Healing Faith (38 page)

To bite, to scream, to do anything but get lost in
the corn.

I scratched him along the arms, feeling the skin
give, but he held firm, even when I broke the skin of his forearms
with my nails.

"Knock it off, Kate, or I swear!" he grated, and
hoisted me a little higher off the ground.

Airborne, I was high enough to kick him hard on the
inside of the knee to cause him to stumble. His grip weakened
around me as he faltered, his hand slipped from my mouth just
enough and I screamed with every ounce of energy that I had. I
could hear it echo off the house and the barn before his hands
returned, my teeth digging in between his thumb and finger before
silencing me.

Just one scream.

And the angry rustling corn was so close.

I tried to dig my heels into the dirt, but he pulled
me up again, carrying me. I tried to trip him, tangling my legs in
his to cause him to fall. But he remained clear of my meddling. I
needed to do something; mere feet to the corn and I would be gone
forever. I fought as best I could against him, kicking, scratching,
anything.

We were steps from the corn.

"Katherine!"

Sean whirled around, flinging me with him like a
ragdoll in his arms, to see who had called out. I saw Fannie on the
porch, her hands to her mouth and her eyes wide. Abigail was
leaping from the steps, running with amazing speed towards us.

"Abigail! No!" Fannie shouted and vaulted after her,
much slower. Emma passed by her as well, catching up to Abigail and
grabbing at her to slow her down.

Sean moved his hand to my neck, clamping hard as Emma
and Abigail approached, Emma’s skirt pooling around her legs as she
stopped hard, realizing quickly what Sean intended. She clutched at
Abigail who fought in her arms. Sean’s grip squeezed harder, the
air gone as he cut it off from my lungs. I was left flailing in his
grip, choking and scratching desperately as I watched through
watery eyes Abigail and Emma’s helpless expressions.

"Please! Let her go! You are hurting her!" Abigail
entreated, her hands clasped before her in a desperate plea and
still struggling with Emma.

"I'll snap her neck! Don't come closer," he grated,
twisting my neck to the side a bit as if to prove his intent.

I was gagging, the pressure was too much. My eyes
were losing focus. Had to get free.

Away from him.

Had to. Run.

"Please, just let her go! It does not have to be this
way!" I heard. I was losing focus but I knew it was Fannie.

"I'll kill her if you follow us. I mean it. I'll kill
her!"

"No please! Do not take her! Please! NO!"

The voices were growing faint, and there was a new
noise, the angry rustling of the corn all around me. Suddenly the
air rushed back in and I was thrown hard over his shoulder.

"Bring back my daughter! Please!"

I tried to struggle again, to get back to the voice,
but the grip around me was solid. I could make out green and brown
of the corn as it whipped past me, as I tried to right myself.
Light and darkness flitted across my vision, but the darkness
seemed more oppressive now in his grip.

A sudden drop and I felt the bite of the pavement on
my palms. I lay there gasping for a second before I heard a car
door open and his hand grabbed me by the hair, ripping the prayer
cover off in the process. I struggled again, seeing my terrified
reflection in the window as he tried to shove me in the car. I
threw my hands out, bracing against the frame of the car door.

"No!" I gasped, my throat searing at the pain of
being practically crushed moments before.

"Damn it, Kate! Get in the fucking car!" he screamed
and grabbed at me a little harder, I could feel his knee in my back
shoving me roughly.

I slipped free and whirled around, tripping over
myself as I tried to keep my head from spinning. Hearing fabric rip
I was pulled back against hot steel that burned my shoulder where
my dress must have torn.

"No!"

I had to get away.

Back to Nathan.

I tried to push away.

"Damn it Kate! Stop being so difficult!"

"No!"

Claws out I scratched against his jaw. I watched in
horror as the switch went off in his head. His eyes blazed. Jekyll
to Hyde. Man to beast in an instant.

And then the all-familiar crack.

My head spun, the pain shot through my jaw and into
my skull. I fought to keep my eyes from losing focus.

No. Fight. Get away. Run. Must run.

"No," I gasped and reached out with fists to hit
whatever I could.

"Stupid whore, get in the car!"

Another crack, this time my temple roared.

"No!" I cried out hoarsely, waving at the blurry
vision in front of me, pushing away.

Corn. Back into the corn. Back to…

"Get in the car!"

Crack.

I felt my knees jar against the road.

Dizzy.

My lips tasted like iron.

"No," I croaked and grabbed at fabric, trying to pull
it down with me.

But I was losing focus. Spinning. Trying to
crawl.

Crack.

I couldn't tell you where it hurt.

Because blackness finally took me away.

Away from everything.

Life. Love. Happiness.

The last thing I remember was the acrid scent of
motor oil and car vinyl. Smells that were foreign to me and yet so
familiar.

And absolutely terrifying.

I was drifting, my body leaden and unable to move. I
couldn't open my eyes; the throbbing in my head was too
unbearable.

But I could feel.

I could feel something soft under me. My cheek rested
on fabric, and the room was cold. My temple felt numb, as did my
cheek and a chill dampness leaked down my neck causing me to
shudder. I felt the cold move slightly, confused how the cold would
migrate lower towards my jaw. I tried to open my eyes to figure it
out. But no matter what, my brain didn't want my eyes to open. So I
lay there and listened as my body woke up from a blackness I wished
I could return to.

Smell came next.

Bleach and bad fabric softener, maybe cheap soap
invaded my nostrils, making them burn. I tried to place where I
was, the smells unfamiliar to where I had been the last few weeks.
It didn't smell like my old house.

Not the Bergers.

Sean.

Fannie. Emma.

Little Abigail wailing.

Gone.

Everything came back to me in a rush.

How long had I been gone?

Was anyone looking for me?

Where was Nathan?

Nathan. Oh God, Nathan.

"Why would you say that, Kate? After everything I’ve
done for you? Why would you say his name?"

I shivered at the sound of Sean's voice, just behind
my ear as he moved the cold from my jaw line. I tried to move but
his hands came around and held me close, the heat of him oppressive
in the cold room.

"Why can't you see I love you? You are all I want,
Kate. I'll do anything for you, and yet you run from me to him. Did
you think you'd just go off and be a little farmwife for your farm
boy? When you know you are mine?" he whispered into my ear.

"Sean," I croaked, my throat ruined from his
squeezing. I coughed and winced at the pain it caused.

"You made me do it, Kate. You make me so angry
sometimes. You think I like punishing you? Do you think I like
having to hunt you down? Why do you have to be so stubborn? Why
can't you be the good girl with me? I want you to be a good girl,"
he groaned and moved in closer, his body lining up against my
back.

I jerked, trying to get away, but his hands held me
tighter, moving to my hip to hold me to him. I tried to open my
eyes. I could manage to only crack open one, but everything was
blurry. The light pierced my eye and I clenched it shut again at
the pain. I heard a noise in the room, and realized it was my
damaged voice.

Broken whimpers as he touched me along my waist,
moving up.

"Shhh, baby. Just relax. I want to show you I can be
good for you. I helped you, Kate. I took care of you. The swelling
has gone down. I can take care of you. I can be everything you
need. Please Kate, I can show you I am better than he is," he
whispered hoarsely into my ear, his mouth capturing it roughly.

I shuddered and tried to pull away again.

"No," I gasped.

"I want to show you," he murmured, his hand moving up
over my dress trying to undo the closures at my breast. I felt his
lips along my throat, sucking hard on the skin there.

I struggled to open my eyes again, to move, to flee
but my body was useless. It hurt to move, it hurt to defend. I
managed to strike out, my fists landing on hot fabric against
steel. His hands grabbed at mine, shoving them over my head.

"I'm better for you. I'm better than he is," he
growled and moved in closer, twisting my body so that I was forced
onto my stomach.

I felt his hands at my ankles, tugging on them. My
body reacted on instinct, pain be damned. I was in survival mode. I
flinched, my legs pulling in close and my back tensing in
understanding to what he planned.

"Hold still," he hissed and pushed the skirt up my
legs past my thighs.

"No, please, Sean," I whimpered and struggled to roll
away.

"Hold still!" he said again, forceful as his hands
gripped my hips hard, holding me in place.

"No. No, no, please no," I whimpered, shaking and
struggling again.

I felt his hand in my hair, tugging me back to him.
The other was moving behind me, and I jerked away as best I could
when I felt him move behind me. My hair burned on my scalp as he
gripped me, as I struggled under him, while his hand squeezed the
fleshy part of my hip and grabbed a fistful of fabric there.

"No!"

I was desperate now, my arm swinging back to hit him.
At the angle he had me trapped, I could only hit the air. He
pressed my face into the pillows, the pressure making me cry out in
pain.

"I love you so much, Kate. Let me do this. I'm better
than he is. I know I’m better," he growled and clawed at my dress,
the cotton straining to yield in his grip.

"Please, Sean. Stop! Please, I'm sorry! I didn't mean
to run! I'm sorry! I'll be good! I promise! Please just don't!" I
babbled, anything that would stop him.

"I'm tired of you running away, Kate. This ends here.
You're mine, not that farm boy’s. I’ll make sure you’re mine for
good," he hissed and I heard the fabric ripping.

I felt it cutting into me as the dress tried in vain
to remain together. Hannah’s stitches were strong, but Sean was
proving to be stronger. Always stronger. I let out one last whimper
and went limp, lifeless under his hands. There was no fighting it.
This would happen. I had no power. I never had. Sean proved that
time and time again.

“Please, no. No, no. Not like this. God, help me.
Please," I sobbed brokenly.

The best I could hope for was darkness and I wouldn't
feel it. But my senses were overly alert. I could not see, but I
could feel. I could hear. I could smell.

The air was cold. My skin trembled from it. The tears
on my face felt icy on my hot face. His hands were scorching as
they paused over my limp body, his body slumping away somewhere
behind me. His breath was ragged. Mine rattled in my lungs as I
sobbed through my damaged throat. The cheap fabric softener was
over sweet in my nose where it was buried deep in the
bedspread.

And then his choked words.

"Why…Why can't you love me?"

And then I was alone. He was off the bed with a
whimper. I heard the door open, felt the warm night breeze in the
artificial air before it was shut out to me. And then it was quiet.
He had left me there, half dressed in the darkness of a strange
place. I gripped the bedding under me, trying to move, to get up.
But my body was useless. I had hardly any strength to move.

To flee. To escape. I was broken.

All I could do was manage to slip off the bed, my
body shivering on the cold hard carpeting of the room I lay trapped
in.

I let the quiet envelope me, the darkness
following.

He'd come back, I knew. Would he try again? Would he
succeed then? I just wanted the darkness. I didn't want to be awake
for that.

Dear God, please. Just let me stay in the dark.

Please. End this.

I'm sorry, Nathan. I don't have the strength to
fight.

Please God. End this.

I could feel the heat of the sun on me, and the air
was hot as it blew past me. And there was music. How long had it
been since I heard music? I tried to swallow and open my eyes, but
the sunlight hurt when I tried to open them. I moved to shade them,
feeling the tremendous ache in my joints as I moved.

"Good morning!"

I jerked at the sound of his voice, my eyes squinting
to open a crack regardless of the pain around them. It took me a
moment to focus.

Sean was smiling at me as he drove.

I looked around to see the jagged mountains and rough
scrub brush along the highway, the passing highway signs telling me
where we were headed.

Redding.

We were back in California.

How long had I been out?

"You slept great, hardly a sound out of you," Sean
continued contentedly, looking back at the road ahead of us.

I swallowed and shifted in my seat, when I noticed I
was in over sized sweats. He had changed me. He seemed to notice my
distress, and cleared his throat nervously.

"I couldn't bring you home to your dad in those
clothes. I didn't look… much," he said, his lips quivering into a
chilling leer that left my stomach turning.

"How long?" I whispered, my throat still feeling a
little tender.

"You've been out most of the trip. I got a little
worried when you didn't wake up at first in the motel. But you
mumbled in your sleep, so I knew you were okay," he replied,
turning away from me to look straight ahead, his demeanor suddenly
serious.