Shhh... Gianna's Side (22 page)

He moved his face to look at me and kissed my forehead, it had a fatherly feel to it and it made me sick to my stomach.

“No, Miss Edwards.”

He placed the nail in the coffin. My head fell forward and I cried and wallowed in my own tears. I held him as close as I could. I was suffocating in him. I wanted to etch him into my skin where I knew he would never leave me.

“You need to go,” he dismissed, removing my limbs off of him so easily. Like I was nothing.  He got up and walked away.

Away from me.

Away from us… 

I cried by myself for a few more minutes. Never moving from the same spot on the floor he had left me, where he turned his back on me, on us.

I peeled myself off the floor, not even looking his way, and exited the room.

I walked out of the classroom in a stupor and went to the ladies room. I locked the door behind me and went to the mirror. I washed my face and finally looked up at my reflection. I looked exhausted.

I looked broken.

A much more broken person
than I was when it all began. No person could complete me. No one wanted to. I lost my entire identity. But I discovered who I really was and what I really wanted.

It needed to start with Mack.

If I couldn’t be happy, then neither could she…

Mr. Nichols escorted Mack back to her room. I had never seen her so disoriented and distraught before, not even the night everything went down. McKenzie was always the one to hold everything together. Her strong persona and mentality was what helped her survive, it was contagious and I often found myself hoping some of it would rub off on me. The self-destruction I just witnessed was not the Mack I knew and loved. Had everything finally caught up with her? Was she breaking as much as I was? Was it worse for her because she was so strong?

I didn’t know why I felt bad for her, I hated her, but that’s not entirely true. I loved her
, too…how can you love and hate someone at the same time? They are on two opposite ends of the spectrum, two completely different definitions, but how can they be entwined in my heart. Being right doesn’t change the way things are, how things are portrayed. It also doesn’t make it any less real.

I heard his footsteps down the hall before I saw him. He came in and sat on the opposite wall, directly in front of me. His eyes were still dark, distant, and cold.

He crossed his arms. “So you had an abortion after you came and saw me with my family? Or after you saw Mack fucking your dad? Or after I broke it off with you?” he degraded. “I’m just trying to keep all the lies in order.”

I narrowed my eyes
. “Yes. I found out I was pregnant and I was coming to tell you, I saw you with your
family
and then I went to Mack and saw her fucking my dad. The next day you called it off and that’s when I killed our baby.”

“And framed me for rape,” he hissed.

“That didn’t come till later. I wanted to hurt Mack first. Our finals were coming up and she wanted me to pass so that our future wouldn’t change, but I couldn’t stand to be near her. Every time I was, I swear I could smell my father on her. I don’t know how I didn’t notice it before. So, yes…I set her up,” I stated. “I knew you would turn us in because you’re a fucking asshole, so we lost everything, our plans, and our future…you should have seen my dad’s face when the school called him to tell him what we had done,” I snickered.

“He was livid with Mack and
me. It’s the first time I saw disappointment spread across his face when it came to her, and it gave me pleasure. I wanted to hurt him, to humiliate him to his friends and co-workers that his daughter was a cheater, a fraud.” I put my hands in the air shaking them. “Oh my God! Gianna Edwards, Kyle Edwards’ prodigy is a liar. Our name was tarnished at the country club, and though I did feel bad for my mom because she didn’t deserve it, I also did it for her… and that gave me the last bit of courage I needed.”

He nodded
. “And how did I get involved in all this?”

I shrugged
. “I wanted to hurt you. But I didn’t think it would go to the extent that it did. We were both eighteen,” I justified.

He chuckled
. “See, that’s the thing about rape, Miss Edwards. It’s against someone’s consent, and it’s a fucking crime. I was your teacher…it all adds up, you know?”

I nodded
. “I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t change anything, but I am sorry.”

His eyes widened and he stood up
. “Get up!” he roared.

“What?” I asked
, confused. How the hell did he do that? Go from one extreme to the next.

“Get the fuck up!”

The tone of his voice made me jump. I quickly sat up and it made me lightheaded. He was over to me in four strides, yanking me by the hair and bending my body forward.

“It’s time to play,” he half-whispered.

He dragged me into Mack’s room to demean me; he wasn’t done playing with his toy. He wanted to show me that he didn’t care about me, that I was nothing to him. 

Mack was coloring with a yellow crayon on the wall and she seemed disoriented, completely out of it. I looked around the room and there were drawings all over the walls colored in yellow crayon. What the fuck was going on? What had she been doing in her room this entire time?

“Tell me, Mack?” he asked, bringing my attention back to him. “What happened that night you guys claimed I raped you? You came to my house and Gianna went bat shit crazy on me, but what happened when you left? I want to know that…” he interrogated, not letting up on my hair.

She started explaining what happened
, but I remembered it differently.

I was mad when we left his house
. He wouldn’t listen to us, even though Mack barely did any talking. She thought we went over there to talk about our finals, hoping that he would give us another chance. That’s not why I wanted to go over there, I wanted to hurt him, scream at him, and have him feel something, anything. I wanted to know that he did love me, that I wasn’t just some game to him, and that there was actual love and he wasn’t lying to me. That we shared something powerful and all consuming.

I was beyond livid that he didn’t give me anything; he didn’t show me any remorse, kindness, or love. It had all been a game to him. I was just another one of his conquests. I went after him and hit him with everything I could muster
. I took out all my frustrations with Mack, my dad, and him right on his handsome face. Mack pulled me away from him and we left his house. He didn’t give me one ounce of regret for how he treated me, for getting rid of me like I was yesterday’s garbage. I was blinded by fury and hate for the three people that I loved more than anything. So I turned my frustrations on the only other person I could, McKenzie.

“I want to get fucked up! Let’s go get completely hammered and find a guy and fuck with him,” I cackled.

“What?” she asked.

“Let’s go to a bar downtown.”

“Gia, you’re not making any sense. What is going on?”

“Nothing! I just want to not feel anything right now. Let’s just say fuck it and throw caution to the wind and go with it.”

She sighed, “All right, let’s do it.”

It was fairly easy to find a guy
, they were everywhere. He fed us some shots and the more I drank, the better I felt; it started taking all the pain away. When he told us to come out to his limo with him, I grabbed Mack’s hand, knowing that she would be nervous and possibly scared. I told her everything would be all right and we were just going to fuck with him and have some fun. I could see the trepidation all over her face, but she agreed with me anyway.

Mack went in first and he closed the door behind me.

“You guys are trouble aren’t you?” he boasted.

“Absolutely, you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t looking for some trouble,” I reminded, making him laugh.

“Take off your clothes,” he huskily ordered.

I looked over at Mack and she looked bewildered
, but I nodded my head and she followed suit.

I wanted her to feel like a slut and like my bitch. After all the years I felt inferior to her
, I wanted one night where I felt superior. That was the point of all this, I didn’t care about fucking some random guy. I wanted to show her that I was better than her, that I was a vixen and she was nobody. I belittled her as much as I could, making her feel like she wasn’t a goddess like I was. Like she couldn’t ever be in charge with anything, and that’s why I always needed to take the lead. She was a child and that’s why my dad fucked her because he could control her, not because he loved her. I wanted her to feel pain, embarrassment, humiliation, and shame.

Everything I felt times ten.

Mr. Nichols said he wanted to play a game. He hauled me backward by my hair, sitting me in front of his lap with my shirt pulled up to my waist and my legs spread open. I tried to hide the contour of my face in his arm, but he wouldn’t let me. He held me by the roots of my hair to stare directly and only at McKenzie. She was told she couldn’t look away from me and that she had to answer every question; if she didn’t, then he would hurt me. For a second, I saw concern wash over her face. I saw Mack, my Mack, and it made me sad. I hadn’t expected to feel that but I did.

The entire time Mack described in vivid detail what happened in the limo that night
, Mr. Nichols was hard. His erection was on my lower back, and every time she described the feral acts, he would thrust into my back, making me aware that he was turned on. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel it also. The mere thought of having him inside me again sent me in a frenzy.

Slap! He slapped my pussy with the tips of his fingers
. “Are you hearing her, Gianna? Did you listen to everything she said? Huh? Did you enjoy having your best friend lick your cunt? Did you like having her submit to you? Of course you did! You love being the leader…you love controlling everything around you, because you’re a manipulative liar!”

Slap! “
Look at you, you attention seeking slut! Your clit is swollen waiting for me to touch and rub it. You would let me do anything to you, right here in front of your friend. Because all you’ve ever wanted is my fucking attention, so hungry and needy for it, you dirty, lost, little girl,” he spewed.

Slap! “Are you paying attention?”

I had closed my eyes, not wanting to look at Mack. I wanted to escape the situation I was in; I didn’t want to play his games anymore. They were getting out of control. I felt trapped in that room, in that location, in my life, with no way out. I had no one to blame other than myself. I tried to organize my thoughts because they were solely being run on emotions and I hadn’t experienced that in a long time. All of that was new to me. I wanted to scream, I wanted to escape and run, but I couldn’t…

Mr. Nichols wouldn’t let go of me. How much longer would he keep us
there? How much longer did I have to endure his cruel words, cold and distant demeanor one minute, and loving James eyes the next…I focused on the task at hand, trying to relieve the ache that his hand had created. I rubbed my legs together, wanting to move away from him. It was impossible; he kept holding me tighter, firmer, never wanting me to feel anything other than being his play toy. I had always been his toy, his doll. He used me when he wanted to play with me and that was it. I let it happen over and over again. It was easy for him because I allowed it.

“Gianna…” he sang, bringing me back to the present. “
Don’t tune me out! You know how much I hate that. You’re going to behave, do what your told, and play my game.” I opened my eyes and found Mack coloring on the wall. What was she doing?

“
Look at her, Gianna. Look what you did to her. It’s all your fault! Everything is your fault. You shatter anything that’s around you.”

Slap! “Answer me before I really make you sorry.”

“No,” I quickly replied.

“No
, what?”

“No
, I’m not happy. I want to go home,” I stated in a desolate voice.

He cocked his head to the side and looked down at me
. “You want to go home?’ he mocked.

“
You don’t have a home, Miss Edwards. Where does princess G want to go?”

“Stop! Please stop! I can’t take any
more. Just fucking kill me if that’s what you want! I can’t do this anymore. Please,” I begged.

He deviously laughed and his eyes lit up
. “Whose pussy is this? Whom do you belong to?”

“No one,” I replied through gritted teeth.

He flipped me over and I never saw it coming. He held my arms above my head and a knee on my lower back. I saw Mack’s face filled with fear as he held me down.

“Stop hurting her!” she screamed across the room
. “She doesn’t like it! Stop it!”

“
Oh no, McKenzie; Gianna is a pain slut, she loves this shit. She’s been begging me to hurt her since she got here.”

He smacked my ass repeatedly until I was screaming and thrashing around, trying to get loose and away from him.

“That’s not the right answer…what’s the right answer, Miss Edwards?” he patronized.

“Fuck you!” I spit at him and it landed in his eye.

“Still…not the right answer…” he smacked me one last time and then lowered his arm to my clit. He roughly and determinedly moved his fingers, making me scream because he was going to make me do it. He was going to make me come, just to show me that he could. To show me that he still owned me, that he could do with me what he wanted, and it only made me scream louder and with more hatred.