Tantric Orgasm for Women (3 page)
Read Tantric Orgasm for Women Online
Authors: Diana Richardson
Tags: #Health & Fitness, #Sexuality, #Psychology, #Human Sexuality, #Self-Help, #Sexual Instruction, #Sexuality/Tantra
Once a woman discovers the art of expressing herself within the female element, with more serenity and receptivity, she will find to her surprise that she automatically reduces the likelihood of her man ejaculating prematurely. In this way, woman has the power to extend love-making from minutes into hours. A perceptive, sensitive internal environment can be consciously created by a woman. This environment changes the whole quality of the exchange and has the added power of strengthening the true masculine response. Distressing male sexual problems such as impotence and premature ejaculation are also symptoms of the prevailing confusion and lack of information about sex, and particularly about the female body. When woman develops the ability to shift into her feminine nature, exercising her receptive powers, many of these sexual dysfunctions and dissatisfactions can be healed.
At first most women will feel that they have little idea of how to shift into their feminine aspect or what that truly means. In reality it is easy—and it is absolutely natural. When we connect with our feminine qualities we can truly be who we are, with nothing forced and nothing acted out, we are simply open to receiving love. Relaxation, innocence, grace, and loving spontaneity are at the core of femininity. Women in my workshops frequently describe the shift toward themselves as a “coming
home” to something they have always known intuitively. Some share with me the sadness of recognizing now, so many years after their first glimpse of the truth, the insufficient trust they have had in themselves to follow through on their intuition and bring it into experience.
Feminine wisdom is nature’s jewel, held deep within woman. The pages ahead are an attempt to help women uncover something they already possess, a crystal waiting to receive the light of inner intelligence.
Tantric Inspiration
Energy can have two dimensions. One is motivated, going somewhere, a goal somewhere, this moment is only a means and the goal is going to be achieved somewhere else. This is one dimension of your energy, this is the dimension of activity, goal oriented—then everything is a means, somehow it has to be done and you have to reach the goal, then you will relax. But for this type of energy the goal never comes because this type of energy goes on changing every present moment into a means for something else, into the future. The goal always remains on the horizon. You go on running, but the distance remains the same.
No, there is another dimension of energy: that dimension is unmotivated celebration. The goal is here, now; the goal is not somewhere else. In fact, you are the goal. In fact there is no other fulfillment than that of this moment—consider the lilies. When you are the goal and when the goal is not in the future, when there is nothing to be achieved, rather you are just celebrating it, then you have already achieved it, it is there. This is relaxation, unmotivated energy.
O
SHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
T
ANTRA
: T
HE
S
UPREME
U
NDERSTANDING
Awareness and Sensitivity Preparation
Position for Rest and Relaxation
Here is the ideal horizontal position to assume for relaxation: Your head, neck, and spine should be in a straight line, not even a few millimeters out of alignment and definitely not with the head rolled away to one side. Your legs should be straight and a little apart, and your ankles should
not
be crossed over each other. Place a narrow soft pillow (or a rolled blanket) directly under the knees to create a slight curving and softening of the knee joint. Place a small, flat, firm pillow (or folded towel) under your head. Pull the chin to the chest so as to straighten your neck before placing the pillow in position. The pillow should support the lengthening of your spine so there is not too much of a curve in the neck. If the chin is pointing almost directly upward and not tilted toward the chest, use a slightly thicker pillow (or give the towel another fold) to lift the head an additional few inches, so as to create length and reduce the curve in the neck. Place your open hands palm down on the groin area on each side of your pubic bone. Rest quietly with closed eyes for twenty minutes (or more), holding awareness in your body.
Tantric Meditation
Growing in Consciousness
Lying in the position described above, you can deepen your experience if you close your eyes and imagine yourself looking into your body. Imagine that your eyes can look inward and downward into your body, even as far as your genitals. Breathe deeply and slowly into your belly, as if the breath is massaging your insides and touching the genitals. Continually pull your attention back into your body and the sensations in it. Deliberately disconnect from distracting thoughts when they pop up. Let them float away, and return to your body. Immerse yourself in the body so that you feel a sense of resting deep within your body, with the sensation of being submerged in yourself.
Travel with your awareness to any places in the body where tinglings or warmth or fine vibrations are present, and dissolve into them.
At a certain point, once the practice of immersing into your senses takes root, the feeling of your physical boundaries will disappear; you may experience being as light as a feather, bathed in golden light, floating suspended in consciousness. You are, but you are not. In this way you can grow in consciousness until every cell is penetrated. The moment consciousness touches the cells, they are different. The very quality of the cells changes.
You can set a clock for the period of time you wish to devote to the experience, or you may leave it up to your inner clock, which, after a period, spontaneously returns you to normal consciousness (along with the sense of having lost all track of time). You are likely to notice that after such an experience you feel refreshed and rejuvenated, as though you have had a drink directly from the source of life. It is also beneficial to practice this meditation before sleeping at night, or at any time during the day when you need to recharge your energy.
2
Orgasm Is a Spiritual Experience
P
robably most of us have given little thought to where the word
orgasm
comes from, and what it actually implies.
Orgasm
derives from the Latin word
orgia,
1
which describes a pagan religious ceremony in which people became ecstatic—so ecstatic that their bodies were bursting with divine energy and they were able to lose themselves in time-stopping bliss
.
In the word
orgasm
we see our origins reflected in language, reminding us that in earlier days humans gathered together in large groups to perform rituals with the intention of deliberately moving into ecstasy. Attaining orgia was a way of praising and expressing gratitude to Mother Earth, extolling the marvel of her creation. With simple dance steps, singing to the rhythmic beating of the drum, and celebrating for days on end people became almost drunk with the divine, accessing gloriously heightened states of sensuality and sensitivity. Participants returned from the ceremonies rejuvenated, over-flowing with love and zest for life.
Today few opportunities for expression of orgia exist. There has been a
shift away from emphasis on the physical body toward emphasis on the mind. Instead of sharing energy by dancing and singing together, people are more likely to meet in large or small groups to exchange ideas, discuss, argue, or gossip. We have become disconnected from our bodily sensitivity and lukewarm in our physical responses; as a result we experience a lack of fulfilling orgasm during sexual exchange. In this restricted environment sex loses its natural healing and regenerative powers. Man and woman have lost touch with the uplifting spiritual connection once regularly accessed through the physical body.
Human beings can only genuinely begin to affect or change their social environment through a dramatic and drastic reevaluation and reevolution in sex. The repression and suppression of normal, healthy sex that has prevailed for the last few thousand years of civilization has had a severely polluting effect on the beautiful, loving, natural expression that sex is. At present it can safely be said that the source of most social disturbance and violence has its root in sex—or, more to the point, the lack of nourishing, fulfilling, uplifting sex. It is as if our society has become sexually unwell. Sex itself is not sick, but the mind—the psychology of humans surrounding sex—has become tainted, almost toxic. The sexual abuse of all kinds that occurs somewhere every minute of every day provides acutely painful evidence of the sexual distress present in society. Through widespread misinformation, sexual energy is unconsciously repressed and creativity is diminished. The prevalent lack of understanding about the nature of male and female energetic interaction means that contemporary sex rarely achieves a full expression of its spiritually regenerative potential. Although at first glance sexual perversion, sexual abuse, aggression, and war might not appear to be directly related to a lack of fulfilling and nourishing sexual experience, the rejection of an expression that is our inherent nature contributes to all of these unfortunate outcomes.
Through misunderstanding the significance of sex over and above reproduction, a woman can easily find herself forced to accept a loveless, intrusive, and abusive sex life. She may sincerely want to produce children and to love, feed, and care for a family, yet she devotes herself to all of this
heartfelt expression in the absence of any regenerative and uplifting orgasmic
experiences for herself. And this lack of sexual fulfillment holds true for men,
too, most of whom, even after a lifetime of sexual experiences, still believe
that ejaculation equals orgasm (which, as we have already mentioned, it does not).
Biology, as the means by which life here on Earth is preserved, is without question basic to sex. Without biological sex, life as we know it would cease. Almost all forms of animal and plant life unite male and female elements to recreate life. Sometimes the two elements are in separate entities, sometimes not. Sometimes the entities join physically, sometimes not. In whatever way the miracle of fertilization occurs, sex functions to create new life, extending the collective life of all the species. Sex fully engages all levels of life in all forms in a most extraordinarily wholehearted process in order to ensure the continuation of the species.
Even though it is no novelty, human birth will forever be the most awesome of miracles. The innocence, integrity, and delicate perfection of translucent new life touches and warms the heart in the most enchanting
of ways. Even so, the ability to reproduce another human being represents only our basic biological expression of sex. This is our so-called animal nature, and it depends upon a downward movement of energy. Male semen is released by ejaculation (with or without female orgasm). Fusion and fertilization of the female egg follows, and another life is initiated, a life separate from the two lives that produced it.
But there is more to human sexuality than the physical ability to reproduce. Nature did not give us the captivating mystery of sex simply for quick male ejaculation and prolonged female gestation. In humans there is a higher dimension to sex—there is more to the meeting of male and female than meets the eye.
The Upward Movement of Sexual Energy
Humans are designed to experience altered states of consciousness during sexual union—states that engender a blissful experience of union with the whole of existence. In this orgasmic ability we differ from our
friends in the animal kingdom (with the exception of dolphins, who are understood to experience higher energetic states during sexual play). Our bodies come with the innate capacity to expand energetically from the sexual center. When correctly harnessed this expansion results in altered states of consciousness: valleys of ecstatic relaxation and peaks of orgasmic expression.
The impact of upward-moving sexual energy is relatively unknown in the West and is explored by only a few. But if we turn to the East we encounter (in China) a far earlier culture whose medical practitioners urged such energy practices for good health and longevity. In India a far earlier religion also recognized and cultivated this upward-spiraling energy as the spiritual aspect of sex, as sacred sexuality.*
1
When the energy is routed in this vertical way as an expression of the higher, generative aspect of sexuality, sex protects the body and is experienced as a rejuvenating and life-giving force in the human being.
In generative sexual expression, the intent and function are more or less opposite from the intent and function of its biological counterpart. There is no biological requirement to ejaculate semen (to coincide with ovulation). No additional life is produced; instead, the energy is retained and remains within the participants themselves, renewing lives that already exist. The lovers feel enriched, energized, loving, and joyful.
Inward and upward movement of energy during generative sexual play occurs of its own accord with the balance and alignment of male and female genitals. Energy moves according to an innate polarity, which we discuss in depth in Chapter 4. Genitals together generate energy that rises upward through internal channels eventually to reach, and return to, the “master” endocrine glands in the brain, the ultimate source of all hormonal information given to the body.
These glands, particulary the pituitary and pineal glands, themselves produce our sexual expression.
2
(At high levels of hormonal purification, the body will even release perfumed fragrances.) The pituitary gland is
located between the eyebrows, above the nasal cavity. It is the master endocrine control gland regulating growth, gonadal
function, the adrenals, and the thyroid. This gland is said to govern the
forebrain, vision, and the right eye, as well as being the seat of love,
compassion, knowledge, love of humanity, and devotion. It is also involved in
intelligence and conceptual memory, which we use in reading, thinking, and
studying. Close by is the pineal gland, located toward the crown of the head
above the midbrain; its functions are related to sensitivity and to the sexual
cycle. The pineal gland governs the hindbrain, hearing, body rhythms,
equilibrium, and the perception of light through eyes and skin.
Given all of these functions that we take for granted, it becomes obvious that feeding and nourishing these master glands with our sexual energy—our life force—is bound to be to our distinct advantage.
When energy spirals upward it produces a vitality that radiates from the whole being. One feels cellularly drenched with contentment, love, and peace. Sex experienced in this way is empowering. Energy is not released; it is produced, strengthening the immune system and enhancing
all kinds of creativity. An individual can extend her life by producing this generative energy rather than simply duplicating it, as is possible through the downward-moving expression of reproduction. Nature gives us sex so that we may have the opportunity to transcend the limits of our physical boundaries, to float as filaments of vibrating light and love. The experience of generative sex keeps a person youthful, adventurous, and responsive to whatever life brings.
It seems incredible to realize that the spiritual realm of orgasm—the most fulfilling gift human beings possess—remains unexplored during an age in which humankind has penetrated outer realms with its increasingly sophisticated technology. In spite of all of our technological know-how, we find ourselves stumbling around in the sexual arena, tethered by ignorance and by complacency. We assume that simply by virtue of being a woman or a man, we will automatically know everything about the sex act.
How then is it that woman knows so little about her body and her sexual potential? Perhaps at some time in the past this knowledge was deliberately kept secret from her, making her a more compliant slave to the
appeasement of mans’ appetites. But it comes as no surprise to women that modern men are even less informed than women about women’s bodies—or, for that matter, about their own bodies. Women have a longstanding affinity with intuitive knowledge—commonly referred to as “women’s intuition”—which most men are less able to access as the truth residing within their bodies. By looking (and feeling) within, women need to take the lead in making a place for generative sexuality, and for the love that follows.
In the absence of a woman’s cooperation in sex, the divinity of the sex act is near impossible to encounter. Generations of insensitive handling and abuse of women by men has led to situations in which sex, to a lesser or greater degree, is lovelessly imposed upon women. When a man repeatedly enters a woman’s body before she is really prepared for penetration, the woman will feel turned off to sex. A certain repulsion may even begin to set in. In time, many a woman will close down physically, eventually turning away from sex if possible. When unable to avoid it, she becomes a master at submitting, enduring the minutes prior to ejaculation. Once she becomes resigned to lack of satisfaction in sex, woman can actually feel grateful for premature ejaculation in the knowledge that everything will soon be over.
Man has lost his masculine ability to “speak” meaningfully to the female body, the ability to spiral in on her in such a way that she welcomes penetration with her whole being. He has become so accustomed to woman giving in and yielding to him that he has forgotten (or has never experienced) the true taste and flair of cooperative sexual expression, the dance of male and female sexuality in perfect balance, in which woman sumptuously participates, transforming the experience into a sinuous, winding, dynamic dance between bodies. Such an experience in itself can give man the feeling of his worth as a male of the species—and for many a man it will be the first time he feels this way in his life.
Woman Is the Environment of Sex
It is impossible for man to know more about a woman’s body until she comes to know a little bit more about herself. With constructive input, a woman can learn how to transform the quality of her sexual experience, even in the absence of conscious cooperation from her man. Woman’s influence in the sexual realm is such that she can drastically alter the experience
if
she knows how. This gives her the capacity to make satisfying love for the rest of her life and to find the love she seeks without necessarily having to change partners.
Because a woman’s body is most often judged from the outside by its shape, its proportions, and its curves, a woman has a bird’s-eye view of herself. She is accustomed to seeing herself from a distance, from without; rarely does she truly feel herself from within. When a woman learns how to nourish a romance with her own body, to unite with it from the inside, alive in all her senses, she exudes a breathtakingly feminine quality that transforms the atmosphere around her.
Unfortunately, most modern women have no information whatsoever on how to
accomplish such a transformation. Out of disappointment and frustration, many
women today abandon sex altogether, trusting that their love for children or
career will compensate for the loss. In so doing a woman commits a travesty of
justice: she denies herself an essential part of being a woman. Resignation
begins to settle firmly around her mouth. Often a woman feels a longing for
grandchildren (for another cycle of reproduction) so that she may once again
feel love flowing within her.
In an ideal world, grandmothers would inspire their grandchildren by talking freely about their most nourishing experiences with sex, guiding their grandchildren along the right track, encouraging them to give and receive love. But as it stands in our culture, our mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers have, like ourselves, had no access to higher forms of sexual expression. In the sexual realm, they have nothing to pass down in the way of wisdom or insight.
This does not mean that no such wisdom exists. When we look to
ancient traditional cultures of the East we find an open conduit to sexual wisdom. Central to that wisdom is the knowledge that woman is the environment, the container, the receptacle for sex. Her vagina is the space into which man physically
enters
. And, in great contrast, woman
receives
man physically into herself. These two functions—entering and receiving—are very different. Man is the guest; woman is the host.
Because of the internal design of the vagina, woman is able to exert a powerful influence during the sex act. This command that a woman has in sex, as the environment of sex, can best be illustrated by simple analogy. If you were to enter a room that was crowded with furniture and hectic with the blaring sounds of a television and the ringing demands of a telephone, this atmosphere would likely have a negative impact upon you. It would probably strike you as being frenzied, congested, chaotic, and a bit over-whelming. You might feel encapsulated by pressure and tension, and most likely your immediate impulse would be to get out into the open air again as soon as possible.
In contrast, if you were to enter a room that had a feeling of spacious emptiness enhanced by just a few essential furnishings, where the sound of a flute hung suspended in air that was fragrant with sensuality, such an environment would exude peace and tranquillity.
Rather than inspiring tension, it would inspire a sensation of inner space,
expansion, a feeling of coming home. The embracing atmosphere, the absence of
external pressures, and the open space would give rise to an inner relaxation. As harmony and serenity descended upon you, you would probably take a deep breath and arrive fully in your body.
Now consider the event of male penetration into the female body. Just as the environment in a room has a profound effect upon the human psyche, the ambience within the female body can, and does, have a transforming effect upon man. It is extremely influential. Man is utterly affected by woman and yet he is ignorant of the extent to which this is so. Through intentionally creating a serene, receptive internal environment a woman can prolong the sex act. She can help man to delay, and even to avoid, ejaculation.
The real sadness, though, is that woman remains as unaware of her
true capacity as man does. Not knowing how to tap into it, she too fails to experience her intrinsic power, leaving her deeper realms of female sexuality unexplored. Understanding the real nature of female sexual expression can reunite woman with her god- and goddess-given power. When woman enters the sexual act within her female element, sexual fulfillment and love will be the natural consequence. Every woman possesses this natural ability to transform lovemaking into a wholly satisfying and spiritually transcendent experience. All women need is useful information on how to go about it.
Tantric Inspiration
Orgasm is a state where your body is no more felt as matter; it vibrates like energy, electricity. It vibrates so deeply, from the very foundation, that you completely forget that it is a material thing. It becomes an electric phenomenon—and it is an electric phenomenon.
Now physicists say that there is no matter, that all matter is only appearance; deep down, that which exists is electricity, not matter. In orgasm, you come to this deepest layer of your body where matter no more exists, just energy waves; you become a dancing energy, vibrating. No more any boundaries to you—pulsating, but no more substantial. And your beloved also pulsates.
And by and by, if they love each other and they surrender to each other, they
surrender to this moment of pulsation, of vibration, of being energy, and they
are not scared. . . . Because it is deathlike when the body loses boundaries,
when the body becomes like a vaporous thing, when the body evaporates
substantially and only energy is left, a very subtle rhythm, but you find
yourself as if you are not. Only in deep love can one move into it. Love is like
death: you die as far your material image is concerned, you die as far as you think you are a body; you die as a body and you evolve as energy, vital energy.
And when the wife and the husband, or the lovers, or the partners, start vibrating in a rhythm, the beats of their hearts and bodies come together, it becomes a harmony—then orgasm happens, then they are two no more. That is the symbol of yin and yang; yin moving into yang, yang moving into yin; the man moving into the woman, the woman moving into the man.
Now they are a circle, and they vibrate together, they pulsate together. Their hearts are no longer separate, their beats are no longer separate; they have become a melody, a harmony. It is the greatest music possible; all other musics are just faint things compared to it, shadow things compared to it.
O
SHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,
T
ANTRA
: T
HE
S
UPREME
U
NDERSTANDING
Awareness and Sensitivity Preparation
Developing Soft Vision
To help your energy (which usually moves outward) to fall back in upon your own heart, it is helpful to learn
soft vision
. In soft vision you reverse the usual visual process and imagine you are receiving inwardly through the eyes rather than looking out through them.
To begin: stand, sit, or lie (in the position described at the end of chapter
1). Close your eyes and bring awareness to your body, finding a location such as
the belly or heart or solar plexus that feels like “home” to you. It should be a
place that easily connects you to your inner world and acts as an anchor for
your awareness in the body. It is a resting place, an inner resource around
which you gather yourself and from which you experience and create the present moment. If your whole body feels like home to you and there is no specific area that grabs your attention, a generalized body awareness is fine too.
When you have the sense of being rooted in your body, connected with yourself from the inside, open your eyes extremely slowly, millimeter by millimeter, allowing anything that falls into your range of vision
into
yourself
through
your eyes. It can be a flower, a candle, a plant, a painting, a view in the room, a wall, a ceiling: simply imagine that whatever appears before you—the texture, the light, the color—is
entering
you, penetrating you through your eyes. The looking becomes passive, as if vision is reversed. Your eyes are receiving energy, not dispersing energy, as seems to be the case in normal looking.
While practicing this way of seeing, the trick is to pay attention to your body and to stay rooted in the bodily home you have identified. The intention is not to lose the connection to yourself once your eyes are opened. Losing connection to the body when the eyes are open is bound to happen again and again as you make your first few attempts. As soon as you notice you are absent from your body,
more involved in looking outward than directing your awareness to your inner world, close your eyes immediately and reconnect inwardly for several seconds. When settled and rooted inside again, open the eyes very slowly. Continue with this process of opening the eyes while staying connected to the body and closing when you lose connection until you get the hang of it. Practice is required in the beginning; after a while it will become easy. You can also practice soft vision in nature—with a waterfall, with a tree, with a sunset, with the moon—and you will have memorable experiences of peace and love.
Tantric Meditation
Meditating on Light
When you feel comfortable with soft vision you can make a special meditation of it using the power of light. Meditation on light is one of the most ancient meditations. Light has been emphasized because meditating on light causes something inside you that has remained asleep to start opening its petals. Through time and the collective wisdom of those seeking transcendence through the body, this process has come to be associated with the light-sensitive pituitary gland, situated in the body at the site of what yogis call the third eye.
Give yourself half an hour or more for this experience. Create a harmonious environment and sit in front of a candle. Using soft vision, allow the flame to enter you. When the eyes need a rest or you lose connection to your body, close your eyes and continue to visualize the light penetrating you through your eyes. Alternatively open and close the eyes as feels most comfortable to you.
Let light become your meditation: whenever you have time, close your eyes and visualize light. Wherever you see light, be in tune with it, be alert to it, be prayerful toward it, be grateful to it.