How to Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew (32 page)

• When selecting phrases to write down, avoid total stumpers or long sentences, or your game will turn into a snoozefest.
  

• You don’t have to act out each word in order. The best strategy is usually to convey the category of the phrase (a movie, a book, etc.), followed by the number of words in the phrase, the position of the word you’re working on, the length of the word, and finally the syllables in that word. Start with the easiest word, and then go from there.
  

• Use these universal code gestures to indicate the category:
  

  • A book:
    Put your hands together, as if in prayer but with fingers pointing outward, and then open them up.
    

  • A movie:
    Pretend to operate an old-fashioned movie camera by forming an O with one hand in front of your eye (the lens) and cranking your other hand by your ear.
    

  • A play:
    Get on bended knee, place one hand on your chest, and extend the other out to the side.
    

  • A song:
    Pretend to sing.
    

  • A TV show:
    Draw a square with two fingers.
    

  • A quote:
    Make air quotes with your fingers.
    

  • A famous person:
    Do your best Napoleon. Puff up your chest and pretend to tuck one hand into the front of your shirt.
    

• Use these gestures to indicate the words:
  

  • The number of words in the phrase:
    Hold up the appropriate number of fingers.
    

  • The position of the word you’re acting:
    Hold up the appropriate number of fingers once more.
    

  • The number of syllables in the word:
    Tap the appropriate number of fingers on your forearm.
    

  • The syllable you’re acting:
    Tap the appropriate number of fingers on your forearm again.
    

  • The length of the word:
    Hold up your thumb and forefinger, spread small or large.
    

• Use these gestures to guide your team with their guessing:
  

  • A correct guess:
    Point to your nose with one hand, and the teammate who got it right with the other.
    

  • They’re getting hot:
    Wipe sweat from your forehead.
    

  • They’re getting cold:
    Wrap your arms around yourself and shiver.
    

  • Sounds like:
    Cup your hand behind your ear.
    

  • Plural:
    Link your pinkies.
    

  • Past tense:
    Wave your hand over your shoulder.
    

Step 1:
Round up one or more very forgiving, nonjudgmental friends. Learning to sing in harmony takes a bit of practice, and you will surely belt out some clunkers until you master it.

Step 2:
Choose a simple song you’d like to sing that’s in a major key. (If it’s a happy song, chances are it’s in a major key. Sad songs are often in minor keys.) The trickier the melody, the trickier the harmony, so find a tune that requires only a small vocal range and no scatting. “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” might be a good starter, since the first three notes are the same.

Step 3:
Master the melody. Sing together in unison until you nail the right notes.

Step 4:
Identify the root of your chord. Pick out the first note of the melody on a pitch pipe, piano, or guitar, and say the name of the note—A, B, C, D, E, F, or G—aloud.

Step 5:
Find the third. Starting from the root, count up two notes on the scale. So, if the root is a C, the third is an E. If it’s an F, the third is an A. If it’s a G, the third is a B. And so on. Use your pitch
pipe (or piano or guitar) to play the third, take a deep breath, and let that note rip.

Step 6:
Repeat steps 4 and 5 until you’ve picked out the harmony throughout the song. Or, if that’s too much fuss, just choose several notes in the song to which you’d like to harmonize and sing the melody the rest of the time.

Step 7:
Now, the fun part: Sing the song together from the beginning. On the pitch pipe (or whatever accompanying instrument you may be using), play the first note for the melody and then the harmony, find it with your voices, and begin.

Step 8:
Keep practicing, and have fun! It’ll get easier and more intuitive with every note you sing. You’ll impress your friends in no time flat, so to speak.

• Breathe deeply and sing with
  oomph
  . It’s more difficult to harmonize if you hardly make a sound.
  

• You’ll know you’ve hit the right note when you feel a blissful vibration. It’s called resonance.
  

• To make a three-part harmony, find the root, and sing the third and fifth note on the scale. If the root is C, harmonize with an E and G.
  

• When in doubt, hold one finger in your ear. Not only will it help you hear what you’re singing, but it’ll also make you look like Mariah Carey. Cool!
  

Step 1:
Deal seven cards to each player in a two-player game (or five cards in a three-or-more-player game), and place the remaining deck, facedown, in the center to form a stockpile. Flip over the top card and set it alongside.

Step 2:
The person to the left of the dealer plays first. Let’s assume that’s you. You’ve got three options. (1) If you have a card in your hand that matches either the suit or rank (number or royalty) of the faceup card on the table, set it down, faceup, on top of that card. You’re done! (2) If you have an eight, lucky you! Lay it down, and name the suit you’d like the next player to match. (3) If you have neither a matching card nor an eight, give a little moan and then draw from the stockpile until you select a card that you can play.

Step 3:
Play proceeds clockwise. The first person to lay down all her cards wins!

• Try to keep track of the cards already played, so when you play an eight, you can call the suit your neighbor will most likely
  not
  be holding.
  

• If you’d like to keep score, tally the cards that the losers are left holding at the end of each round. Each numbered card is worth face value, except eights; they’re worth 50. Aces are 1 and face cards are 10. All points are awarded to the winner of that round. A two-player game ends when the winner reaches 100, a three-player game ends when the winner reaches 150, and so on.
  

Step 1:
Place your right hand in your partner’s left hand and your left hand on his shoulder, keeping your elbows pointed out and upper arms parallel to the floor. Start counting (inside your head and, here’s the tough part, without moving your lips, if you can help it) 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3. Start in super slow motion until you get it down.

Step 2:
On the one-count, step your right foot back about a foot, landing toe-heel.

Step 3:
On the two-count, step your left foot back and to the left, landing only on your toe.

Step 4:
On the three-count, slide your right foot to your left, landing first on your toe, and then setting both heels down.

Step 5:
Start your count again. On the one-count, step your left foot forward about a foot, landing heel-toe.

Step 6:
On the two-count, step your right foot forward and to right, landing only on your toe.

Step 7:
On the three-count, slide your left foot to your right, landing first on your toe, and then setting both heels down. Repeat the sequence until the music stops or your dogs start barking.

• Stand tall, throw your shoulders back, and try to look into your partner’s eyes, not at your tootsies.
  

• To help you remember the motions, you can ditch the numbers (“1, 2, 3”) and think instead, “Back, side, together. Forward, side, together.”
  

• Don’t worry if you step on a few toes or bump into other people. Just get out on the dance floor, or makeshift dance floor, and have fun. If you’re happy and having a good time, nothing else matters.
  

Acknowledgments

I had so much help writing this book, so here is a huge, heartfelt thank-you:

To all of the special grandmothers who shared their stories and wisdom with me. I feel honored to know you. Especially Elouise Bruce of Cleveland, Mississippi, who showed me that the richness of your life has nothing to do with your bank statement; Nikki Spanos Chrisanthon, who is one of the best dancers I know; Jean Dinsmore of Spokane, Washington, who reminded me of the pleasure of home-baked bread; Grace Fortunato, who showed me that life is about love, not stuff; Lucile Frisbee of Delhi, New York, who invited me into her home, served me tea in china cups, and sent me off with a jug of her own maple syrup; Mildred Kalish of Cupertino, California, who inspired me with her book and shared her secret to making a juicy roasted chicken; Alice Loft of Tacoma, Washington, who taught me how to build a fire and warmed my heart; Beatrice Neidorf of Washington, D.C., who reminded me that pie crusts are nothing to fear; Sue Westheimer Ransohoff of Cincinnati, Ohio, who taught me about the value of being generous; and Ruth Rowen, who welcomed me into her home to share stories—and chocolate cupcakes. Thank you.

To my wonderful editor, Jill Schwartzman. You rock! And to all my new friends at Random House, including Jane von Mehren, Kim Hovey, Anne Watters, Kathleen McAuliffe, Theresa Zoro, Katie Rudkin, Rachel Bernstein, and Lea Beresford. Thanks for all your hard work and good ideas.

To all the modern-day experts in my neighborhood and beyond, who offered their guidance on some of the more technical tips. Especially
Chef Karen Bornarth, bread instructor at the French Culinary Institute in New York, New York; designers Patti Gilstrap and Seryn Potter, owners of Flirt Brooklyn and Home Ec sewing school in Brooklyn; Chef Juventino Avila, owner of Get Fresh Table and Market in Brooklyn; brewer Shane C. Welch, owner of Sixpoint Craft Ales in Brooklyn; knifemaker Joel Bukiewicz, owner of Cut Brooklyn; money whiz Jonathan F. Walsh, a certified public accountant in New York, New York; farmer Benjamin Shute, co-owner of Hearty Roots Community Farm in Tivoli, New York; music teacher Alicia Mathewson of the Sounding Still Center of Love in Barnstable, Massachusetts; and winemakers Don and Rosalind Heinert, owners of Blueberry Sky Farm Winery in North East, Pennsylvania.

To Lucy Danziger and all my friends at
SELF
, for creating a magazine I’m proud of.

To my parents, Bill and Claire, who taught me how to tie ties and bake pies, and my in-laws, Norm and Shirley, who taught me how to catch a fish and fry it up.

To Holly Bemiss, my literary agent and angel, for believing in me, supporting me, and making every single day of my life better.