Keeping Secrets (18 page)

Every single moment of time felt so surreal to Secret. The drive in the back of the police car. Arriving at the county jail and being processed in. The strip search after she was stripped of her own clothes. Everything was surreal, right down to her donning the jailhouse garb and jail-issued flip-flop-like sandals she wore on her feet. The feet that stood in the corner of a cell she shared with several other suspect-looking women.

It was ironic that Secret had felt out of place most of her life. But right now, she didn't. Although hemmed up with the likes of prostitutes and other criminals, Secret didn't feel above them in any way, shape, or form. She never had in life. Her desire to become better than her environment, she felt, had been misconstrued by both her mother and her best friend. Her passion and efforts to get out of Flint weren't because she thought she was above the hood. In all actuality, she wanted to prove that the hood wasn't all bad. That the hood produced some amazing, smart, brilliant, and successful individuals.

Secret desired to be that living proof. Now more than ever that dream seemed so far out of reach. To Secret, it was a wake-up call that she was who she was: a hood chick. No matter how well she did in school and no matter how hard she tried to do the right thing, it was evident she was not going to get out of Flint. She didn't need any more convincing. This was where she belonged. This was who she was. She was, in fact, a product of her environment, an environment just not meant for her to escape. So she made it up in her mind that it was time to throw in the towel. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Who had she been kidding all this time besides herself? Secret belonged to the streets of Flint, and now more than ever, it was time for her to start acting like it. She'd been raised by those streets in more ways than one. Gone would be the scared-looking, naïve little girl everybody had pegged her to be. From this moment on, Secret knew she'd better take everything she learned and put it to use, because life as she had wanted it to be was no longer an option. The dream was history. Time to wake the fuck up!

“Secret Miller,” a guard walked up and called out. “Come with me.”

Secret paused for a minute, looking around. She then stood with a look on her face that asked, “Who me?”

“You Secret Miller?” the guard asked her.

“Yes,” she replied.

“Then come on. Who the fuck else you think got the name Secret Miller in here?” The guard shook her head in frustration as she unlocked the door, grabbed Secret by her elbow, and pulled her out of the cell. She proceeded to handcuff her before walking her down a hallway, through a door, then down another short hallway before stopping at a door. The guard unlocked the door then took Secret into the room.

Secret looked into the room that had about five chairs lined up in little cubby-type cubicles. Three of the chairs were occupied. The guard walked her down to one of the empty chairs and sat her down. She then removed the cuffs from Secret's wrists and walked away.

Secret just sat there looking straight ahead at the clear glass barrier that separated her from another room. After a few seconds, the door in the other room opened and in walked a familiar face.

Secret took in a deep breath and then let it go. She didn't even try to keep the smile on her inside from showing itself on the outside. When told she could make one phone call, her options were slim to none. But still, she took a chance on dialing the number of the person who the last time she saw them they were fighting.

As her visitor made her way over to the chair on the opposite side of the glass from Secret, Secret hurriedly picked up the phone so she could begin their communication, not knowing how much time she had to visit with them.

Her visitor picked up the phone on her side and spoke into it. “You been telling me since I can remember that the truth will set you free. Well, bitch, will you hurry up and tell the truth so your ass can get out of here and be free?” Shawndiece said into the phone.

The girls couldn't help but burst out laughing.

When Secret had made her one phone call, she'd reluctantly called Shawndiece. No matter how mad Shawndiece was at her and no matter how long it had been since they'd talked, she knew if anybody had her back it would be her best friend, her hood mentor, the girl who'd taught Secret everything she needed to know in order to make it this far in life. She'd always given Secret just the right advice, so when Shawndiece told Secret to drop the dime on Lucky and accept any plea deals that had to do with her testifying against Lucky, Secret should have agreed to do it. But she didn't. She didn't disagree either. Instead Secret told her best friend she'd just let go and let God, something her grandmother had taught her.

“God got many of the characters in the Bible out of situations similar to mine,” Secret had told Shawndiece. “We've been doing things our way forever and it hasn't gotten us out of anything, only deeper if you ask me. So for now, I'm just going to be still and let this play out how it's supposed to. No more interfering with destiny.”

It was clear, as Shawndiece sat across from Secret, pressing her to throw Lucky under the bus, that her days of navigating Secret through the tough situations in life were over. She officially now had to take a back seat. And Shawndiece, having taken on the role of Secret's hood-life GPS, felt pure guilt as she looked at her friend through that glass, locked up in jail gear. Shawndiece's eyes began to water.

“Bitch, you better not cry,” Secret spat.

Shawndiece's tears immediately dried up, as her emotions switched gears. She went from feeling sad and hurt for her friend to complete shock. “Bitch, did you just call me a bitch?”

“Yes, because that's what you are acting like, a little bitch. I'm the one sitting in jail, about to give birth at any moment, and I ain't even crying. So you damn sure better not.” Secret wanted to cry though; God knows she did, but she knew tears would not get her anywhere. They'd never gotten her anywhere with Yolanda, and they didn't get her anywhere with her father the night she got pregnant.

Secret blinked back the tears in her eyes and swallowed the ones in her throat. She shook her head and said, “You can't cry. You don't cry, remember. You've been my strength, my rock, for years. If I see you break, Shawn, I'm fucked.”

Shawndiece regained her composure. “So you been in jail all of forty-eight hours and you hard now? Got a new vocabulary, cussing and shit.”

Secret chuckled. “I always had it in me. Unlike you, I just know that there is a time and a place for everything. And this is the place where I put everything you've taught me into effect.” Secret put her hand on the glass. “Shawndiece Franklin, I know now that all those years ago God placed you in my life for such a time as this. I've watched and I've learned from the best. So you know I'ma be all right in here. Right?”

Shawndiece nodded as a smile crossed her lips.

“See, that's what I'm talking about. Have a little confidence in your girl,” Secret said.

After that, Shawndiece was feeling a lot better about her best friend's situation. They talked for around ten more minutes about how Secret ended up in jail and how they could possibly get her out.

“I swear to God, I'm going to do everything I can to get you out of here. I'm going to be at every court date, wherever I need to be,” Shawndiece promised. “Oh yeah, and I put some money on your books, too.”

“Thank you. I hope you didn't put too much on them, because I don't plan on being in here too long. My hearing to set bail is next week.” She looked down at her stomach. “Hopefully this bundle of joy can stay in the oven long enough not to be born in jail.”

“This is your first offense. I'm thinking your bail won't be too bad. They might even let you out on your own recodonence.”

“It's . . .” Secret started to correct Shawndiece and pronounce the word she was trying to say, but instead she just let it go and smiled. She knew what her friend was talking about. Just because she'd never spoken hood language didn't mean she didn't understand it.

“I'm sure Lucky will get me out no matter what the bail is,” Secret said, still having some confidence in the man she felt walked into her life and saved her. Her heart wouldn't allow her to believe he'd let her rot there in jail. Only time would tell.

“Lucky? Fuck Lucky. Don't you take a red cent from that rat bastard,” Shawndiece shot with venom. “That punk bitch watched them cuff and carry you off to jail . . . with a baby in your belly.”

Secret understood Shawndiece's anger, but she was sure Lucky had his reasons. She hadn't talked to him yet, but she would definitely give him the opportunity to explain himself. She felt Shawndiece wouldn't understand, so she didn't even bother to speak on it with her. She didn't know how much longer they had for the visit, but she knew that she didn't want it to end on a sour note.

Just like she had been given a mental cue, the guard appeared, letting Secret know she needed to wrap up the visit.

“Aw, boo, I hate leaving you in here like this,” Shawndiece whined.

“Trust me when I say a piece of you is in here with me.” Secret tapped her chest where her heart lay beneath. “I got this.”

“And I got you.” Shawndiece put her hand up to the glass. Secret did the same. “Girl, let's stop this corny Lifetime movie shit. The last thing you want them dyke bitches up in there to think is that you a lesbo.” Shawndiece quickly removed her hand from the glass.

“Girl, you are stupid.” Secret laughed, putting her hand down too. “Anyway, keep your phone close to you and make sure you communicate with my mom.”

“She been up here to see you yet?”

Secret shook her head. “I don't even know if she knows I'm in here. That's why I need you to communicate with her. I don't know whether she'll even care, but still let her know what's going on.”

For the first time since Secret had left home, Shawndiece saw where maybe her friend was missing her mother, wanted her, needed her, and was perhaps a little disappointed that she wasn't there.

“Don't look so sad about your moms. It might be a good thing she hasn't been up here. The last thing you need right now is all her negative energy.” Shawndiece then added, “I still don't understand for the life of me how you've been an understudy to the epitome of ghetto-hood-project chick and had to be taught by me.” Shawndiece let out a tsk.

“I learned to tune out Yolanda once I no longer needed her titty for nourishment. It was my grandmother who I took after. Now that there was a lady.”

“Umm, hmm, and as you know this ain't the time or the place to be a lady.”

Secret smiled. “I know. Just do what I said. Stay by the phone and communicate with my mom. I'm going to need all the help I can get, even if it's from her.”

“I will,” Shawndiece promised. She said her good-bye, hung up the phone, and then stood. She watched her best friend be hauled off behind a huge metal door. She then turned to leave, thanking God her lone tear had waited for Secret to be out of view before it fell.

 

 

As the guard placed Secret back in the cell, Secret turned and watched the door close. A smile crept across her face as she shook her head. “Streets of Flint, you win,” she said as she then looked down at her stomach, knowing that it was only a matter of time before she'd have to turn her seed over to its rightful parent as well: the streets of Flint.

“Well, little one,” Secret said, inhaling new life and puffing her chest out. “Game over.” She exhaled in defeat, knowing it was time to mentally prepare herself for the life she was truly destined to live. She had no idea who this new life would include. Shawndiece she knew for certain would always be her girl. Her mother was iffy, but who knew? Hearing her only child was locked up with child could soften her hard heart. Her dad was dead to her. Then there was her sister, Katherine. What was her connection to Lucky? And at the end of the day, where would Kat's loyalty lie: with Lucky or with her blood?

Last but not least, perhaps Secret's life would include Lucky, perhaps it wouldn't. Maybe he'd bail her out, hire her a high-priced, fancy attorney to get her off the hook, he would explain his actions, she would forgive him and they would live happily ever after. Or maybe he would leave her there to rot like he never knew her. Who knew? She could end up serving as the State's star witness and testifying against him so that their roles reversed and he was the one rotting away in jail. At this moment, nobody knew the answer to all that but God. It was all in His hands. The question was, could she trust Him with her life? As she stared at the door that sealed in her freedom, confining her into her jail cell, Secret knew she didn't have a choice.

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Obsession 2: Keeping Secrets Copyright © 2013 Urban Books, LLC

 

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ISBN: 978-1-6016-2568-7

 

 

 

 

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