She's Asking for It! (12 page)

If you don’t really have a beauty routine, you may want to sit and meditate on it for a while. When I say “beauty routine” I don’t necessarily mean the things you do between going to the gym and going to work, which can sometimes feel like putting on a coat of armor. I mean the things you do to feel truly beautiful, feminine and maybe even a bit vulnerable.

The Clothes

If “the suit makes the man” then I suppose “the bedclothes make the woman.” What do you typically wear to sleep at night or around the house in the mornings? What do you change into after a hard day at work or running errands, to enjoy your time around the house?

I don’t imagine the answer is often “a negligee and silk robe” or “a corset, stockings and heels” or even “a sexy summer dress and a cute pair of panties.” It’s not likely that you sleep naked, or prepare breakfast in only an apron … but why not? I’m not suggesting you do these things because he will think it’s sexy, although he almost certainly will. This is about making yourself feel sexy, because feeling sexy can be a signal all on its own if your lover is paying attention. And he will be!

If you make it home before him, you have plenty of time to prep (we’ll talk about that more in the next section) and put on something sexy. If you get home after him, create the surprise by stopping into a public restroom somewhere on the way back from the office and changing into a hot number. Ever wanted to show up in nothing but a trench coat and lingerie? Now is your chance!

Even if you have little ones running around the house, you can put something sexy on underneath and then throw on a nice dress or a pair of shorts that shows off your legs and a nice top that reveals just a little. Dressing sexy isn’t about how much skin you show off; it’s all about attitude.

Under the Clothes

What kind of things does your body just love to luxuriate in? Bubble baths, clay masks, sugar scrubs, hot oil massage? Do you like to shave or groom in a specific way? If you don’t usually shave “down there,” give it a try. Don’t take it all off! Just stick to the “bikini line” and when you’re finished there, try sitting down and shaving the most intimate bits. You’ll be able to leave a nice bush on top (many men actually say that the completely bald look can be a bit weird), but you will allow your most sensitive bits to experience an incredible increase in sensation.

If you’ve never done it before, try it! You may find that you like it so much, you keep it up. If not, it’s only a little bit of effort for a special occasion now and then. Trust me, your lover will appreciate it, and might even reciprocate by cleaning his own bush up a bit.

Use natural oils like coconut and cacao to moisturize your skin to silky smoothness. Not only do they work like a charm to make you feel heavenly, but they smell incredible and are perfectly safe and delicious for full-body kisses. Mmmm.

His Body

Whether the two of you are typically playful in conversation or things between you are casual at the best of times, the trick to initiating action with your alpha is to allow him to acknowledge that it was his idea, even if it’s yours. You can’t nag or sulk or beg him into the rough and tumble (well, he may want you to beg, but that’s for later!) but you can entice.

To entice is “to lead on by exciting hope or desire.” What excites your lover? What are his hopes and desires not only in your sex life, but also in your relationship as a whole and in his day-to-day life? Does he like coffee and a foot massage when he gets home from work, or does he just want a few minutes alone to decompress? Does he like to have dinner made for him, or does he love to cook? Does he really just want to hear about your day? Or does he need to get off right away so he can let the stress of the day go? More importantly, what can you do to facilitate these things?

What you are really doing is finding something that sends him the message, “OK, it’s your time to make a few decisions. What do you want from me, Sexy?” You could have a specific outfit, piece of jewelry, type of clothing or color that you wear whenever you’re feeling especially frisky. There could be some specific phrase that you say or a candle you light, a meal that you eat, a place that you visit, anything! Decide on the signal beforehand if you have to (perhaps base it on something from your first successful alpha romp?) and then see how much fun you can have with it!

The most important thing to remember is not to get upset if he doesn’t accept your offer. If you need to, ask him what’s up, but don’t accuse and don’t pout about it. You have the same right to say no if he approaches you and you aren’t feeling it, so don’t put pressure on him where it’s not needed. Focus your energy on the times when it works!

Together, At Last

With your lover in the mood, what do you do to close the gap between you? And when you get there, what next?

Foreplay

Foreplay is a pretty diverse category of actions, including just about everything from a wink across the room to fingering in the hallway! The key to foreplay is being provocative without being entirely obvious. As I mentioned already, in order for this to be effective, you need to accept that sometimes being provocative will lead to sex and sometimes it won’t, so enjoy it for what it is!

You want to show him that you’re interested without creating an immediate need – that comes in the next step, after he’s accepted the offer of control. First you just want to show you’re up for it and after you’ve prepped with your own personal rituals, it’s time to flaunt! Be sexy however being sexy works for you – flirt and touch his arm, brush his hair, lick your lips, suck on your finger, drop something and bend over to pick it up. (Yes, it’s OK to be a bit obvious!)

Once he accepts your offer, say by grabbing your chin and kissing you, smacking your ass or pinning you up against the wall, it’s time to put yourself out there as available for the taking. How complicated is this? It depends on how well the two of you are able to communicate in the heat of the moment. All it may take is you baring your neck and chest for him to assault with kisses, or it may mean saying something like, “Yes, take me!” You could place your hands behind your back to show that you are ready to be ravaged, or bite his lower lip. Coming up with a signal that works between the two of you could take some subtle negotiating and communicating, so use this book as a guide to discuss the ways you can start to talk to each other in the heat of the moment.

When your control has been given, he needs to take it in a way that shows to the both of you that he is officially the one now in control. He might take you by the throat when kissing you, or take you by the arm and lead you to the bedroom. He could tell you what to do or just push you to your knees, he could grab hold of your hair, or cover your eyes (or mouth) with his hand. Whatever he chooses to do, if it communicates to you and asserts in his own mind that he is in charge, you have officially given up control to him for the time being. Let the fun begin!

Part Three: For Couples – Bringing It All Together

Chapter 13 – Setting the Scene

You have both had quite a chance to muse on thoughts about what helps to set the scene and what you think might inspire something sexy in the mind of your lover, but have you taken the opportunity to sit down and talk about it? What makes the scene sexy for each of you? Which elements can work together and which are best left for different experiences?

Mind Over Matter

On some levels, you may really have to overcome the limitations of your environment in order to make this work. If your living space is small, cramped, shared or even if it just has thin walls, you may be wary about having too much fun. What a shame! Do what you can to minimize the difficulties your living environment can cause and see how much your home cramps your style. If it’s really getting in the way, why not look for a new place if you rent, or make some renovations or functional changes to your home with your new activities in mind.

Too Loud!

Do you have kids in the house or nosy neighbors to contend with while trying to enjoy your sex life? Try house-swapping with friends, putting heavy fabrics (like on a four-poster bed!) between you and the walls to muffle the sounds, or just make sure he keeps his hand over your mouth. Put on some nice music, which isn’t just great to help mute out other sounds but can really help set the mood with some dancing to get you in the mood. The right soundtrack can make any sexual encounter go just the way you plan!

Baby On Board

If your kids are very young, the biggest obstacle may just be finding alone time when you’re not exhausted! Get a trusted babysitter (or loving grandparent) and a hotel room if you must. Just do what it takes to get some time alone. There is no reason you can’t play and flirt and enjoy each other with a baby at home, if you can find the time.

If you have kids who are older and don’t want to hear your every move, arrange for them to spend the night elsewhere. There’s no reason you can’t tell them that the two of you want some alone time. Don’t be afraid to flirt a little and kiss in front of your kids – it’s healthy for them to see that the two of you really love each other! And it will ensure they are sufficiently grossed out to avoid any interruptions altogether.

Bedroom clutter

Stuff can be great to make a mood (more on that next) but it can also get in the way: that old sweat suit that feel so comfortable after a long day, the piles of dishes in the kitchen still to be done, dirty sheets or a floor scattered in toys, clutter on the table too important to be swept off in the heat of the moment, an office covered in a web of wires and cables. It all lends itself to stress, not sexiness. Feeling the need to clean your house before you try to get sexy can be a bit overwhelming some days, so try to make a pact that no matter what the state the rest of the house deteriorates to, your bedroom will always remain a safe haven from clutter. No mess, no stress!

If you only have to tidy one room in order to set the mood for some great sex, let it be your bedroom. Keep the floor clear so you can move around freely, and keep the sheets untangled and covered in a throw to soak up sweat and other fluids for easy cleaning. Make sure the bedside tables are clear to make space for toys, lube, condoms, massage oil, candles, fruits and chocolate, water and wine. Set up some lighting that isn’t too bright or too dark, so you can really see each other. Prepare to enjoy!

Matter Over Mind

What kinds of things can you keep on hand that will not only help make you feel sexy to begin with, but help facilitate sex in the heat of the moment? What really gets you going?

Can a hot shower, a change of clothes or an application of makeup turn you from bored housewife to smoking hot sexpot? Does mood lighting and music get you going, or do you just want to be swept off your feet at a moment’s notice, thrown into the pile of sheets on the bed and ravaged? If the latter is the case, you’ll want to be prepared beforehand with all your tools and toys on the bedside table, or tucked neatly away in the drawer. Do not forget condoms, don’t pass up the chance to use some lube when you can, and don’t hesitate to add some toys into the mix just to change things up.