Tantric Orgasm for Women (21 page)
Read Tantric Orgasm for Women Online
Authors: Diana Richardson
Tags: #Health & Fitness, #Sexuality, #Psychology, #Human Sexuality, #Self-Help, #Sexual Instruction, #Sexuality/Tantra
Masturbation and Self-Love
On the question of masturbation, or self-love, once again the tantric principle applies: anything done with awareness cannot be wrong or unnatural. It is not what you do but how you do it. As always, experiment with loving yourself in a way that does not depend exclusively on excitement but on expansion of energy through relaxation. Retain the energy in your body without automatically discharging it. While masturbating, avoid unnecessary contractions in the body or in the vagina, and don’t be too demanding of the clitoris. If you have an orgasm, don’t force it—relax into it, take it all very slowly. The masturbation that includes more and more intense stimulation to the clitoris or vagina can slowly deaden the very sensitivity that is sought, in the end leaving not much pleasure at all.
Include the breasts in your experience. Make them the focus, make the shift away from the clitoris as you discover the new doorway to sexual expression. Stroke, caress, and expand the energy through your own body or your partner’s. A woman alone, or on her own, can enhance her femininity by meditating on the breasts as suggested at the end of chapter 5. Lesbian women can use this practice to support the awakening of the orgasmic energy in the body, doing it as a separate practice or as part of foreplay. Then, during lovemaking, massage your own breasts and also show your partner how to touch your breasts. Even though with two
women together there will be more knowing about how breasts feel while being touched, it is a beneficial practice to be guided by the one you love. In the same way, explore the clitoris and the surrounding area, sharing and discovering what kind of touch supports the sensations and sensitivity in your body and what distracts from your more subtle inner feelings and delicate sensations.
Applying Tantric Principles to Same-Sex Relationships
Quite a few years ago in Mexico City I had the opportunity to
work with a group of nine gay couples who were all HIV positive. I was given the
concluding day with them as the grand finale of a six-month-long intensive healing program that included meditation and natural therapies, which had assisted their physical and psychological conditions tremendously. I was invited for the final wrap-up because the therapist wished for the men to be left with a positive impression about sex. Most of them had really disastrous sexual backgrounds and exceptionally negative imprints about sex, as well as a sexually transmitted disease to top it off. In these painful and challenging circumstances it was not easy for them to view sex with any feelings of contentment or joy.
As at that point I had never imagined applying tantra to homosexual couples, I at first balked at the invitation from my friend, the therapist. After some thought, I told her that I would present the aspect of tantra that pertains to inner awareness and creating the present moment. I would not, however, be willing to explain the picture of the innate polarities and how the male-female interaction is conceived by nature. But my friend was insistent—I was to give the complete picture—and I reluctantly agreed, not really seeing the point of it.
The morning was a beautiful experience. Leading the male couples through a structure that brought them into the present moment with each other, I saw before my eyes a profound transformation that turned out to be a great teaching for me: a conscious, sensitive merging into each other; relaxing into the now of the body; melting into tender, powerful
hugs. Silence and sincerity and love filled the air. It was so touching that at times I had tears in my eyes, as did many of the men themselves.
At the end of the morning one man shared the wish that he had found this space, or known how to find it, with his lover years earlier. It would have made all the difference; and now it was late for it, given the knowledge that he was nearing the end of his life.
After a break for lunch, we resumed in the afternoon with a discussion of the
male-female polarities, the interaction of the penis and vagina, the breasts,
and erection. The information was received with much interest and I felt and saw
no resistance at all among the men. We finished with a meditation imagining the
energy circles in our own bodies, then had tearful, loving farewells before going our separate ways.
This impressive experience gave me the authority to say that
all
couples, regardless of gender, definitely have positive, inspiring experiences when they use tantric principles during intimacy. Every couple can benefit from being more aware and relaxed when making love, and all human bodies have both positive and negative polarities within them. As more
homosexual couples experiment with tantra, I look forward to their
feed-back on how they have put these ideas into practice to engender successful and loving relationships.
Tantric Inspiration
Man has to transcend sex, whatsoever kind of sex it is, because unless you go beyond your biology you will never know your soul. Meanwhile—before you go beyond—it is your freedom to be whatsoever you want to be.
Don’t make a problem out of it. Nothing has to be done about it. I don’t tackle individual problems. My whole approach is that there are millions of diseases and only one cure and that cure is meditation.
You meditate—homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual . . . You meditate. Become more still and more silent. Create inner emptiness. Become more transparent. And then things will start changing. You will be able to see what you are doing to yourself. And if it is right you will go on doing it with more joy, with more totality, with more intensity, with more passion. And if it is wrong it will simply drop, just like dead leaves falling from a tree. So I cannot suggest any specific method because to me all the problems are arising because we have become minds and we have forgotten that deep down there is a space within us which can be called no-mind. Entering that space, no-mind, will give you perspective, vision, clarity.
Meditate. Sit silently watching your thoughts—homosexual, heterosexual, whatsoever they are, it doesn’t matter. You watch, you become the witness. Slowly, slowly a distance will be created between you and your thoughts. And one day suddenly—the realization that you are not your mind. And that day a revolution has happened within you. After that day you will never be the same again. A transcendence will have happened.
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SHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
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OLUME 9
Tantric Meditation
The Golden Flower
Do this meditation early in the morning or when you are going to sleep at night.
Lie down comfortably in your bed, on your back, with about half an hour to yourself. Relax for a few minutes with your eyes closed. When you breathe in, begin to visualize great light entering from your head into your body, as if a sun has just risen close to your head—golden light pouring into your head, as if you are hollow and golden light is pouring in at the top and going deeper and deeper, all the way down and out through your toes. As you breathe out, visualize darkness entering through your toes, a great dark river entering through your toes, traveling all the way up and out through your head.
Do slow, deep breathing so you can visualize this. Go very slowly. Breathing in, let golden light come into you through the top of your head; it is here that the Golden Flower opens. The golden light will cleanse your whole body and will fill it with creativity. This is male energy. When you exhale, you let darkness, the deepest darkness you can conceive, like a dark night, come from your toes upward like a river, and out through your head. This is feminine energy. It soothes you and makes you receptive. It calms you and gives you rest. Then inhale again and let the golden light enter in. Keep breathing in this manner for about twenty minutes and then relax after that for another ten minutes.
You can do this early in the morning, when you just start to wake and are still wavering between sleep and waking. Right there, start the process of breathing in the light and breathing out darkness for twenty minutes. If you do the meditation at night and you fall asleep doing it, the impact will remain in the subconscious and will go on working. After a three-month period you will begin to notice that the energy that was constantly building up and concentrating itself in the sex center is no longer gathering there. The energy is going upward; the energy begins rising by itself.
Conclusion
Embracing Our True Feminine Power
W
ith the unmasking of woman’s true role in sex and the profound implications of true femininity, it is possible that you will find contradictory feelings arising simultaneously—an uplifting sense of inspiration or empowerment along with the heaviness of feeling overwhelmed and intimidated by new input, daunted and unsure about how to proceed, how to alter the way of making love
in reality
. Rather than getting bogged down in all the pros and cons,
simply take immediate action by starting to refocus on the body right away. Even
this very second, while sitting and reading, relax the jaw and shoulders, the
belly. Enjoy two or three nice deep breaths as the pleasure of a physical
letting go spreads through you. Or rest with your awareness in the breasts and
nipples for the next few minutes, sensing them from within, radiating warmth
outward. Close the eyes and enjoy feeling rooted in your body; it is the link to your being, a natural bridge to the endless source of love residing within you.
Shifting awareness from mind to body, as you have just done and as you
are encouraged to do by the tantric meditations offered at the end of each chapter, will gradually have an impact on your body. As sensitivity increases, subtle yet powerful shifts will be detectable in your energy system. Shifts of awareness back and down into the body can be done at will at any time. In place of being caught up in the endless circling train of thoughts, begin directing attention inward, merging internally with any pleasant sensations present in your body. The next time you embrace your lover or make love, make similar shifts of awareness, from the outer to the inner. Start out innocently; be childlike, stepping to the side of the known sexual you, and sink into your body. This instantly creates a more relaxed unhurried “tantric” state of being, without the pressure of big goals and expectations clouding the simple reality of two human bodies together. Take small experimental steps each time you make love or hug (porously) or kiss (lingeringly). While hugging, caressing, kissing become merged with the experience of
how
you are doing it, so that the whole experience evolves in graceful
slow motion, choreographed by inner awareness. Experiment with some of the
guidelines given in the earlier chapters, then attempt others, then begin
putting together various combinations according to what your experience reveals to you.
You will find it advantageous to play with reducing excitement, thereby reducing the urges for conventional orgasm, and losing the creative potential of lovemaking. Introducing awareness allows you to move into the
encounter in a sensual catlike way, connected to what is happening as it is
happening. Let it be a mobilization of all your senses. Intensify your awareness
of your vagina; consciously transform its quality into a receptive channel,
instilling it with an absorbent, drinking quality, which is enticing, alluring,
inviting, available, and welcoming to the male force. Also bring the breasts
into awareness and see what impact this has on your responses. What deepens your
yes; what reduces your yes? What expands your body energy; what causes a
shrinking? What heightens sensitivity; what deadens sensitivity? Pursue any
avenues that interest to you in particular. For instance, if the clitoris is a place you emphasize, experiment with including it in a more relaxed undemanding way or leaving it out or leaving it to later. The inner attitude should be investigative, rather than
being an attitude of impatient expectation or demand for immediate results. Instead, cultivate an attitude of observation, standing back and challenging routine patterns, then witness what happens. As an outcome, you will gradually establish the truth in yourself. It is a challenge to confront oneself in this way, let me not lull you into thinking it necessarily effortless. Of course it takes an effort to break away from the past but it is the effort of being aware, not the effort of doing. In time it becomes less and less effort to remain rooted in the body; one is simply present with joy.
In the process of bringing awareness to habitual, unconscious sexual habits a gradual inner transformation takes place. You will emerge with new eyes, new values, new insights, indeed you will view and experience all of life from another perspective. Reinventing yourself as a woman or arriving at your femininity anew will be the result of a slow, steady pursuit. By following an inner inquiry you embrace the willingness to reveal a deeper layer of yourself to yourself. Osho encourages us in this way:
And this merger [sex] should not become unconscious, otherwise you miss the point. Then it is a beautiful sex act, but not transformation. It is beautiful, nothing is wrong in it, but it is not transformation. And if it is unconscious then you will always be moving in a rut. Again and again you will want to have this experience. The experience is beautiful as far as it goes, but it will become a routine. And each time you have it, again more desire is created. The more you have it, the more you desire it, and you move in a vicious circle. You don’t grow, you just rotate.
Rotation is bad, because then growth is not happening. Then energy is simply wasted. Even if the experience is good, the energy is wasted, because much more was possible. And it was just at the corner, just a turn, and much more was possible. With the same energy the divine could have been achieved. With the same energy the ultimate ecstasy is possible, and you are wasting that energy in momentary experiences. And by and by those experiences will become boring, because repeated again and again, everything becomes a boring thing. When the newness is lost, boredom is created.
If you remain alert you will see: first, changes of energy in the body, second, dropping of the thoughts from the mind; and third, dropping of
the ego from the heart. And when this third thing has happened, your energy, that sex energy has become meditative energy.
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Doubts can easily surface and dampen our creative and courageous
responses to the truth. Mind, with its many voices, will begin with excuses to
put us off taking action now, encouraging us into postponement. Doubts are
triggered by our fear of the unknown, a fear of standing naked, stripped of our
stylized skills and strategies, and a deep fear that our control will be lost. However, witnessing instills a new control, the control of the witnessing self, the control that arises through awareness. This type of control is so natural that you never ever feel that you are controlling. In reality, through understanding and experiencing the feminine body from a new perspective, woman will not be devalued or depreciated in any way. In fact this new awareness is a tremendous empowerment.
When we (man and woman) learn to understand one another’s psychology and physiology, we can embrace our biology and our spirituality as one. With a multidimensional quality to it, sex has a far deeper significance than the production of children. It is also fun; it is play; it is prayer; it is meditation; it is a merging into oneness, into love; it is true spirituality.
For many a man (as he knows himself now), sex is not a spiritual phenomenon but only a physiological release, more in the direction of an emotional release of pent up tensions and feelings. For women sex is always, to large extent, a spiritual phenomenon, which is why women easily feel offended in sex. Unless love happens as part of a greater spiritual experience she has trouble opening up to it. Participation in loveless sex is the precise reason that so many millions of women have completely forgotten what orgasm means. Women have become sexually repressed due to man’s nonunderstanding of the difference between the sexes. But it is not man’s fault, personally; he too is a by-product of the social, sexual misunderstanding in force today.
The tragedy of this repression of woman and her sexual power is that whenever man’s and woman’s real nature is not allowed to go according to its inner needs it turns sour, becomes poisoned, crippled, or paralyzed; it can even become perverted. If woman is corrupted by man, man himself
cannot remain natural either. After all, the woman gives birth to the man. If woman, as mother, does not express her sexuality naturally, her children will not learn a natural expression either. Woman certainly needs a great liberation but not through imitation of man, not through being equal to man by being exactly like him. Instead, woman’s true liberation will come through being an authentic and opposite force to man.
It is an undeniably painful reality that today millions of women on Earth
continue to be dominated by male sexual unconsciousness, subjected to all kinds of inhumanity, humiliation, and aggression, suffering untold emotional and physical pain as part of daily living. For these unfortunate women the fine tuning of “feminine energy,” is the remotest of their concerns because, tragically, reality is dominated by the sheer struggle for survival. As women from a more privileged sector of society (which we are if holding this book in our hands) we can join our hearts in the silence of prayer, willing days of peace, love and balance to manifest on Earth. Any change in the global sexual situation cannot be dependant on a mass solution. It needs to emerge from individual consciousnesses and spread
outward into the collective consciousness in true homeopathic fashion. Each woman, through understanding herself more intimately, has the capacity and power to transform her living situation into one that is satisfying and nourishing to her, thereby passing higher values down the generational line.
Returning full circle to the introduction of the book, we, as women from the privileged sector of society, are in a position to be responsible to ourselves for creating love and not letting things run on lovelessly as they have for hundreds of years. Never underestimate our intrinsic power as female members of the species. Women are very powerful people, not in the muscular sense but as far as their resistance is concerned, their life energy is concerned, their sex energy is concerned, their tolerance is concerned. Woman’s whole functioning is intrinsically graceful, insightful, loving, compassionate. Henceforth woman should not rely on permission or cooperation from man before taking experimental steps to find her true self through sex. Try things out, in and out of bed, independent of your partner and what he thinks or expects or wants. Observe what happens within yourself and
between yourself and your partner on an energy level. If your man is worth his salt his response will follow your lead, trusting and sensing the capacity for natural authority that all women have in sex when given the chance.
Since time immemorial women have been a collective force in healing, wisdom, and spiritual evolution but in this technological age we have become emotionally confused and have lost contact with our feminine truth. Feminine growth requires the willingness to feel anything and everything, including old and painful emotions, which often have less to do with the present than with the past. Recalling the difference between a feeling and an emotion is one of the most helpful keys in living a joyful, loving life. Remember, emotions themselves are not wrong but where we put the blame can be wrong, and damaging. Conquering states of emotionality, getting to the root of the emotions by expressing the feelings hiding behind them, and handling emotions in a conscious way is a powerful gift to creating inner balance. It is a step in maturity. Succumbing continually to upsurges of emotion keeps us in a childish frame to which the unfulfilled past keeps coming back in cycles, spilling over into the now in seismic upheavals.
Woman can begin to cut away from the myth that she is basically emotional, unstable, and given to bouts of moodiness. At the personality level, we as women have “learned” to be emotional, but emotion is not an aspect of woman’s essential nature. The heart—at the center of our true being—knows only one language and that is the language of love. When searching and longing for love, it is very easy to lose oneself in the other, thereby unconsciously and accidentally giving up the power and grace of our feminine birthright. By opening consciously to man, inviting him in, while at the same time remaining true to our own feminine awareness, we transform sex between man and woman into love—a sublimely spiritual experience.
I leave you with these final words from Osho:
Remember this: Tantra is a love effort towards existence. That is why so much of sex has been used by Tantra: because it is a love technique. It is not only love between man and woman; it is love between you and existence, and for the first time existence becomes meaningful to you through a woman. If you are a woman, then existence becomes for the first time meaningful to you through a man.
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