they noticed me
struggling in his grasp. His dark eyes that flared with anger at
being embarrassed in front of them. His whispered threat that he
was done waiting. The pawing of big hands, followed by the cheers
by his friends. Shadows closing in, hands everywhere. Struggling to
break free when I heard the fabric ripping at my shoulder.

Screaming.

Breaking free when I kicked and connected with soft
tissue.

Running out of the house, blind into the dark
night.

Running. Fleeing. Hiding.

"Katherine."

My head jerked up to the sound of Jonah's voice. He
whispered quietly, the calm in his voice helping me to focus in the
present.

Safe.

"Katherine," Fannie started, her hand covering mine
as they fidgeted on the tabletop.

“I couldn’t stay there anymore,” I whispered, ashamed
at what I had revealed finally.

“And no one of your world could help you?” Jonah
asked, his voice low.

I looked up and saw the pain in his eyes.

Or disappointment.

I shook my head.

“I tried with my father,” I replied and shrugged.
“But Sean always had an excuse, or he found a way to distract my
dad. Honestly there were days I thought my dad was happier having
Sean around than me.”

“I do not believe that,” Fannie replied gently. “He
must love you. You are his child.”

“Maybe it wasn’t that way, but it felt like it most
days, especially after my mother died,” I amended. “Sean was
everything my dad wanted in a son. But something changed in Sean
after the injury. He was meaner. He didn’t like that he had to
depend on people.”

“And he took that aggression out on you,” Jonah said,
straightening up in his chair.

I hesitated before nodding.

With Sean there was always more.

He always wanted more out of our relationship, even
when we were younger and just friends, he had always wanted more. I
had never really felt that draw to him, had thought that it would
happen eventually. But I also had learned from my parents’ mistakes
that I wouldn’t just let him decide when we would make the
relationship more. My parents had started too young, had been too
reckless, and the result was a loveless marriage, two daughters and
my mother’s regrets that eventually made her drink too much,
ultimately ending in the car accident that killed her.

My dignity was nothing to Sean, who was more like my
father than I cared to think about. Brash and demanding, thinking
only of himself and not what might happen should I give in to him.
He wanted more and he knew I would break down eventually. It became
a game to him. He had tried so many times, but had never truly been
forceful, until that night. And saying no to Sean that last time
was the final straw.

“I cannot believe your father would not wish to help
you find peace,” Fannie said quietly, pulling me out of my thoughts
once more. I looked up to find Jonah and Fannie sharing a solemn
and silent conversation between the two of them.

I knew it was only a matter of time that they would
want me gone.

I was everything they were not.

"It's okay," I murmured, looking down at my folded
hands. "I'll understand if you want me to leave."

"Why would we ask you to leave?" Jonah asked,
surprised. I looked up into his compassionate eyes and shook my
head.

"I don't fit in your world. I'm not good. I'm," I
stammered, closing my mouth when Jonah shook his head and placed
his hand over his wife's that rested over my own.

"We do not judge, Katherine. There is nothing but
love and acceptance in our home. What happened was not your doing,
nor your fault. Whatever happened in your past is behind you. It is
your choice where you wish to go next. Until then, you are welcome
in our home as our daughter," he said, looking deep into my
eyes.

Fannie held me close, nodding in agreement with her
husband.

“You should contact your sister. She must be
worried,” Fannie said.

I nodded and thought on that.

“I don’t want him to have a way to trace me back to
here,” I started, thinking about my phone and again how Sean had
found me so easily. “I should probably go into town and call her to
let her know I am alright. I just don’t know if he is still
there.”

“It has been a week, with God’s grace he has left,”
Jonah said and scratched at his beard in thought. “We must go to
town tomorrow. We can take you then.”

“Thank you,” I murmured. “I don’t know how to repay
you for everything you’ve done. I’ve felt more at home and at peace
here than my own home.”

Fannie’s smile widened and she glanced at Jonah.

"We live by kindness and peace, Katherine. That is
what we know. We do not start our life until we have chosen the
path. You came here because you needed a path to find. Perhaps it
is God’s way of telling you that you have found yours,” she said
and turned to busy herself in the kitchen. Jonah watched me
thoughtfully for a moment, as if contemplating something
serious.

"You have had much to process these last few days.
You have enjoyed it here?” he asked over his coffee.

I smiled as I thought about all I had done. And whom
I had met.

“I have enjoyed it here. I feel like I am
accomplishing something when I’m here,” I replied.

"Then we shall enjoy having you here with us a while
longer," Jonah replied with a smile and rose to walk out the back
door, heading for the barn. I helped with breakfast, my heart a
little lighter in the knowledge I had a place to be for the time
being.

Nathan didn’t come to visit for breakfast, much to
Fannie’s frustration. Jonah remained quiet, but I sensed his worry
as well. I caught him watching me with that thoughtful air over his
coffee before he let out a sigh and stood to start his work.

I had helped Fannie with clearing the dishes and
setting them back in the cupboard when we heard voices and hard
footfalls in the hall before turning to see Mark and Jonah
returning to the kitchen. Mark’s face was flushed, as if he had
come from running.

Jonah grabbed a bag by the door and turned to
Fannie.

"The Bishop's daughter has gone into labor, and it
appears to be breech. I will need your help Fannie. We must leave
this moment," he said hurriedly.

I watched as Fannie leapt in to action, tugging her
apron off in an instant. She gathered up a basket and turned to
us.

"I am sorry, you will need to finish up here, girls.
The garden needs tending, as well as the chickens. We may be
delayed. You must take care of things while we are gone," she said
and followed after her husband.

Mark touched Hannah's cheek lightly before following
after, leaving us in the quiet of their departure. We heard the
buggy pull away just as Hannah turned to look at us, scowling.

"I am not doing all the chores today. Mind the
animals while Abigail and I see to the garden," she snapped and
left through the back door, leaving Emma and I alone in the
kitchen.

Emma sighed and shook her head sadly.

"I wanted to show you around today. I suppose it will
have to wait. I will tend to the stalls. Mother made Nathan a plate
that you can take to him. I am sure he is hungry," she said,
grinning when she took in my awkward frown.

"I don’t think he’d like me just showing up," I
started.

Emma groaned and moved to the refrigerator, grabbing
the plate and shoving it into my hands. She raised her eyebrow at
me when I made to push it back towards her.

"Mother would have taken you there anyway this
morning, the way she was acting at the table," she explained.
"Besides, you have matters to discuss with Nathan."

My mouth dropped open and my eyes widened at her
words. She laughed and pushed me towards the door.

"Emma, how do you figure?" I asked, doubting how I
could ever hide anything from this family.

She laughed again and squeezed me tight as we walked
out together.

"Katherine, I can read people. When they make a
decision, their body language changes," she explained. Then she
giggled and blushed.

"You also talk in your sleep," she quipped and
skipped off the kitchen porch on her way to the barn, leaving me on
the steps, gaping at her mischief.

I shook my head in wonder at her outgoing nature and
started up the hill towards Nathan's house following the well-worn
path between the houses. I had to wonder if Nathan shared all his
meals with the Bergers.

At least before me.

I sighed at the silly notion that Emma and little
Abigail had put into my head about Nathan. If he liked me, then why
didn’t he come to meals?