Reasons to Leave (Reasons #1) (21 page)

He slipped his hand into her hair and pulled her closer. “Come on…let’s go back… I really want to make love to you again, and I’m not sure it’d be a good idea to let that happen out here.” His gaze scorched her already warm skin, and his words made her ache for him.

She fought the feelings he was stirring and almost whined at him. “But it’s so
lovely
out here.”

He feigned shock and gasped. “Since when did you become an exhibitionist Miss Wat…
Mrs.
Norton?”

She giggled. “I’m
not
an exhibitionist. I didn’t mean I wanted to have
outdoor sex
. I just meant it’s so beautiful here… It’s a shame to go in.”

He folded his arms and pursed his lips playfully. “Well okay, let me give you a choice then. You either come back with me now or you become
very
much accustomed to outdoor sex and exhibitionism because I’m making love to you regardless. Although I’m guessing the kids will be back soon, and I’m not sure that being found
in
flagrante
is such a good career move for such a talented Science teacher.” He winked. “So what’ll it be?”

“But the picnic—”

“We’ll leave it for the ants. Come on.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to stand in front of him. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “I want you, Stevie. I have no idea how many more times I’ll have this opportunity to be with you so…please?”

She touched his cheek and nodded. After all, she didn’t really need convincing to get naked with this fine specimen of a man. She wasn’t
completely
crazy. She reached up to kiss him lightly as a sudden sadness washed over her. He took her hand, and they walked silently through the long grass and wild flowers, through the gap in the trees and back to the cabin.

An hour later and completely sated once again, they held each other in their post orgasmic haze in the kitchen where they had devoured each other on the counter top. She could feel his rapid heartbeat against her ribs. It was in perfect synchronicity with hers. 

Jason peppered light kisses on her cheeks and neck. Once again she rifled through her mind desperately trying to figure out a way to be with him after this short break but no solution presented itself. There was no compromise available to them that she could come up with.

The scent of his skin enveloped her just like his warm embrace, and she sighed as sadness began to weigh heavy on her once more. If only it was just lust, something to experience and get out of her system. But once again, as his body heat seeped into her, she was reminded that this was definitely more than
just sex
. She knew that her heart was slipping away and the tentative hold she currently had on it was failing fast.

“Hmmm, I could get used to this,” he murmured into her neck.

She didn’t speak. The lump in her throat and the sated fog in her head making it impossible to produce a coherent thought, never mind a whole sentence.

Jason must have sensed her reluctance to speak as he pulled away from her, cupping her cheek. “Hey, what’s wrong, sweetheart? You’ve gone quiet…did you…wasn’t it good…did you not…” Whoops, the inability to make sense appeared to be contagious.

She shook her head. “No…I mean
yes
it was good…I’m just…I don’t know.” She dropped her gaze.

“Come on, if you have something to say, just say it. We need to be honest with each other if we’re going to make this work.”

There he goes again talking about making it work!
She let out an exasperated sigh. “
Make this work
? But I’m only here for another two days after today, and one of those is meant for travelling. We’re not
permanent
, Jason.” Her voice wavered.

He huffed out a long breath and rested his head on her shoulder. “And here we go with
the talk
I suppose.”

“I just think there are still things that need to be said. We seem to have fallen back into a relationship, which is
crazy
considering we live in two completely different worlds. And as much as I want to live for the moment, in the end, I’ll still be going home.”

He placed his hands on her shoulders. “What if there was a way to get around it all though? Long distance relationships—”

“Don’t work. Let’s not fool ourselves,” she interrupted harshly.

“We could
make
it work. I
know
we could figure things out.”

“For how long? What happens when one of us
needs
the other and there are hundreds of miles separating us? What then?”

He took her face in his hands suddenly. “Stay.”

She widened her eyes. “What?”

“Stay with me, Stevie. Stay
here
.” The urgency in his voice made her heart ache.

She placed her hands over his and removed them from her face. “Don’t be ridiculous, Jason. My life is in London. I have a job…a home…a
dog
.”

“Get another job…up here. We do have high schools you know. Dogs love it up here too. The outdoors and fresh air are exactly what they need.” He seemed excited at the prospect. The conversation was crazy.

“Come on, in reality we’ve known each other
four or five days. I can’t move this far north on a complete whim.”

He frowned. “What? We’ve known each other our
whole lives
.”

She placed her hand on his chest. “If that were true, things would be
very
different. But…you
left
.” She spoke softly, not wishing to sound accusatory.

“But I don’t want to be without you,” he whispered as if speaking normally would break him. “I’ve waited for this for ten years. I…I just didn’t
realise
I was waiting. Ten years I’ve been lost. But now I know where my place is.” He placed his hand over her heart. “I know where I belong, and that’s inside you. Body, mind and soul.”

She closed her eyes momentarily, trying to summon up the strength to continue letting him down. Thoughts of her mother struggling alone helped forge the much-needed will within her. “No, Jason, it’s not that simple.
I
could ask
you
to come back to London, but I won’t because I know that you wouldn’t come. This…what we’ve had here…has been like a holiday romance. Maybe we just need to treat it as such.”

He stepped away, shook his head, and closed his eyes. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes…I do,” she lied.

She jumped down from the counter top and gathered her discarded items of clothing, putting them on as she moved around the room until she was fully clothed again. The familiar stinging sensation needled at her eyes once more, meaning she daren’t look at him.

He disappeared to his room and returned wearing his shorts. She allowed her gaze to trail the length of his body, taking in his thick arms and solid thighs. The ridges of his tight abs and sculpted, tattooed chest, and up until she met his eyes where her own sadness was reflected back at her. Although his body and mind had changed almost beyond recognition, his eyes still portrayed every single emotion he was feeling. Her lip trembled and her stomach knotted. How she was going to walk away after this she really didn't know. How she would carry on her life as normal she had absolutely no clue. What life would be like knowing he was here and she couldn't be with him would tear her apart.

As she stared at him he swallowed hard, ran his hands through his hair, and rested them on his head. “So you’ll leave and I’ll stay here and we’ll pretend that this never happened?” His voice was breaking, making the water in her eyes blur her vision.

“I think it’s for the best, don’t you?” she whispered.

He dropped his hands and held them out to her. “No, Stevie.” He had that urgent, desperate look in his eyes again as he stepped toward her. “I think you’re scared. And I get that. It’s all happened so quickly. And when you showed up here I…I was shocked. I was an arse and I’m so sorry. And I think you’re scared that I’ll run away again. But I wouldn’t
do
that. Things have changed.”

She sighed heavily. “Yes, they have. And
I
have too.”

His nostrils flared as he kept his intense gaze fixed on her. “But, but there’s no reason it couldn’t work long distance. Not if we
want
it to.”

“Look, Jason there are
so
many reasons why this wouldn’t work. And at the top of the list are the two most important things. One,
trust
. How can we build that with hundreds of miles between us? And two, I don’t
want
a long distance relationship. I want to be with someone I can see, hold, touch, and kiss, make love to whenever I want or need them.”

He looked stunned. Like a rabbit in the headlights. His shoulders sagged as he appeared to succumb to defeat. He didn’t speak and so she took that as her cue to leave. She opened the door and walked out of the cabin without looking back.

And crack went another piece of her heart.

Chapter Sixteen

Jason watched as the students returned from their freedom day full of fun stories about where they’d been and what they’d seen. It was great to see them enjoying something other than video games, gadgets, mobile phones, and television. But then again, that had been the whole point of running this place—to get kids to see that there was more to life than what they had known and done before and that a whole new world existed outside of their comfort zones. Seeing them animated and excited
without
a chunk of shiny black plastic in their hands brought with it a huge sense of achievement.

“Jason! It’s been amazing! We went up the funky-lar railway thing and saw for miles from the top of the mountain!” a boy called Carl informed him. Jason tried to halt the smile from his lips at the boy’s mispronunciation. The funicular railway at Cairngorm Mountain was always a popular destination for his visitors, young and old. The views from the top on a clear day were spectacular.

“That’s great. Did you take plenty of photos to show your folks?”

“Yeah! And I bought a baseball cap too!” The boy thrust the green hat in Jason’s face.

He clapped his hands together. “Fantastic. Right you lot. Time for dinner. I think it’s pizza tonight.”

“Yes!” was the resounding response from the group of eager teens.

Jason shook his head and grinned as they all ran in the direction of the main hut, the smell of pizza drawing them in like a pied piper for their noses.

Once he had changed into jeans and a black Pearl Jam T-shirt, he made his way to the main hut. On arrival through the doors, he caught sight of Stevie sitting with a table full of girls, who seemed to be regaling her with stories of their trip to Aviemore. They were all sporting matching wristbands and enthusing about the various shops they had visited. She looked up and made eye contact. He smiled warmly and she returned his smile, but hers was tinged with a little sadness.

Whilst the students were devouring their cheese fest, Jason stood at the front. He inserted two fingers into his mouth and whistled loudly to stop the chatter in the room.

“Right, you lot, we’re going to have a busy day tomorrow. We’re going hiking.” A groan traversed the room. “Awww, come on, you lazy lot! You’ve had a chilled out day today, but tomorrow we’re going to investigate the flora and fauna of this stunning location. We’re taking packed lunches and plenty of water, so it’ll be a great day. Anyone who suffers from asthma, please make sure you pack your inhaler. It won’t be too strenuous, I promise. Then tomorrow night, it’s our final night, so we’ll have a party here in the main hut.” The room filled with cheers and whoops. “Yeah, I thought that’d go down well. Anyway, get plenty of rest tonight. There’ll be a movie on in here again tonight, but it will finish before ten so get to bed nice and early. We’re getting up very early to set off and make the most of your last day here. Have a great evening everyone.”

He grabbed himself a slice of pizza and made his way over to where Stevie was finally sitting alone. He glanced around and then sat beside her. “Hey, you okay, gorgeous?”

She nodded. “You?”

He dropped his pizza onto his plate and lowered his head as his stomach knotted and his throat tightened. “I’m okay…just…starting to feel the pain of losing you again.”

“I know…me too.”

“Will you come over tonight? We don’t have to…you know…we can just talk. Hold each other maybe?” He inwardly cringed hoping she didn't think him too soft.