In a Latitude of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 5) (11 page)

“Ha, ha! What is this that tugs at my four; one, two, three, four; four chambered heart? Could it be an urge to join in with the humans?”

mnk, mnk, mnk
“Vee might as vell, my friend. This so-called immortal life has, like a box of chocolates, come to an end.”
mnk, mnk, mnk

“Ha, ha! I count two! Two black vampires that are willing to put their murderous thoughts aside so that we can die in peace! Yes! I can see that even you tough guys yearn to join in on this big bird, er, I mean, swan song.”

They are doing it! They are all singing that little song! Ohhhh. What is this yearning I sense in my Chinese heart? Somehow, even in the distant, rural, Chinese village of my birth, that little Scottish song found its way. The simple little song, from my childhood so long ago, bubbles up in my heart from a place long forgotten. Ohhh, what the heck. How much can it hurt? I too, yearn for companionship, in this, the final moment of my existence.

And so we all join together.

“Oh, you’ll take the high road,”

“And I’ll take the low road,”

“And I’ll get to Scotland, before ye’.”

“But me and my true love will never meet again,”

“On the bonnie, bonnie banks, o’ loch Lomond”

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There is much laughter and crying at this distressing sound. It is painfully clear that the time of our departure from this world is upon us. The singing continues, louder, and with more vigor. The Temperance person and the Plumtartt woman cling to each other desperately. I think they despair the loss of the other, moreso than themselves.

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“Oh, you’ll take the high road,”

“And I’ll take the low road,”

“And I’ll get to Scotland, before ye’.”

“But me and my true love will never meet again,”

“On the bonnie, bonnie banks, o’
...
    
  

KRGH-
CRUGLLKGH!!!

---

mnk, ,,, mnk, ,,, mnk

Senses convey discomfort to my consciousness. My elegant eye lashes and brows are unforgivably mussed. Grit, gravel and successively larger stones are can be felt to be pressing my fingertips. A frigid wash of ocean water refreshes the bracken and salty tastes in my mouth. This hated flavour does more to encourage my will for clearing my mind than the pain of lying on the unforgiving rocks.

“Ha, ha! Count ChauckOolaux! There you are, my most prime number in valued associates! I vas worried about you, my semi-sweet confectionery companion, ha, ha!”

I must use the hem of my dark chocolate coloured cape to wipe my face clean so that I may look on the ever smiling and cheerful features of my Carpathian computationalist companion.

“Yes, Count Sezami, though it is too bad we did not wash up on CoaCoa Beach.”

“Ha, ha! Would that we had, my Chocolate Count; for now though, I beg you to prepare yourself for a shock. The sight you are about to see is not an appetizing dessert, my friend.”

The tearing wind coming off the ocean fills my eyes anew with painful, stinging assaults of high speed salty spray. Peering through this blinding veil, I cry out in commiserate agony at the gruesome sight.

Her beautiful black breast is pierced by Death’s final blow. Her immaculate body rests in a terrifying stillness that punctuates the completeness of her untimely demise. The angry seas and roaring wind have not the slightest effect on the uncomfortable corpse. Lying with perfect calm, though all around her, fierce storms rage, only accents the completeness of her mortal end. The majestic and beautiful
‘Stoker’
lies impaled upon a granite stake, as if she were one of Vlad’s would-be invaders.

“Oh, my good Count Sezami, please help me away. This sight is one I am unable to bear. The vision melts my hazelnut heart.”

“Of course, my sensitive friend. Let us go and seek out other survivors of this once, twice, thrice, damnable disaster.”

My noble companion leads me over the rising terrain. The icy, rock strewn shore gets progressively steeper. In an attempt to find protection from the howling wind, we find a tightly huddled mass of a few miserable peoples. It gladdens me with an unexpected surprise that many show joy in their human faces at our arrival. Normally, humanity is not so enthusiastic at our kind’s presence.

“I say, good show! What a relief it is to see our bloodsucking fiend friends have survived the abrupt halt of our voyage. Hear, hear, rather, jolly good, my word, indeed.”

“Ha, ha! Thank you, Madame Plumtartt. I had hoped there would be more survivors than just yourself and these two crewmen...”

“Bhjrghjtt.” is expressed by the tall, thin one with the perpetually unhappy frown.

“Ierjghjnhjgei.”
Sss! Sss! Sss!
Comes from the short, wide happy one.

“And our Chemyst.”

“Ohhhh. My two most estimable Counts. Ohhhh. A legation of rescuers has gone and attempted to locate other survivors. Ohhhh.”

“Ha, ha! I do not think this adds up to a smart thing! Ha, ha! Now we are in danger of losing those that were already safely secured.”

“But you came and rescued me, Count Sezami.”

“Ha, ha! Of course, Count ChauckOolaux. Can anyvahn imagine living in a Vorld vithout Count ChauckOolaux in it? Inconceivable! Ha, ha!”

“You are too kind, Count Sezami. Look here, a shadowy figure stumbles to us. Count OnyxUla, you have survived the ‘
S
toker’s’
calamity!”

“I am not so easily disposed of, Count ChauckOolaux.”

“I see that, my friend! Tell me, Miss Plumtartt, who were these foolish, oops! I mean, foolhardy, oops! I mean, courageous, souls that risk their mortal existence to assist others in need?”

“It was not just humans, Count ChauckOolaux, for Trevor Dagger also joined Mr. Temperance, Pol Steele, and Senor Diego Ignatio Ricardio MontelKahn to search out those in need. Mr. Temperance prayed upon Dr. Xen Xum Xng to offer his protection to me should it be required from any untrustworthy nobility.”

“Ha, ha! No one like that around here my dear, ha, ha!”

“Ohhhh. If I may point something out, please? We are being approached by a dark, huddled mass, that is, in all mathematical probability, our returning rescue party. Ohhhh.”

mnk, mnk, mnk
“One figure leads the group. Correction, this one is dragging his companions behind.”
mnk, mnk, mnk
“His fellows are burdened together in a difficult task.”

“Oh, dear! My word! There appears to be a casualty! They bear a litter and one of their number upon it. I say, he must be one of the heavier of the company for it is all that six of the company can do to carry the fellow. Yoo, hoo! Gentlemen! I say, here we are!”

“Make room so we can get this man out of the wind,” commands Trevor Dagger as he drags the men bearing the litter into our tiny respite from the wind’s assault. Senor Diego Ignatio Ricardio MontelKahn and Pol Steele share the front of the makeshift litter, constructed of the ‘
Stoker’s’
wrackage. Two Hun-manian crew men share a beam under the middle to support the chap’s back. Another seaman and Temperance carry the feet. The body that lies under the makeshift shroud lies with death’s stillness.

“Aulle right now Icksy m’boy. Settle down lad. Not to waerry, no one gets left baehind.”

“Senor Steele is correct. Even that worm, WrenneFeyldde, we have brought with us from where we found his whimpering carcass lying on the rocky shore. Speaking of which, are the others still back there?”

“Aye, Senor Diego Ignatio Ricardio MontelKahn, the oother lads are faellowing with the awful fellow.”

“Ha,ha! Yes! I count the remaining seven crew members and WrenneFeyldde in the approaching group, ha, ha!”

Attention is turned back to the body under the sheet.

The Temperance mortal kneels beside the fallen comrade. With trembling lips and tear pooled eyes he looks to his lovely confidante:

~sniff~
“Oh, he ain’t lookin’ too good, Miss Plumtartt.”

The boy slowly and carefully folds the dirty fabric back to reveal the distressingly extinguished eyes of his friend. A small gasp erupts from many of the most hardened adventurers at the ghastly sight.

“I say, not to worry, Mr. Temperance. I have seen you bring this fellow back from worse than this. In fact I have known you to completely disassemble this gentleman and then put him back together again, right as rain, eh hem?”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am, I reckon that’s what’s gonna be called for here. Poor ol’ Mr. Cogito is looking pretty far gone.”

“Ha, ha! I count all twelve members of the ‘
Stoker’s’
crew accounted for! Ha, ha! The three scientists? Check! Ha, ha! The American tinker, his lovely companion and their malfunctioning tin play mate? Here! The black annoyance, Trevor Dagger, he too, alas, is present, yes! Our WrenneFeyldde is in a shambles but still counts for being counted among our numbers, yes! Ha, ha! At last, when you add Count ChauckOola, Count Onyx’Ula and myself to the equation you have twenty-three! Twenty-three survivors of the
‘Stoker’
catastrophe! Yes! Ha, ha!”

“Does anyone bae knowin’s where on the planet we’ve baen depoosited?”

“Si, Senor Steele, though of course it is just a rough guess, but I am fairly certain that our ship was blown very far to the South. I think our pilots had intended to penetrate the Magellan Straits, but the impassioned passage, she protests too strongly, and we are repelled from her enticements. Around the suggestive promontory of Tierra del Fuego’s Easternmost protrusion, we are then, by my meager and humble estimations, Senors and Senorita, thrust up the Beagle Passage and cast upon the rocky Southern shores of the ‘Land of Fires’.”

“Beagle Passage? I like doggies! Are there lots of little huntin’ pups around here?”

“No, Senor Temperance, the passage is named for the ship that carried the English gentlemen that named her. Though I like to think the name derives from the indigenous animal population. They have a ‘bark’ that is strangely canine in nature. As a matter of fact I think I hear one now. Listen closely, you may hear it, too.”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

“Yessir! I hear it, but it actually sounds as if there may be lots of ’em.”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

“I say, yes, indeed, that does have a familiar, and heartening sound to it, doesn’t it?”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

“Yes, Ma’am. Doggies are sweet, loving animals, all right. That is, unless you are the one being pursued by ’em
.”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

“How so, Mr. Temperance?”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, a

“Well, Ma’am, seems like if I was just a little ol’ bunny rabbit, a beagle doggie would seem pretty frightful, don’t you think?”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

“I suppose you are correct in that observation, Mr. Temperance. I say, it really is a matter of perspective, eh, hem? Er, you said ‘indigenous animal population’ as to the naming of this channel and description of the source of an approaching horde, Senor Diego Ignatio Ricardio MontelKahn. Could you elaborate with a more precise naming of our barking friends?”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

“Si, Senorita Plumtartt. These are the local pillipeds. The eh,h,h, seal! Si, the seal family of this place.”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf,

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

“Seals! I like seals! They’re so dang cute with them whiskers like they’re a little ol’ kitty cat. Hey, Miss Plumtartt, if one follows us home, can I keep him?”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

“Indeed, Senor Temperanci, the seal is a beloved creature known around the world for their gentle playfulness. They often entertain us as children at zoos and circuses, delighting both young and old with their frolicking mischief. Sometimes we forget that they are a carnivorous animal. They dine on flesh alone.”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

“Aw, c’mon Senor Diego Ignatio Ricardio MontelKahn, you make these puppy kitties of the ocean sound as if they might somehow pose a threat. They could only be dangerous to a fish, or maybe a pokey penguin, right?”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf,

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf,

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf

“The creatures of this island, I think, are of a more substantial variety than you are familiar with, Senor. In the areas of the world that we are from, these beasts are usually in the one to two hundred pound range. This area is host to very large and ferocious Sea Lions and seals, including the ‘Leopard Seal’. This predator gets its name for the incredible fangs that stretch from his vicious mouth. I am fairly certain that this is the animal that I hear approaching.”

“Do they get very big?”

“Si. Most enormous, I am afraid. Easily, well over a thousand pounds.”

“Gosh!”

“Indeed, Senor. Harken your ears, my friend, for I believe I hear the note of another, most worthy creature joining in adamant roars of fevered intent.”

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf,

arunf, arunf, arunf, arunf, arunf, arunf, arunf,

arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf,

arunf, arunf, arunf, arunf, arunf, arunf, arunf,

“Gee whiz, Senor Diego Ignatio Ricardio MontelKahn, that bark has the note of an echoey honk to it, don’t it?”

“Si, Senor. I believe this to be the warning that the great ‘Elephant Seal’ calls out before destroying its prey. The unusual tone is from the massive horn that grows upon its noble proboscis. This helps to create the deep, disconcerting note of discontent that projects such a feeling of impending doom.”

“At least they ain’t all toothy like them big ol’ Leopard Seals. Do they grow very big?”

“The females do not grow to more than the one thousand pound benchmark; however, the males of the Southern Elephant Seal, and I am most assuredly confident that this is of whom the horn so distinctly distinguishes, grow to outrageous proportions. As they are the world’s largest carnivore, far surpassing the greatest polar bears of he North, this magnificent creature is known to be the fiercest of combatant animals. In a stunning display of strength, this fantastic beast is able to rear back and hold its four and a half tons of killing fury up to an incredible height. Growing to over twenty feet in length, these massive mammals have a predilection to tower over their prey at an inescapable altitude, or to gain dominance in fighting while on land. In the ocean, neither the Leopard Seal, nor the Elephant Seal has a natural predator outside of the Killer Whale. There is not a shark in the world that can take one of these beasts. Quite the contrary, as these beasts actually prey upon sharks.”