Keeping Secrets (15 page)

“Katherine? Katherine, is that you?” Secret said. Could her eyes be deceiving her two times in a row and within minutes? They couldn't have been. Just like she'd know the face of the man who fathered the baby inside her belly, she'd definitely know her sister when she saw her, even if it had been years since she'd last seen her. But she'd know Rolland's eyes anywhere. Her sister—legally half sister since they only shared one parent—had their father's eyes.

Secret called out to her again; still the girl didn't even flinch. Secret knew it was her, but she was torn between going to try to have a conversation with her and keeping it moving. Instead of walking on the sidewalk and crossing in front of the Chinese restaurant and risking her real or fake baby daddy seeing her, she'd cut into the parking lot and was dipping and dodging between cars. Every few seconds, as she passed the Chinese spot, she looked to make sure neither man was exiting. In doing so, she spotted Katherine stomping across the lot.

As the girl kept walking across the parking lot toward Secret like she was Oprah Winfrey in
The Color Purple,
Secret thought perhaps she was mistaken. After all, she was standing right in her path, calling out her name, and the girl wasn't flinching. But the closer the girl came the more sure of herself Secret became.

“Katherine? Katherine,” Secret called out. The girl's eyes saw right past Secret and smoke could have been coming out of her ears. It was clear to Secret that her sister was in her own world, oblivious to her surroundings. “Kathy!” Secret yelled once she saw her sister was actually going to walk right by her.

The girl's four-inch stilettos could have left skid marks as she came to an abrupt halt. “Huh, what?” The girl's eyes began to focus in on Secret. She tilted her head from the left to the right.

“Katherine, it's me, Secret. Rolland's daughter. Your baby sister,” Secret said, practically pleading for this girl to remember her.

“See-See,” Katherine said, using the nickname she'd called her when they were little girls.

“Yes, it's me, See-See,” Secret said.

“Oh my God!” And just like that, Katherine's angry scowl was replaced by complete joy as she threw her arms around her sister's neck, her sister she hadn't seen in practically a decade. “I can't believe this.” She pulled back and gave Secret the once-over. She then pulled her into a tight hug again. “I can't even believe this.”

“I know, right,” Secret said, returning her sister's hug.

Katherine released her once again. “I feel like I'm on some
Color Purple
Celie and Nettie shit,” Katherine joked.

“Well, just a minute ago you was on some Miss Sofia stuff,” Secret joked. “I thought you was going to stomp right over me.”

“Oh, girl, that's because I just almost caught me a case. I just had to cancel somebody out of my life. But look at God. I get rid of one person and just like that”—Katherine snapped her fingers—“He put somebody else in it. And not just somebody else. My sister.” She looked Secret up and down. “Wow, See-See, I still can't believe it's you. You all grown up.”

“You too.” Secret looked Katherine up and down. She noticed her designer jeans, her bedazzled tank top, and stilettos. She also peeped out her nice jewelry and designer Ralph Lauren leather purse. Secret had to keep from laughing. If it wasn't Katherine's face, she'd have sworn up and down she was staring at Shawndiece.

“How are the twins?” Secret asked. “I know they are grown.”

Katherine rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. “Grown and gon' end up in jail if they don't stop trying to be some wanna-be gangstas. Out here gang bangin' and shit.” She shook her head. “Just hardheaded. But what do you expect when they ain't got no daddy in their life. Speaking of daddy, have you talked to our sorry-ass daddy?” Katherine asked Secret.

“Umm, no,” Secret said, realizing that she was nodding her head yes. “Well, uh, not in a minute. How about you?”

“Not since he showed up for my eighteenth birthday. I'm thinking this nigga coming through to finally act like a real daddy. His ass was just tryin'a see what I got for my birthday so he could get me to pawn it. I cussed him the fuck out. Then he got to talking about how he had this huge debt and they were going to kill him if he didn't pay them off, blah blah blah. Some old jive-ass game he was running.”

Secret was all too familiar with that game. “So did you pawn anything for him?”

Katherine rolled her eyes in her head. “Girl, yeah.” She broke out laughing. “What can I say? He's still my pops and I guess I'm still trying to be daddy's little girl. I ended up letting him pawn my iPad and iPod. Girl, not the new ones I got on my birthday, but the old ones that the ones I got for my birthday replaced.” She chuckled. “I might be some dumb, but I ain't plum dumb. I knew that jive-ass nigga ain't owe nobody no money. He just wanted to get high is all. I vowed after that, after I let my own pops play me, that I'd never let a man play me like that again.” All of a sudden Katherine stopped talking, that scowl returned to her face as she looked over her shoulder back at the restaurant. “'Cept when it comes to Lu . . . I mean L, for loser.”

Katherine turned back around to face Secret. “But I don't want to talk about that. It's water under the bridge.” The smile returned.

“Well, we are going to have to get together sometime,” Secret suggested. “Maybe we can grab a bite to eat.”

“Sure, we can grab a bite.”

“Cool.” Secret smiled, then thought for a minute.

“But not in there!” they both said simultaneously, referring to the Chinese restaurant. Both girls burst out laughing.

“Guess you ain't in the mood for Chinese either,” Katherine surmised. “Anyway, I'm parked right there.” Katherine pointed to a royal blue Toyota.

“I'm over there.” Secret nodded to her vehicle.

“Wanna hit that Applebee's around the corner?” Katherine asked.

“Sounds good to me.” Secret grabbed her stomach. “And this baby.”

“What? You prego. OMG, See-See.” Katherine went and touched Secret's belly. “You can't even tell. But you can feel.”

“Yeah, I'm just a little bit pregnant.”

“Just a little bit?” Katherine laughed. “You crazy. Anyway, I'll meet you over there and you can tell me all about baby and your baby daddy.” Katherine paused. “You still with the baby daddy?”

Secret's face lit up. “Yes, I am.”

“Oooooh, and I can tell by the look on that face that he must be handling his business. You lit up like a light bulb.”

Secret nodded proudly. “Yeah, he takes good care of me, that's for sure.”

“Good. Well, you can tell me all about him while we eat. I need to live vicariously through some other happy couple right about now seeing I'm about to cut men off period.”

“Okay. I'll meet you there,” Secret said before making her way to her car and heading over to Applebee's. She couldn't wait to catch up with Katherine and rekindle their sisterhood. Even more so, she couldn't wait to tell her just how lucky she was, and she meant that literally considering she was about to tell her all about Lucky.

 

 

“Okay, so tell me all about this baby daddy of yours,” Katherine said to Secret after they put their drink orders in with their waitress. “Is he fine?”

“He's easy on the eyes,” Secret said in a modest tone while blushing.

“What's his name?” Katherine asked. “You know Flint ain't but that big.” She snapped her fingers. “I probably know him. But then again, look how long it's taken me to run into you. What's it been like ten years?”

“Yes, just about,” Secret confirmed. “We should have looked each other up long before now.”

“Yeah, I know.” Katherine lowered her head in regret. “But we've found each other now. And you are right on time. I had been dealing with this dude, who shall remain nameless, because like I told him, he's dead to me. His name doesn't even deserve to be on my tongue, let alone his dick.”

Secret practically cringed in embarrassment.

“Oh shit, did I say that as loud as I think I did?” Katherine put her hand over her mouth.

“Uh, yeah, you did.”

“My bad.”

Secret smiled. “You know, you remind me so much of my best friend. You two are going to get along just fine. I have no doubt about that.”

“I don't know, looking at you Miss Thang and listening to you talk . . . Not trying to be funny, but you kind of like a white girl trapped in a black girl's body. Seems like your best friend's name would be Amanda and she'd carry her dog named Fe Fe in her purse.”

Secret laughed along with Katherine.

“Why does everybody say that about me? That I'm different? Like I don't fit or something? My baby daddy is forever saying stuff like that.” Secret's face lit up. “He tells me I'm nothing like the girls he's used to dealing with.” Secret shrugged. “So, I guess I better start taking what all y'all are saying as a compliment.”

“Even when we were younger, and even though I was only around you a few times, I knew you were different from all the other girls I knew, different from all my cousins and stuff. That's why when my moms used to bad-mouth your moms I knew she was just jealous that pops was hittin' both of them at the same time. There was no way something as evil as my mom claimed your mom to be could have produced someone as nice as you.”

Secret put her hand up. “Whoa. Hold up. Don't go giving Ms. Yolanda too much credit now. She can be a beast.”

Katherine thought for a minute and then shooed her hand. “Hell, we all can be. That's how bitches get when they dealing with losers. Trust me. I just got rid of my L; loser.” Katherine used her index finger and thumb to hold up the L sign. “I don't care what no muthafucka says; behind every angry black woman is an asshole of a man who made her that way.”

Secret laughed. “Yes, indeed, I can't wait for you to meet Shawndiece.” Secret took a sip of her water. “Or my baby daddy for that matter.” She rubbed her belly.

“Oh, yeah, back to him,” Katherine said. “You never did tell me what Prince Charming's name is.”

“Oh, it's—”

“Have you two had a chance to look over the menu?” their waitress returned and interrupted.

“Oh, shoot, not yet,” Katherine said. She looked at Secret. “Girl, let's stop running our mouths long enough to see what we want to put in them.” She looked back at the waitress. “Just give us five more minutes, I promise.”

“No problem,” the waitress said and then walked away.

“Get anything you want,” Katherine told Secret. “It's on me . . . I need to drown my pain in hot wings and a margarita.”

“Don't' worry, sis. It's going to be all right. God doesn't make mistakes. Obviously ol' dude's time in your life has expired and it's time for you to move on. Before you know it, you'll find somebody new and forget all about that joker.” Secret scanned the menu.

“Yeah, you right.” Katherine sighed. “And if I'm lucky, I'll find a man like yours who makes my smile light up the room at just the mention of him.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Secret bragged. “Maybe.”

“It's a boy,” the nurse said as she pointed out the baby's genitals on the ultrasound screen.

“I'ma have me a nephew in three months?” Shawndiece yelped. “Oooooh, I can't wait to buy him some Nikes. As a matter of fact, I think Footlocker got baby Nikes on sale. I should go ahead and cop them now.”

“Girl, you're going to start spoiling him while he's still in the womb?” Secret said as the nurse wiped off the jelly she'd placed on Secret's stomach for the ultrasound. “Besides, don't think you're going to turn my baby into a label freak. Remember, I know how low some of the folks around these parts will stoop for a name brand.” She shot a knowing look at Shawndiece.

As far as Shawndiece was concerned, Secret might as well had said the words “hint, hint.”

The nurse looked up and eyeballed Shawndiece in the midst of the now-awkward silence.

“What?” Shawndiece threw her hands on her hips like she was offended. Secret was too busy looking at the still image on the screen to notice her best friend's reaction to her comment.

“Uh, are you good on your prenatal vitamins?” the nurse asked Secret.

“Oh, yes. I think the doctor gave me enough refills to last me throughout my pregnancy,” Secret replied.

“He usually does. I was just making sure,” the nurse said. She pitched the paper towels she'd used to wipe off Secret's stomach into the trash. She then headed back to the ultrasound machine and handed Secret a few pictures of the baby she'd printed off.

“Thank you so much.” Secret admired the pictures as if she was looking at her child's first picture day in kindergarten.

“Do you have any questions or need anything else?” the nurse asked.

Secret shook her head.

“Then I guess we'll see you next time.” The nurse headed toward the door. “Don't forget to stop on your way out to schedule your next appointment.”

“I won't,” Secret said, sitting up. “Thanks for everything.”

“No problem.” The nurse smiled as she exited the room, closing the door behind her.

Secret sat up and pulled her shirt down over her belly. She just sat there for a moment staring off. “A little boy.” A smile graced her face. “Although the sex didn't matter, I'm so glad it's not a girl. The last thing I wanted was for her to turn out like all the other chicks in the neighborhood.” Secret slid off the table and grabbed her purse. “You ready to go?” she looked to Shawndiece and asked.

“Am I ever,” Shawndiece spat, cutting her eyes at Secret and then brushing past her out the door. She almost ran into the nurse who was headed back into the examination room.

“I almost forgot,” the nurse said. “Here's that prescription for the new iron pill the doctor is going to try you out on. Hopefully this one won't constipate you as much.”

“Oh, thank you,” Secret said, taking the prescription.

Secret went and scheduled her next appointment, then headed toward the exit doors. Shawndiece was keeping pace at least ten feet ahead of Secret.

“Dang, wait up,” Secret called out to Shawndiece as she exited the doctor's office.

Shawndiece stopped and waited until she felt Secret next to her, never looking over at her or making any type of eye contact.

“I can't believe I got a little boy growing inside of me,” Secret said as she tried to keep pace with Shawndiece across the parking lot. “I just wish Lucky had been here to witness it.” Secret started to look a little gloomy.

Shawndiece stopped in her tracks, turned to face Secret, and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Look, bitch, this ain't la-la land and it sure the fuck ain't no fairytale. Quit acting like you thirty years old with a husband, a dog, and a cat, about to have your first child. You in Flint, nigga. You living in a subsidized living joint in the hood. Ain't no nice pretty house on the hill surrounded by a picket fence. And the man who agreed to claim your child as his own ain't even the real baby daddy. He out hustling and grinding so that you don't have to want for nothing. So stop your whining, take that nigga a picture of that little jelly fish of a baby, suck his dick, say thank you, and keep it moving.” Shawndiece released her with a slight push, and then kept walking.

Shawndiece had just burst Secret's happy balloon wide open. She knew she wasn't living society's version of a fairytale, but somehow, in her own mind and in her own make-believe world, she was living the life closest to a fairytale she might ever have. She didn't need for Shawndiece to be yapping off at the mouth trying to rain on her parade.

“You think you know everything,” Secret shot back at Shawndiece. “And you think you can just talk to people any way you want to,” Secret shouted out to her as Shawndiece kept on walking. “Well, bitch, fuck you!”

Shawndiece stopped in her tracks and turned around. To Secret it was as if Shawndiece was turning in slow motion.

Oh shit,
was what popped up in Secret's head. Had she really just gotten fly at the mouth with her best friend who she knew she couldn't go toe to toe with on a good day?

“Oh, you got courage now, huh?” Shawndiece said. “You done visited Victoria's Secret and bought and put on some big-girl panties. Now you ready to rumble. Or either you think just 'cause you got a bun in the oven you can talk crazy to me and get away with it.” Shawndiece balled a fist and said through gritted teeth, “Girl, you think I won't fight nobody pregnant?”

Secret remained silent. She didn't want to piss Shawndiece off any more than she already had.

“Now that the little game you were playing with that nigga Lucky is over and you done got what you've needed out of me. You and Lucky about to live happily ever after so you just gon' shit on me? You gon' talk shit to the bitch who is the reason why your situation is going good? If it wasn't for me, you'd been sitting up in an abortion clinic somewhere and living with your mean-ass mama.”

“Oh, so you trying to say I'd be like you?” Secret had done it again. She'd snapped off at Shawndiece. She wanted to instantly recoil, but instead, she poked her chest out and her six-month belly. For years Secret had let people say whatever they wanted to say to her just because they thought she was weak. It was a shame that just because she chose to speak proper English, cover her body with clothing, and not let every other word that flew out of her mouth be “nigga” or a curse word that she was weak. Well, for once it was time she stood up for herself, even if it had to be against her best friend.

Secret's words had cut Shawndiece, but that didn't stop Secret as she kept on turning the knife. “Is that what you're mad about? That you been tricking niggas for years and ain't got nothing to show for it, and you mad that I ain't you, running around on the lookout for niggas to sponsor me? I done told you, Shawndiece. I've told you, my mother, and everybody else: I'm not going to be you! I'm not going to be them! I'm going to be better. I'm going to make a better life for me and my baby.”

Shawndiece paused for a minute. “So I wasn't hearing shit up there in the doctor's office, all those submental messages you were throwing?”

“What?” Secret had an annoyed look on her face. “You mean subliminal?”

“Bitch, you know what the fuck I mean. You always correcting somebody like you the smartest motherfucker on the planet. Yes, subliminal messages. I heard your little shots you were taking at me up there. Talking about how low people stoop for name brands and how you glad you're not having a girl so she won't be like me.”

“I didn't say that,” Secret said.

“In so many words you did.”

“I didn't mean to say it like that, but guess what, Shawn, it's the truth. I want my baby to be better than you and me.”

“But especially me, huh?”

There was silence. Shawndiece took Secret's silence as a yes. “Good, I'm just glad you could use the little people like myself to get where you need to go in life.” Shawndiece shook her head. “But just know from this point on, I'm done. You on your muthafuckin' own.” Shawndiece threw up the peace sign. “Deuces.” She then walked off.

After taking a few steps Secret called out to her friend. “Shawndiece!” Her plea was ignored. “Shawn, get back here. I drove, remember?”

Shawndiece stopped and turned around again. “I'm gon' catch the bus. Maybe I'll be so lucky as to meet my thug in shining bling while waiting at the bus stop just like you did.” After her sarcastic statement she was off again.

Secret just stood there in regret. She knew Shawndiece better than anybody. Once her best friend was done with somebody, she was done. Secret could only pray that she'd make an exception for her. After all, she might have thought that the game might have been over, but the score clock was still ticking.