How to Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew (28 page)

Step 1:
Leave your living room. Chances are, new friends are not going to spring up between your sofa and the television. To find buds, you have to step out.

Step 2:
Be a joiner. If you’re a jock, sign up for a team; a reader, join a book club; a lush, take a wine-tasting class. Whatever your pleasure, put yourself in situations where you’ll meet people who share at least one common interest. It’ll give you something to gab about, and the rest will come more easily.

Step 3:
Kindle womance. Take a chance, and ask one (or more) of your new acquaintances on a girlfriend date, say, for a beer after your stitch ’n’ bitch circle, or to the latest Catherine Opie exhibit between your photography classes. Your invitation will likely be well received, and your risk will bring rewards.

Step 4:
Be a keeper. If you want to keep your circle growing, be a good friend: Listen, celebrate your pals’ successes, support them through their failures, and seek out fun together.

• Diversify your friendships. It’s okay to have a work bud, a party pal, a gym mate, a hometown friend, and others. Everyone doesn’t have to be a soul mate, and placing unfair expectations on each will only lead to disappointment.
  

• Value quality over quantity. It’s not the number of contacts you have in your iPhone that counts. It’s the number of friends who will answer your call when you need them.
  

• Even if you have hundreds of friends on Facebook, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have in-the-flesh friends, too. There is no virtual substitute for a hug or a belly laugh.
  

• Be patient. It can take years to establish intimacy. Instead of worrying about what you don’t get from your friends, feel blessed for what they give you.
  

Step 1:
Speak up. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t suffer in silence. Instead, hold your head high, take a deep breath, and reach out to someone you trust. Opening up to a friend will make you feel supported and her feel valued. It’s a win-win situation.

Step 2:
Be specific about your needs. Do you require sympathy, guidance, or action? You’ll be more likely to get what you need if you ask for it directly.

Step 3:
Say thanks. Let your pal know you’ll return the favor anytime.

Step 4:
Feel proud. By seeking help, you’ve not only come closer to solving your problem, but you’ve also demonstrated tremendous resourcefulness and bravery. Pound your chest a few times, or pump your fist in the air. You rock!

• If you’re really struggling, try helping someone else. Not only will you feel instantly empowered, but you’ll also gain confidence in your own problem-solving abilities.
  

• Don’t look for a quick fix (or all the answers) from your confidant. Know that the most they can do is guide you toward change—you’ll have to do the rest yourself.
  

Step 1:
Check out the scene. Before you start your own book club, make sure there isn’t one around already that you might like to join. If you can’t find one (or you found one you didn’t totally dig), proceed to step 2.

Step 2:
Assess your agenda. Is the purpose of your book club to foster cultural criticism or to have an excuse to see friends and drink martinis? Would you like to analyze every Danielle Steele book ever written or get through the classics? The clearer you are about your intentions up front, the more successful your club will be.

Step 3:
Recruit new members. Depending on the answer you came up with in step 2, invite readers from your social circle, workplace, and community. If you don’t get enough members through word of mouth, try making fliers or placing an ad online. Ideally, you’ll have between three and twelve book buddies.

Step 4:
Schedule your first meeting. If your group includes close friends, feel free to have it at your home. If it includes strangers, meet at a café, bar, or library so everyone feels comfy.

Step 5:
Set the rules. During your first meeting, get to know one another and then decide (1) how you’ll choose the books you’ll read; (2) where, when, and how often you’ll meet; (3) who will lead the discussion; and most important; (4) what, if any, snacks and cocktails will be served. Once you’ve got that business settled, choose your first page-turner and get busy reading.

• Food and drink (especially drink) are not necessary for a good book discussion, but they often help to make it feel less like homework and more like a hoot.
  

• Don’t be afraid to speak up, even if you’re new to the group. You’ll learn more and have more fun if you actively participate.
  

• Be respectful. If the host chooses a book you’re not crazy about, read it anyway. You may be surprised by how many genres you can enjoy.
  

• Everything about the book is up for discussion. Even if you hated it or couldn’t get past the first fifteen pages, remember that you’ve got something to contribute—your opinion.
  

• If you’re nervous about hosting, look online for reading group guides. Most publishers will prepare and post them before their books hit the shelves.
  

Step 1:
Match your skills with your passions. There is an infinite number of ways to make the world a better place, and it’s up to you to determine how you can best help. Ask yourself what you have to offer and what goals you’d like to achieve. The more meaningful (and satisfying) the work is to you, the more likely you’ll be to stick with it and make real change.

Step 2:
Make time—and be realistic about it. You don’t need an extra twenty hours a week to be a worthy volunteer. Many organizations can use whatever help they can get, even if it’s for just one day. If you’re tight on time, sign up for a park cleanup, hand out water at a charity 5K, or offer to make something for a school bake sale. If you can swing a more regular gig of, say, an hour or two a week (and you certainly can if you’ve ever found yourself watching reality show reruns), visit
Serve.gov
to find opportunities near you.

Step 3:
Honor your commitmen: Show up on time, call in if you can’t make it, and be respectful of all the people with whom you’re working.

Step 4:
Stick with it. It takes time to make volunteering a habit and to see the fruits of your labor. Allow yourself a few weeks or
months to find your groove. Soon enough, you’ll see the difference you’ve made, and you’ll feel good knowing that you’ve helped make the world a better place. This is your cue to start singing “We Are the World.”

• If you’re not totally digging your volunteer work, don’t stop volunteering altogether. Gracefully bow out and find a better fit elsewhere.
  

• Try a volunteer vacation! What would you rather write on your postcards home: “Dear Mom, I won the wet T-shirt contest last night and slept in until noon today” or “Dear Mom, I rescued twelve baby sea turtles today!” Find some cool opportunities at
  GlobalVolunteers.org
  .