Promise Me (22 page)

“My dad was sick,” he said, his voice sounding disconnected. “He was so sick. I’ve seen it in other veterans. It happens more than you’d think, but the worst part was, he could have gotten help. He could have gone to therapy and taken medication, but he chose not to do that. In the end, too many people suffered because of him.”

“I remember hating him.”

“Me too,” he said softly, and suddenly we were kids again, huddled together in my bed, listening to the sounds of his father yell and scream and hit his mother.

I knew then that regardless of how much time had passed and how great our lives might be now, the scars of our youth, and the things that Jack and I had witnessed when we were younger, would never leave us. The memories might fade in time, but they’d always be there. The harsh realities we’d faced, the dark days and the darker nights, they’d always be a part of us. And there wasn’t anything we could do to chase them away for good.

“I don’t want to talk about my dad,” Jack said suddenly, looking up at me with soulful eyes. “I’m sorry, but it’s not a subject I entertain a lot. I try not to think about him if I can help it.”

“I understand. I don’t want to talk about him either. Why don’t I tell you about how I tried to learn to drive a car in a parking lot where there was ice?”

I wasn’t sure how risky it would be to change the subject with humor, but I was hoping the tactic I’d used when we were kids would still work. I was relieved to see it had when Jack looking both perplexed and amused as he said, “You did what?”

I smiled. “It’s just one of the many antidotes from our time apart that I’m going to delight you with. So get ready. I’ve got some good ones.”

“Tell me you didn’t crash your car because of ice.”

I shook my head. “Nope, but I did crash my boyfriend’s car.”

Jack laughed. “You grew up in the ice and snow, Kate. What were you thinking?”

“That I wanted to learn how to drive. I was impatient. Now stop laughing at me and listen. This is a good story.”

Jack’s eyes twinkled, and it seemed all traces of the despair I’d seen there a few minutes earlier were gone. Although I knew it still lingered below the surface, for now it wasn’t written all over his face, and I had to say I preferred him that way. Jack’s smile was beautiful, and I selfishly wanted to see it as much as I could. It told me he was happy, and that was all I’d ever wanted for him.

“I can’t wait to hear all about you,” he said with delight. “You’ve kept me in the dark for so long.”

I shook my head at his mocking. “I’ve known you for a month – this time around. And it wasn’t like I was going to give up everything about myself all at once – at least not when I thought you were just some random guy I’d met. Things are obviously different now, and I don’t mind as much, considering you’ve known me at some pretty low points in my life. I figure a few amusing antidotes are nothing in comparison.”

“I’ll take what I can get,” Jack said, winking at me. “But eventually you’ll have to tell me everything.”

“I’m seriously one of the most boring people you’ve ever met,” I insisted. “You really need to think twice before you ask me to tell you about my life. You’ll probably fall asleep from boredom.”

Jack reached over and placed his hand on top of mine, surprising me. “Boring or not, I really do want to know everything.”

I actually knew exactly how that felt. The desire to know everything about him had been on my mind since I’d found out who he was. I got it. But I figured there would be time for that. We didn’t have to cover it all in one day. For now, I could share a little of my story, and maybe he’d share some more of his. We’d see where we went from there. As long as we were reconnecting, that was all that mattered to me.

I smiled, partly because I liked how Jack’s hand felt on top of mine, and partly because I wanted to keep things light. Then I took a deep breath and launched into my story.

Chapter Eleven

Jack

It was a little after eight on Saturday night when I pulled into a space in front of my apartment building. I gathered up the bag of Chinese food and the two Gatorades I’d picked up on the way home and started to open my door. Texas had played at three o’clock, so I’d started drinking at the house around one, got good and drunk by kick-off, and then I’d slowly sobered up throughout the game. I was starving by the time I’d gotten back to my truck that was parked at the house and had decided to carb load and rehydrate before going out again.

Headlights flooded the empty space next to me, and I looked back to see a car waiting to get into the space that my open door was currently occupying. Not wanting to be a dick, I got out of my truck as quickly as I could and stepped out of the way, only realizing as the car pulled into the space that it was Kate. I felt the tug of a smile that I couldn’t help as I caught sight of her through the front windshield. Lately it had been happening whenever I saw her, but the feeling of giddiness I got when she was around had intensified since we’d talked a few days earlier.

And I was so glad we’d talked. Now that we had, I honestly wasn’t sure what I’d been so afraid of. After the initial shock had worn off, I realized I was relieved that she knew. Even if it hadn’t happened the way I’d intended, my slip up hadn’t been the end of the world. Kate knew everything, and nothing had changed between us. We were still friends, and I didn’t have to keep carrying around a secret that would have likely smothered me if I’d held onto it much longer.

The best part was how cool Kate had been about everything. She was sympathetic to the fact that I’d needed space, and she didn’t give me a hard time about how I’d known who she was for a month before I’d said anything – inadvertently or not. I had a feeling most people wouldn’t have been that understanding, but I guess I should have expected it from her. She’d always been down-to-earth and level-headed when we were kids, no matter what had been going on in our lives. Even if I was freaking out or pissed off, she could almost always talk me down from the ledge and make me believe that everything was going to be okay. I should have realized that intrinsic part of who she was wouldn’t have changed.

In the end, talking to her had been exactly what I’d needed – just catching up with an old friend, hearing about the mundane parts of her life, and feeling like I wasn’t so alone as I’d rehashed the not-so-fun parts of what I’d gone through since moving to Texas. I hadn’t told Kate everything – not by a long stretch – but it had felt good to tell her the things I usually kept hidden from my friends.

I guess it was just easier to talk to her, because she already knew the dirty secrets of my past. She knew about the pain and the fear I’d felt, and she knew how hard my life had been for a long time. I didn’t have to censor myself around her. I didn’t have to question whether I was revealing too much or alluding to something that didn’t line up with the version of my life I’d shared. Being around Kate and talking freely about anything and everything just felt normal.

And because of that, I found myself wanting to be around her more than I had before. It was like I couldn’t wait until I’d see her again so we could talk, because even though we’d spent two hours in that coffee shop, I felt like we hadn’t even scratched the surface. We had eight years to make up for, and even though she was convinced that her life was too boring to share, I completely disagreed. I hadn’t been lying when I’d said I wanted to know everything about her.

As she gathered her things from the passenger seat of her car and started to get out, I waited, wondering if she had plans for the night. Even if she did, maybe I could convince her that eating Chinese food and hanging out with me would be more fun. I’d already mentally bailed on Cullen and Micah and the party they were going to. If I had the chance to hang out with Kate, I’d take it over a party that would be identical to ones that happened weekly at the frat house.

I’d only seen her twice since our talk on Wednesday – once in passing, and once during class. Neither of our schedules had really permitted us to do more than say a few pleasantries. And Thursday night, the night I’d consistently gone to Ray’s for dinner for the past month to see Kate, I’d had other plans. Alyssa’s weekly new member meeting had been cancelled due to the weekend-long retreat they were having, so she’d been free. And considering I’d barely seen her over the past month, I’d figured I owed her a night out.

We’d ended up at a bar downtown that was easy on IDs, and a bunch of our friends had met up with us. I’d had a good time, although in the back of my mind I’d felt guilty for bailing on Kate. It wasn’t like we had standing plans or anything, but a part of me hoped she’d gotten used to me coming in to visit her on Thursday nights. I knew I’d gotten used to seeing her, and I missed having that time where it was just us.

“Evenin’ ma’am,” I said in an affected southern accent when Kate stepped out of her car.

I saw that she was wearing her navy blue Ray’s t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she had a streak of barbecue sauce across her light wash jeans. She looked tired, but she offered me a smile nonetheless.

“Hey,” she said, sounding as exhausted as she looked.

“Long day?”

She nodded. “It was brutal. I’m wiped.”

“I can imagine. Game days are always busy.”

“I’m guessing you went to the game,” she said, gesturing to my burnt orange ‘Hook ‘Em Horns’ t-shirt.

“That I did, and now I’m refueling, since I haven’t eaten since noon. Are you hungry?”

I was suddenly glad I’d thought to get extra food, figuring I could eat the leftovers for a few days. Although sharing with Kate was a much better option now that I’d thought of it.

“I’m starving,” she said as she fell into step beside me. “Are you offering?”

“Of course. I think I got enough to feed a family of five. There’s plenty of everything.”

“Then I’m in,” she said, not even hesitating.

“Awesome,” I told her as I paused at the bottom of the stairs and let her go up in front of me – and then I tried not to stare at her ass the whole way, which wasn’t easy.

She had a great ass, and no matter how many times I told myself I had a girlfriend and I shouldn’t be looking, I knew I was only human. Anyone in my position would have looked too. Of course that didn’t change the fact that I was probably going to end up in hell for thinking those very unclean thoughts as I followed her up the stairs.

“What are your plans tonight?” I asked her as I forced myself to look away and fixed my gaze on the steps in front of me.

She sighed. “I’m supposed to go to a party. Cullen invited me.”

I felt my body go rigid as she said that. “Cullen? You mean my roommate?”

An odd sense of propriety filled me, and the urge to tell Cullen to back off was incredibly strong as we passed the front door to my apartment and I followed Kate to hers.

“Of course,” she said nonchalantly, like it was no big deal that my dick of a friend had asked her out. “I don’t know anyone else named Cullen. Do you?”

“Yeah, I guess not,” I answered gruffly, not sure why I was suddenly angry at Cullen.

It wasn’t like I really had a right to be upset with him, but I couldn’t help it. Where Kate was concerned, pretty much since I’d found out who she was, the feeling of ‘mine’ had been strong. I wanted my friends to keep their grubby hands off of her. It wasn’t that
I
wanted to date her, but she was
my
friend,
my
past, and a part of me felt the need to protect her from guys like Cullen, who I knew weren’t good enough for her.

“Are you going with him?” I asked her, trying to keep my voice level and my tone even, lest she suspect that I was being territorial. I had a feeling she wouldn’t like that. “Like on a date?”

Kate looked back at me in confusion as she unlocked her door. “I don’t think so,” she said as her face clouded over. “Unless he meant it that way. I didn’t really think of it as him asking me out, but maybe he was.”

And maybe I’d have to kick his ass. Although a small amount of relief coursed through me to know that at least to her it wasn’t a date. But maybe to Cullen it was.

“Is he picking you up?” I asked her.

“He said we could ride together. I think Micah’s going too, and he said you might ride with us as well. Are you?”

Well, I was supposed to, and now it irritated me to know that Cullen hadn’t told me he’d invited Kate. Sneaky fucker. He liked her. I knew that, but I also knew that he assumed something was up with us, most likely that I was sleeping with her behind Alyssa’s back.

He’d jumped all over me for details after Kate had come over the night we’d been studying. That night she was the last thing I’d wanted to talk about, so I hadn’t told him the truth. I hadn’t even been sure how to do that without getting into things I didn’t want to tell him, so I’d lied and told him we’d gotten into a disagreement while studying. I hadn’t thought he’d bought it, but after everything that had happened earlier, I hadn’t really cared.

Now I wondered if he was testing me to see what I’d do if he started dating her – which I really hoped he didn’t, because I already knew I wouldn’t like it. But it was just like him to be passive aggressive in getting me to admit that something was going on with us – which it wasn’t, but he didn’t know that. Nosey fucker.

“I think he’s assuming it’s a date,” I told Kate, just because I wanted to see what she’d say.

Maybe I was a little passive aggressive myself.

Kate made a face, which pleased me to no end, as she opened the door to her apartment and stepped inside. “Really?”

I shrugged as I closed the door behind us. “He likes you, so why not?”

“Because I don’t really consider a group hang at a frat party to be a date.”

Damn, that was cute. I loved that she was old-fashioned. Most girls didn’t think that way. They’d just assume hang out and see what happened. That was how Lys and I got together. Hanging out at parties led to hanging out in other ways until one day we just decided to be exclusive. In fact, if you didn’t count the two formals we’d attended, I’d actually never taken her out on a date. Even for our one year anniversary, she just came over to my place, and I made her dinner. I guess that counted, but maybe I should think about taking her out at least once.

“What do you consider a date?” I asked Kate as I set the food down on the counter.

She looked over her shoulder at me as she headed to her bedroom. “Dinner, conversation, maybe some mini-golf or a movie.” She shrugged. “And no offense, but I wouldn’t want his friends tagging along with us.”

“Damn, that sucks. I like mini-golf.”

She grinned at me before she disappeared around the corner. “Then we should go sometime,” she called out to me. Then she poked her head back around the corner. “Of course I also wouldn’t consider that to be a date. It would just be as friends.”

“Of course,” I agreed.

She winked at me, and it was so darn cute. I guess I really couldn’t begrudge Cullen for liking her. Kate was kind of the total package.

“I’m going to change,” she told me and disappeared again. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Take your time,” I told her. “I’ll get the food ready.”

“You’re the best,” she called out as I heard her bedroom door close.

I had the food spread out on the coffee table when she came back into the living room a few minutes later, and I just about swallowed my tongue when I looked up at her, completely caught off-guard by what she was wearing. Kate, who was usually fairly conservative in how she dressed – at least when she was around me – was wearing tiny pink shorts with donuts on them and a white tank top that left very little to the imagination. She’d put her long blond hair up in a messy bun on top of her head, and she’d scrubbed her face clean of make-up. I caught myself staring as she took a seat across from me on the floor and examined the array of food.

“This looks amazing,” she gushed, as she started to look in the containers.

All I could do was stare at
her
, as if I was seeing her for the first time. And maybe I was – at least the parts of her that I was focused on. Never before had she bared all that tanned skin in my presence, and it had me a little dazed as I realized how completely hot she was. It was no wonder my friends were all interested in her.

And now I was the one who looked as ridiculous as they did as they watched her walk away or ogled her as she took orders for another table at Ray’s. On principle, I’d always refused to follow their gaze, and I’d chastised them for the pig-headed comments they made when she couldn’t hear them. But now I was just as guilty, considering the array of inappropriate things floating through my mind would have rivaled anything they might have said out loud.

I knew I had to pull it together. I shouldn’t be staring at her, no matter how much I wanted to. It was wrong on so many levels, not to mention the fact that Kate probably wouldn’t appreciate it. I forced myself to pull my gaze away from her cleavage just as her smiling eyes looked up and met mine.