Test Drive (Crossroads Book 3) (2 page)

“Jesus, that was hot,” Justin said, breathing heavily.

“Yeah…yeah, it was.” And then Drew was shoving himself back into his pants before he began buttoning and zipping them.

He grabbed napkins from a table beside them that Justin hadn’t even realized was there, shoved one at Justin and then wiped his own hand. Justin stood there, feeling dumbstruck. He pushed himself back into his pants just as Drew said, “Thanks. That was…that was amazing. I’m sorry. I have to go. I’m sorry.”

He didn’t turn back around as he weaved his way through all the bodies. Didn’t slow down until he disappeared from sight, leaving Justin horny and half-hard with dry come on him.

Well, shit. That wasn’t how he expected that to go.

“Justin, your brother is on the phone. He wants to talk to you.” He tried not to flinch at the excitement in his dad’s voice. There was a part of Justin that was thrilled. The majority of him was thrilled, actually. He had siblings, something he’d always wanted, but things were still awkward, and that was putting it lightly.

There had been a week or so that he’d worried about how everything would go. Joy and his dad finally came clean about Larry being back; Shanen had been immediately accepting when she discovered she had a brother and that their dad had returned. Landon…well, things hadn’t gone quite as smoothly with him.

Justin understood it. Landon’s whole world had changed, but Justin’s had too. Everyone’s reality was altered and they all had to figure out how to deal with it.

He and Landon were okay now. Landon accepted him, but the family dynamics were a work in progress for all of them. They were all fumbling their way through this as best as they could, but their father wanted it all, right now. Justin understood his reasoning but that didn’t mean he was always comfortable. But Larry didn’t know exactly how much longer he had left, so, yeah, he was ready for the
one big happy family
thing, but for Justin, sometimes just hearing the words
your brother
was strange for him.

He walked over to his dad and took the cell phone from his bony hand, the familiar hum of his oxygen tank in the background. He’d lost so much fucking weight. He wasn’t the same man Justin grew up admiring. They’d just finished a round of chemo, which meant they would have a short break before the next one started. The goal right now was to give him time, to slow the growth of his lung cancer. It hadn’t responded to previous sessions. They’d caught it late, Larry’s own stubbornness having kept him from ignoring signs that something was wrong. Now slowing it was their only option. “Thanks, old man.” He winked and got a smile, one that Justin couldn’t bring himself to return. His father had more wrinkles now than he used to. He looked as though he’d aged twenty years since the initial diagnosis.

It hurt to look at him, so Justin let his eyes dart away, put the phone to his ear, and said, “Hello?” He was talking to his brother. He had a brother. It still took some getting used to. He knew Landon felt the same. It was only a week ago that Landon and his partner, Rod had come over to the small house that Justin and his dad rented so Landon could have his first real conversation with their father. That one week had felt like a hundred weeks, yet just an hour at the same time.

“How’s he doing today?” Landon asked as Justin made his way outside to sit on the wood porch that was so small, he wasn’t sure it could be considered a porch at all.

“He’s okay. Spent most of the morning vomiting. He’s watching a ridiculous reality show now.”

“Reality TV? You didn’t tell me he had bad taste,” Landon joked and it helped loosen some of the tightness in Justin’s chest. He wanted a relationship with this side of his family. Wanted it so much he felt guilt over it sometimes. He was stuck between wondering if he had a place with them, and determination to demand one. It didn’t help that it sometimes made him feel like he was leaving his mother out in the cold.

“Eh. We all have our flaws. His is shitty television. When we know each other a little better, I’ll share some of mine. I’m not sure if we have enough time today.”

Landon laughed and damned if it didn’t sound a whole hell of a lot like their dad. “You and me both,” he said. “I only have a minute. It’s my first day back at work after getting my cast off, but I just wanted to give you a heads-up. Shanen wants to have a big party for Dad’s birthday next week. I know it’s last minute, but…”

She’s making up for lost time. He’s dying.
There were so many ways that Landon could end his sentence and they were all shitty as hell. “Yeah, I get it. As long as he’s physically up for it, we’ll be there. My question is, who else will be?”

He didn’t mean to sound like a dickhead, but who did their dad know? Fortunately, Landon laughed. “No shit. That’s what I told her. Basically people who don’t know him except for you, me, her and Mom…my mom,” he corrected and the awkwardness found its way into the conversation again. Justin’s mom was still in North Carolina where he’d grown up.

“I’m inviting Nick and Bryce. They’re friends of ours. Bryce is the guy I work with at the shop.”

“Yeah, okay.” Justin knew that. Their dad talked a lot about Landon’s work at the shop. The two men shared their love of motorcycles. Justin enjoyed them too, but not with the same passion that Landon and their dad felt.

“Shanen is inviting friends of hers, and I think Jacob’s parents will be there. That’s Shanen’s husband. It’s going to be weird as fuck.”

It would be, but what in his life wasn’t weird anymore? “Okay. Sounds good. Thanks for letting me know. We’ll be there.”

They were silent for a moment because really, what did they have to say? They still didn’t know one another all that well. The weather was a ridiculous thing to bring up. The man inside the house was too painful. Justin was at a loss.

“Okay, well I better get back to work. I’ll talk to you later,” Landon said, and he could have sworn they both let out sighs of relief. It wasn’t supposed to be this way and he hated the fact that it was. Brothers should know each other, feel comfortable talking to one another.

“You too. Thanks for calling.”

Justin hung up the phone, and it wasn’t five seconds later when he heard his father retching inside. His stomach dropped, and he couldn’t keep himself from closing his eyes, shaking his head and giving himself just a second. Sometimes the anti-nausea meds worked, but they usually didn’t. Fucking chemo. Yeah, it was the only way to fight cancer, but so many times it felt like it killed the person too. Or at least it made them feel like they were dying.

“Shit,” he whispered when he heard the vomiting again. He hated this. Christ, he really fucking hated it.

He didn’t know how to do this—how to watch his dad suffer. How to try to find his place in a family who didn’t know him, and honestly, couldn’t be real happy about the fact that he existed.

He’d left his mom, his home, his job, his schooling, and he wasn’t sure how he fit into this new position. This new Justin that he had to try and figure out.

Still, he pushed those thoughts out of his head and stood. He had to go inside and take care of his father.

Justin and his dad pulled up at the address Shanen had given him. He’d known the second they pulled into the neighborhood that her home wouldn’t be like anything he was used to, and he’d been right. The Colonial-style house was massive looking, like something out of a movie. Sure, it was nothing new for him to see, but it wasn’t the type of place he’d been raised in. Shanen either, but from what he learned from their dad, her husband was from money.

“Wow…it looks like your sister has done real well for herself,” his dad said softly from the passenger seat.

For some reason, the statement made his stomach sour. “Why?” Justin looked at him. “Because she lives in a big house?” In his mind, the four walls around a person didn’t say anything about how well someone had done. “And please, don’t call her that. She has a name.” It was strange because sometimes he wanted nothing more than to build a meaningful relationship with his siblings, but other times, he couldn’t hide the twinge of jealousy he felt. Jealousy he had no right feeling. Jealousy he hated, but it was there all the same.

Landon and Shanen were his siblings, but he didn’t really know them. They’d always had each other, but Justin hadn’t. On the flip side, he’d had their father, and they hadn’t. It was all such a clusterfuck that made him feel the need to pump the brakes. He understood his dad’s urgency, but it was overwhelming at times.

“What’s wrong, Justin? Are you okay?” There was nothing but concern in his gaunt face. It was etched in the wrinkles that hadn’t been there before his diagnosis. Cancer and chemo were both taking its toll on his now frail body.

“Nothing.” He shook his head. He needed to get his shit together. They were dealing with things that were much more important than him pouting over his past. “I’m just not feeling too hot today. Let’s get in there and celebrate your birthday, old man.” Justin winked at him and his father smiled. He got out of the car and walked around to the passenger seat to help his dad out. Christ, he had to help his father out of the fucking car. His dad had never been the kind of man who asked for help with anything.

Justin handed him his cane, which he’d been determined to use rather than his wheelchair. He didn’t always have to use the chair, but Justin had figured it would be a good idea today, since they’d have a big day. His dad hadn’t agreed—not that Justin could blame him. He would likely be the same in that situation.

With one arm wrapped around his dad, they made their way toward the house. He had his portable oxygen tank with him. It was small enough to be strapped to his back.

They passed two motorcycles in the driveway, telling him that Landon and Rod were already there. Justin was thankful for that. Despite the anger Landon had when he found out about Justin, Landon was the sibling he felt more comfortable around. Hell, maybe it was because of the anger, because he could relate to him. If Shanen felt any of that, she didn’t show it. No matter how much Justin tried to hide or deny his anger, it was always there, eating through Justin’s bones and he thought Landon felt the same.

The door opened as soon as they hit the steps of the front porch. Shanen rushed out. Justin tried not to go rigid when she wrapped her arms around him. “Hi. Thanks for coming.”

“No problem,” he told her before she turned to his—no,
their
dad.

“Hi, Daddy.” She pulled him into a hug. Justin almost felt like someone kicked him in the gut, and right behind it the guilt came in. She had every right to their father that he did. She’d lost him, and now had years to make up for. None of this was as easy as he wanted to pretend it was.

Justin followed behind them as Shanen helped their father inside. They walked into a large foyer with a chandelier over it. About twenty people, mostly faces he didn’t know, filled the room to the left.

“Bob? Wow. Look at you. It’s been a long time, buddy!” his dad said to a man who looked about his same age. Justin didn’t know who he was. His dad had never spoken about anyone from his past.

They embraced, and Justin stood in the background. The second he saw Landon in the corner with Rod, some of the weight eased from him. “Hey, Dad. You okay here?”

“I’ll help him,” Shanen told him. “You’re fine.”

He tried to thank her with a look and Shanen smiled, showing him she got it. He made his way toward his… brother and Landon gave him a quick nod.

“Is this as weird for you as it is for me?” Landon asked.

Justin exhaled. “Yes. Christ. I didn’t expect it to be.” Which didn’t make sense. Of course it would be strange. They were a mismatched family, celebrating his father’s birthday when the man looked like he would pass out at any second.

“What? How could you not expect this to be uncomfortable? Hell, I’m just Landon’s boyfriend and it’s even awkward for me,” Rod said, and Justin glanced up to see Landon lovingly roll his eyes, before he wrapped an arm around Rod’s shoulders and pulled him close. Rod was smaller than Landon. He wore black eyeliner that made his eyes stand out.

“Please, don’t hold back for us,” Landon replied.

“I wouldn’t think of it,” was Rod’s response, but Justin thought he knew what Rod was doing. He wanted to make Landon laugh, wanted to take the edge off, and he found himself grateful that Landon hadn’t let the fact that Rod found out about Justin and his dad before Landon did come between them. They were a strong couple. You could see the love between them.

The three of them chatted for a few minutes before Rod excused himself for the restroom.

“I should probably go talk to him.” Landon crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. There was no doubt in Justin’s mind whom he was speaking about.

“I know he’d like that. I get that it’s hard, though.”

Landon turned his way. “What do I say? Jesus, it’s really shitty that I don’t know how to talk to my own dad.”

Anger burned through Justin’s insides. He was angry at their dad for putting them all in this situation. How hard would it have been to tell Justin and his mom about Shanen and Landon? To be a father to them, too? He bit back the anger and said, “Hi. Happy Birthday. Anything will do.”

Landon didn’t move, though. He eyed their father on the other side of the room. Justin followed his stare, which is how he saw the man walk in. But not just any man. Drew. The guy he met in a club the night Shanen got married. His brows pulled together. What in the hell was he doing here? Because this wasn’t awkward enough without the guy he wanted to fuck obviously knowing Shanen. “Ah, hell. I think I jerked off in a club with the guy who just walked in.”

“What?” Landon’s voice actually cracked on the word. He looked from Justin, to Drew, and back to Justin again. His gut sank, and he was pretty sure he should have kept his mouth shut because this was about to get a whole lot worse. “That’s Shanen’s brother-in-law. He’s Jacob’s brother, and I’m pretty sure Shanen would have told me if he wasn’t straight. I know he’s not close with Jacob, but she would have thought it was coincidence enough if she married a man with a gay or bisexual brother.”