Shhh... Gianna's Side (20 page)

I would tell James, and then I would tell Mack everything. I would beg for her forgiveness if she felt betrayed. I couldn’t lose her
; I wouldn’t survive it. I needed Mack, I needed my best friend, I needed my sister. Then James and I would tell my parents together.

I had it all planned out. The truth would set us free and we would have our fresh start with no more secrets
or lies. I wanted to keep this baby; I wanted to have it with him. We had so much love that it created a little person, a piece of him and a piece of me.

Us.

To know that I was carrying our child inside of me was an unexplainable feeling of contentment, harmony, anxiety, nervousness, and excitement. It was all rolled into one, each sentiment playing off the other. Our baby was made for a reason and that reason was for us to be together.

Forever.

After I analyzed and picked at every possible scenario until I felt like I was going to combust, I decided to just get in my car and surprise him.

I drove to his house with a heavy heart about the anticipation of the future possibilities. I parked my car by the clubhouse and walked the remaining hundred feet or so to his house. When I turned the corner
, what I saw nearly knocked me on my ass. He was playing with Cara, he would pick her up, tickle her, and then throw her in the air. She wiggled and squirmed until he placed her back on the ground, and then they repeated the process all over again.

Her giggles were contagious
. I hid behind the trees, watching the intimate interaction, trying not to laugh at the silliness. I hadn’t seen him with his little girl, but he talked about her often with love and pride in his eyes. All the fears of him not being happy about our little miracle slowly escaped my mind. He was a good father and it wouldn’t be any different with ours.

My foot was midair when I watched her come out.

Sarah.

She had a robe on and her hair was pulled up out of her face
, looking like she had just woken up from sleep. James placed Cara on the ground and she ran inside the house, screaming and giggling the entire way, expecting him to chase her. Sarah had the most content and loving expression on her face as she watched James walk over to her. He pulled her into the nook of his arm and she wrapped her arms around his chest, he kissed her forehead and they walked inside together like that.

I didn’t move from the place I was standing for what felt like hours. I was in shock, numb. Did that really happen? Did I watch them play the picture perfect family? Was he lying to me? I couldn’t wrap my head around it and I clenched my stomach in a comforting gesture. How could he do this to me? Was I just a game? A cruel joke?

I walked back to my car in a daze and I honestly don’t even know how I made it back to my house in one piece. I barely recalled driving.

He lied. 

I was wrapped up in a fairy tale that had no happy ending.

Logic, delusions, lies, secrets, and betrayal were all important pieces of the puzzle. All misplaced and scattered. I drove home and parked my car in the garage. I walked to Mack’s house in an autopilot state of mind.

Put one foot in front of the other, Gia.

Tell Mack everything.

She will understand.

She will help you.

She will always be there for you, she always has.

Everything will be all right…

Her car was in the driveway but I didn’t find her in her room. I looked in the bathroom next and I was about to call out her name when I heard whispering coming from her dad’s office. I could have sworn I heard my father.

What was my father doing there?

The closer I got to the cracked door, the clearer the voices were heard, and it sounded like they were arguing. My heart began beating heavily and hard. I could feel the pulse in my neck pounding and my palms grew sweaty.

Why was I so nervous?

I placed my hand on the door, and what I saw changed my life forever.

It changed all our lives.

“Oh my God, Gia! You knew?” She shook her head back and forth, “I swear, I swear to you I tried to stop it. I promise!” she pleaded, taking a step toward me.

“
Liar! You didn’t do anything! Not one thing. I heard you! I heard both of you!” I angrily replied.

“
It got so out of hand, I swear I tried,” she confessed.

“I don
’t believe you. You fucked my dad all the way through high school! What kind of sick person does that? What the hell did my mom ever do to you, Mack? She treated you like you were her own daughter, her own flesh and blood! How could you do that to her? How could you do that to me?” I yelled, trying to control my temper.

“
You’re not innocent either, Gia! You kept secrets, too,” she reasoned.

How could she even try to compare the two? James wasn’t anyone to her, and I didn’t break up my best friend
’s family. She had some fucking nerve trying to make excuses for her actions by blaming me. Like the fact that I had secrets made it all right that she was fucking my dad.

“
This is fucking epic! Let’s keep this going,” Mr. Nichols boasted, clapping his hands, causing the loud echo to vibrate the close walls.

I wanted to scream, run
away, and hide, but that wouldn’t change anything. This was some fucked up version of therapy, a game that he was playing with both of us. Adding fuel to the fire, making it burn vivaciously before brutally shoving us in, like some witches at the stake being punished for their sins. It’s exceedingly easy to hate someone, but to see it through someone else’s eyes is like watching a train wreck, you want to turn away but you’re glued to the fucking catastrophe in front of you. You can’t help but watch and hope everyone comes out alive, but knowing they won’t doesn’t stop you from staring.

I wanted to punish her and that’s why it all happened, she had no idea how much she drove me toward the anger and resentment that I had against everyone. She was supposed to be my best friend, the one person I could trust
, and to learn that it was just another lie, another illusion, ruined me.

“Go on,” he snickered
, making me turn my hate toward him. “It’s story time! You’re up, Mack, tell us about fucking Mr. Edwards.”

I could feel the
vein on the side of my head start to throb, producing a piercing headache. I wanted to put my hands on my ears and block out the noise, the chaos, but I knew better than to think he would let me. He would tie me to the bed and make me listen to it; the sick fuck would probably record it and play it in my sleep to generate nightmares. He had no idea that I didn’t need to sleep to experience them. They happened every day with my eyes opened, it was much more prevailing when I was awake, much more real.

I dug my nails into my skin
, trying to take away the pain he was creating, anything to take away the hurt that I felt having to relive that day. The day that everything came tumbling down and set forth a domino effect that was still happening at that moment, right in front of us.

He deviously looked at Mack and I knew the worst
had yet to come. I could see it in his eyes; they never lied to me like he did.

“
Tell Princess Gia how much you loved her daddy’s cock in your pussy,” he sneered.

And that’s when Mack snapped and lunged for him like a crazy person. He quickly caught her around the neck and slammed her face first onto the floor without a bit of distress. She was no match for him. I would know. His shoe dug into her face as he held her there. 

“Oh…you stupid fucking cunt. Don’t forget for one second who’s in charge of the show. Now be a good girl and follow the rules and no one gets hurt. You know how angry it makes me when you don’t listen. Gia…” he sang. “Tell her! Tell her that she needs to listen to avoid getting punished. Do you understand? Mack? Answer me!” he yelled.

“Yes,” she mumbled
.

“Good girl
,” he ordered, removing himself from her.

She stood and looked at me. I should have helped her. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel some satisfaction from her distress. She fucking deserved it.

“I don’t know about you but I think it’s time we have a pow wow. Both of you sit,” he demanded.

We sat down as far away from each other as possible
, but he didn’t allow it and made us move to sit Indian style directly in front of each other. I saw the worry written all across Mack’s beautiful face, even after all these years she’s still one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen. The years have been kind to her, although she doesn’t deserve one damn bit of it.

“
Mack, I think you should go first. Tell Gia here a bedtime story,” he insisted, circling around us like he was conjuring how to hurt us next. I knew what he wanted and I could tell that she was clueless.

What had he been doing to her this entire time?

“Hmmm,” he thought, tapping his chin with his finger. “How about we begin with how many times? I think that’s a good place to start. How about you, Mack?” I swallowed the lump in my throat, not wanting to know the answer. It was one thing to assume but entirely different to have facts.

“ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION!”
he yelled, ripping her hair back, screaming in her face.

He was losing control, becoming the man that I didn’t recognize, the one that terrified me. If I couldn’t get him to have mercy on me
, there was no fucking way it was happening with her. 

“
I guess it was a lot,” she replied, trying to sound nonchalant about it.

How could she be so cruel?

“Hmmm…that’s not a good enough answer. Let’s clarify so there’s no confusion, shall we?” He nodded. “I think so…I believe it was for two years? Right, Mack? You know what? Better yet…let’s start with how many boys got inside your pussy in high school?” Again, she looked at me.

What the fuck was he talking about?

“None,” she answered.

I narrowed my eyes
. “What the hell are you talking about, Mack? We lost our virginity together. You dated a whole bunch of guys in high school,” I reminded.

“
Oh…I’m sorry to break it to you, Gia, baby,” he patronized. “Mackity Mack didn’t have sex with anyone in high school, she was actually harder to get inside then your cunt of a mom, which is probably why your daddy fucked her. She only fucked Mr. Edwards in high school. Aren’t I right? Tell her!”

I cocked my head to the said
. “Mack?”

“
It’s time for the truth…tell her who popped your cherry.”

Oh my God…there were more lies? Did we ever really know each other? Did I imagine it all? That wouldn’t make sense because we wouldn’t be here if I had? Right?

He knelt before her and ran the backs of his knuckles down her cheek. “Poor McKenzie doesn’t want to play anymore. She doesn’t want to hurt Gia’s precious feelings. Did you ever once think about my feelings? Did it ever occur to you what would happen to me when you lied to a courtroom full of people that I raped you! Let’s all play nice now and tell the truth. Tell Gia whose cock stole your virtue? Be the good girl I know you can be.”

She closed her eyes, like looking at me caused her pain
, and for a second, I saw my best friend. “Your dad.” And just like that it was gone.

“My dad? My dad took your virginity?” I questioned with a scowl.

“Yes. I swear I tried stop. I promise.”

I shook my head. Liar! “
Bullshit! Jesus Christ, Mack. How the hell would you feel if your dad did those things to me? How would you feel if I fucked your father right under your goddamn nose for two years.” I retorted, trying not to let my eyes give me away. I didn’t want to cry. 

“Ohhh…I know
.” Mr. Nichols clapped. “This is the perfect opportunity for story time again,” he goaded, in a singing tone. He sat against the wall off to the side of us and crossed his arms and ankles. “And go…” he provoked.

“Yes. I was trying to break it off with him that night,” she recalled.

“Okay…that sounds pretty believable. Where were your parents?” he interrogated.

“They were attending a house warming party for something my mother had just closed on.”

I remembered that party. That’s how I was able to take the pregnancy tests without worrying that they would be around. I had the liberty to have some privacy.

“I get it. While the cats away, the mice will play. You called and he came.” He raised his eyebrows, “Literally.”

As much as I didn’t want to hear it I needed to know the truth. I needed answers for the questions that plagued me for years.

“That’s not what happened!” she seethed, looking at him. “I was doing good ignoring him and staying away from him. He came over looking for Gia. I was looking forward to having some alone time. To actually have the house to myself.” she explained.

I found it interesting that she
, too, wanted privacy. Did she feel like I did? Smothered by our supposedly close friendship?

“
Perfect! I understand. Then what happened?” Mr. Nichols asked.

“I need to stand up,” she requested, looking to him for permission.

She always was so weak. 

“
Fuck! I totally forgot to include Gia on the fun. You see…your friend Mack here has gone a little crazy. She has to pace the room as she tells you about riding your dads cock.”

I reli
ved everything that happened that day, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

The door was slightly ajar and I placed my palm on it
. “Mack, you’re acting like a child,” my dad scolded.

Why was he treating Mack like that? He never spoke to her like that.

“That’s an interesting choice of words, Kyle. We can’t keep doing this, Gia is getting suspicious. I can barely look at her anymore. It’s too many lies piling on each other, I feel like I’m suffocating. I can’t do this anymore,” she pleaded.

Can’t do what? What the fuck was going on?

“Shhh…you don’t know what you’re saying,” he stated, grazing his finger on her bottom lip.

My mouth went dry.

“I do, Kyle. This whole affair is fucked up. Gianna and I are best friends and you’re making me lie to my best friend. Do you have any idea how hard that is for me? Do you even care? I have been fucking my best friend’s dad for two years now,” she revealed

Have you ever felt winded, like you couldn’t breathe? I felt like I had just taken a shot directly to the heart. I couldn’t move, inhale
, or exhale. I stayed planted where my feet were firmly grounded and listened to my father seduce my best friend, the person I grew up with, the girl that was a sister to me. Another sibling that my parents treated better than me sometimes. I heard him say nasty and vile things to her that no daughter should ever have to hear a father say.

He spoke to her like a boyfriend, like a husband, like a lover. I watched him bend her over and fuck her on her dad’s desk. The very desk that we use
d to sit on while we bothered her dad to come throw us around in the pool, the same office we use to play Barbie dolls in, waiting for our dads to pay attention to us as they discussed business. I thought back to every memory, every recollection, reminiscing it all while he thrust in and out of her with the same enthusiasm that James fucked me with.

The timeline of our lives were in sync and web
bed together. There was no Gianna without McKenzie. I tried to tune out the noise all around me, trying to concentrate on the fact that I had no idea who McKenzie really was. She was supposed to be my sister, my partner in crime, my best friend…how could this have been happening and I’m just figuring it out. Had I been so blind? How could I have missed this? He had put Mack on a pedestal for as long as I could remember, and it wasn’t because she was better than me. It was because he was fucking her, the little girl he watched grow up as if she was his own.

How fucking sick
was that? I wanted to throw up and I could feel the disgusting bile make its way up my throat and into my mouth. How had I found myself in a fucked up limbo, an alternate universe, I stepped into the gates of hell where Mack was the devil and my dad her demon. They were lovers behind mine and my mother’s backs. It happened right under my own nose, under everyone’s noses. At least I took my discretions outside of our homes. They didn’t even care that someone could catch them. Where was their decency and moral compass? Where the fuck was their compassion?