Reasons to Leave (Reasons #1) (20 page)

The heat rose in her cheeks as her heart swelled at his romantic words. They were spoken like a man in love. But she didn’t dare hope that he was. Her heart was at breaking point already. The tiniest little nudge and it would shatter all over again.

“So what are we doing?”

“Well, I’ve prepared us a delicious picnic that we’re going to take through those trees where a little surprise awaits.” He kissed her deeply, caressing her tongue with his own.

Once he pulled away, she rose from his lap so that he could retrieve the basket of goodies. He took her hand and led her to the bottom of his garden area and through a slight gap in the trees. A beautiful sight greeted her. The cornflower blue sky lay overhead, and the sun cast dancing spots of light along the water. The river looked so clean and the bank they stood upon was covered with wild flowers. The air smelled fresh, and a welcome cool breeze bounced off the water.

“Jason, this is so beautiful. It…it reminds me of…” Her words trailed off as she was momentarily transported back in time to their very own special place by the river.

He lay a blanket out under a large sun parasol that he had already pushed into the ground to shield them from the sun’s rays.

He held his arms out wide. “It’s my very own little patch of paradise.”

She took a lung full of the fresh Scottish air. “Hmmm, you got that right.”

They settled on the blanket, and he took out a bottle of wine and two tin cups. Pouring the amber liquid, he carefully glanced up at her. She tried to stifle a laugh but failed.

“Hey! What’s so funny?” He pretended to be hurt. “Only the best for my gorgeous Stevie you know.”

“Well gee, thanks, Jace. It’s good to know you remember how important I am.”

He stopped what he was doing. “You called me
Jace
.” He smiled. “No one’s called me that in…well…ten years.” He handed her a cup of wine.

“Really? So what
do
you get called? I bet you had a nickname in the army.
Everyone
seems to get a nickname in the army.” She grinned.

His cheeks coloured. “Yeah…well…let’s talk about something else, eh?”

She wagged her finger at him. “No, no, spoilsport! I think I’ve hit a nerve! Come on, spill it, Reynolds.”

He rolled his eyes, put his drink down and flopped onto his back covering his eyes with his arm. “No…it’s
really
silly.”

“Exactly! That’s why I neeeeeed to know! Come on!” She prodded and poked him in the ribs.

“Okay! Okay! I give in. But you’ll never see me the same again.”

She pulled her lips in to stop the grin and held two fingers up to her head in a kind of salute. “I swear I won’t laugh. Guide’s honour and all that.”

Jason peeked out from under his arm. “Well it’s clear that
you
were never a Girl Guide.”

She gasped in feigned shock and put her hand over her heart. “What
do
you mean?”

“Well
that
was not a Girl Guide’s salute.”

She gave him a snide look. “Whatever, Reynolds. Stop stalling and spill it.”

“Okay…at first…I used to get called Rhino. You know cause it kind of sounded like Reynolds, and it was supposed to be ironic on account of the fact that although I was quite buff I was still the smallest and skinniest bloke in my unit.”

“Ooookay…and then?” She bit her lip, eagerly awaiting the thing she could tease him with from now on.

He twisted so that he could point to the scar on his side that had fascinated her earlier. “See this scar?”

“Oh yes, I was going to ask about that.”

“Yeah…well…I was out in the Middle East. I was on patrol when I got hit by a stray bullet. Fucking hurt like hell. Cracked my ribs but missed all the vital stuff, thank God.” He stopped.

“And?”

He covered his eyes again. “Oh fuck, I’ll never live this thing down.” He huffed. “After that happened… When I was back out there again… After I’d recovered…which took—”

“Get on with the story, Reynolds. I want the meaty bit!”

“J.R.”

“What?”

“I got called J.R. It became a huge standing joke about the fact that I got shot…and my initials…you know.”

She burst into laughter and rolled onto her back. Tears streamed down her face.

Jason began to laugh too. “It’s still a mystery today, you know, who
actually
shot me, just like the bloody T.V. show. I only ever saw Dallas re-runs, but thanks to that lot I’ll never forget it! Someone even bought me a cowboy hat and cigar for my birthday.” He laughed louder at the memory.

She rolled on the blanket so that she was leaning on his chest. Once their laughter had subsided, she spoke again. “I’m glad it wasn’t serious…your bullet wound, I mean. The scar’s quite sexy.” She traced the line of it with her fingers.

She propped her chin on her hand so that she could look at his face. He lay there with his eyes closed for a while. “The first day I saw you…before I knew it was you—”

“When you were ogling me through the trees? Yes, I remember.”

She slapped his chest without any real force. “When I saw you I noticed the tattoo on your back that looks like script. What does it say?”

“Ah that…I had it done when I was out in the Middle East.” His cheeks coloured and he swallowed. “It’s Arabic, but it roughly translates as
Never alone with you in my heart
. It was important to me to get it done at the time. For the first time, I was beginning to feel a kind of healing…you know…from everything that happened at home. But it was lonely. I’d sit and look up at the night sky and millions of stars were visible. I used to wonder if you were looking up at the same constellations. I’d left you, but I never forgot. I had my memories and even though it was very painful to think about you, I didn’t feel quite so alone when I did.”

Tears stung her eyes. “You had it done for me?”

He smiled. “Well, I had it done for
me
. But it was all
about
you.”

Pulling her brow into a frown, she tilted her head to one side. “But why have it done where you couldn’t see it?”

He smiled again and dropped his gaze. “You’ll think I’m silly.”

“No…no I won’t.”

He sighed. “I had it done there so that I
couldn’t
see it. Like I couldn’t see you. But I knew it was there, and I knew what it stood for. And each time I caught sight of it, I was reminded of you.”

A tear escaped and trailed down her cheek. “That’s the saddest and most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

Silence ensued for a few minutes until Jason spoke. “I don’t usually tell people what it means.”

She pulled herself up to sitting. “What do you say if they ask?”

“I usually spout off some crap about fighting for my country…or my favourite one is to tell them it’s a grocery list.” He grinned and sat up.

“And do they buy that?”

“The groceries? Only if I write the list on paper for them. But it has had quite a high success rate, yes.” His laugh was such a warm, beautiful sound.

She shook her head and pursed her lips at him. “Nutter.”

“Why thank you, Miss Watts.” His expression changed, his smile disappeared, and he closed his eyes. “I mean
Mrs. Norton
.”

“I’ve been thinking about going back to my maiden name, actually.”

“Yeah? I think you should. I feel like I’m having some kind of illicit affair with a married woman.”

She giggled. “Tell me more about what happened to you when you left.”

“Well, I got on a train…went north to an army base in Cumbria. I’d already set the wheels in motion so they were expecting me.”

“How long had you been planning it?”

He lowered his gaze. “Remember that day I played 'It’s Been Awhile' for you on my guitar?”

She remembered it vividly. She had always felt there was some hidden meaning in that song just for her. Hearing it again over the last few days had been painful. She nodded, feeling a stinging at the back of her eyes. “I can’t listen to that song to this day. When you played it the other night, it really upset me.”

His glanced up at her again. “That was the day I’d been told I was accepted.”

“But I thought you had to have medicals, interviews and such.”

“Yes, you do. Remember when I said I was going to see my Aunt Celia in North Yorkshire?”

“Yes, I do remember. I missed you like mad.”

“Well, I actually went away for a two day assessment.”

“Shit. Really? But didn’t your mum or dad check up on you?”

“Funnily enough on that occasion, no. She has no telephone, and I purposefully didn’t take a mobile phone with me, so I just rang them from a payphone. They bought it hook, line, and sinker.”

“I bet you were relieved.”

“Absolutely. Anyway, then I trained up in Cumbria for twenty-six or so weeks. It was pretty gruelling, but I actually enjoyed it. Met some great blokes up there.”

“What did you train as? Aren’t there…you know…different roles in the armed forces?”

“Yeah, I was an infantry soldier. I wanted to be right in the thick of it all. And I certainly got my wish. At the end of training, I was deployed to the front line.”

“Bloody hell. That quick?”

“Yeah, but after all the training, you’re totally prepared. It’s what every soldier’s working towards, after all. It’s the whole point.”

“Was it frightening being out there and fighting?”

“Absolutely. I saw things that…” He inhaled deeply. “Let’s just say it made me rethink my life in general. I had a shitty childhood, but there are kids that have it so much worse.”

She looked down at her hands, unable to make eye contact for her next question. “How many men did you kill?”

“That’s not something I think about. I wasn’t keeping score. I
can’t
think about it. I’d never be able to live with myself if I did.” He closed his eyes and dropped his head forward again. It was clearly a difficult subject for him.

“When did you leave?” She was aware she was interrogating him, but she needed to know, and whilst he was talking she kept going.

“I left the army when I was twenty-three after being in for just over four years.”

“But you weren’t a soldier for very long. You left home to join up. Why did you leave?”

“Ahhh…it felt like being a soldier was the answer. And it was at first. But it ended up being a short-term solution for a long-term problem. I knew I needed more, but I just didn’t know what that was… Lots of my friends met girls and did the whole marriage and kids thing, but I just didn’t know what to do with my life after I signed off. So I signed up with a private company and worked as paid security out in the Middle East for a couple of years, which paid well.”

“What did that involve?”

“It was…varied. I protected an oil baron mainly. He’d had death threats, and I was assigned to ensure his safety. Another time, I worked with some visiting politicians out in Saudi. I was with a team, and we were responsible for protecting them during their visit. It was dangerous work, but the money was well in excess of anything else I could’ve earned.”

“Is that what enabled you to buy this place?”

“Yeah…well, with a little help from the nice bank manager. I was a partner for the first year, but Dougie, the owner at the time, took me under his wing. Bless him. Turned out he was ex-army too. In the end, he sold it to me cheap…
very
cheap. His health was failing. He was a really nice guy. Died last year. He was like a dad…a
real
dad.”

She could see the raw emotion bubbling to the surface and reached out to touch his arm. “Oh, Jason, I’m so sorry.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, me too.”

Chapter Fifteen

The sun was still high in the sky in the late afternoon as Stevie and Jason ate crisps and dips and drank their wine from little tin cups.

Feeling completely contented, she sighed. “Hmmm, this really takes me back to when we used to sit by the river back home. I used to love those times.”

“Me too. I was only thinking about us by the river today. That’s what gave me the idea to bring you here. I had so many photos of you that I took at our special place.”

She pulled her brows into a frown. “
Had
? Don’t you have them anymore?”

He shook his head, a look of sadness played on his features. “I do regret it, but I…I left them behind at home. I couldn’t bear the thought of looking at you so happy when I knew that I’d broken your heart.”

Her smile slipped away. “You did break my heart. I can’t deny that. But at least I know
why
now.” She leaned over and kissed his forehead.