Private Emotions – Appointments (The Private Emotions Trilogy) (7 page)

The bar in question was called, Woody’s Tavern, and I walked in not knowing what to expect. It was a fairly nice place with a great interior, although the men outnumbered the women by at least five to one. Getting a drink was a fairly simple chore and when it came I found out that I didn’t have to pay.

The bartender said, “It is ladies’ night, but you wouldn’t know it if you looked. If you’re trying to get lucky tonight, I would say that you would have a better shot here than anywhere else.” The very idea of hooking up for one night stand was somewhat appealing to me, however you can’t change overnight so I just sat there and nursed my drink by myself.

“Can I buy you another?” A man with thinning hair and a gold chain dangling from around his neck asked, trying to chat me up. The first few buttons on his shirt were open and it became quite obvious that he was a player and looking for his next conquest. That wasn’t something that I was looking for and I was going to tell him so in no uncertain terms.

“Look, I’m not interested in getting laid, so you might as well go fishing somewhere else. Besides, even if I was, I certainly wouldn’t give you the time of day because I don’t like anything to do with players like you.” The sleazy smile that he was projecting at me became a frown in a matter of seconds. “Don’t look so dejected, I’m sure that I’m not the only woman here who has shot you down.” He sulked away with his lies stilled before they had a chance to escape his mouth. A weird thing happened, I felt a sort of euphoria course through me as I told that young man where he could go. This was the first time ever that I had spoken up instead of just walking away. Maybe this was real progress in the making and I had just taken a necessary step in my sexual development.

“Wow, that was amazing what you just did to him. He has been coming in here every night and always leaves with a different woman each time. To see men like him put in their place like that makes me want to buy you another round on the house.” This bartender was a breath of fresh air and for the next two hours we just talked like we were old friends. There was nothing sexual about any of this as he had a girlfriend that he loved dearly but we found ourselves actually communicating what we thought of various things. This was another first for me. Every man I had met was always trying to get into my underwear. Their stories were getting old but Barry was a different class of man altogether. I really enjoyed just shooting the breeze with him until it was time to close down the place.

“Why don’t you stick around and I’ll escort you to your car.” It was a chivalrous thing to do. I actually began to think of him as a friend, albeit a male friend, but a friend nonetheless. I even helped him wipe down the tables and put the chairs in stacks against the wall.

He walked me to my car and said, “Emily, it was a pleasure meeting you and you’re welcome back any time you want. I’ll even sweeten the pot and invite you over for dinner with me and my girlfriend. Thanks for a great time tonight, you made working there a little more bearable.”

“It was an honor to make your acquaintance and I feel like we are kindred spirits. I just hope that your girlfriend doesn’t find a reason to get jealous over little old me.” We hugged and again there was nothing untoward going on here. As I drove away I began to contemplate actually calling him and taking him up on his offer. I’ve never had any real friends besides Ronnie before. My life was just too busy with work and all the other things that just could not be rescheduled. As I looked into the rearview mirror I saw a smile radiating back at me. The idea that I could be friends with a man was a foreign concept that I was finding agreed with me.

I skipped around my apartment all the next day with a happiness that had invaded my body. The next appointment with the therapist was the following day and I now had a positive story to tell her about the opposite sex. Where most men were after one thing only, Barry had shown me that a man and woman didn’t have to have sexual relations to build a connection. That night, I called Barry and got his girlfriend, Maria, who was more than happy to extend the same invitation that Barry had given me the other night.

Maria said, “I’ve heard all about you and I’m glad that Barry has someone to talk to when he is working the graveyard shift at the bar. He tells me that I have nothing to worry about with you, that you are both just friends. This is something that I want to see for myself, so you’re more than welcome to come to our house for dinner at the end of the week.”

When I got off the phone with her, I could tell from her speech pattern that she wasn’t all that convinced that nothing was going on between her boyfriend and me. I would have to dispel the myth that a man and woman couldn’t be friends.

The next day I drove into the doctor’s parking lot with a newfound confidence in myself as a woman. I still didn’t know what I was going to do about a healthy relationship but at least I had formed a bond with a man without sex coming into the equation. I knew that we had met for the first time only last night but Barry seemed like a genuine guy.

I told her everything that had happened to me at the bar and she just sat there and listened until I was finished. “Hmmm, now you know that not all men are alike and that some can be trusted. That is a big step for you to take in such a short time, so much so that I am not afraid about your reaction to what I am going to propose to you.”

“Doctor, if you think it will help me then I am all ears.” I did not let on that I was a bit apprehensive at the thought of what she was about to say.

“You might find it a bit on the extreme side but I can assure you that it has worked in the past for other clients.” Fishing into her drawer, she came out with a card that she passed to me. I looked at it and I saw that it was for an escort service that specialized in the dating experience.

The look of shock must’ve been clearly visible on my face because she said, “Look, you have to start somewhere and what better way than with a professional to lead you by the hand. These men have all been vetted by me personally. I can vouch for each and every one of them on their standards and code of ethics.”

This was certainly not what I was expecting to hear from her but if she thought that it might help me in my journey of self-discovery I was certainly willing to give it at least one shot. “Doctor, this is a little radical for me, but if you think this is what I need to break through to the other side, then, I guess I have a phone call to make when I get home.”

“That’s definitely good to hear and I want you to know that you are in good hands with this company. Tell them that I sent you and I am sure that they will give you a reasonable rate for their services. This has everything to do with sex and since they are experts in their field, they will certainly act professional and give you that orgasm that you have yet to have. This isn’t a long-term solution but it’s a start.”

“Do you really think that an escort is the right way to go?”

“I do and it will make taking the focus off of the man easier. You’re going to have to let yourself feel for the first time without having to please the man. I know that this may sound crude to you but you are paying for a service, so this is about you and only about you. This will show you that your pleasure is just as important as his is and hopefully it will unlock another hidden part of yourself.” How was I going to choose the right escort for me when I had never ventured into this world before?

Just when I thought that nothing could top the Ronnie and Mark saga this happens. I drove home in a daze contemplating the outcome of the next step on my ladder to...to...I had absolutely no flipping clue.

As I opened the door to my apartment, I wondered if I should introduce myself to my new neighbor but decided not to in the end. It was probably the landlord doing a maintenance check on the property. He did smell good though.

I decided to give my mom a call as it had been some time since I had spoken to her. “Hey, Mom, it’s Em. How are you?”

“Great!” That was my mom, the person who always saw life as a giant cup, half full. “How are things with you? It’s been a while. Did you have a good time with Ronnie?” If she only knew the kind of time that I had.

“Um, yeah, it was great seeing Ronnie again and Mark too. They really are a good match aren’t they?”

“Yes, they are and your time is around the corner so not to worry. Are you eating well?”

“Sure, I was just about to make a salad but thought that I would call you first, you know, just to touch base and say hi.” I wanted to tell her about Susan, but felt that perhaps I needed to hold Ronnie’s referral to myself a little longer. “I need to get some stuff sorted now so I will chat with you another time ok?”

“Ok, Em, and don’t forget to make something to eat.”

“I won’t forget, bye, Mom.”

“Bye, Em.”

I looked at the card with the details of the escort service and decided that I would do it. I would make that call...just not today.

I made myself a grand Caesar salad, heated up a small soup, turned on my favorite music and enjoyed the moment while it lasted.

After my dinner, I took a bath and then fell into bed. I felt tired but just couldn’t fall asleep. How strange life could be once I decided to change things. So many new people have come into my life in one way or the other...Susan, Barry...hmm, I wondered who would be next?

“Sigh”. I was about to have a very busy weekend. First on the agenda would be a night of interrogation by Barry’s girlfriend, Maria, then quite possibly in the same weekend would be a night of prepaid ecstasy, with a man that I didn’t know and would probably never see again. Talk about throwing caution to the wind. Damn. I didn’t do things by halves, did I?

Chapter Four
Testing the Waters

As I left the doctor’s office I began to ponder about all I’ve learned over the last few days. If it was true, that I was interested in a man that could teach me, have public sex while people cheered on and get involved with a woman, then what did that make me? Did I really have those kinky hidden desires deep down inside me? Who knew what other depravity was lurking in the recesses of my mind and now I have been told that I should contact an escort to help me unleash this side of myself.

Before I could do that though, I had a dinner engagement with Barry and his girlfriend, Maria. It wasn’t something I was looking forward to as I already knew she saw me as an obstacle and a possible competitor for Barry’s affections. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I was just friends with him and he with me. Most people wouldn’t think that a man and woman could be just friends and even I wouldn’t have believed it had I not been a part of it.

I got a bottle of wine for the occasion and then rang the bell at 8 PM. Maria was the one who answered the door and welcomed me in with the trace of something else hidden in her voice. I could feel her eyes scanning me from head to toe.

“I’ll take that to the kitchen and we can have it with dinner. Barry will be right down, as he saw fit to dress for the occasion. Why don’t you have a seat in the living room and we can get better acquainted.” I accepted her offer but also knew that I was about to be interrogated and wasn’t sure if I was ready for something like that. Their home was decorated in an older style with many pieces that I would gauge as being from the 1950s or earlier.

Maria came back with a glass of wine for each of us and then sat down and caught me off guard with her next question. “Are you trying to get into my boyfriend’s pants?” I almost choked on my wine and I was sure that some of it came out of my nose. I thought that I was direct in asking questions, but whoa, meet queen bee, aka, Barry’s girlfriend, aka, Maria.

“No, it’s nothing like that at all and if I was in your shoes I would probably be asking the same question. I can assure you with 100% certainty that I have no designs on your boyfriend other than a friendship. There are no feelings towards him that even remotely makes me want to jump his bones.” She laughed and I could see that she became more relaxed after my explanation. She was still not entirely sure but my response was sufficient for the moment. We continued to chat and I even began to tell her about what was going on in my life. Before I could really delve into the issue, Barry came down wearing what looked like a brand-new pair of blue jeans and a sweater that had to be a present from Maria. It just didn’t seem to be his taste and it was apparent that she was probably getting him to change his style. We all talked for some time until Maria suggested that we should have dinner.