She Comes First (16 page)

O
NE
of the most challenging aspects of the preorgasm phase is simply holding her in place and helping her to maintain the position of her clitoris against your mouth. What’s ahead of her is a straightaway, and you need to make sure that she stays on track and there are no sudden turns. Too often a woman loses hold of an orgasm just before it’s about to happen. You need to be consistent as well as persistent.

Think about it: a very small area (the region of her clitoral head) needs to maintain persistent, forceful contact with another very small area (your tongue and gum). Without your hands holding her tightly in position (one under her butt, the other inside her vaginal entrance), without your mouth and gum pressed into her clitoral area and without the methodic, rhythmic sweeps of your tongue,
her orgasm will fast lose its inevitability and become a mere possibility. Think of yourself as helping to keep her clitoris positioned between a rock and a hard place.

• Once she’s in the preorgasm phase, bring her legs as close together as possible. In this position it’s much easier for her pelvic muscles to transition into an involuntary state of spasm. If her legs are too wide apart, she may not be able to orgasm at all. Don’t worry about not having enough space to stimulate her with your tongue—there’s plenty of room. At this point, the tighter the fit, the better. Remember, her clitoral head is an
external
part of her vulva and closer to the surface of the mons pubis than the inside of the vagina.

• In this position, everything narrows and tightens—the walls of her vagina around your fingers, her legs around your arms—all activity becomes constrained and more concentrated. To an outside observer, it may look as though you’re both rather still, but, in fact, all you need do is loosen your grip ever so lightly to unleash a veritable whirlwind of movement.

Preorgasm Position:
Legs Together
(side view)

• Very often the best way to keep her in position is simply to push her legs together and—with the fingers of one hand nestled inside her, and your other hand underneath her buttocks—get on top of her and straddle her legs with the full weight of your body.

In this chapter, we discussed the importance of helping her maintain position. Focus on keeping her as still as possible and constraining her movements. Also, make sure her legs are as close together as possible.

C
ONSIDER SPICING UP
the action with a bit of anal play. Remember: the clitoris and anus are connected through perineal tissue and the sphincter contracts during orgasm along with the pelvic muscles. In short, the anal region participates in the process of sexual response and is connected to the clitoral network.

As with all elements of cunnilingus, a little goes a long way, and anal stimulation is no exception. Like everything else we’ve discussed, it’s about stimulation rather than penetration.

• Thus far, you’ve stimulated the perineum and the area just around her anus. Now graze the anus with your fingertip and then insert it—just the fingertip. As soon as you penetrate her anal area, you should feel the tightening of her sphincter muscles against your finger.

• Hold this position through her orgasm.

• When stimulating the anus, make sure to insert a finger that’s not employed in manual stimulation of the vulva, as there are bacteria in the former that you don’t want coming into contact with the latter. Your best bet is the thumb of your hand that’s supporting her buttocks. You should be able to position yourself easily so that you’re able to support her buttocks in addition to inserting the
tip
of your thumb into her anus.

• Or insert the pinkie or fourth finger of the hand that is involved in manual stimulation—those two fingers are usually neglected anyway during manual stimulation of the vulva, so give them some active duty.

It’s worth noting that while cunnilingus is a generally accepted form of sexual expression, stimulating the anal area is sometimes considered off-limits, even though there’s a big difference between a wee fingertip in the butt and full-blown anal intercourse. If it’s your first time, tease the general environs a bit with your finger and be sure to give her clear physical cues that you’re “approaching and entering.” If she’s uncomfortable, then pull back; it’s not worth jeopardizing a productive cunnilingus session over.

In this chapter we discussed the role that the anal area plays in the process of sexual response and the type of stimulation that’s best deployed in conjunction with cunnilingus. Once again, think about stimulation as opposed to penetration. Anal stimulation can seriously enhance the quality of her orgasm, but if overdone, it can also detract.

A
S SHE TEETERS
close to orgasm, take a moment to get into a cool, calm headspace. Don’t get swept away by all the excitement. One of the main advantages of cunnilingus over intercourse is that you can remain levelheaded and in control throughout the entire experience; the most common mistake men make is to meet passion with passion. Having come this far, do NOT let the cunnilingus session degenerate into random chaos in the penultimate moments.

Now is the ideal time to
play it cool
with your tongue, maybe even a little hard to get. The smaller and lighter your tongue strokes, the
more you will prolong the heightened sensations just prior to orgasm and build sexual tension.

• If you’re licking her with rhythmic, vertical strokes, try skipping one. For example: 1-2-3-4, 1-2-skip-4; or 1-skip-2-skip, 1-skip-2-skip.

• Or introduce a horizontal swipe amid a series of vertical strokes—just as we began the cunnilingus session with some teasing, so too can we end it that way.

• Slow down. Let her orgasm come to you. Tease it out of her. Not only will this teasing help to trigger her orgasm, it will also sharpen the orgasmic contractions.

Here are three creative techniques to calmly coax her orgasm:

Jackson Pollock Licks

A bit of lore about the painter Jackson Pollock: a journalist came to his studio one afternoon, surveyed the artist’s work and, unimpressed by the abstract splotches, told him, “That’s not art, any monkey can do that.” Pollock dipped his brush in a can of paint, gave it a deft flick of the wrist, and told the journalist to get the hell out. He pointed to the doorknob: on it, dead center, was a single dot of paint.

• Try licking her the way Pollock painted: broad strokes, with pinpoint targeted precision. Swooping, serpent like, start with the flat part of the tongue and end with the tip. Like Pollock, be sure you know what you’re aiming for; demonstrate the precision that underlies the passion.

The Lily Pad

Imagine a frog on a lily pad. It sits silently and patiently, and then suddenly its tongue darts out to snag its prey. Make like a frog and
“catch” the clitoral head with your tongue. In cunnilingus, less is definitely more, and this technique—with its pauses and sudden flashes of contact—bears that out.

Finishing Touches

Impressionist painter Georges Seurat pioneered the art of “pointillism”—rendering his subject out of thousands, if not millions, of tiny dots of color. Like Seurat proudly surveying a barely dry landscape, apply a few considered finishing touches to your “canvas”—using the tiniest tongue tip of a brush, liven up your subject with a burst of pointed color.

G
et ready: here comes the first of a series of involuntary, spasmodic contractions that signal she’s reached orgasm and is about to release the tension that you both worked so hard to build.

As Masters and Johnson noted of the preorgasm phase, or what they called the plateau phase, “The female gathers psychological and physiological strength from the stockpile of mounting sexual tension, until she can direct all her physical and mental forces toward a leap into the third, or orgasmic phase, of sexual tension expression.”

In this chapter, we discussed the value of small, light tongue strokes as she approaches orgasm. These tiny gestures provide contrast to the pressure of your gum against her front commissure; they also help to prolong the last heightened phase of preorgasm and build further sexual tension.

S
OMETIMES
a woman is simply unable to reach orgasm via cunnilingus and will founder in the preorgasm phase unless there’s a transition into genital intercourse. This may occur for a variety of reasons:

• She may be under the impression that intercourse is the proper, or only, way in which a woman should experience orgasm.

• She may be uncomfortable with the idea of coming in a man’s mouth.

• Or perhaps she simply hasn’t “trained” her body to experience an orgasm in this manner.

As Natalie Angier wrote, “The intimate connection between a woman’s psychic humor and her clitoral power means that the clitoris
must be wired up to the brain—the big brain—before it can sing. The brain must learn to ride its little rod the way it must learn to balance its body on a bicycle. And once learned, the skill will not be forgotten.”

Most women have “wired” themselves to orgasm consistently through masturbation and then subsequently settle for the inconsistency of genital intercourse. Since many men do not, as a rule, use their tongues to take a woman through the
entire
process of sexual response, many women are not “wired” to come as a result of cunnilingus.

Fortunately, such modification is easily achieved. Reassure her, let her relax into the process; let her know that you want her to come in this manner; let her know how much you’re enjoying it. Give her time to feel her way through the process, and don’t fret if she doesn’t come the first time. She’ll get there as long as you’re providing the stimulation she needs.

But if she still insists on genital intercourse, make sure the transition to penetration is seamless. It’s all too easy to lose the rhythm that’s been established and squander all that sexual tension you’ve so carefully gathered.

For more on this subject, refer to Chapter Forty-three.