Texts from Jane Eyre (16 page)

Daisy Miller

Part IV

 listen
Daisy
either run away with me this minute
or put on a goddamned shawl
 you have the naked shoulders of a sultan’s whore

The Sun Also Rises

 Brett
 Brett did you get that picture I sent you

 I did, yeah 

 the picture of my penis I mean 

 yes 

 Brett
guess how much of my penis I still have left
you know
after my accident
 after my penis accident

 I really don’t want to play this game, Jake 

 no come on guess 

 I don’t have unlimited texting
 
these messages are kind of expensive for me

 I’ll give you a hint:
 it’s definitely SOME

 at the bar
u coming
brett
bretttttttttttt
brettly
 brettles

 oh my god yes
 
give me ten minutes

 okay
 Awesome

 I’m bringing Cohn with me 

 uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh 

 Jake 

 uuuuuuuuuuuuughhhh 

 you don’t own the bar
 
he can come to the bar if he wants to

 no but brett
brett listen
 fuck that guy

 we’ll be there in ten minutes 

 ask him if he wants to come with me to spain tomorrow 

 are you serious 

 uuuuuuuuuugh yes
i don’t want to go to spain alone brett
that’s so lame
who goes to spain by themsleves
haha
 sleves

 k fine i’ll ask 

 see you soon
slevvvvves
 hey im gonna send u a real quick pic of my penis

 please don’t 

 no its ok it’ll be super quick 

six missed calls

 brett
brett did u get my messages
brett im so sorry
im so sorry we cant ever have sex
oh my god im so sorry
 im gonna call you again just in case

 its so awful that you cant have sex with me
im so sorry
thats why ur so lost brett
brett u cant keep living like this
going to bars and traveling
being friends with jewish guys
oh my god he’s so jewish
and having sex with men who like you
its killing u brett
its killing u inside i can tell
hang on i gotta throw up im gonna call you
oh fuck im throwing up so bad
and we’re all gonna die someday
 and ur never even gonna have sex with me even

Agatha Christie

 we’ve got to get off this train at once 

 my god
what’s wrong?
 
has there been a murder?

 not yet
but I believe they’ve let a JEW on board
 tell that Arab boy to fetch our luggage at once

The Great Gatsby

 Niiiick
Do you realize I never see you anymore
I miss hanging out with you
 so much

 I miss you too Daisy 

 Let’s hang out RIGHT NOW 

 Now? 

 Now would be the best time! 

 It’s awfully late 

 Let’s just be spontaneous okay
 Come pick me up and we’ll do something wild

 Where are you? 

 I would say definitely in the valley of ashes
nearrrrr the road
 but not on it exactly

 What are you doing there? 

 haha you are just
 full of questions today

 I’m just wondering why you want to hang out
all of a sudden
at midnight
in the valley of ashes
 
it feels like maybe all that you want is a ride

 oh my god
how can you even say that
 why are you so mean to me

Daisy Miller

Part V

 have you seen Daisy today 

 I think she’s out with that guy 

 what guy 

 the Italian one
you know
 
I can’t remember the name

 she has Italian friends? 

 yeah 

 ewwww 

 I know 

 never mind
 forget I asked

 uuuuugh 

 right 

J. Alfred Prufrock

 do you want to go out tonight 

 where 

 idk
like a one-night cheap hotel
 or maybe one of those sawdust restaurants

 Sawdust restaurants?
 
Like with the peanut shells on the floor?

 with oyster shells 

 Oyster shells on the floor? 

 let’s have a tedious argument in the streets 

 have you been drinking? 

 the sky is so beautiful tonight
 like a patient etherized on a table

 I’m coming over
 
I’m worried about you

 there’s yellow smoke on the window-panes 

 What kind of smoke?
 
Did you leave the stove on?

 it’s curling all around the house 

 You need to get out of the house 

 oh it’s already sliding along the street 

 Get out of the house
now
 
I’m coming over

 there will be time
 there will be time for you and me

 they say it I know they say it
 they all say it

 I honestly think you’re being paranoid 

 “But his arms and legs are thin!” 

 Nobody says that about you 

 Or how thin my hair is getting 

 Your hair looks fine 

 You’re all saying it
you think I can’t understand you because you’re talking
about Michelangelo
 But I know what you’re saying about me

 I like the way your arms and legs look
 
I like your hair the way it is

 You’d like me pinned and wriggling on the wall 

 I never said that
 
that’s a terrible thing to say

 I wish I were claws
 I wish I were just a bunch of claws

 like a crab? 

 no
just claws
ripping shit up with my claws
living underwater
 can we go back to that oyster restaurant

 that depends
are you going to pretend to be a pair of claws and scuttle around
 
in the lobster tank?

 are you going to drive me there or what 

 S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
 Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse

 you know I don’t speak Italian 

 Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo 

 No idea what you’re saying
so
 
let me know if you want to talk later in English

 sorry new phone
 who is this