Incredible Sex (52 Brilliant Little Ideas) (11 page)

Here’s an idea for you…

Ask him to run his hands through your hair or touch the side of your face while you’re going down on him. Men don’t often think to do this, and women don’t ask them because for most women the sense of having their head controlled is an unpleasant one, but there’s a world of difference between a man keeping contact by gently ruffling your hair and gripping your ears in a death grip.

Here are some extras. Add sensations that make him even more aware of what’s going on down there.

   Swirl mouthwash around your mouth before going down: the mint tingles and makes him more tuned in to the heat of your mouth. Toothpaste gives an even more extreme sensation.

   Bite into a lemon.

   Hold a mouthful of neat vodka in your mouth as long as you can. Try this tentatively at first. Sensitive souls feel it as a burn.

   Hot tea (not boiling) used the same way can engulf him in a warm bath of sensation.

   An ice cube crushed in your mouth will be excruciatingly sensitive. Or keep the ice cube intact and work it around his penis as you move your mouth up and down.

41.
   
The great and the good

Alternative girl’s-gotta-have-it zones within the vagina. That mysterious wee thing, the G-spot. Talk about best of both worlds!

The next time you take a shower do an internal examination. About three inches inside the vagina you’re likely to find a spongy spot about the shape of an almond. If you can’t locate it try taking a pee, and you should be able to feel the urine moving through the vaginal wall. Remember, it’s not
on
the wall, probe and feel for it
through
the wall. Em and Lo in
The Big Bang
describe it as a ‘kind of ceiling pipe surrounded by erectile tissue called the urethral sponge, sort of like insulation’. For some people it’s sensitive to the touch, but bear in mind that it can be quite hard to locate it yourself with a finger. Try using one of the special curved G-spot dildos like the Magic Wand, or better still, ask your partner to help you. Some women wait until they’ve already had an orgasm to probe the area. Some swear the best position is lying on their backs with their legs in the air, others lie on their side or kneel. Sex is very individual, so have a feel – is this a potential hot spot for you?

Here’s an idea for you…

If you’re having problems finding your G-spot, try searching for it after you’ve had one or more orgasms. The urethral sponge will have swelled, making it easier and more pleasurable to find.

You can add another dimension to your love life by opting to stimulate it more. When you masturbate, go for both clitoral and vaginal stimulation, using a finger or special curved dildo to touch the spot. If someone is going down on you, get them to insert a finger/s and touch you inside as well. Hitting both spots should produce deeper, more intense contractions. For penetration, you might want to experiment with positions that work the G-spot more, such as woman on top and rear entry. Or take a leaf out of the Kamasutra: in the Raised Feet posture the woman lies on her back and lifts her knees while her partner kneels around her thighs and enters her.

Some women are so stimulated by touching the spot, they ejaculate a clear fluid – don’t worry, this is not urine. Just enjoy it if you can get it!

Other hot spots include the U-spot (the sensitive opening to the urethra), the X-spot on the cervix and what the sex therapist Barbara Keesling calls ‘tenting’– the area behind the cervix which lifts up during sex to allow penetration of the space behind. Finally, find out if your G-spot is sensitive before having a hysterectomy – if it is, you can have a supra-cervical operation where they leave the cervix in. You don’t want to find out too late!

42.
   
Heading even further south

Few things in life will earn you so much gratitude for a moderate amount of effort as giving great head.

It’s not rocket science, I hear you say, how can I get it wrong? Boys, you’d be surprised… First, get your partner well and truly motoring with lots of subtle kissing, licking and teasing. This isn’t just sexy, it’s damn well essential. The clitoris is exquisitely sensitive. This cannot be emphasised enough. It can’t take direct stimulation unless its owner is aroused. I don’t suggest any man even think of approaching the clitoris (unless specifically invited) until she’s thrusting her hips towards you in a pose that tells you quite explicitly what she wants.

Even then, approach slowly. Most of the clitoris, the so-called ‘clitoral arms’, lie under the skin. Think of the clitoris as an inverted V, with the join being the point where you can see the clitoris. Lying along each labia, pointing downwards towards the perineum, are the ‘arms’. Think of a wishbone and stimulate all of it through the skin. The clitoris has more nerves than any other part of the body – thousands more than the penis. Direct attention can frighten it off altogether. Build up to it slowly by working on the arms of the clitoris and always check for a reaction. If she’s moving her pelvis away from you – you’re going at it too hard.

Here’s an idea for you…

Brush your hand gently through the pubic hair before getting down to business. This grooms out loose pubic hairs – less chance of them ending up between your teeth.

Try specific moves and ask your lover what variations she likes. Faster, slower, harder, softer. Side to side. Circles?

Ask questions. Will you show me where…? Do you prefer my tongue hard or soft there? If I keep going just like this, do you think you would come? If not, do you want me to carry on anyway (hey, it’s the journey not the destination)?

If she just tells you everything’s ‘fine’ and you want some real feedback try blindfolding your lover while you’re experimenting with different techniques and strokes. Often being blindfolded makes us less self-conscious in reporting how it feels. Try asking her to give each technique a mark out of ten until she gets more confident about saying what she wants or likes.

43.
   
More on blow jobs

Can you ever know too much?

Your blow-job technique comes down to just two things: what you do with your tongue; and what you do with the rest of your body. What you can do with your tongue is pretty limited. The magic lies in what you can do with the rest of your body while you’re generally pleasuring him with your mouth. Incorporate the principles of kaizen (small changes causing big differences) into your blow-job technique. It’s during oral sex more than just about anything else that we tend to stick to the same pattern over and over again. But try mixing it up just a little and you can take a pleasurable experience to one that’s mind-blowing.

Hands

   Touch his chest; squeeze his nipples.

   Put the fingers of one hand in his mouth so he can suck and lick them.